the ball

6 Jul

good day to those of you attempting to reduce your crazy quotient. the mere fact that you’re here is encouraging and we welcome you with open arms and cautious trepidation.

today, i’m going to bring attention to “the ball”. the ball is a method used by your typical crazy bitch to ‘deal’ with an uncomfortable situation.

what happens: said crazy bitch finds something not to her satisfaction and this triggers one, or several, emotions including but not limited to, embarrassment, frustration, jealousy, shame, sadness, fear and anger.

her method for resolving this situation is to literally curl up into a ball and attempt to ignore the situation until it has passed. the ball is often accompanied by crying. initial attempts to determine the cause of this behaviour are typically met with phrases like “i’m fine” and “it’s nothing”, and that’s if you’re lucky enough to get anything out of the ballee at all.

on average it will take about half an hour of soft, kind words until you finally hear the utterance of a clue that will, with a bit of lateral thinking, help determine the root cause of the ball.

causes i’ve personally experienced include:

  • anger that i took too long to get to bed (never mind that i was out back fixing her car)
  • jealousy of the amount of time the dog gets (feeding a pet is somewhat essential but it does take a minute or two)
  • she wanted sex and i didn’t (when a guy hasn’t slept for 40+ hours, you can trust him when he says it’s not about you)
  • angry i didn’t notice her haircut (who cares that the lights were off?)
  • she thought i was interested in her sister (fair enough actually. i was)
  • upset that i was angry that her rent was 2 months behind (the old getting upset at someone being upset at you trick)

the ball is an epidemic. it must be stopped. if you or anyone you know experiences the ball, please seek assistance from the nearest sane person.

crazy bitch tip: the ball achieves nothing. you will eventually talk about the problem, so just skip the retarded ‘i’m an armadillo’ bullshit and tell someone wtf is bothering you.

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