Origins #4

21 Dec

I’d just gotten back from Europe. I didn’t want that party to end. I didn’t want to slot back into the stressful, pressured, mindless existence my life had been before I’d gone away.

I tried to keep the party going by making sure that my friends and I were going out as often as possible, that we weren’t missing any chances to take part in the fun that life has to offer.

shuttingthisbitchdownReally all I was doing was trying to fight off the stress that I knew would take over again and leave me hating waking up, because waking up meant I’d have to go in to work.

Holiday talk

In the first few days back at work, everyone wanted to know all about my trip. I remember that Tim Everlong and his cousin, Jeff (my project manager’s manager), kinda cornered me to get some details out of me about the fun I had. I was trying to keep the various romantic/sexual escapades I’d gotten up to fairly quiet but they both wanted to live vicariously through me and eventually convinced me to give them some of the details. They loved hearing about it and I figured “Who cares? It’s not like they’re going to run into any of the girls I was with.”

It’s not like I went crazy over there anyway. I mean, I hooked up with about 6 girls in the 6 weeks I was there. If anything, that’s probably less than you’d expect given the circumstances.

Christmas in July, in August

I’d only been back a few weeks before it was time for the my work’s mid-year party. The party was August 4th, 2010. I know this because I was double-booked between my work party, and attending my good friend Kym’s 30th birthday.

As with every other work party, Rene Everlong was there. Rene was very keen to talk to me, even more keen than usual. The second I see her she calls out, “Hey, I’ve saved you a seat! Come sit here with me!”Of course I go and sit with her and we’re chatting away. I’m answering all her questions about my trip and somehow we start getting into some other territory. Rene asked me “What are things a girl shouldn’t do on a first date?” and “How is a girl supposed to let a guy know that she likes him?”, and a lot of other things about dating and relationships. My answers were pretty straight forward, “Don’t be rude to your waiter”, “If you like someone, ask them out”.

flirting-hintsI got the vibe that I was supposed to take those questions as hints but I just kept the conversation rolling because I’m not exactly going to get very flirty with my boss’s daughter at a work function, now am I?

The conversation went all over place. Rene mentioned that she has a fear of commitment because she moved to France to be with a guy, and he went and cheated on her. I told her that I have the same issue, but mine comes from the failure of my parents’ relationship, and from the following failure of my mother’s relationship with my stepfather. I explained that I’ve seen the chaos that happens when relationships fall apart, so I’m very careful before I let myself get in involved. It was nice to get into such a personal conversation with Rene and understand her a little better.

I was double booked, so I had to head off but just before I left, I told Rene that the guy in France is a complete idiot for cheating on her. A huge smile took over her face and I realised I might have just let the cat out of the bag a little. I didn’t mind, though. If I hadn’t worked for her father I would have asked her out, hell, I probably would have kissed her, but the situation prohibited such things and I just gave her a little hug and headed off to the other party.

My 31st birthday party

As it happens, my birthday is in August. Just a few days after the work do, it was time to go out and celebrate my 31st tour of the sun, so out went the invites to the 10th anniversary of my 21st birthday party. I sent the invite out to everyone I work with and all the rest of my friends. The invite was something along the lines of: “Pub crawl. Starting at Pub A. Proceeding to wherever we end up. Come one, come all!”

I didn’t really think about it, but that invite also went to my manager Laura, and her sister Rene. I was pretty surprised to see them both at pub #5. I try not to drink at all around the higher-ups at work, so seeing my manager at my party was a bit nerve-wracking, especially because the bouncer decided I was too drunk to even be allowed into this particular pub. Being the adventurous and foolhardy bloke that I am, however, I just jumped the little wall and flopped into the party right along side the manager of my building. Hrmm. Hindisght’s an interesting thing, isn’t it?

Anyway, my nerves about running into my manager were quickly squashed when I realised Laura Everlong was at least as drunk as I was!

Rene was stone cold sober as best I can remember, but I was a good 5 pints in by that stage. I remember doing a bit of cheeky flirting with Laura and she was flirting back, which was fun and completely harmless. I know I spoke with Rene a little bit, but the only thing I really remember is that I asked her if she was a lesbian.

I know it was a joke and was some sort of effort to check if she was still single, but geez it seems like a stupid thing to go asking your boss’s daughter when you’re drunk. Whatever, that’s the least of my concerns as you’ll learn from the rest of the story. Anyway, Laura had to be at some event the next morning and the rest of my party brigade were ready to head off to the next pub, so we said our goodbyes to the Everlong girls for the night.

As the night progressed, the group grew smaller and smaller, until eventually there were only a handful of us left. One of these people was a woman named Angelica. Angelica was a friend of a friend, quite beautiful and though you wouldn’t know it to look at her, she was 9 years my senior. Angelica had been quite flirtatious with me through the night but I assumed she had a boyfriend and was just doing that thing that girls do when they go out, y’know, where they act like they’re single but they’re just enjoying the attention? It turned out that Angelica was, in fact, single and her flirtiness was not as toothless as I’d expected. And… well… I spent the later hours of my birthday learning that Angelica had a great apartment right there in the city, and that it had a really comfy bed.

It’s strange, later the next day I noticed some scratches down my back. If I didn’t know better, I could have sworn that a cougar had gotten hold of me.

31! What the hell does that mean?

It started to kick in that I was 31, not married, had no kids, was not any sort of world-famous success, and that in general my life had not turned out quite like I had expected.

It’s not like I was desperate to have a wife and kids but I had always liked the idea of meeting the right woman and cranking out some ankle biters. I assumed that would have sorted itself out by the time I hit 30, but there I was at 31 and it was still not even on the horizon. To be fair, I had specifically decided not to get married to my ex even though I know she would have said yes if I’d asked her. We would have had kids and bought a house and all that, but I knew she wasn’t the woman I was supposed to marry, so I didn’t. Instead I ended up 31 with no wife and no kids, sort of by choice.

Career-wise, things were going relatively well. Sure, my job was torturous and soul-destroying, but at the time I thought the higher ups would identify that my project manager, Gus, was an incompetent psycho and give him the boot, or that he’d eventually learn how to do the job properly and stop overloading me, and everyone else, with work. Either way, I figured my job would get back to normal sooner or later. The pay was good and I was a little extra proud that I was making that much despite never getting a degree.

From a wealth perspective, I knew I should have accrued more by that point, but I’d spent my money on experiences and I was ok with that. I had my shitty little apartment and that meant that my money wasn’t entirely going to waste. Over time I knew it’d be worth something, and I’d always have somewhere to live as long as I continued to pay the mortgage.

Hey! wasn’t this a story about you ending up in bed with your boss’s daughter?

Yeah, yeah. I’m getting there.

Tune in next time for origins #5, where I’ll tell you about how my chance run-in with a cougar became a regular mauling.

Crazy bitch tip: If you like a guy, you’ll have more luck with actually asking him out than you will by firing hundreds of carefully planned and targeted facial expressions at him.

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2 Responses to “Origins #4”

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Origins #5 | how not to be a crazy bitch - 2015.01.02

    […] I’d just turned 31 and was settling back into life after a big holiday. Life wasn’t exactly what I’d expected but I thought I was in a fairly good situation given where I’d started. I’ll tell you more about why having a decent job and a shitty little apartment counted as doing pretty well to me when I explain how I grew up, but that can wait for now. […]

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  2. Origins #22 | how not to be a crazy bitch - 2016.02.17

    […] I was verging on full on alcoholism, […]

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