Archive | September, 2014

Sorry, could you say that again? My stupid baby fell over.

15 Sep
Sorry, can you say that again? My stupid baby fell over.

Sorry, can you say that again? My stupid baby fell over.



11 Sep

If you’re going through a tough time follow this link, you can always come back to this article later.

I started this site as a joke. I had the weirdest run with women for a few years there. No matter where I turned or if I was looking for a girl or not, I had crazy coming at me from all directions. The only good thing about that situation is that I got a bunch of funny/weird/creepy stories out of it. What better place to unleash those stories than on a website called How Not To Be A Crazy Bitch? I thought it’d be fun trying to turn the stories into something other women could learn from, and that’d also help reduce the hate that I suspected would be directed at me for daring to call any woman a crazy bitch.

Even though it started as a joke, this site is actually doing fairly well. I’m getting far more visitors than I’d ever have imagined when I started and it’s been a lot of fun so far. Making the animations was really fun and I’ve got a few other things up my sleeve that I think will get some laughs too.

One of the interesting things about running a website is seeing what lead people to the site. I’ll see the search terms that got viewers to the site and sometimes they’re just hilarious, for instance:

  • “how to not br s bitch”
  • “why men dont like crazy bitches”
  • “porno crazy one in the world”
  • “crazy bitch chicken -“
  • “how to bind shoes’s less”
  • “he in the friend zone he told her that he love her now she treat him like a brother he in the friend zone”

But those are one off, random searches. The most common search terms all seem to be about the same thing:

There's a trend here...

There’s a trend here…

Aside from the odd search for curvy girls and Janeane Garofalo’s butt, there actually seems to be a lot of people out there looking for real help. When I put this site together as a joke I just didn’t see that coming! So, now that I’m getting more and more visitors, I’ve decided to offer something useful for those people genuinely looking for help.

There’s now a Help page available in the main menu. The Help page includes links to resources intended specifically for people who are going through difficult times, need to talk, or need information on mental health issues. If you know of any resources that would benefit people going through a difficult time, particularly with mental health issues, please send the links through so I can add them to the Help page.

I post silly shit about women who should know better doing things they shouldn’t be doing and I don’t know if it’s obvious, but I specifically avoid posting anything about women with legit mental health issues. If you’ve ever known anyone with real mental health issues, you know that it can be torture for them and for the people around them and I would never want to add to that. If you’re going through anything of that nature, seek out the resources that are out there to help you, and take care of yourselves because I like having you around.

Crazy bitch tip: If you’re having a rough time, there are resources out there to help.

Princess Rene

9 Sep

The word Princess

What do you think of when you think of a princess? Class? Elegance? Grace?


Princess Grace, of Monaco. Doing the being a princess thing right.

I guess Princess Grace is a bit old fashioned compared to our modern world. Times have changed, after all. I mean, here’s Princess Mary. A totally different story, right?

Princess Mary, of Denmark. Also doing the being a princess thing right.

Princess Mary, of Denmark. Also doing the being a princess thing right.

Oh. She’s actually classy, graceful, elegant and demure also. Hrmm. It appears there are certain traits that will always be associated with those ladies bestowed with the title ‘Princess’.

Strangely, I notice that one of those traits is not screaming at men to punch themselves in the balls.

“Pardon?”, I hear you ask.

I’ve noticed that women who give themselves the title of ‘Princess’ tend to not really possess the honorable and admirable traits mentioned above. In general, I’d have to say that most women who decide for themselves that they’re a princess, are usually, kinda classless, horrible, crazy bitches. I’m not saying that if you called yourself a princess when you were a little girl that you were an awful little monster. Of course not! You were a kid playing kid games and using your imagination to pretend you were someone wonderful and glamorous! What I’m talking about are fully grown women who go around calling themselves a princess when they’re not.

Princess Rene

So I did a little research and found a prime example of crazy bitch who calls herself a princess. Allow me to introduce you all to ‘Princess’ Rene.

'Princess' Rene. Kind of the opposite of a real princess.

‘Princess’ Rene. Kind of the opposite of a real princess.

Clearly, princess Rene has all the outward components of an attractive woman. Unfortunately, I suspect our dear Rene here is verging on mentally ill, and I say that because I have seen a video of her ‘at work’. I’m going to post the video below but let me first say that this video is targeting an adult demographic and it’s going to get weird. I’m telling you this ahead of time because getting caught watching this video is going to be tough to explain to your boss, or your mum, or, well, anyone. Anyway, take it away Rene…

Let’s just take a minute and consider that, huh?

“My lips are natural and gorgeous and lips that women pay thousands of dollars to achieve.” – princess Rene

“That’s right loser. You’re going to feel some pain for me.” – princess Rene

“In order to get your first kiss from me, I want you to take your hand and make a fist AND PUNCH YOURSELF IN THE FUCKING BALLS” – princess Rene

“Is this fun for you? Cos it’s fun for me!” – princess Rene

“Look at you. You would do anything for me wouldn’t you, you fucking bitch” – princess Rene

“You would do anything for meeeeee. And why wouldn’t you? I’m fucking perfect. I’m amazing. I’m gorgeousssss.” – princess Rene

“I want you to do one last ball-punch” – princess Rene

The charming princess Rene.

The charming princess Rene.

I’m not going to pretend there aren’t guys out there that are attracted to ‘bitchy’ girls like this but I can tell you that I’m not one of those guys. I can also tell you that any guy that is attracted to women like this has some issues that might be worth dealing with. Seeing that we’re on How Not To Be A Crazy Bitch though, I’m going to focus more on the pink-lingerie clad, little nut-bar we’ve just watched scream into a video camera of some sort for few minutes with the intention of getting men to punch themselves in the balls over her.

More than meets the eye

What strikes me as interesting about Rene is that she is playing out the natural extension of a certain type of woman, that type being the attractive but very insecure girl. If you spoke with Rene (or whatever her real name is) about this video, she’d tell you she’s just playing a role, just pretending, that she’s only doing this silly stuff because it’s a way to make easy money. But I’d call bullshit on that, because someone as physically attractive as Rene here, could be making money hand over fist in a bunch of different ways because, let’s face it, men are pretty quick to hand over money when a good looking woman is around.

Nope. Rene here is absolutely into what she’s doing. She’s getting her jollies knowing that she has a power over guys. I’ve run into girls like this. I guarantee you that Rene will treat any man who shows interest in her like he’s a worthless piece of shit but she knows deep down she doesn’t really have any power, and that’s why the guy who ignores her is the one she’s going to chase. Of course, she’ll only chase him until he actually shows that he’s interested in her, at which point she will immediately relegate him to the rank of loser in her head and lose all interest in him.

Girls like Rene spend their whole lives ‘testing’ men by treating them like absolute shit, and the only guys they’re interested in are the guys who don’t give a shit about them because those guys don’t react to her bullshit. It’s ironic because girls like Rene end up throwing themselves at the guys who don’t care about them specifically because those guys don’t care about them, and then they complain about the fact that those guys don’t care about them. Then, to make themselves feel better, they abuse their power over other men in order to return the pain and suffering they felt at being rejected or ignored.

Don’t be like Rene

Think about it like this: If Rene here were really as confident and happy as she would like us to believe, would she really be stuck filming herself on a computer in a random, empty bedroom? Wouldn’t she at least have a cameraman?

Everything about Rene’s behaviour in the video screams to me that she’s a spoiled little kid who never matured into adulthood. She’s fueled by her joy of abusing the natural power her physique gives her and comes across to me as a vapid, self-centred, sadistic, angry little sociopath who is very confused about her position within the world. Do you think Rene sits back at the end of a long day filming “punch yourself in the balls” videos and thinks to herself, “I’m really living a fulfilling life of pure joy and satisfaction”? I doubt it.

Look, if you won the genetic lottery and as the result you’re an attractive young woman, please don’t waste your time playing stupid, pointless, hurtful power-games. You won’t get what you really want out of it, all you’ll do is cause yourself and a bunch of other people a shitload of unnecessary suffering. Look at what the truly happy people in the world do… they treat each other with respect and consideration and they certainly don’t intentionally inflict suffering or test each other for vulnerabilities.

I’m in my mid thirties now and I’ve seen a lot of the girls that were really good looking when we were growing up somehow fuck themselves out of finding deep and meaningful relationships with good, genuine men because they couldn’t get past this immature urge to play power games. Don’t make that mistake because I’ve seen those same girls start throwing themselves at anything that even remotely resembles a man when their biological clocks start ticking and the crows feet start settling in, and it ain’t pretty.

Crazy bitch tip: Give the power games a break and try actually doing things that lead to happiness instead.



You’ve gotta be shitting me!

3 Sep

Warning! Gross stuff ahead! If you’re squeamish, please skip this one.

A video came up on my facebook feed yesterday, the star of which is definitely a crazy bitch. Why is she a crazy bitch? Watch it for yourself…

She’s a crazy bitch because she took a shit right there on the floor of a supermarket. That’s. Fucking. Crazy!

What about the poor bastard who’s going to have to clean that up? What about the fact that every supermarket in the world has video surveillance, so there’s no way in hell this will go unseen? What about the fact that there are probably public toilets at the supermarket that she could have used instead? What about the fact that it is completely uncivilised to shit on the floor at a supermarket? What about the fact that there’s food around?

Seriously! Most human beings are toilet trained before they get to kindergarten! Hell, most people can train their pets to not just shit wherever the hell they feel like shitting, but this nutter is out there dropping nuggets in a friggin supermarket?!

If this was out in the bush and the lady was camping, fair play. There are different rules when you’re out in nature but even then, you’d dig a hole and bury you butt-vomit so nobody ends up walking in it. If this was an accidental fecal fiasco, I could understand that because everyone’s been on the wrong side of a bad kebab, but this is just a flat out sneaky public walk-by-shitting and my mind didn’t want to believe this was a reality.

Given my disbelief, I decided to do a quick search on youtube to reaffirm my belief that this shit (sorry) was out of the ordinary but it turns out I was wrong to think this was a rare and unusual thing.

At least this lady seems drunk or stoned…

But this next crazy bitch seems to think it’s funny! She even USES THE JANITOR’S JACKET TO CLEAN HERSELF UP!

As for the rest of these crazy bitches, I don’t know what’s happening. Some of them are quite well dressed, some not. Some you might think more likely to be gross than others, but they’re all up to the same thing.

Ok, so the evidence is in. There are women out in the world that are choosing to drop deuces in public and, in case you’re under illusions, anyone who sees this act in process is thinking one thing “That’s a crazy bitch!”. So let’s all keep in mind that if you don’t want to be thought of as a crazy bitch, find a friggin’ toilet!!!!!!!!

Crazy bitch tip: If you’d tell a child off for doing it, you definitely shouldn’t be doing it yourself.

I tried pretty hard to hold back all the puns that were going through my head while writing this and that was really giving me the shits, but I’ll forgive you if you feel the urge to drop one in the comments, or even go to the lengths of going for number 2, even a turd effort might come out if you really push. Ah crap, I really let it all out in the end.

Also, here’s a short emoji story. 10 points to anyone who figures out what it’s about: 😬😠😤😡💨💥💩😱😨😅😎

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