Archive | April, 2014

Raising a brow

30 Apr

I’m no fashionista. I’m certainly not up to speed with the trends but I can understand that some people are into looking nice, or edgy, or that they simply get bored with their look and want to change it up. It’s not my thing but it’s just another way for people to express themselves and have some fun and if that’s your thing, you get right into it and enjoy yourself.

Still, as unfashionable as I might be, I can still tell the difference between the good, the bad, and the ugly. I don’t tend to notice the good but I do pick up on the bad and I don’t think anyone is able to ignore the seriously ugly. The thing is, if everyone (even me) is noticing an effort towards fashion and thinking it’s fugly, how does the person wearing it not know?

That’s where we get into crazy bitch turf. I’m of the strong opinion that if your ‘look’ is crazy, it’s pretty likely that you’re a bit off kilter as well. If the way you present yourself to the world is nutty, chances are that the brain which chose to represent itself that way is not running on all cylinders.

Who am I to judge though? Take a look at this collection of stylised eyebrows and you tell me how many of these women look like crazy bitches…

So what do you think? How many of these women do you think would fall into the crazy bitch categorisation?

Pets are not toys

27 Apr

A bit of a warning, if you love dogs this story might make you sick.

I’m not one of those people who thinks of pets as children. Technically I don’t even have any pets of my own but my girlfriend has two dogs and I like having them around.

A pet is an animal. By choosing to take on a pet you’re choosing to accept the responsibility of taking care of that animal for its natural life.

Don’t get pets just because they’re cute. Don’t get pets purely because you’re lonely. Don’t get pets without considering the lifespan of the animal and the time and effort involved in giving it a good life.

The responsibility you take on when you get a pet doesn’t just disappear because you’re having a rough time. If you can’t look after the pet anymore, it’s your responsibility to get it to someone who will.

This rant about pet ownership is due to my discovery of this horrible, and very crazy bitch.

Crazy bitch tip: your responsibilities are not absolved just because you’re having a tough time.

A special kind of troll

24 Apr

Ever heard of those horrid little things called Trolls?

troll

Most people think of something like this when they imagine a troll but in the online world a troll actually refers to:

…a person who sows discord on the Internet by starting arguments or upsetting people, by posting inflammatory, extraneous, or off-topic messages in an online community (such as a forum, chat room, or blog) with the deliberate intent of provoking readers into an emotional response or of otherwise disrupting normal on-topic discussion.

This sense of the word troll and its associated verb trolling are associated with Internet discourse, but have been used more widely. Media attention in recent years has equated trolling with online harassment. For example, mass media has used troll to describe “a person who defaces Internet tribute sites with the aim of causing grief to families.”

– from Wikipeida

There has been a recent scientific study into trolling and trolls. I guess it’s no real surprise that it turns out that trolls are pretty shitty people away from their computers as well. In fact, according to this article, the study discovered a pretty massive crossover between trolls and sadists/psychopaths. So that puts them pretty much smack bang in the crazy zone.

I chose to write about trolls today, to give you a little back story on the practice and to help you understand just how much of a crazy bitch this monstrous blob of an oxygen thief is…

The self-troll

This is Michelle Chapman. Michelle Chapman is in prison now. The judge sent her there because she spent over a year trolling herself! Michelle here had a bit of a problem with her father and was trying to get revenge on him by setting up fake facebook accounts for both him, his wife and other members of the family. She then used those fake accounts to troll herself by sending hundreds of horrible messages, which is just bloody crazy but she had a plan… She then contacted the police and accused the real-life versions of her fake accounts of tormenting her.

Essentially she had a vendetta against her father and she trolled herself as a way of trying to get him in trouble. And it worked! At least for a while. That is until the forensic internet inquiries revealed that all the accounts originated at her house, and her computer. Then the cops went after Michelle and all of a sudden she bacame the first person I’ve ever heard of for going to jail for trolling themselves.

More details are available here: http://www.cornishguardian.co.uk/Jailed-wicked-online-vendetta/story-20556990-detail/story.html

Crazy bitch tip: Don’t be a troll.

Crazy bitch bonus tip: Don’t be anything like this Michelle Chapman, she’s a prime example of a Crazy Bitch.

 

50 examples of what not to do

23 Apr

In short, don’t do these things.

 

Crazy bitch tip: If all your friends are crazy, chances are you are too. But you knew that already, huh?

I’m slightly afraid of this LaToya person but if you enjoyed her and her impressive belching, you can find more of her videos at www.youtube.com/user/latoyaforever.

Vajazzling

21 Apr

I admit it. I have been in love with a woman my entire life and I’ve only just discovered that she is displaying symptoms of Crazy Bitch Syndrome. This distresses me to no end. I remember the first time I saw her, how she looked so innocent, so beautiful, so untainted and it’s all going to waste. She’s been bitten by the crazy bug and I fear there’s no coming back.

What a damned shame!

Jennifer Love Hewitt I remember watching her laugh and play. I remember watching her talk to ghosts. I remember watching her scam men out of money and fight with her mother. I especially remember watching her run screaming from a hook wielding maniac fisherman. But those fond memories are over for me now that I’ve discovered what I should have realised years ago.

 

 

 

 

She’s kinda nuts. I should have mentioned her name, it’s Jennifer Love Hewitt. I think I’m still in love with her but, sadly, it does seem she’s somewhat insane.

article-0-0EDE751800000578-893_468x537 The reason I suspect she’s become a crazy bitch is, she’s one the most attractive woman on the planet, and yet she doesn’t think that’s enough to attract a man. And thus, Jennifer Love Hewitt of all people, was the trigger for a trend known as Vajazzling.


What the fuck is vajazzling, you ask? I just… don’t know how to word it. Hopefully this helps:

The fun part of being a girl is that there are little beauty things you can do to make yourself feel special. I can walk around all day and think, Nobody has any idea that I have a sparkly secret in my pants right now.
– Jennifer Love Hewitt

 

Has the whole world gone insane? How does this stunning woman…

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become convinced that she needs something extra to get men to want to go near her vagina? And because Jen here is into it, there’s a whole swarm of other women throwing hard earned money at the task of putting sparkles right in the way of fun sexy times! You know what I do not want between me and the woman I want to get down to some fun bedroom antics with with? Tiny expensive rocks!!

I know, I know, women don’t do this for men, they do it to make themselves feel special. The thing is, there are things that make you feel special, that make us think you’re crazy. I’m sorry. It’s inconvenient but it’s true.

Whatever. Maybe I’m just acting out because of the heartbreak. I guess there were plenty of signs along the way and y’know, ‘Love’ and I lost touch about the time I stopped watching movies that target teenagers. But still, it’s just such a shame. She was one of the good ones.

Crazy bitch tip: If the entire planet tells you you’re gorgeous, listen to them and don’t worry about adding or changing anything.

Update

Further evidence indicating my former love’s drift toward the realm of Crazy Bitchtopia has been discovered.

That’s one hell of a story there about holding up the board with declarations of love on it. Yowch.

I also discovered that my dearest Jen was involved with this guy…

Does she not have a mirror? Did nobody mention to her that she was named the sexiest woman on TV in 2008? Nothing against this dude, I mean, talking about punching above your weight! but surely nobody really saw this pairing as ‘correct’.

Ah, whatever. Apparently I cannot escape this stupid, illogical, nonsensical world we live in, so I guess I should shut up and let you all get back to vajazzling your brains out, ya crazy bitches.

Acceptance

20 Apr

Sometimes in life, things are not the way we want them. It’s better to accept the truth than lie to yourself.

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No matter what she’s telling herself, they don’t fit.

Crazy bitch tip: Lying to yourself doesn’t help convince the rest of us.

Choose your battles

19 Apr

Unrestrained aggression is unpleasant and unattractive. Poor decision making skills and limited self awareness are sign-posts of a clear lack of connection with reality. Combine these traits and you’re on the quick path to CB territory. Combine these traits with getting your arse handed to you by someone smaller than you and you’re on the wrong side of a humiliating and physically painful experience that could have been easily avoided.

Example #1

Here we see a loud-mouth, belligerent, comparatively larger girl attempting to intimidate a smaller, much calmer seeming fellow human being. This is a bad situation from the get go for the “blonde” girl. For starters, she’s much bigger than the girl she’s yelling at. Secondly, she’s being overtly aggressive instead of talking sensibly with the person she has an issue with. Thirdly, she starts a fight with someone who is clearly capable of kicking her arse into internet infamy. The “blonde” girl has clearly chosen the wrong battle to fight and suffered immeasurably as a result.

Example #2

In this example we see a fictional sample of a poor choice to escalate a disagreement beyond its real-world value.

Fictional or not, whoever wrote it has clearly had similar experiences. I know I have. Elaine refers to her love interest here as perfect. It’s very clear that she’s happy with who he is and what she knows about him and yet she finds a way to create an argument out of something as miniscule as the use of an exclamation mark. If Elaine’s objective is to enjoy being with this perfect man, it would seem that creating a massive, relationship ending argument over his choice to use, or not use, an exclamation mark in a quick note is somewhat counter-productive. From the outside looking in, Elaine appears to have to fought the wrong battle. Again, this is a fictitious situation but I’ve been involved in arguments like this and I was often left wondering what the intended outcome is. What is there to gain from turning something so insignificant into a bid deal? I suspect it has something to do with the whole emotions thing.

Example #3

Like it or not, guys are generally more physically strong than women. This disparity can understandably lead to a tendency for women to feel intimidated by men but most guys don’t I know don’t enjoy knowing women are afraid of them. In fact, most guys wish women weren’t intimidated or afraid of them because it’s already scary enough to go up and talk to a woman you’re interested in without the added concern of her potentially suspecting you want to rape and kill her. It’s pretty shit to be honest but that’s the inevitable outcome of this discrepancy of physical power between the sexes.

There’s no denying that there are men out there who like knowing that they’re stronger than women but it’s worth keeping mind that most of those men also enjoy knowing they’re stronger than most men as well. They’re just dickheads, really. Still, it is important to recognize this difference in physical strength and be aware of the potential negatives that can create. Our society attempts to work around this difference in physical strength but making it known from a very early age that you never hit a woman. It’s really drilled into us as we grow up and very, very few men are unaware of this social norm by the time their body has become clearly stronger than a woman of the same age.

But, solving one problem sometimes causes another. Enter our video evidence:

Don’t push your luck. The poor boy in this video is just trying to get home on the bus and is clearly being subjected to some pretty awful bullying. It’s difficult to argue a case for the girl who is standing over him and hitting him in the head when the boy is saying “Please stop. I just want to go home”. It doesn’t seem like he did anything wrong. It really looks like she’s just acting like a crazy little bitch who has forgotten the fact that the kid she’s picking on is about twice her size. I’m not in favour of violence as a solution to your problems but there are occasions where you have no other option available. Watching this kid wrap that horrid little monster up in a hold where she could no longer harm him and then release her and ask if she’s ok struck me as strangely gentle and caring.

Yes it’s wrong for a boy to use his physical advantage over a woman for his own wants but it’s just fucking crazy for anyone who is clearly on the wrong side of the physical equation to go starting shit. That old adage “Pick on someone your own size” get’s pretty close but I prefer “Don’t fucking pick on anyone, least of all someone twice your size” is a somewhat better suggestion.

This young lady chose poorly. She thought that kid would just accept her urge to punch him repeatedly in the skull and do not fight back. She thought that having her brother there to protect would be an added advantage. She indulged her urge to emphasize her position in the local food chain and has become an internet sensation for all the wrong reasons.

Example #4

Following on from the previous example is this incident of two teenagers in “conflict”. Again we see a much smaller girl bullying a boy. In this case, the boy suffers a mental handicap and you’d have to acknowledge that the punches she throws are somewhat heavier. See for yourself:

Unlike the previous example, however, this lad just cops the abuse. I admire his restraint but I’m not certain I prefer this ending. The rest of the world was pretty unhappy about this incident, so much so that the female star of the video and her family had to go into hiding once it surfaced.

The young girl in this video chose her battle very poorly. Picking on a handicapped kid because he’s not willing to hit you? Seriously? What the fuck? I don’t like that her family feared for their lives but for every action there will be a reaction. Choosing to participate in this was her contribution to the terror her family went through and I, like anyone else who’s seen this footage, hope she’s learned her lesson.

What I’m getting at here

Conflict can be unavoidable but where the option to avoid it exists, how about choosing that option? Society looks at the people who intentionally create conflicts as misfits. If you’re female, that’s going to get you lumped into the bitch category. If you’re out there starting fights with people that can obliterate you if they choose to, you’re going to be called a crazy bitch. You risk having your whole family humiliated and having to hide away from the world because you haven’t recognized just how lowly the world views bullies. You also risk having shit beaten out of you by someone twice your size that you’ve spent the past few minutes enraging. These are bad choices.

Crazy bitch tip: Don’t start fights. Don’t bully people.

Crazy bitch bonus tip: Everyone has a breaking point. Do not seek it, or you will bare it.

Facebook

17 Apr

It’s magnificent that we have technology available to us which allows us to maintain contact with people from our past. I personally really quite enjoy that I can follow what my old friends are up to and how their lives are progressing. Sure, there are privacy concerns. Sure there are weirdos. That’s true of everything, though.

Still, sometimes you discover some out and out madness exploding across your facebook page and more often than not, there’s someone involved that might be referred to as a crazy bitch. I’ve stumbled a perfect example of this. Before you look it over, let me point out that I think the guy involved is a bit of a douche but of the two key contributors, he comes out looking the less crazy of the two.

Part 1

But it’s only just getting started…

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And with that, all I have to say is “Don’t“. Seriously! Don’t do this! This is permanent!

Crazy bitch tip: everytime you’re writing something on facebook, consider what your grandchildren would think of it if they read it, because they probably will one day.

 

Taxi rider

15 Apr

When you get in a taxi, do not attempt to molest the taxi driver.

The woman in the video above is a lawyer. After the incident she accused the taxi driver of sexually assaulting her and illegally filming her for voyeurism. If you’ve watched the video, you’ve already seen that that’s some crazy bullshit. Good thing he captured that video actually because the result of these false allegations was him being imprisoned. Fortunately he managed to show the video to the police and was cleared of all charges. He’s now suing for false imprisonment and she’s getting busted making false accusations.

You want to know what a crazy bitch looks like? Watch that video again. As if taxi drivers don’t have to put up with enough bullshit in their every day lives.

Crazy bitch tip: Your state of sexual arousal is not necessarily relevant to every man in sight.

Milk

15 Apr

I can understand that there’s an element of fun to acting like a crazy bitch. I can see where it might be entertaining to be able to just do whatever the hell you want, whenever and wherever you feel like doing it. The reason people get pissed off about it, however, is not because they’re looking to cramp your style, it’s because your crazy-bitchocentricities have a fall-out zone.

For instance it’s awesome that you like to stand up for yourself but when you choose to do so in a pub full of footy players by screaming at the biggest guy there, you put your boyfriend in a tough spot. He either has to stand up for you and face-off with Mr Testosterone, and very likely get pulverised; or he has to apologise for your behaviour and drag you out of the pub, after which you will be furious at him for not taking your side. And there-in lies the problem, your actions impact other people and the impact can be absolutely shithouse sometimes.

Nobody likes cleaning up someone else’s mess. Nobody wants to be part of a conflict they didn’t start. Nobody enjoys telling someone they’re involved with that they’re completely in the wrong and don’t want to have their back on this one.

It’s not just boyfriends that cop it. Your girlfriends have to pretend they’re on your side while you complain that boyfriend didn’t stand up for you. Your family has to support you when you break up with your boyfriend because he wasn’t there for you. The half-drunk random guy in the pub has to try and keep his shit together while you berate him at the pub after you misheard what he said and took it personally.

The worst part, though, is how that sort of shit reflects on every other woman on the planet. It’s an unfortunate fact there are plenty of morons roaming the earth who lack the mental capacity (or willingness) to distinguish the nuances and uniqueness of individual human beings. Due to their mental limitations, these troglodytes instead simply lump people with similarities into groups which they then label. They then make the assumption that all people with any resemblance to this labeled group will all share the same physical and/or personality traits. We call it stereotyping. It’s not new. It’s not going away any time soon.

People who stereotype watch you behave this way and they don’t see an individual crazy bitch pulling crazy bitch moves, they just assume that’s a thing “women” do. Then, when they interact with a woman who is legitimately upset about something worth being upset about, they assume she’s just “being dramatic” or “PMSing”.

And then they get together and make jokes about PMS and how crazy it makes women. They imply that all women are crazy purely because they experience periods. Eventually they discover that it is scientifically proven that milk can reduce the symptoms of PMS, and they decide that it’s wise to suggest that men should purchase milk when they know they’ll be dealing with a menstruating woman.

And that’s how you end up with ads like this:

Crazy bitch tip: Your behaviour is (rightly or wrongly) associated with every other woman. Show them some respect and try to represent them well.

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