Archive | January, 2015

There’s more than one way to be beautiful

31 Jan

I don’t think I’ll ever understand why so many people believe there’s only one way to be considered beautiful.

90s black culture

When I was growing up in the 90s, there was a big influx of ‘black music’ from America. There was heaps of R&B and hip hop and rap started taking over the airwaves. The singers and rappers in the video clips for these songs were, of course, black guys and it wasn’t long before any guy with the slightest bit of darkness to his skin was suddenly a hot commodity in the teenage dating scene. It was always funny to me watching my Indian mates start playing it up and taking on all these American black-guy traits, but hey, good luck to them, they were getting the girls that way. It was downright hilarious to me at the time though, watching my lighter skinned buddies starting to act like gangsters and wearing all the garb that was popular in the hip hop videos at the time. My friends didn’t quite go these extremes but you get the idea…

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Now, these pics are pretty funny because these guys have gone waaaaaaay overboard. They look foolish. They don’t realise that they in no way resemble their hip hop heroes or that their efforts towards that come off as unbelievably lame. If these guys were just being themselves, they wouldn’t have ended up having their photos lambasted all over the internet, and that’s the point I’m getting at… You can still be attractive even if you don’t look like whatever the current trend is.

The confusion continues

That whole ‘white guys trying to be black’ thing is still going, but it’s not quite as bad as it was at its peak. In fact, some blokes like Eminem managed to blow through the boundaries and just like Elvis before him, found a way to commercialise the urge for young white guys to want to be black. Anyway, it seems there’s a different version of this ‘wanting to be like someone else’ dominating the world at the moment. This version is generally amongst the ladies and is the urge to dress, look, and act like dumb white bitches.

I’m going to assume that this is mostly because the most famous women in the world are movie stars or American ‘celebrities’, and most of these women are white skinned, have fair hair and light coloured eyes. This appears to have generated the confusion that a beautiful women must have light skin, thick lips, a petite nose, light coloured eyes, blonde hair and no normal human imperfections. Sure, there are many beautiful women out in the world who do fit that stereotype and lots of guys are attracted to them, but that doesn’t mean it’s the only way to be attractive!

Check out these ladies trying to look like someone they’re not..

There’s no denying some of these women look pretty good, but most of them are looking prettttttty badddd. And that’s the way it usually goes. You get a few people who are able to pull off a look different to their natural look because they happen to have features that make it work, but most people just can’t get away with it and it ends up looking comical. Mind you, fashion makes no sense to me. Sometimes looking awful is the trend and everyone just goes along with it. I don’t get that shit either.

Anyshways, what I’m trying to say is that you can look good without fucking with your face and your hair and without bolting on a pair of inflato-tits. You can be beautiful by playing to your strengths. If you’re not naturally blonde haired and blue eyed, don’t try to be. Instead, take advantage of what you’ve got.

What not to do

And here’s why… [warning: there’s some gross footage in this one]

Be real

Yes, there are beautiful women with blonde hair and blue eyes, but there are a billion other ways to be beautiful.

I’ve said quite clearly before that I don’t know shit about fashion. I do, however, know that these women are friggin gorgeous. Obviously these women are blessed with some outstanding genes, but they’ve got something else going for them too… they’re not trying to be someone they’re not.

I’m not saying you shouldn’t dye your hair or straighten it or put on some makeup or whatever. Go for your life! But when you hit the point that you’re trying to hide what you actually look like and fake yourself off as someone else, that’s going too far. So cut down on the plastic surgery and  have a go at taking advantage of your natural beauty. Guys aren’t as stupid as some of you girls seem to think, we can see that you’re good looking even if you’re not the type of good looking that happens to be on TV at the moment. I can’t speak for every guy on the planet but I know that I personally find a woman who’s comfortable with how she looks and who she is to be a gazillion times more attractive than a bleach blonde, fake tanned, wearing all the trendy bullshit kind of woman.

I know for sure that heaps of guys like exotic women. You can’t be exotic if you’re busy trying to look like everyone else now, can ya? Crazy bitch tip: stop trying to be someone you’re not

Age is not just a number

30 Jan

Young women have a tendency to think that “age doesn’t matter”.

Let me tell you something, it does matter. The reason it matters is that emotional and mental maturity is something that you cannot recognise in others until you yourself are mentally and emotionally mature. And therein lies the problem.

Young women (and men) aren’t always mature enough to understand the difference between someone their own age and someone 20 years older than them. This can lead to the older person taking advantage of the younger one.

Think about it like this… you know when you pretend to pull a coin out from behind a kid’s ear?

How friggin cute is that?

Anyway, the kid will legitimately believe that you have magical powers purely because you know how to trick them by doing something they don’t yet understand. You don’t have to be much older than your subject to get away with that trick, either. I reckon a 5 year old could easily trick a toddler with this simple illusion.

When it comes to people who are a little older, the tricks are just as well known, but they’re far less pleasant. Usually, the trick is “Let’s have sex” and the method is “By whatever deception or bullshit trickery needed”. And the older person can get away with this shit purely because they know things the younger person doesn’t yet understand.

There are a bunch of dickheads out there in the world who call themselves “Pick Up Artists”. Personally, I think these guys are arseholes but whatever, my point is that a lot of these Pick Up Artists go around tricking girls into being attracted to them. They do this by manipulating subconscious instincts and taking advantage of insecurities.

And the bigger the age gap, the easier it is for someone to get away with this shit. In fact, the bigger the age gap, the less capable the older person has to be to get what they want.

And I guess that’s why so many complete and utter losers end up chasing very young women, or as they’re more correctly known: children.

So just remember, age is not just a number. An age gap can mean the difference between dealing with someone who is treating you as an equal, or potentially dealing with someone who is intentionally taking advantage of what they know and you don’t.

There’s an old rule about this which can be used to figure out a reasonable age gap. Halve the older person’s age and add 7 to figure out the youngest person they should be seeing. So, if the older person is 40, they shouldn’t go out with anyone younger than 27 (half of 40 plus 7). If the older person is 28, they shouldn’t see anyone younger than 23. If they older person is 18, they might be ok to see a 16 year old, though I think that’s where the rule starts to fail because there’s a big difference between 16 and 18, but you get the idea.

Crazy bitch tip: Sometimes being young means that you don’t even understand why certain rules exist, but there’s usually a damned good reason.

To go on a date

29 Jan

According to Louis CK, women are crazy to even go out on a date with a guy.

Keep in mind that Louis has two daughters who are probably nearing dating age, so this might have something to do with the fear that causes him.

Crazy bitch tip: According to Louis CK,  you should be terrified to go out on a date with a man.


28 Jan

I’ll leave it for you to decide who the crazy one in this video is.

Crazy bitch tip: Be careful with your terminology.

The urge to be a Star

24 Jan

A lot of people out there in the big wide world dream of becoming a star. This seems especially true of attractive young women. They dream of being discovered and becoming rich and famous as a result. They dream of being on the covers of magazines and big screen close-ups and being lusted after by everyone, everywhere. They dream of being a household name.

I guess there’s nothing so bad about that dream, but it has lead many a young woman down a path of bad decisions. A lot of young women end up being taken advantage of in their search for fame. A lot of young women end up in very, very sad scenarios as a result of their desire to be desirable.

If you ask me, that’s a damned shame. Some of these girls end up taking a detour from their dreams of ending up on the silver screen and instead end up being mislead into appearing in porn. If not outright porn, they end up in horrible low budget films in which they play the roles such as ‘girl with big boobs’, ‘hot girl at party’, ‘slutty girl in hot tub’, ‘bikini car wash girl’, etc etc.

The thing is, even if these girls stay out of porn and only do those terrible roles, those roles tend to hinder their career rather than benefit it. Think about this… you’re a budding starlet and you’re offered the lead role in a film entitled “Whore”. Do you think that’s a good role to accept? Theresa Russell did.

How’s that for some shitty cinema? Can you imagine showing that off to people with pride? Can you imagine regailing your performance in the scene where another character tells your character (whore) that he wants to fuck you up the arse?

Even if you somehow get away with doing a film like that without it killing your career and you somehow do end up becoming a household name… isn’t it going to be enourmously embarrassing when your new-found fans start going back through all your movies and stumble onto a scene of you standing there in your lingerie beating a decrepit old man with his own cane?

Or what about that scene in which you let a guy unzip your skirt from the back, revealing you butt to the world, and then you passionlessly bounce on him until he orgasms and dies? Y’know, this scene…

One thing that I always think about when I’m watching a movie or tv scene is, yeah it’s just a movie, but whatever is actually happening in the scene had to happen in real life for it to be filmed. That means that Theresa Russel actually had to sit on that guys lap and have him unzip her skirt. Not only did she have to submit herself to that, but she had to do it in front of at least the 10 other people who were on set at the time, and chances are she had to do it several times until the director decided it was a good enough take.

And that’s the thing about ‘acting’. For some reason people seem to accept that doing something on film for a role is acceptable, even though doing the same thing in real life would be considered degrading and humiliating. Imagine that same scene taking place without anyone shooting film. Imagine a good looking young woman having her skirt unzipped over and over while a group of people watched and gave her instructions on how to do it better, or how to get more light on her arse? That would be completely unacceptable, right? But because it’s for a film, it’s somehow ok?

Think about porn stars! There are hookers around the world who now set up a video camera whenever they’re turning a trick because that way they can say they’re making a porno. Making a porn film is legal, but having sex for money is not. So if you’ve got a camera running, you’re protected from prosecution.

So essentially, if you’re willing to be degraded on film, you’re an actor. If you’re not willing to be on film, you’re a prostitute. To my mind, it seems a very strange distinction.

Anyway, I’m sure Theresa Russel is a lovely lady and not a crazy bitch, but I’d hazard a guess that she didn’t win her role in Spiderman 3 by showing off her work in Whore. I’m going to make the assumption that she’s not especially proud of that role now and probably wishes that her kids, grandkids, and future great grandkids et al wouldn’t ever see it. But the internet means that they can see it and probably will, one way or another.

If you want to be a star, chase that dream, but along the way at least consider the long term impacts of the decisions you make along the way. There’s a certain point at which chasing your dream can get so messy that the last thing you’d want is for people to start looking into your past, and at that point, you’ve kind of killed the dream you were chasing in the first place.

Crazy bitch tip: the fact that someone is willing to film you doing something doesn’t automatically make it something you should do.

Some sugar ain’t so sweet

23 Jan

Just… just watch

“I didn’t see his winky at all” – Judy “He’d write me cheques and I’d go to the local bank and cash them” – Judy “I could open my own business and do those things… but… I wanted to shop” – Judy “There’s like 50 different sugar daddy sites but I went to the one that said ‘official’ ” – Judy “She’ll come into the computer room and she’s like ‘Oh Mommy are you on Sugar Daddies again?’ and I’m like ‘Hillary’, and she’ll be like ‘Do we have to go to Western Union right now…?’ ” – Judy

Holy mother of crap. First off, sorry to subject you to the Tyra show (or whatever it’s called). These sugar babies are revolting to me. Seriously, flat out revolting. The word “vapid” sums it up perfectly as far as I’m concerned. In the same way that the guys out there who actually go around cat-calling are ruining things for the rest of us, women like this are making it worse for the decent women of the world.

That’s just not cool.

The decent guys out there in the world who’ve done well enough for themselves to have a bit of money are constantly under attack by women like this who trade their appeal for trinkets. That makes those guys wary of women generally, and turns the whole approach to getting into a relationship into this game of figuring out what your partner is really interested in.

At least these little money-suckers are up-front about it, I suppose.

So, big surprise, each of the sugar babies has been hurt in a relationship. Then they decided that all men are dogs, gave up completely on love and went balls-to-the-wall chasing down shiny and luxurious bullshit and using men as the way to get them.

The point that dude makes about these women having expiration dates is a damned good one. You can pull this shit for a while, but it won’t last. And when the guys with the money aren’t throwing it your way anymore, you best at least have a way of earning it for yourself.

It’s not only looking at men as if they’re money fountains which is gross, it’s looking at life as if it’s all about collecting shiny crap with fancy labels and aiming to be doted on like a spoiled fucking child. That’s the really scary part.

I totally get that, for a lot of people, having a sense of security is an important thing in life, and that one of the great advantages of having access to money is that you feel secure, but geeeeeez, what about actually loving the people you spend your days with? How can you possibly be happy if you’re putting up with someone because they can cover your expenses? I’m not saying it’s a bad thing to marry someone who’s rich, but I am saying don’t sniff out their wallet before you figure out if you like their personality.

These Sugar Daddies are pretty fucking gross too. Throwing money at these girls like they’re whores just to get them to spend time with them, and turning company into a transactional arrangement. It’s friggin revolting. You can be damned sure that, just like the sugar babies in the video, these blokes have also given up on a lot of things.

It trips me out that there are dudes out there who are so willing to shower these vapid, materialistic bimbos in cash just to be around an attractive woman. For fuck’s sake, there are so many beautiful women in the world who are not looking at you like you’re a walking bank account, why not try to spend time with one of them? It’s such a cowardly approach to getting attention from the women these guys find attractive.

It’s a superficial exploit on both sides, sugar babies are attracted to money and don’t much care who happens to have the wallet, and sugar daddies are attracted to young, well shaped women, regardless of how horrible their personalities are. The girls’ side is “I like shopping, and you have money”, the guys’ side is “I like sexy and you’re carrying it around with you”. If the guy goes broke, the sugar baby leaves. If the girl gets fat or unattractive in some other way, the sugar daddy leaves her behind. There is absolutely zero interest by either party in the actual person behind the looks or behind the dollars, and to me, that’s more than enough reason to think this sugar daddy/sugar baby bullshit ain’t so sweet.

Crazy bitch tip: Earn your way and you’ll never have to rely on anyone else to feel secure or get what you want.

Do not cry wolf

22 Jan

In this video, we see a woman being annoyed by a man. The man seems like a bit of a dickhead to me, but it’s the woman’s reaction that really bothers me.

The woman is annoyed that the guy is filming her, so she screams “RAPE!” and “He’s a sex offender!”

That’s really, really poor form.

I’ve heard a few people scream “rape” over the years, but I’ve never heard anyone scream rape and found out that they were legitimately being attacked. Of course, I hope I never do, but the few times I did hear someone screaming “rape”, I bolted towards them to try to help and Just like the story The Boy Who Cried Wolf, the more often we hear something that’s supposed to be alarming and it turns out not to be, the less likely we are to react to that same call the next time. Eventually, that warning or call for help becomes meaningless.

Screaming “rape” when it’s not necessary diminishes the weight that alarm has, not only for you, but for everyone. It’s an extremely selfish act to do so and it makes you seem like a crazy bitch.

If some guy is annoying you, there are thousands of other things you can do to resolve the situation. If you believe you’re in danger, call the police. If you don’t believe you’re in danger, go somewhere else. If you really, really want to stay there, find a way to either put up with the annoyance, or call someone to come and be there with you. Do anything other than unnecessarily screaming “rape” at the top of your lungs.

Crazy bitch tip: Do not cry wolf.

Bad day

21 Jan

Look, everyone has those really, really bad days. You know the sort of day where everything seems to go wrong and it’s like everything is falling down around you all at once and there’s nothing you can do about it.

Yeah, it sucks. It sucks big time. It’s enough to make a person fall in a heap and cry. Sometimes doing so is actually necessary for you to make it through that day. The thing about that is though, you still have to choose where and when you let that happen.

Trust me, I’ve had my fair share of these sorts of days. I really can sympathise with anyone going through that kind of thing but that doesn’t change the reality of the situation, or how people will interpret your actions.
Take this video for example:All we know from watching this video is that the ‘star’ has missed her ferry and can’t get where she was intending to go. It seems like getting where she wanted to go is a big deal to her. Beyond that, we only know that she has broken out into a foot stomping tantrum in public and, unfortunately for her, was caught on video.

This video has a tonne of views already and is surely going to make the rounds and be seen all over the world. That really, really sucks for the woman in the video because she might not be a crazy bitch. She might legitimately have been having one of the worst days on human record. She might have lost out on a huge opportunity or have to miss out on her mother’s funeral or something. It doesn’t matter, though. Most people will just watch the video, have a laugh just like the guy filming did, and think “what a crazy bitch.

And that’s a huge part of why you’ve got to keep yourself in check in public, no matter how badly your day is going.
Crazy bitch tip: it doesn’t make much difference if you’re crazy or not if you go around acting like you are.

Origins #7

21 Jan

After all the blabbing in the previous Origins post, we’re finally getting to the juicy stuff.

“You can afford it”

In the week leading up to the Friday after-work drinks I had scheduled with Rene Everlong to meet up with her and her colleagues, Rene was extra communicative with me. In one email, Rene asked me about my car. I explained what had happened and that I was considering buying a new car to get around in while the Capri was being worked on.

Rene asked me which car I had in mind, so I showed her the magnificent Focus RS which I had been lusting over since I heard it was coming to Australia.

Something like this

Something like this

I think they were asking something like $75,000 for one of these in Australia. I was making good money but it would have been very unrealistic for me to try and buy one in addition to paying off my mortgage on my shitty little apartment. Still, a man can dream. What caught me off guard in Rene’s response was that she said something along the lines of “You should totally get that. You can afford it!” I remember thinking, “How the hell would she know what I can afford?”. But whatever, I told her I’d think about it.

Talking about kids

On the Friday that I was set to meet up with Rene at the pub, I ended up falling into a long conversation with her sister, Laura at work. I don’t know how or why it came up but Laura was talking to me about things you should let people know before you get into a relationship. One of the things Laura pointed out is whether or not you want to have kids.

To baby or not to baby?

To baby or not to baby?

Laura was saying, “It’s such a big thing, and that people don’t want to waste time with someone who doesn’t want the same things as them”. I agreed with her. I still do. That’s such an important thing that you’d better get your opinion on it out of the way early. Can you imagine being with someone for 3 years and feeling like it might be time to have kids and not knowing if they even want kids? How the hell do people live that way?

It turns out there was a reason Laura was talking about that, but that’s for later. At the time, I didn’t know what was up, and something about that particular conversation further reinforced the vibe I’d been getting about Laura not really being solidly with her boyfriend anymore.

After work drinks

I was looking forward to catching up with Rene at the pub but at the same time, it wasn’t really a big deal to me. I half expected her to not show up, because she’d done that to me several times by then. But show up she did, and with colleagues in tow as promised.

We introduced everyone to each other, grabbed a few drinks and got the night under way. Having been introduced to the ‘weird’ guy, I was keeping an eye on him for any strange behaviour. He was a bit of a know-it-all and a bit loud, but there didn’t seem to be anything especially wrong with him.

Rene, on the other hand, was acting a bit different to usual. She got up to get a drink and came back with two glasses of red wine for herself and two pints of beer for me. We started chatting and were having a good time and I was trying to take it slow on the drinks but Rene kept asking my why I’d hardly touched my beers.

Somewhere in the conversation, she looks me right in the eyes and says… “How do you want to die?” I stopped and stared at her for a second and said “Hey, Rene, remember when you asked me what people shouldn’t do on a date? Just so you know… asking people how they want to die should go on that list.” She laughed and explained she’d been talking about that question with her colleagues earlier in the day. That made sense so I had a laugh and on went the evening.

Additional faces get in on the act

Friday night drinks was an institution by this point and because of its unfailing reliability and recurrence. We’d often have some people come join us from Everlong’s other office. The other office was the company’s headquarters, and occasionally the girls from the admin section there would come over and gossip up a storm with everyone from the office I worked at.

A few of those admin girls had come down to The Chesterfield this particular Friday night, including a young lady by the name of Tash. Tash had been with a boyfriend for a long time but they’d broken up recently. She’d always been quite the flirt, but since the break-up, the volume on that behaviour had cranked up to 11, and a fair bit of it was fired my way.

I didn’t mind. Tash was cool and fun and easy going and she worked at the other office anyway, so I wasn’t too stressed about it causing any dramas. I was quite willing to flirt back with her but I wasn’t trying to make anything happen with her. It was just a bit of fun.

In addition to Tash being there, Angelica had also turned up. I mentioned Angelica a while back, she’s the friend of a friend of one of my colleagues and I’d been getting up to some bedroom shenanigans with her since my birthday. It turned out the colleague who’s friends with her had told her to come down for some drinks with us.

I didn’t mind that either, because Angelica is also a really cool, fun individual. It was a bit strange about not knowing that the woman I’d been sleeping with was going to join us, but I figured that was just a part of the very casual approach we’d been taking to hanging out with each other.

You’re in charge of making sure I don’t embarrass the Everlong family name

Rene had made a point of being next to me as much as possible. She was keeping an eye on my drinks and any time it looked like it was getting half empty, she’d ask if I was ready for another. She was also doing a surprisingly good job of finding her way to the bottom of the glasses of wine she’d bought and seemed in a particularly energetic mood.


At one point, Rene leans in and says, “You’re in charge of making sure I don’t embarrass Everlong family name tonight”. I was interested in this girl and all I took that as was her telling me she wanted me to be around her all night. I thought of that as a good thing. I told her “Sure” and just tried to keep a tally of how many drinks she’d had as the night progressed. I didn’t do a very good job of keeping track, mostly because she kept encouraging me to drink and because she kept telling me she “wants to have a fun night”.

I hate to see the evening sun go down

The drinks kept coming, the people kept laughing and having a good time, and the sun slowly sank behind the wall out back of The Chesterfield.

We’d started with a pretty big group that Friday night. We must have had about 20 people there at the peak of it. Everyone was enjoying themselves but as is usually the case on a Friday night, people had places to be. The numbers began to drop as some of the Everlong crew and all of Rene’s colleagues, including the not-so-creepy creepy guy, headed on their merry way.

That meant that Rene, who had now had 3 glasses of wine and was in no shape to drive, would be hanging out with us until she was either sober enough to drive, or decided to get a cab home instead.

Tonight, we feast!

By this point it was time to eat, and we were down to about 9 people. We headed over to the curry joint over the road who were always good at finding a way to fit us in. They squished a few tables together, shuffled some other diners around and managed to squeeze us in.

So there I am at the table with, among others, Tash, Angelica, and Rene. Each of these ladies had been showing me significant interest and I was just trying to keep cool in an unusual situation.

Out comes the food! It’s bloody great food there and everyone was chowing down and yapping it up. It was great!

I wish everyone would stop treating me like I’m Tim Everlong’s daughter

Rene was being quite friendly, and I, as usual, was trying not to reciprocate too much. She kept pointing out when I didn’t have a drink or if I was a bit reluctant to be too jokey with her or whatever, and I pointed out to her that it’s a risky thing for me to be getting too friendly with my boss’s daughter.

Rene looks at me with this frustrated, annoyed, half-defeated expression and says “I wish everyone would stop treating me like I’m Time Everlong’s daughter. Why can’t anyone just see me as my own person? Why can’t I just be Rene?”

It took me aback. I was surprised partly because Rene seemed to always be so associated with her family and I’d never noticed that it bothered her. It never occurred to me that anyone could be unhappy to be associated with a prominent family who are known for their charitable contributions and successful business ventures.

In the moment, though, I could see that it was a weight on her, so I decided I’d be a bit less guarded when dealing with her.

And then shit started to get weird…

Tash is sitting at the other end of the table, which made it difficult for us to talk directly. To remedy this, she starts messaging flirty things directly to my phone. Angelica, meanwhile is sitting across from me and has decided it’d be fun to start playing footsies with me under the table. And Rene is, of course, sitting right beside me and leaning into me, being very flirty and inappropriately touchy feely with me.

I admit that I was feeling pretty good about the fact that all three of these ladies were vying for my attention, but it’s not like I set up the situation to turn out that way. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I don’t like things to be complicated and I don’t like drama. Complicated usually means stressful, and I just don’t want stress in my life.

Anyway, all three girls were flirting with me and I was trying to figure out how to deal with the situation. Luckily, with a table of 9 people in a very busy restaurant there’s enough cross-talk that these shenanigans are going unheard by the other people at the table, which was a nice bonus, but it was still a very weird situation to be in.

It’s not like I was doing a good job of calming things down either. With Angelica being so friendly under the table and Rene being so friendly above it, and me with about 4 pints of beer in me and Rene demanding that I treat her like I’d treat anyone else, I was stupid enough to suggest Angelica and Rene should kiss. Angelica looked into it, and Rene half considered it but then laughed it off.

I think that’s pretty solid evidence that I was already not making the best decisions that night.

Tears in heaven

Just to add a bit more chaos to the mix, a little after the suggestion of a girl-girl kiss, I mentioned to Rene how highly I think of her sister, Laura. I praised how smart and sweet Laura is and said that I think her father must be so proud of her for running the office that I work at.

Rene suddenly starts crying, silently while looking at me.

I had absolutely no idea why there were tears running down her face from me complimenting her sister. I leaned in and asked her what’s going on and tried to make sure nobody else could see that she was crying. She tells me “It’s nothing. It’s OK. I’ll be fine. Please don’t worry about it.”

But she’d charged me with not letting her embarrass the family name, not to mention the fact that I liked her, so of course I was worried why she was crying. The last thing I wanted was to make her cry. Sure, I was being cheeky suggesting she kiss Angelica, but I genuinely cared about Rene. I didn’t want her to be upset, least of all because I said or did the wrong thing.

I didn’t see how complimenting Laura could possibly upset Rene but no matter how many times I asked Rene, she just kept telling me not to worry about it, so I stopped asking and tried to carry on with the night.

Karaoke dreaming

Everyone was finishing up with dinner and people were deciding what to do with the rest of their night. Rene had overcome what ever it was that had caused to her to cry. Angelica was still playing footsies with me under the table and Tash was still messaging me from the other end of the table and I was trying not to encourage any of them because, once Rene started crying, I was too worried about her to be very interested in flirting and playing around.

Then Rene sprang to life and told the entire table that she really wants to go do Karaoke and she wanted to know who would come with her. The response was not favourable. Everyone there was pretty happy to chill out with a few more drinks and then call it a night.

I didn’t want Rene driving or heading off by herself, and she’d just been crying too, so I told her I’d go with her. I was hoping that belting out some Karaoke might raise her spirits and she had charged me with keeping an eye on her. I won’t pretend I wasn’t keen to spend time with her alone, too, but that wasn’t the main reason I volunteered.

So Rene and I said our goodbyes and headed out of the restaurant.

Costume change

Having come straight from work, I still had my uniform on. My uniform only consisted of a polo shirt with the company name on it, but I thought it best to get out of that before heading into the city. I told Rene that we’d have to do a quick stop at my place so I could change, and then we’d be on our way. It’s a bit of a walk from that Restaurant to my shitty little apartment, so I asked Rene if she’d rather walk or catch a cab. She said something like “It’s a nice night, let’s walk and get some fresh air”.

That walk would normally take about 20 minutes if you’re stone cold sober, but we sure weren’t that night. It was pretty fun though. Rene seemed to be full of life again and we were laughing and playing around the whole way. She was comparing certain colleagues to certain cartoon characters and trying to show me on her iPad that they were twins.

It was really nice. I was finally getting to spend a bit of time with Rene away from everyone else and it seemed like whatever had made her cry had been and gone. I’ve had a few walks like that with girls. There’s just something about those occasions. There’s a tension in the air, but it’s a good tension. If you’ve experienced something like that, you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about.


I mentioned that the walk was taking longer than normal. A side effect of this was that Rene’s shoes had started to get uncomfortable and were hurting her feet. Rene spots an abandoned shopping trolly and asks me if I’ll push her in that.

“Seriously?” I asked her. “Yeah, come on! It’ll be fun!”

Like this, sans groceries

Like this, sans groceries

You know how challenging it is to control a shopping trolly at the supermarket on those perfectly flat floors? You know how you’re constantly battling that one wheel that’s just doing its own damned thing? You know how a trolly just doesn’t give a shit about where you want it to go, be it in a straight line or to change direction?

Yeah, well you should try it on footpaths and roads on hilly streets when the cargo is your boss’s daughter! It was a challenge to say the least!

Again though, it was heaps of fun. We were giggling like school kids. I guess part of it was knowing that we were doing something completely ridiculous that we absolutely shouldn’t have been doing. Another part of that giggling might have had something to do with the fact that we were also getting closer and closer to my place…

Next time

I’ll tell you all about what went down with my boss’s daughter in my shitty little apartment. Spoiler alert, we didn’t end up going to karaoke.

Crazy bitch tip: If you can’t walk in your “shoes” for 20 minutes without suffering significant pain, stop calling them shoes.


Why not?

19 Jan


Crazy bitch tip: the fact that someone isn’t trying to sleep with you doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you.

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