Archive | October, 2011

no, he does that

30 Oct

Here’s an impressively crazy story I heard at a party the other night: a woman stole money from her boyfriend’s bank account to buy her own engagement ring. In what possible world is that going to make him more likely to ask her to marry him? In what tapped-in-the-head mind do those steps make any sense? We all know the answer by now: the mind of a crazy bitch.

In the immortal words of Phil Collins…

a very wise man

you can’t hurry love, you’ll just have to wait.

Seriously, how would you ever tell the story of when he asked you to marry him?… “Well, I stole money from his account and bought my own ring. I put it on his desk with a note that said ‘ask me or I’ll eat your cat’ and he asked, he was shaking and crying, it was so romantic.”

crazy bitch tip: no, he buys the engagement ring for you or you don’t get one.


biting does not win an argument

26 Oct

a playful bite here and there is fun. that cannot be denied. biting during an argument, however, that’s not much use as far as successfully debating your point of view and it will definitely make you come across as a crazy bitch.

luckily though, there are levels of crazy and even if you have gnashed out during a quarrel, you probably haven’t achieved this level of crazy-bitchitis: english woman facing jail term after biting off boyfriends testicles .

tip for the men: be certain of the situation before exposed teeth are allowed near your gonads.

changing the topic

15 Oct

all too often women will put a guy in a situation where he can’t not notice the crazy thing she’s doing. then she gets upset when he brings it up.

there’s a girl who has my phone number and has been calling me (for nearly 6 months now) using a blocked number. to me, that’s a weird situation. so i asked her for her number and she tells me she’ll text it through. it doesn’t happen. i bring it up again next time she calls. same promise, same outcome.

all the while she continues calling me.

i explain to her that it’s starting to come across weird that she refuses to give me her number. she laughs it off. i ask why she won’t provide it and she tries to distract me and change the topic.

here’s the point: just because you change the topic, that doesn’t make the question disappear. just because you say you’ll do something doesn’t mean the guy will forget it when you don’t do it. this sort of behavior really makes you come across as a crazy bitch.

us men might not always be the sharpest tool in the shed but we’re not goldfish, we won’t forget what happened 5 minutes ago just because we talk about something else.

crazy bitch tip: doing this repeatedly for several different topics really cranks up your nut-job rating.

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