Archive | February, 2012

ambiguity

23 Feb

Ladies. Dear, dear ladies, I have some news for you. Your ambiguity, in person, is part of your charm but in sms or email or whatever, it’s just fucking annoying and confusing.

When I’m face to face with a beautiful woman and she tells me something that isn’t really a question, I can see in her eyes, and hear in her voice, that it is actually a question. In all honesty, the process of making sense of a woman in person can be one of the many joys in life for a man.

But…

through any text based medium, your ambiguous allure begins to seem more like the ramblings of a mental patient. The allure of ambiguity disappears pretty quickly for a man when you replace sexy eyes, cheeky smiles and provocative poses with an email or a mobile phone.

Instead of working in your favour, it just confuses and pisses us off. When all the body language is taken out of the conversation, all we’re left with is confusion, frustration and the urge to find out how far we can throw our phones.

So please, ladies, take into account what you’re not saying when you go text mode and reduce the chances of causing guys to think you’re a crazy bitch. Please?

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secrets

6 Feb

Having been on the receiving side of both straight-talking women and silent, secret-keeping women I can tell you this, the secret-keeping, silent types tend to be the crazy ones. Actually, I’m yet to find a woman keeping some vital secret who isn’t also the human equivalent of a cat thrashing around in a bag, unsure of its fate but damn sure it’d rather avoid the appointment.

The more honest a woman is, the less nuts she ends up. It’s not a woman only thing but I’ve seen some stirling examples of crazy bitches that got that way by trying to keep secrets.

It’s not much of a mystery, though is it? Being straight-up tends to avoid the need for keeping secrets, which reduces the subsequent paranoia that hiding secrets brings. Then there’s the ‘secret bloom’ issue, namely that to keep a secret, lying is often required, causing the secret keeper to come up with creative bullshit that becomes less and less believable and increasingly difficult to remember.

The sad thing is that a lot of women who keep secrets do so to avoid hurting feelings. Except, people usually get more offended by being lied to than the cause of the original secret.

It’s just not fucking worth it, ya damned crazy bitches. Just say what you know you should say, when you know you should say it and avoid the potential side effects.

crazy bitch tip: nobody cares as much about the secret you’re keeping as you think they do.

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