Archive | October, 2014


30 Oct

A 19 year old girl has posted an ad stating (in part):

“They will fund my transport to their city and all my expenses while I am there and they need to be generous.”

“In return, they get a whole night with me, my undivided attention, and a chance to show themselves off in the company of a truly beautiful girl.”

What we’ve got here is a 19 year old girl who is making her way around the world by selling herself to men.

The prostitourist

The prostitourist

I don’t know that there’s much more I need to say about this one.

Crazy bitch tip: Don’t sell yourself out for a place to sleep because that’s really, really gross.

A guided tour of crazy bitch town (Crazy racist bitch part 3)

30 Oct

Racism is a thing. Most educated people don’t want it to be a thing, but it’s still a thing. Personally, I grew up around people from all sorts of races and that’s given me a unique perspective on race relations because all ‘race’ meant to any of my group of friends was that we all looked a bit different.

I’m ‘Australian’, whatever that means. I know I’ve got Scottish, Danish and English ancestry. I think there’s some Irish in there too, and I’d be surprised if there isn’t some German somewhere down the line as well. I happened to grow up in a very poor area, surrounded by immigrants. At the time immigrants were known as ‘new Australians’.

My group of friends included a Portuguese kid, a half Indian-half English kid, an English-as-can-be kid, an Italian kid, A Kiwi (New Zealander) kidA Scottish kid, a Macedonian kid, a Romanian kid, A French kid, an Iranian kid, a Pakistani kid, Aboriginal kids, Vietnamese kids, Chinese kids, Cambodian kids, basically kids from every background you can think of.

And you know what? We all got along pretty well. I mean, we had fights but it was the same bullshit that kids fight over anywhere, like who’s turn it is, or who the better footy player is, or which super-hero is better.

There was racism in the community but mostly from the adults. You’d have that one kid that would say stupid shit but that left him with no friends because he was such a dickhead and the rest of us just put up with our parents retarded views on race relations. My step-father, for instance, would refer to the basketball players I worshiped as “black fellas” and refer to anyone even remotely European as a “Dago”. I didn’t understand half of what he was talking about and he was an illiterate, paranoid-schizophrenic, so I didn’t really put a lot of weight in what he said anyway.

Us kids didn’t give two shits where anyone came from. We were just happy to have friends to play with. We got to eat really interesting food at each others houses (not my house though, unless you count old meat burned to a crisp and smothered in tomato sauce as interesting) and ask questions about the things we didn’t understand, like: why do you have so many elephant statues?, who is Buddha?, what’s that hexagonal mirror above your door for?, what the hell is Bok Choy?, Why do you say “Yog ert” instead of “YO Gert” which is, as we all know, the one true and correct way to pronounce ‘yoghurt’?

Anyway! My point is this, racism is really about culture, not genetics. When people lose their shit and start ranting about other races, what they’re usually doing is saying “I like my culture and I find yours unsatisfactory because it’s different to what I’m used to.”

I’ve come to this realisation that your race is your hardware, and your culture is your software. Everyone goes around yelling about the hardware but what they’re really bothered by is the software.

This tour guide is doing a lot of yelling and swearing about race…

Clearly, the bottle of alcohol in her hand, and the spouting of racist remarks and swear words into a microphone on a buss full of tourists make a strong case that we have indeed witnessed a crazy bitch in action.

She’s very misguided and you have to assume she’s going through some difficult times, but you also have to give her one thing, and that’s her point about ‘assimilation’. She does a piss-poor job of getting that point across, probably because she’s a drunk, angry, racist yelling into a microphone but there is some value to that point.

Nobody should have to completely lose their culture if they move to another country but nobody should completely avoid the culture in the place they migrate to, either. One of the things that I think drives racism is the ‘us and them’ mentality that comes about because of the isolation and separation.

It’s understandable that when you’d want to be around people that you can relate to when you move to a foreign place, but when that turns into groups of immigrants gathering in the same neighbourhood and closing themselves off from the rest of the community, that’s not good for the either the immigrants or for the greater community.

What the allegedly crazy bitch in the above video is saying, is “This part of town makes me feel like an outsider in my own city”.

I’m not saying she’s a nice person. I’m not saying she’s not a crazy bitch. I’m not saying she’s not a drunken racist. I’m saying she had a least one point worth talking about and the fact that she chose to swear her way through it in a racist diatribe really hurts her chances of anyone taking that point on board.

If you are an immigrant though, you should consider taking some local culture on board. Learn enough of the local language to get by and don’t choose to live in a community comprised only of immigrants from your home country. Becoming part of the community doesn’t have to mean losing your culture, it often means sharing your culture with while also learning about how the locals do things. All the kids I grew up with did this without a second thought and it worked out great, so maybe there’s something to take from that.

Crazy bitch tip: If every other word you say is fuck, no one is going to take you seriously.


But… butt

29 Oct

I know fashion is subjective. I know people can wear what they want. I also know that a lot of people read into who you are based on what you wear. So wearing something like this might not give off the impression you want to convey…



Are they meant to be shorts? Did she forgot her pants and only remember her belt? Are they hot pants that got so hot they caught fire? I have no answers for you. All I can tell you is that a lot of people would see this scenario and walk on by thinking they’ve just seen a crazy bitch.

Crazy bitch tip: It’s generally considered a bad idea to wear clothes that illicit the question: “what the fuck is that?”. I know fashion is subjective. I know people can wear what they want. I also know that a lot of people read into who you are based on what you wear.

Credit: I’m not sure if he took this photo, but the user hitlershomie posted it to Reddit, so we give him the credit for this vision reaching your eyeballs.

Stop making little girls swear

26 Oct

I’m pro-feminism but I’m not sure I’m pro-feminist. I think everyone should be equal and I think everyone should feel safe all the time. I think society’s focus on appearance is to its own detriment and I think there’s no matter what someone was wearing, they didn’t deserve to be raped.

Fighting to end inequality is good and justified but there are still right and wrong ways to do it. I don’t think the following video is the right way.

I love how enthusiastic the girls are in this video. I love that they’re representing a voice on the issues of feminism and equality but I hate that, by the end of watching the video, I begin to suspect an element of exploitation. I strongly doubt that those little girls really understand what they’re saying or truly understand the political background behind this video. I very much doubt that they understand that there are flow-on consequences to being in a viral video that might linger for decades to come. In short, they’re being used as political pawns instead of children. You might even suggest that these children are being encouraged to do something they wouldn’t do if they were fully aware of the consequences.

Ladies, please do raise your voice and fight for a fair-go and a modern society that treats you as equal to everyone else, but please don’t involve children in aggressive feminism marketing campaigns.

Crazy bitch tip: Please don’t convince little girls to swear on film and then try to make the video go viral.

I forgot to tell you that a princess contacted me

21 Oct

I had some friends around today. One of them designed the Scragus Australis character from the previous post, so I was showing him how the post looked and that brought up the story of recently being contacted by a person who’s trying to get rid of a meme from the internet, which is a whole other story in itself, but that reminded me that I got a comment on a post from a self-proclaimed princess a while ago, and I bloody well forgot to tell anyone about it.

I figure now’s as good a time as any…

A while back, I was browsing youtube and fell into one of those deep, scary youtube rabbit holes. I started out watching fail videos and the suggested videos just got weirder and weirder.  Eventually, I stumbled onto a video of a beautiful young woman in her underwear screaming at the imaginary viewers on the other side of the camera to punch themselves in the balls because she, like, is, like, y’know?, like, pretty.

A screenshot from the video

This is a screenshot from the video, but please remember not to punch yourself in the balls for me, it’s not my thing, it’s hers.

You’re all familiar with that classic thing where you see an attractive person and the first thing you think of to impress them is to throw fists at your genitals to bruise ’em up good for their approval? It’s like that, except not made up. I’m telling you, it actually happened in a video that used to be on youtube. The pretty young lady in the video above yells at you to punch your balls. She even used the previously non-existant term ‘ball-punch’!

After I watched the video, I was so impressed with how crazy our nut-punch instructor had appeared that I felt I had no choice but to share it with the readers. In the article I made a bunch of jokes about the difference between someone who is given the title ‘Princess’ and those who just decide they’re a princess and I shared a less than favourable opinion of the star of the show.

One thing I definitely did not expect was for the princess herself to drop a comment onto the post. Now, the comment was pretty funny and I wanted to allow it, but this site is hosted by a network that doesn’t want to be associated with porn in any way and the comment contained links to websites that sell porn, so I couldn’t approve it at the time.

BUT! After talking with my mates today I discovered that I still have it, so here’s an edited version of it:

Thanks for that astute analysis on me! Not surprisingly, you’ve got it wrong (I won’t say completely wrong since you have nailed the fact that I’m vain and love my “job” as a Femdom and financial dominatrix). I’ll take the free promo though so, thanks for that! Note that the above video is five years old and has actually been stolen and is therefore being used illegally and without my consent. If you’d like to see more of my “vulgar,” “weird,” and “sociopathic” work, you can find me featured on [dirty website #1] or [dirty website #2]. I have a personal website as well! [Dirty website #3]. I post a lot of hot pictures on twitter too (@YouCanFindItForYourselfIfYouReallyWantToAndNoThisIsNotIt). Enjoy!

* edits are in super sexy, princess pink

Now, there’s shameless self-promotion and then there’s trying advertise places to find your very… let’s say ‘niche’ …videos on an article in which you’ve been referred to as a sociopath. I’m no branding expert but I suspect that’s not the traditional approach to good PR.

Anyway, I didn’t approve that comment and low and behold, a few days later I receive a comment on the same post from a different account. I didn’t approve that comment either because it was just way too weird. Seeing that I’m on the topic though, I’m going to give you a look at it…

Screenshot 2014-10-21 20.46* also edited in pink for ProfessorWankly’s privacy

So… yeahhh. Not quite sure what to say about that but ProfessorWankly sure seemed focused on phallic shaped objects and the various things he (Wait, I just assumed it was a guy but it could be a woman, geez, that was quite sexist of me. Sorry about that, ladies.) had decided I’d been doing with them.

Whatever you think of ProfessorWankly, you have to admire his (or her) commitment to the person who wants him/her to punch him/herself in the balls and send money to her for the impressively challenging task of continuing to exist.

But back to my original story…

OK, so my mates were over and I was having a laugh with them about these comments and they asked to see the original post. When I attempted to show them, I sadly discovered that the original video that astounded me so, has been removed from youtube. I can tell you that this news resulted in a big fat feeling of disappointment for me because I used to get a real kick out of seeing people react to watching that vid.

Trooper that I am, however, I got onto that handy little search feature and found this little gem:

Looks like I was wrong because things are really looking up for the star of the show. She’s now the proud owner of a video camera, complete with a remote! I think my favourite part of this video is where the costar squeezes her breasts together into the out-of-focus camera and says “Hi Mum! Boobs. Boobs”

I lost access to one magnificent video and found another. But I’m not just even steven, no I’m a lucky fellow because I found ANOTHER impressive video in the suggestions along side there!

So, I guess there are people who are into that sort of thing but I still think this is some crazy shit.

Crazy bitch tip: I dunno, don’t yell at people about how they should lick your feet because they’re beneath you. Whatever. I’m tired. You get the very tired.


Scragus Australis

21 Oct The Australian Scrag (Scragus Australis)

In this, the first of our Internationals series, we provide you with our tongue-in-cheek scientific description of the Australian Scrag, a local variation of the internationally known Crazy Bitch. This is meant to be silly, please take it in that manner and please don’t kill me.

The Australian Scrag (Scragus Australis)

The Australian Scrag (Scragus Australis)


Red flower

17 Oct

I don’t think this lady is a crazy bitch, but I can bet you that a lot of people were very confused by this dress.

It's a red flower

It’s a red flower

Crazy bitch tip: consider other potential interpretations of the designs on your clothing.


15 Oct


Crazy bitch tip: it’s not romantic to share a virus which causes bleeding from every orifice until death kicks in.

Just a reminder

14 Oct

Crazy bitch tip: tan leggings make bad pants

Beer me

12 Oct


Crazy bitch tip: if you can’t find someone to babysit your child while you head out to the bars in Vegas, you don’t get to go out to the bars in Vegas.

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