Archive | December, 2014

It’s on the other side

31 Dec

I’m sure this lady is not a crazy bitch, but this video does give the viewer that kind of impression. Come on lady, seriously… it’s on the other side!


Don’t cause 13 year old boys to ejaculate in your vagina

23 Dec

I would have thought that was self-explanatory but apparently I thought wrong. Here is some evidence.

There are many things I could comment about in regards to this video, but let’s go bullet point styles instead:

  • She’s 6 years older than this kid and he was a close family friend
  • That’s rape, and also massively disrespectful to her close family friends
  • Not only did she rape the boy, she decides that the boy should now be a father because she believes she did such a good job or raping him, that she got pregnant to him
  • It turns out that the kid she raped is not even the father of the child, so not only did she rape a boy, she mistakenly accused him of being the father of her child and was ready to try and get money out of him to help raise a kid that wasn’t his
  • She’s openly admitted to raping a boy, and to getting pregnant without even knowing who the actual father of the child is, and her child is bound to see this video one day

I feel bad for both the kids involved. The boy who was raped got off relatively easy by not being the father of his rapists child I suppose, but geez what a terrifying situation to go through as a 14 year old. As for the rapists child, man oh man what a life that kid’s in for. It’s not often you think a kid would be far better off without their mother in their life at all.

Crazy bitch tip: if you choose to have sex, do so in a manner which ensures that you know who you are actually pregnant to, or better yet, do so in a way that ensures you don’t get pregnant unintentionally.


Be less childish than your child

22 Dec

Watch this.

That blonde lady is a real bitch. She is a horrible, horrible person. Her son bullied the sweet young lady who’s on stage, and this blonde goblin dares to point out that she had a difficult time hearing that her son got in trouble for doing so! I’m not sure what planet she’s on but it sure as hell ain’t Earth.

Blonde thingI can’t believe she had the gall to taunt the woman who is kindly standing up for her emotionally abused daughter and then, when she’s caught out doing it, to throw out the most insulting of all apologies “I’m sorry if that made you feel bad”. Fuck her!

The thing that pushes the bully’s mother from bitch territory right over the edge into crazy bitch territory, is that she’s acting that way while she’s being filmed. She’s being so awful with full knowledge that she’s being filmed, and that means she thinks what she’s doing is ok!

Condesending and immature

This screenshot doesn’t capture the Cheshire cat smile this bitch has while taunting the bullied girls mother, watch the video from about 5:42 to get a proper look at it.

Double fuck her for daring to say things like “We’ll pray for you” and all the other rubbish about God. I’m not religious but I’ve got no real qualms with anyone believing in something if it makes their life better, but I sure have an issue with these human ringworms who decide they’re all high and mighty because they have faith in a religion.

When that blonde thing implies that she’s a good person because she has faith it makes me want to throw some holy water on her just to see if she catches fire and melts into the ground. If her God is up there, he sure as fuck ain’t opening any pearly gates for her!

It’s so obvious that the blonde’s son learned to bully from his mother’s example. I know ‘doctor’ Phil isn’t exactly high brow at the best of times but I can’t even comprehend how he just lets that blonde blob taunt and hassle that young girl and her mother after all the bullying and even death threats they experienced.

When the mother of the bullied child nearly breaks down into tears in disbelief that people seem to find her and her daughter’s suffering to be funny and entertaining, I’m right there with her. Seriously, what the fuck is going on? How is everyone just ok with how the bully’s mother is behaving? How does the entire audience not just rise up and chase her out of the studio?!!?

Beyond that, why the fuck is ‘doctor’ Phil talking down to the bullied girl’s mother? Why is he acting like she’s being unreasonable? Fair play, the bullied girl’s mother does have a whiny voice and she’s very mopy but she should be mopy! Her kid was mercilessly bullied and the parents of two of her daughter’s attackers are sitting there mocking her.

One thing that really gets me riled up is seeing a monster roaming around with the disguise of a human face. I reckon that blonde banshee is precisely that and I hope karma finds her and delivers a massive helping of comeuppance.

Crazy bitch tip: Never, ever use the apology “I’m sorry if that hurt your feelings”. It is the most insulting apology there is.


Origins #4

21 Dec

I’d just gotten back from Europe. I didn’t want that party to end. I didn’t want to slot back into the stressful, pressured, mindless existence my life had been before I’d gone away.

I tried to keep the party going by making sure that my friends and I were going out as often as possible, that we weren’t missing any chances to take part in the fun that life has to offer.

shuttingthisbitchdownReally all I was doing was trying to fight off the stress that I knew would take over again and leave me hating waking up, because waking up meant I’d have to go in to work.

Holiday talk

In the first few days back at work, everyone wanted to know all about my trip. I remember that Tim Everlong and his cousin, Jeff (my project manager’s manager), kinda cornered me to get some details out of me about the fun I had. I was trying to keep the various romantic/sexual escapades I’d gotten up to fairly quiet but they both wanted to live vicariously through me and eventually convinced me to give them some of the details. They loved hearing about it and I figured “Who cares? It’s not like they’re going to run into any of the girls I was with.”

It’s not like I went crazy over there anyway. I mean, I hooked up with about 6 girls in the 6 weeks I was there. If anything, that’s probably less than you’d expect given the circumstances.

Christmas in July, in August

I’d only been back a few weeks before it was time for the my work’s mid-year party. The party was August 4th, 2010. I know this because I was double-booked between my work party, and attending my good friend Kym’s 30th birthday.

As with every other work party, Rene Everlong was there. Rene was very keen to talk to me, even more keen than usual. The second I see her she calls out, “Hey, I’ve saved you a seat! Come sit here with me!”Of course I go and sit with her and we’re chatting away. I’m answering all her questions about my trip and somehow we start getting into some other territory. Rene asked me “What are things a girl shouldn’t do on a first date?” and “How is a girl supposed to let a guy know that she likes him?”, and a lot of other things about dating and relationships. My answers were pretty straight forward, “Don’t be rude to your waiter”, “If you like someone, ask them out”.

flirting-hintsI got the vibe that I was supposed to take those questions as hints but I just kept the conversation rolling because I’m not exactly going to get very flirty with my boss’s daughter at a work function, now am I?

The conversation went all over place. Rene mentioned that she has a fear of commitment because she moved to France to be with a guy, and he went and cheated on her. I told her that I have the same issue, but mine comes from the failure of my parents’ relationship, and from the following failure of my mother’s relationship with my stepfather. I explained that I’ve seen the chaos that happens when relationships fall apart, so I’m very careful before I let myself get in involved. It was nice to get into such a personal conversation with Rene and understand her a little better.

I was double booked, so I had to head off but just before I left, I told Rene that the guy in France is a complete idiot for cheating on her. A huge smile took over her face and I realised I might have just let the cat out of the bag a little. I didn’t mind, though. If I hadn’t worked for her father I would have asked her out, hell, I probably would have kissed her, but the situation prohibited such things and I just gave her a little hug and headed off to the other party.

My 31st birthday party

As it happens, my birthday is in August. Just a few days after the work do, it was time to go out and celebrate my 31st tour of the sun, so out went the invites to the 10th anniversary of my 21st birthday party. I sent the invite out to everyone I work with and all the rest of my friends. The invite was something along the lines of: “Pub crawl. Starting at Pub A. Proceeding to wherever we end up. Come one, come all!”

I didn’t really think about it, but that invite also went to my manager Laura, and her sister Rene. I was pretty surprised to see them both at pub #5. I try not to drink at all around the higher-ups at work, so seeing my manager at my party was a bit nerve-wracking, especially because the bouncer decided I was too drunk to even be allowed into this particular pub. Being the adventurous and foolhardy bloke that I am, however, I just jumped the little wall and flopped into the party right along side the manager of my building. Hrmm. Hindisght’s an interesting thing, isn’t it?

Anyway, my nerves about running into my manager were quickly squashed when I realised Laura Everlong was at least as drunk as I was!

Rene was stone cold sober as best I can remember, but I was a good 5 pints in by that stage. I remember doing a bit of cheeky flirting with Laura and she was flirting back, which was fun and completely harmless. I know I spoke with Rene a little bit, but the only thing I really remember is that I asked her if she was a lesbian.

I know it was a joke and was some sort of effort to check if she was still single, but geez it seems like a stupid thing to go asking your boss’s daughter when you’re drunk. Whatever, that’s the least of my concerns as you’ll learn from the rest of the story. Anyway, Laura had to be at some event the next morning and the rest of my party brigade were ready to head off to the next pub, so we said our goodbyes to the Everlong girls for the night.

As the night progressed, the group grew smaller and smaller, until eventually there were only a handful of us left. One of these people was a woman named Angelica. Angelica was a friend of a friend, quite beautiful and though you wouldn’t know it to look at her, she was 9 years my senior. Angelica had been quite flirtatious with me through the night but I assumed she had a boyfriend and was just doing that thing that girls do when they go out, y’know, where they act like they’re single but they’re just enjoying the attention? It turned out that Angelica was, in fact, single and her flirtiness was not as toothless as I’d expected. And… well… I spent the later hours of my birthday learning that Angelica had a great apartment right there in the city, and that it had a really comfy bed.

It’s strange, later the next day I noticed some scratches down my back. If I didn’t know better, I could have sworn that a cougar had gotten hold of me.

31! What the hell does that mean?

It started to kick in that I was 31, not married, had no kids, was not any sort of world-famous success, and that in general my life had not turned out quite like I had expected.

It’s not like I was desperate to have a wife and kids but I had always liked the idea of meeting the right woman and cranking out some ankle biters. I assumed that would have sorted itself out by the time I hit 30, but there I was at 31 and it was still not even on the horizon. To be fair, I had specifically decided not to get married to my ex even though I know she would have said yes if I’d asked her. We would have had kids and bought a house and all that, but I knew she wasn’t the woman I was supposed to marry, so I didn’t. Instead I ended up 31 with no wife and no kids, sort of by choice.

Career-wise, things were going relatively well. Sure, my job was torturous and soul-destroying, but at the time I thought the higher ups would identify that my project manager, Gus, was an incompetent psycho and give him the boot, or that he’d eventually learn how to do the job properly and stop overloading me, and everyone else, with work. Either way, I figured my job would get back to normal sooner or later. The pay was good and I was a little extra proud that I was making that much despite never getting a degree.

From a wealth perspective, I knew I should have accrued more by that point, but I’d spent my money on experiences and I was ok with that. I had my shitty little apartment and that meant that my money wasn’t entirely going to waste. Over time I knew it’d be worth something, and I’d always have somewhere to live as long as I continued to pay the mortgage.

Hey! wasn’t this a story about you ending up in bed with your boss’s daughter?

Yeah, yeah. I’m getting there.

Tune in next time for origins #5, where I’ll tell you about how my chance run-in with a cougar became a regular mauling.

Crazy bitch tip: If you like a guy, you’ll have more luck with actually asking him out than you will by firing hundreds of carefully planned and targeted facial expressions at him.


Do not lick cream out of someone’s buttcrack for tickets to a festival

21 Dec

A Chilean woman was so desperate for tickets to a festival called Maryland¬† that she LICKED CREAM OUT OF A RADIO DJ’S BUTT to ‘win’ them.

Tastes like eternal shame

Tastes like eternal shame

I don’t think I need to go into a lot of detail on this one. Suffice it to say, you shouldn’t do this.

Crazy bitch tip: Don’t lick cream out of people’s butts for tickets to festivals.


There’s protecting your child, and then there’s being a crazy bitch

20 Dec

Check this out.

First of all, let’s point out that the boy in the video should not have been choked and kidnapped. Granted, he does seem like a little terd-bag and it’s challenging to feel much sympathy for a schoolyard bully boy who goes around picking on little girls, but that’s not relevant to the actions of the mother.

Sandra Rivera: alleged  Kid choker

Sandra Rivera: alleged Kid choker

Of course you should protect your children. Nobody in their right mind would tell you to ignore that a bully dickhead kid is picking on your daughter, but to respond to bullying with your own brand of bullying is not the way to go. For starters, it’s not much of a solution, and more importantly, it’s illegal.

I always think it’s funny that people respond to something they dislike by doing exactly that thing back to people. If that behaviour is unacceptable, it’s unacceptable for you to do it, too.

Crazy bitch tip: Before you decide to put a kid in a headlock and throw him in your car, ask a few other people if they think that it’s a crazy idea.


Bitch in business

18 Dec

Alrighty. I’m going to start by pointing out that I’ve worked in plenty of offices and that I’ve been running my own business since 2003. I’ve also worked in some very large organisations and have managed projects that had prices with lots of zeros at the end. Maybe I have a right to talk about business, maybe I don’t. And I understand that, according to a lot of people, the fact that I’m a 35 year old, white, male means that I’m speaking from some delusional and privileged perspective, but I did grow up dirt poor and had absolutely no support from my family, so like it or not, I reckon I’ve earned my point of view on this particular topic.

This is apparently what it's like to be a young, white, male. I must have missed the meeting when I was getting by on toast and water, until the toaster broke.

This is apparently what it’s like to be a young, white, male but I must have missed the meeting where they were supposed to throw all that easily attained money at me.

I’ve worked with all sorts of people and I’ve watched as my friends from school have progressed into the working world and where they’ve ended up now, which is about 15 years later. One thing that’s become increasingly clearer to me is that you don’t have to be a bitch or an arsehole to get ahead. As a matter of fact, I’d say the opposite is true. I won’t pretend it’s as easy for a woman to get herself established in business as it is for a man, but just because it’s extra difficult for women doesn’t make it an easy task for all the men who want to do well.

I think there are a lot of people out there telling themselves that success is more difficult for them to achieve than it is for everyone else and I think that’s a big load of bullshit. I think that’s just people discovering that something is more difficult than they anticipated and making excuses for the gap between how tough they thought it would be, and how tough it really is.

Business is competition. People treat it like a sport. They get all worked up about gaining as many ‘trophies’ as they can, except in business terms a trophy is a high-growth quarter, or landing a big account, or putting out a product that does really well. Let’s not forget that if it were easy to do these things, everyone would be doing them.

There are literally millions of other people out there trying to be successful at business as well. You don’t get to be successful in anything ultra-competitive without working your arse off at it, purely because everyone else who is after that same thing is working their arse off for it, too. If you want to be a success, you have to earn it. Moaning about what’s holding you back is just a good way to waste time that you could be putting towards earning the success you’re chasing.

Expect a lot of this vibe in the business world

Expect a lot of this sort of vibe in the business world

Of course things need to change and women need to be given a fair playing field, but the reality is, the people who are already successful want to retain all their wealth and clout, so fair or not, they won’t be giving up any of that power they have without a fight.

Yeah, I have run into some absolutely atrocious people in the business world, and yes some of them have done well. It’s funny though, they’re always the most unhappy people. They’re manipulative, controlling, bitter, little butt-holes and they’re never just arseholes at work, they’re just as horrible in their home and social lives as well. They’re monsters, pure and simple. Think of them as cannibals. Sure, they’re eating well, but they end up lonely pretty quick.

Cannibals: if they're well fed, you can bet they're lonely.

Cannibals: if they’re well fed, you can bet they’re lonely.

The way those little monsters get ahead is by cheating. They take credit for other people’s work. They start in-fighting within an organisation to try and benefit from the fallout. They fuck with people’s heads just to try to keep them from noticing the other dodgey shit they’ve been up to in an effort to get more power and more control. I’ve seen men who act like this and I’ve seen women who act like this.

The undeniable fact is that it’s far easier to win when you cheat. Look at old one-nut Lance Armstrong, the Tour de France ‘champion’. He took out 7 ‘victories’ by knowingly breaking the rules. Sure they’re taking them away from him now, but you’re never going to know the names of the people he was competing with that were actually playing by the rules, because that scumbag stole all the glory they were entitled to. That same shit happens in business. Ethics go out the window when the dollar signs start showing up.

Lance Armstrong: Cheats to win, doesn't have the balls to admit it ;

Lance Armstrong: “champion”


What’s awesome though, is that there are still people out there being successful in their chosen field who manage to keep their ethics and not waste their energy complaining about gender inequality, racism, religious prejudice and whatever else. Life isn’t fair. Business isn’t fair. Don’t expect it to be. Don’t waste time complaining about it. After you’re successful, that’s when you should start fighting for equality, because nobody can tell you you’re just a whinger if you’ve already succeeded despite the inequalities that exist.

It is possible to get ahead by being a bitch in business, but doing so will probably make you an unhappy person, so what’s the point? What’s the gain if you’re cashed up but you’re soul-crushingly lonely because you can’t trust anyone, and they can’t trust you.

This belief that being a bitch is the only way for women to get ahead in business is just a flat-out lie. I’ve worked with some extremely successful women who are straight-up lovely, easy going people. The became successful because they understood that they needed to work harder and smarter than everyone they were in competition with. They did that, and shock-horror, it worked out in their favour.

Being a bitch is a bad thing. You don’t have to be a bitch to assert your opinion or disagree with someone. It is possible to be female and make a point without coming off like a bitch. We call it being assertive. When you were a kid, did you do what your mother said? Of course you did! And why? Because she had an air of authority about her!

Have an air of authority, like this, but with less spoon and angry pointing.

Have an air of authority like this, but with less spoonage and minimize the angry pointing.

That’s what some people are missing when they go into business and that’s what causes them to feel trodden on. It’s not just women who experience this. Men have the exact same problem. When a meek and quiet guy tries to talk at a meeting, he’ll be talked over. When a ‘soft’ person tries to negotiate with someone aggressive, the soft person comes off second best because they’re not on the attack.

When you start getting into the business world, you have to get it out of your head that people are going to be nice to you and treat you with respect. They will mock you and tease you and try to hurt your feeling because they’re trying to beat you. They’re trying to crush you so there’s one less person to compete with. Don’t stand for that shit. Get that air of authority about you. Make it clear you’re not going to be pushed around. That doesn’t mean you have to be a bitch, it just means don’t be a pushover!

To clarify:

  • Speaking up when you need to speak up is not being a bitch.
  • Voicing your opinion is not being a bitch.
  • Not backing down when you shouldn’t back down is not being a bitch.
  • Demanding to earn as much money as anyone else who does the same work as you is not being a bitch.


  • Spreading rumours about a colleague or competitor is being a bitch.
  • Making jokes about the size of your colleagues or competitors genitals is being a bitch.
  • Giving a colleague or business associate the ‘cold shoulder’ or ‘silent treatment’ because you’re unhappy with them is being a bitch.
  • Getting annoyed at the only guy in your team because he doesn’t think your personal drama should impact your ability to meet a project’s deadline is being a bitch.

And, finally:

  • Expecting to get ahead in business without having to outdo your competitors isn’t exactly ‘being a bitch’ but it’s not going to get you anywhere.

Crazy bitch tip: Instead of focusing on being a bitch in business, focus on doing a better job than your competitors.

Crazy bitch bonus tip: Very, very, very few white women can rap well enough to do it on a music video.

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