Vajazzling

21 Apr

I admit it. I have been in love with a woman my entire life and I’ve only just discovered that she is displaying symptoms of Crazy Bitch Syndrome. This distresses me to no end. I remember the first time I saw her, how she looked so innocent, so beautiful, so untainted and it’s all going to waste. She’s been bitten by the crazy bug and I fear there’s no coming back.

What a damned shame!

Jennifer Love Hewitt I remember watching her laugh and play. I remember watching her talk to ghosts. I remember watching her scam men out of money and fight with her mother. I especially remember watching her run screaming from a hook wielding maniac fisherman. But those fond memories are over for me now that I’ve discovered what I should have realised years ago.

 

 

 

 

She’s kinda nuts. I should have mentioned her name, it’s Jennifer Love Hewitt. I think I’m still in love with her but, sadly, it does seem she’s somewhat insane.

article-0-0EDE751800000578-893_468x537 The reason I suspect she’s become a crazy bitch is, she’s one the most attractive woman on the planet, and yet she doesn’t think that’s enough to attract a man. And thus, Jennifer Love Hewitt of all people, was the trigger for a trend known as Vajazzling.


What the fuck is vajazzling, you ask? I just… don’t know how to word it. Hopefully this helps:

The fun part of being a girl is that there are little beauty things you can do to make yourself feel special. I can walk around all day and think, Nobody has any idea that I have a sparkly secret in my pants right now.
– Jennifer Love Hewitt

 

Has the whole world gone insane? How does this stunning woman…

url

become convinced that she needs something extra to get men to want to go near her vagina? And because Jen here is into it, there’s a whole swarm of other women throwing hard earned money at the task of putting sparkles right in the way of fun sexy times! You know what I do not want between me and the woman I want to get down to some fun bedroom antics with with? Tiny expensive rocks!!

I know, I know, women don’t do this for men, they do it to make themselves feel special. The thing is, there are things that make you feel special, that make us think you’re crazy. I’m sorry. It’s inconvenient but it’s true.

Whatever. Maybe I’m just acting out because of the heartbreak. I guess there were plenty of signs along the way and y’know, ‘Love’ and I lost touch about the time I stopped watching movies that target teenagers. But still, it’s just such a shame. She was one of the good ones.

Crazy bitch tip: If the entire planet tells you you’re gorgeous, listen to them and don’t worry about adding or changing anything.

Update

Further evidence indicating my former love’s drift toward the realm of Crazy Bitchtopia has been discovered.

That’s one hell of a story there about holding up the board with declarations of love on it. Yowch.

I also discovered that my dearest Jen was involved with this guy…

Does she not have a mirror? Did nobody mention to her that she was named the sexiest woman on TV in 2008? Nothing against this dude, I mean, talking about punching above your weight! but surely nobody really saw this pairing as ‘correct’.

Ah, whatever. Apparently I cannot escape this stupid, illogical, nonsensical world we live in, so I guess I should shut up and let you all get back to vajazzling your brains out, ya crazy bitches.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: