You’ve gotta be shitting me!

3 Sep

Warning! Gross stuff ahead! If you’re squeamish, please skip this one.

A video came up on my facebook feed yesterday, the star of which is definitely a crazy bitch. Why is she a crazy bitch? Watch it for yourself…

She’s a crazy bitch because she took a shit right there on the floor of a supermarket. That’s. Fucking. Crazy!

What about the poor bastard who’s going to have to clean that up? What about the fact that every supermarket in the world has video surveillance, so there’s no way in hell this will go unseen? What about the fact that there are probably public toilets at the supermarket that she could have used instead? What about the fact that it is completely uncivilised to shit on the floor at a supermarket? What about the fact that there’s food around?

Seriously! Most human beings are toilet trained before they get to kindergarten! Hell, most people can train their pets to not just shit wherever the hell they feel like shitting, but this nutter is out there dropping nuggets in a friggin supermarket?!

If this was out in the bush and the lady was camping, fair play. There are different rules when you’re out in nature but even then, you’d dig a hole and bury you butt-vomit so nobody ends up walking in it. If this was an accidental fecal fiasco, I could understand that because everyone’s been on the wrong side of a bad kebab, but this is just a flat out sneaky public walk-by-shitting and my mind didn’t want to believe this was a reality.

Given my disbelief, I decided to do a quick search on youtube to reaffirm my belief that this shit (sorry) was out of the ordinary but it turns out I was wrong to think this was a rare and unusual thing.

At least this lady seems drunk or stoned…

But this next crazy bitch seems to think it’s funny! She even USES THE JANITOR’S JACKET TO CLEAN HERSELF UP!

As for the rest of these crazy bitches, I don’t know what’s happening. Some of them are quite well dressed, some not. Some you might think more likely to be gross than others, but they’re all up to the same thing.

Ok, so the evidence is in. There are women out in the world that are choosing to drop deuces in public and, in case you’re under illusions, anyone who sees this act in process is thinking one thing “That’s a crazy bitch!”. So let’s all keep in mind that if you don’t want to be thought of as a crazy bitch, find a friggin’ toilet!!!!!!!!

Crazy bitch tip: If you’d tell a child off for doing it, you definitely shouldn’t be doing it yourself.

I tried pretty hard to hold back all the puns that were going through my head while writing this and that was really giving me the shits, but I’ll forgive you if you feel the urge to drop one in the comments, or even go to the lengths of going for number 2, even a turd effort might come out if you really push. Ah crap, I really let it all out in the end.

Also, here’s a short emoji story. 10 points to anyone who figures out what it’s about: 😬😠😤😡💨💥💩😱😨😅😎

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