Origins #1

11 Oct

About 4 years and two weeks ago I experienced something that completely blew my mind, and to be totally honest, derailed my life for a few years. That experience, in combination with an inconceivable number of other unusual experiences afterwards, left me so bewildered with the actions of the women and girls I’d been dealing with that I came to the conclusion that the world needed a website dedicated to providing instructions about how not to be a crazy bitch.

I know it was about 4 years and two weeks ago because Australia’s most famous motor race, The Bathurst 1000, is on tomorrow.

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Bathurst starts at a decent time over in New South Wales, about 10am, but Perth is 3 hours behind and that means I have to be up early on a Sunday if I want to watch every minute. I DO want to watch every minute! I don’t follow a lot of sports but Bathurst is one event that I really enjoy, so I usually go to bed early and try to have all my supplies ready for the day ahead. I usually even get up extra early, like 5am, to watch all the pre-race stuff. It’s a special occasion for me. I get a kick out of the whole event!

4 years ago though, Bathurst didn’t work out too well for me. I remember it all too well.

I had planned ahead and bought my vegemite, meat pies, tomato sauce and a six pack of beer but I didn’t eat anything at all throughout the day and I sure as hell didn’t drink any of that beer.

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Nope, Bathurst 2010 involved a lot of me crawling to the bathroom, vomiting, crawling into the shower, crawling back to the floor beside my bed, trying to climb up the kitchen counter enough that I could get myself some water, and generally trying not to die.

Why was I in this miserable state on one of my favourite days of the year?

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Because I drank my share of Absinthe at a party the night before. I also drank everyone else’s share of Absinthe. I suspect I drank Australia’s share of Absinthe that night. Let me tell you something, that little green fairy ain’t kidding around. Looking back, I should have gone to hospital because I’m certain I had alcohol poisoning.

But it’s why I drank all that Absinthe that relates to the start of How Not To Be A Crazy Bitch. See, about two weeks before Bathurst 2010, my boss’s daughter stayed the night at my place. More on that in the next instalment.

Crazy bitch tip: Your father’s employees are not toys.

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One Response to “Origins #1”

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  1. Origins #2 | how not to be a crazy bitch - 2014.11.18

    […] Oh that’s right… I was telling you about that time I consumed so much absinthe that I nearly died. […]

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