Use your words

17 Mar

Violence is a typically masculine approach to problem solving. Even so, we generally consider the men who engage in physical altercations to be of the ‘douchebag’ variety. We’re taught that men are less capable of controlling themselves than women because men suffer an over abundance of testosterone, and this is particularly evident in particularly troglodytic examples of the modern male. Thus, we begrudgingly accept that some male Homo Sapiens are merely Neanderthals wrapped in modern clothes, and that this shameful and primitive behaviour of punching and wrestling is the loathsome but inevitable result of testosterone’s drive towards conquering, dominating and demonstrating strength.

Testosterone may be a pretty weak excuse but at least it’s something. Maybe that’s why we consider it to be so much more distasteful when we see women stoop to getting into fights. Here’s an example:

It’s pretty hard not to find that sad. Unless of course you find it difficult to activate any empathy for those who don fake tan and wear prostitute make-up to a wedding, in which case you might find it a somewhat entertaining. Either way, you know damned well that’s some footage of two crazy bitches doing a brilliant job of letting the rest of the world know just how high up on the crazy-bitchometer they are.

In bout #2, we see just how crazy this scenario can get.

In this example we see hair weaves coming off like scalps, butt-cracks being exposed to all and sundry and we watch as flailing, angry arms eventually go from “oh no you di’int” to classic hair pulling to the dreaded two headed, traffic stopping, bitumen cuddle. In standard tradition, “sisters” get in on the act and eventually the police make an appearance.

I can’t stress this enough…

If you have ever attempted to resolve a disagreement and ended up an internet sensation with your arse hanging out of your pants as a stranger walks off with the cluster of fur that you used to wear as hair, you are a crazy bitch.

And then there’s bout #3. There’s not much to say about this one really. I mean, I’m quite certain that each of the “women” in this video would confidently adhere a bumper sticker to their car to proclaim just how impressive their bitch-status is. If you don’t want to be seen as a crazy bitch, avoid participating in situations like this…

or this…

No matter how well you conceal anything else that might hint at your inner crazy-bitch, getting into a single fight will inform anyone in the vicinity that you’re definitely right up there as far as the bat-shit crazy freakometer goes.

Crazy bitch tip: No argument is worth the world potentially seeing your bare arse all over the internet as you either pummel, or are pummelled by, another woman. No fighting!

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