Don’t blow kids

23 Nov

Alright, there are genuinely very few 47 year ex-cheerleaders who are married to billionaires out there in the world, but if you happen to be one of them, don’t go putting all of that in jeopardy just to randomly try to give a blowjob to a 15 year old boy.

Yeah, I know that’s pretty self evident, but it apparently wasn’t clear to this allegedly crazy bitch:

Do you think being wealthier than 99.9999999% of any human being to have ever stepped foot on our shiny little planet still couldn’t keep this woman satisfied? NOPE! Despite being so fit, healthy and stunningly attractive that she could still become an NFL cheerleader when she was nearly 40, Molly Shattuck’s life just hadn’t been interesting or exciting enough.

molly shattuck

A teenage dream… of sorts

Mrs Shattuck allegedly concluded that that giving a 15 year old boy beer and putting his cock in her mouth might chase away those billionaire boredom blues. Strangely enough, the rest of the world has some sort of problem with this scenario. I’m no expert but it might just be because both of those acts are completely illegal.

Got her!

Got her!

If you think it’s not such a big deal, stop and consider what it would sound like with the genders reversed. If the story was “47 year old man feeds 15 year old girl alcohol and performed oral sex on her”, most people would be outraged about this sick pedophile and that harm he’s done, so let’s not ignore the fact that this is dead-set abuse.

I will admit that 15 year old me would have been absolutely stoked at the idea of having a beautiful older woman do this to/for me, but the thing about that is, I was a complete idiot at 15! To be honest, being a complete idiot is pretty much your role in the world when you’re a 15 year old boy.

Let me explain something about being a 15 year old boy with all these fancy hormones running rampant through your body… you want to have sex with pretty much every female human being within reach, pretty much all the time. The mere fact that this 15 year old boy was sensible enough to know it was wrong to have sex with this modern Mrs Robinson says quite a bit about just how misguided Mrs Shattuck must have been to have a crack at it. Think about it… a 15 year old kid is saying… “I dunno, this putting my dick inside you seems like a bad idea because you’re married and 3 times my age and stuff” and she (allegedly) still decides to suck his cock on the side of the road in the middle of some ritzy neighbourhood.

And now she might be facing jail time for it. Who am I kidding? She’s married to a billionaire, so she’ll get off. Funnily enough that was what started this whole thing in the first place.

Read more about this madness at: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2822102/Former-NFL-cheerleader-47-orally-raped-15-year-old-boy-met-Instagram.html

Crazy bitch tip: don’t blow teenagers unless, you’re single and the law says you’re allowed to, and even then give yourself a chance to double check that you’re not taking advantage of their boyishness for your own cougarish urges.

ps: allegedly, allegedly, allegedly. I can’t go fighting billionaires!

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