Mirrors. Use them.

6 May

I’ve mentioned before that I know absolutely bugger all about fashion but that even I can spot a big ugly mess when I see it. You’d think the very fancy ms Donatella Versace would be well beyond me in this regard. I have photographic evidence to the contrary.

Ms Versace is kind of a big deal in the fashion world. She must be if I know her last name. I actually thought Versace was a dude but I guess that was her brother or something. Whatever, the name Versace means high-end fashion to me, so I expect to see the person behind the name is roaming around looking somewhat elegant and classy, like she did in 1996…

Ms Versace

Ms Versace

Granted, I’m not saying she looks stunning but she’s alright here. So what the hell happened to turn her from this dignified woman into whatever the hell this is?…

 

Donatella Versace nowadays.

Look, it’s Mick Jagger wearing a blonde wig!

“Ahhhhhh! What the hell is that!??”, I hear you squeal as you recoil from the collection of little glowing lights responsible for transmitting this unearthly image to you. Well, it used to be a human being that the upper crust of the fashion world revered. As for what it is now? All I know is it’s only 59 years old and I’m getting a mega strong Crazy Bitch vibe from it. I’m also slightly concerned that Mick Jagger and Keith Richards have finally melded into a single organism which is attempting avoid detection by donning some sort of yellow threaded head adornment.

Terrifyingly, it’s not just a one off bad photo, either.

He's thinking "Don't eat me!"

He’s thinking “Don’t eat me!”

Run, children. Save yourselves!

Run, children. Save yourselves!

Aaaaah!!

Aaaaah!!

I guess I’m sounding kinda bitchy myself here but tell me honestly, if you looked into the mirror and that thing was staring back at you, would you maybe think you’ve lost your way a little? Apparently not if you’re Donatella Versace, nope, she’s all like, “Yeah, I look good and not at all like the concoction of a child’s worst fears.” and off she goes to some fancy pants fashion thing where the snacks that aren’t being eaten cost more to manufacture than my car.

DV here is only 59. This is not how you retain your youth. Do not inflate your lips, dye your hair and throw on enough make-up to shift the gravitational balance of the Earth. Consider aging gracefully, y’know? Hell, you don’t even have to be graceful about it, just don’t turn your face into an eye-sore.

In my opinion here’s a much better example to follow…

Betty White Rocks!

Betty White Rocks!

Crazy bitch tip: You get one face. Take care of it.

 

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