Archive | June, 2014

Do not leave marks on your children

30 Jun

This rule applies to all people and all children. This rule is simple. This rule is not negotiable.

DO NOT LEAVE MARKS ON YOUR CHILDREN.

The fact that you birthed a child does not entitle you the right to cause that child physical damage. It does not entitle you the right to intentionally scar that child. If you believe it does, you are a fucking crazy bitch. You are such a crazy bitch, that you’ll like go to prison.

That’s an important indicator during your self-evaluation. Think to yourself, would I go to prison for doing this thing that I’ve got it in my head that I want to do? If the answer is yes, and you continue anyway, have no doubt that you are a crazy bitch.

See this?

This is unacceptable. You do not need to brand your children, they will still be recognised as yours through their use of language, the fact that they live with you and that old reliable stuff we call DNA. Even if someone branded you, you still should not brand your children.

How about this?

This is also unacceptable. You should not have your children tattooed. Tattooing is permanent and it is painful. There’s no bloody reason you need to have a tattoo put on your child. Even if you’re a satanist and you want to hail your demon deity, you still don’t get to put a tattoo on your child. Do you know why? Because that’s fucking psycho! That’s why! Yet again, even if someone tattooed you when you were a child, you still should not tattoo your child.

What about this one?

Burning a child for any reason, is unacceptable. Do you understand? You don’t get to apply a burning hot iron to a child because your hair isn’t straight. You don’t get to burn a child because they’ve been crying. You don’t get to burn a child if they’ve accidentally cut your leg off with a chain saw. You should never burn your child.

And this?

Ripping your sons scrotum and applying superglue to the wound is not acceptable. Regardless of how angry you are, you don’t get to tear the flesh of your child. Regardless of how bad your day has been, you don’t get to rip the scrotum of your son. Regardless of who has been cruel to you in your life, you don’t get to grab your sons genitals and rip away at them so hard that you separate the flesh of his body and you sure as fuck shouldn’t try and fix it with glue and cover up the incident instead of seeking medical attention.

What the fuck is wrong with these batshit, crazy bitches?

Crazy bitch tip: If you know you’re a crazy bitch, please don’t procreate.

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Caitlin Stasey and Bindi Irwin

26 Jun Caitlin Stasey's boobies

As an Australian, I am bound by law to have a soft spot for every Aussie that makes their way onto the world stage. Fortunately, in the case of Bindi Irwin and Caitlin Stasey, I wouldn’t have been able to avoid having a fondness for them anyway.

See, don’t go telling anyone but I actually went through a phase when I would watched Neighbours semi-regularly. I guess it was on at a time that sort of synced in well with my life at that point. Y’know, get home from work, sit around for half an hour while trying to recover from the day and passively stare at the glowing box as it pumps out a story so generic that even my burned-out, overworked brain could keep up.

I don’t remember exactly when that was but I do remember Caitlin Stasey and I remember thinking that she’d be a truly beautiful woman in a few years. Well, time has passed and you’d be hard pressed to find many blokes who don’t think Caitlin Stasey is a good looking woman, I mean, seriously:

Come on, there's no denying Caitlin is easy on the eyes.

Come on, there’s no denying Caitlin is easy on the eyes.

So there’s Caitlin Stasey, an Aussie pushing her way up the ranks towards Hollywood stardom. Sure, I don’t really give two shits about the stars of Hollywood and all that celebrity bullshit but seeing an Aussie excel in her chosen field gives me a case of the old warm-fuzzies. Good for her, I say. Read ahead and I’m sure you’ll understand that she’s probably quite offended that the only thing I really know about her is that she’s beautiful but then again, the only reason I’ve heard of her is because she was on a TV show, and I’m sure a big part of the reason she was chosen to be on that show was for her looks, so I don’t really feel so bad about it.

Then we’ve got Bindi Irwin. If you don’t have some affection for Bindi Irwin, you might just be a stone. We all remember Steve Irwin, aka The Crocodile Hunter. His unbridled enthusiasm and all-consuming love for animals was intoxicating and he was one of the few Aussie icons since Crocodile Dundee to remind the rest of the world that Australia is a pretty gnarly place. Here he is:

What a bloody legend! Bindi is his daughter and she’s grown up in the public eye and done a great job of picking up where Steve left off by continuing to spread the word about how important conservation of Australian wild-life and habitat is. Here’s a snippet of Bindi from a few years ago:

Cute as a button! It’s not like Bindi Irwin is really on my radar, she’s just one of those names that pops up occasionally and makes me think how awesome it is that she’s got some of her dad’s exuberance and is progressing the family message of conservation. How do you not admire that?

 Recent events – Caitlin

In recent days our beloved Caitlin has started making some waves by becoming very outspoken on Twitter. Here are few choice examples:

 

“OH MY GOD VAGINA MIGHT GOBBLE UP THE RAINFOREST IF MISUSED OR USED TOO OFTEN! THAS HOW PREMARITAL SEX KILLS, DAWGS” – Caitlin Stasey

“I appreciate your desire to take my sex agency from me AUSTRALIA but I’m too busy slinging dick, punching pussy and doin general housework” – Caitlin Stasey

“She came, she saw, she fucked, she owned it, she conquered” – Caitlin Stasey

“So eat a dick” – Caitlin Stasey

“Dear God, plz plz plz give me a retweet or a follow back. ARE YOU NOTICING ME?! I LOVED YOU IN THE BIBLE! cmon u’d be nothing without me!” – Caitlin Stasey

“Am reduced to a pervert almost permanently” – Caitlin Stasey

Be a living example of what you believe @freethenipple

Be a living example of what you believe @freethenipple

” – Caitlin Stasey

So… that raised a few eyebrows around the world. Media ogranisations started ramping up the story and turning it into articles like this: Former Neighbours star Caitlin Stasey made out to be a ‘bizarre, raving, sexual lunatic’. Caitlin appears to have been bothered by these stories. Check out the rest of her Twitter feed to see the various ways in which she’s chosen to address these things.

Recent events – Bindi

Bindi Irwin recently made a bit of news lately too. Here’s what she said brought about all the attention:

“I’m a big advocate for young girls dressing their age.

I mean, for me, I look around at a lot of young girls that are my age and they’re always trying to dress older. Whether it’s wearing revealing clothes or hardly wearing any clothes at all, I feel really bad for them.

It kind of has the opposite effect in some ways … it kind of does the opposite where it makes you look younger and like you’re trying too hard.

I almost wish I could tell young girls, ‘look, in 10 years when you look back at yourself, you’ll cringe honey, honestly’.

A lot of times I want to grab these girls and say ‘look … in 10 years you’ll regret this. Just dress like who you are. Don’t try so hard. A pair of jeans and a T-shirt is just as gorgeous and even makes you look classier’.

I look at adults and they say ‘when I was young I was wearing blue eye shadow’ and I’m cringing. So to be able to have that outlook on life is such a blessing and I’ve gotten that from my mum especially.

The way I choose to dress, I want to influence other people around me I suppose.” – Bindi Irwin

Bindi Irwin isn’t yet 16 years old but seems to have a lot of things figured out and has done so well ahead of the standard maturity curve. There’s a bit more detail on this in this article if you’re interested.

Recent events – Caitlin V Bindi

In case you didn’t pick up on it, Caitlin is pretty upset with, well… everything. The subject of the majority of her statements however, appear to be focused on pushing feminist ideals. And hey, I say more power to you, ladies. Caitlin’s been on about ‘free the nipple’, I couldn’t agree more! Get em out and enjoy yourselves. Caitlin’s really been going off and while I think she’s coming from a good place and has a lot of good points, they’re getting lost in all the raving and to be quite frank, she’s pretty misguided on some of the issues she’s blasting away about.

Nothing exemplifies this misguidedness better than her tweet at Bindi regarding Bindi’s comments about young women dressing their age:

“Open letter to Bindi, in ten years you’ll wish you stood beside your shared sex rather than be proud you belittled their choices & agency.” – Caitlin Stasey

After all the other ranting coming out of Caitlin’s feed, this really pissed a lot of people off. Of all the people to target, you’ve gotta admit that Bindi Irwin has gotta be about the worst option. Bindi is adorable and sweet and so endearingly genuine that anyone choosing to say anything negative towards her is bound to come across as the bad guy. Wait! Pardon me! I mean the bad person. I must try harder to get rid of my gender biased vitriol. Anyway, I’m saying it’s difficult to have your point received well when you’re attacking someone so lovely as Bindi.

Here are a few of the responses:

As you can see, Caitlin’s copped a bit of negativity in response. Here’s an article about the whole thing and about just how upset this has made people beyond the Twittersphere.

What I think about the whole thing

Firstly, I think it’s a big flair up about bugger all of substance but seeing as I’m talking about it, I reckon Bindi will bring more benefit to women in her lifetime than Caitlin is likely to. I’ve come to this conclusion because Bindi is already doing something of value, namely, contributing to the awareness of ecological issues around the world, and she’s been doing a bang-up job of representing Australia on the world stage while she’s been at it.

Caitlin, on the other hand, is out there trading on her looks and then going off about the fact that so much of the world is based around the value of female attractiveness. For the record, I think it’s bullshit too but if you’re going to use your looks to get ahead, it doesn’t put you in the best position to argue against the whole thing.

I think Bindi is 100% correct when she says that girls should dress their age. If you’ve ever seen a girl pulling the edges of her teeny tiny skirt down or her pulling up super low-cut top, you’ve seen a girl dressing outside of her comfort-zone and you can be pretty bloody sure she was doing that because she was either trying to fit in with fashion or to look older, neither of which is a good reason to making yourself uncomfortable.

Caitlin’s going off about how a woman’s body is hers to do with as she wants and she’s right too. The difference is Bindi is saying “have some self respect and don’t try to be something you’re not” and Caitlin is saying “girls should be able to do whatever the fuck they want, whenever and wherever they want”. One of those statements fits in with reality and helps encourage good decision making and the other is a pretty reckless thing to say to impressionable young women.

Crazy bitch time

Bindi and the term crazy bitch don’t belong in the same sentence. Bindi is a champ. Despite growing up in the limelight and all the garbage that comes with it, she’s got her head screwed on right and she’s on her way to big things.

Caitlin Stasey on the other hand… well, let me say that I actually don’t think she’s a crazy bitch. I reckon she’s very passionate about something that we should all be concerned about, and that’s ensuring that women, or more accurately, all people have an equal opportunity to succeed and enjoy the lifestyle they prefer. The problem is that Caitlin is choosing a bad way to promote her thoughts and opinions.

It’s a real shame, actually. All that twitter ranting and all the blaming and pointing fingers and accusing everyone of oppressing women and attempting to impose a patriarchal, conservatist agenda, it just comes across as crazy. It just makes Caitlin appear to be a bat-shit crazy feminazi and the few people who’s minds she wants to change about these topics don’t listen to bat-shit crazy feminazis.

If Caitlin can calm the fuck down and collect her thoughts into a well written book or a documentary series or something of value that actually expresses her opinions in a digestible manner, maybe she’ll contribute positively to her cause. In the mean time, she’s doing a damned good impersonation of a crazy bitch.

Crazy bitch tip: “Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story.” – from Desiderata by Max Ehrmann

One more thing

This celebrity bullshit is killing me. I’ll be back to posting more of the silly little cartoons very soon.

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