Origins #17

30 Jun

I’d sent through an sms to Rene suggesting that we talk about things in person rather than by text and was waiting for her response.

Luckily, I didn’t have to wait very long for a reply on that occasion. Rene replied within a few minutes. She said something like:

Yes. Let’s talk about it in person. I know you’re without a car at the moment, so how about we meet up in the city and talk it out over a coffee.

Sure, going to the city seemed weird considering Rene clearly knew I didn’t have a car and it would be just as easy for her to drive to my place or meet at a cafe nearby, but all things considered, I thought that was a decent outcome. We weren’t making it a huge deal, we were just going to talk it over and figure it out from there, plus, we’d be hanging out, so that was a win too.

On the flip-side, we were organizing a very, very strange first date.

awkward dateThat all happened Tuesday afternoon and we planned to meet up in the city at 7pm Wednesday for our chat.

Can you keep a secret?

If you recall, Rene made me promise not to tell anyone what we’d gotten up to. I had kept my promise. That meant that all of this was being done without anyone else knowing what was going on, or at least not on my side, I have no idea who Rene told or didn’t tell.

If I wasn’t sworn to secrecy I’d have found someone to talk to about how to handle the night ahead, but that wasn’t an option, so, I instead spent a lot of that Wednesday trying to not think about the situation. That was a challenge.

Trying not to overthink it and trying not to ignore it completely. Trying to come up with ways to give Rene an easy out if she really wasn’t into it and trying to come up with ways to figure out if she was just scared. Trying to figure out how to proceed given the two potential outcomes. All while trying not to think about it and trying to ignore the ridiculous workload I was dealing with at the time considering I was at work, y’know, at the company her father owned. A challenge indeed.

Honestly?

I don’t remember the exchange too well, but I know that between me finishing work and the time Rene and I were meant to meet, we had an sms back-and-forth which makes me cringe pretty severely.

I guess we were discussing exactly where to meet and somehow got onto other things. I know that I was trying to give Rene an easy out in case she was freaking out. The part of the conversation that I do remember and still makes me cringe, went something like this.

Don’t stress too much about tonight, I always thought you were way out of my league anyway.

I think that whole leagues thing is B.S.

Easy for you to say, you’re playing in the majors 😉

I mean, who does that, honestly?

honestlyYes, I used a smiley. Yes, I was effectively telling her I thought she was too good for me and that I wasn’t confident that she should be interested in me. Yes, I was doing a piss-poor job of attempting to lighten the mood and make things easier on us both by trying to make a joke. Yes, I still cringe at the slightest thought of that exchange. Hopefully writing it down gets it out of my head forever, ’cause yeeeeesh I’d like to forget that one.

To the city!

The time had come to head to the city, and public transport was going to be a pain in the arse, so I got a cab. That poor cabbie, he had no idea what was coming when I got in. He asked me where I was off to and out poured the whole story about how I hooked up with my boss’s daughter and how she seemed to be buggin’ out and how my boss had already made it very clear he was pissed about the whole thing and blah blah blah! Poor bloke! Clearly trying to keep that secret was proving a challenge and this anonymous stranger who couldn’t escape was at my blurting mercy. Don’t feel too bad for him, there was so much traffic that the 5 minute drive lasted half an hour, so he got some good cash out of it and he had a good laugh about the situation with me, or at least I think he did, I’m not entirely sure he spoke English.

Anyway, I was now dropped off in the city and wandering towards a coffee shop I’d never heard of even though there are about a thousand coffee shops within a few steps of my place. I was still trying to find the place when my phone started to ring, of course it was Rene.

Rene tells me that she’s stuck in traffic and it looks like there’s no hope of her getting a parking spot. The best course of action, Rene had decided, was for me to meet up with her at the Bell Tower, where she’d pick me up and we’d head off somewhere else for our coffee.

Look, at this point I figured as long as we get to have the conversation we needed to have, that’s good enough. Where, when and how, didn’t matter a whole lot. Good thing too, because the traffic was so bad that I’d be waiting at least half an hour for Rene to even get to the Bell Tower.

To The Bell Tower!

No worries. The Bell Tower isn’t too hard to get to from the middle of the city, so off I headed towards it, but even that would prove to be eventful. For starters, the footpaths were as busy as the roads, which meant even walking was slow-going. It turns out that when the city you live in is blocked up like a drain full of hair, you tend to see people you know.

As I walked down the main street towards the Bell Tower I heard someone yelling out my name. I discovered that the origin of the noise was my mate Chico, who was half hanging out of a car sitting in the jam-packed main street. Chico called me over and asked if I was “going to the show?”

I didn’t know what the hell he was talking about so Chico kindly explained that Powderfinger, my favourite band, who were doing their farewell tour around Australia, had put on two extra shows due to overwhelming demand, and that was why he, and several thousand other people, were in the city that night.

I knew Powderfinger were playing Friday, because I was going to that show, but this Wednesday night show was news to me. Chico asked what I was doing in the city that night. I fell into an impressively stupified ‘Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm’ and eventually explained that I couldn’t tell him. That, of course, only triggered more questions. I promised I’d explain at some point but that right now was not the time. He was still trying to get it out of me when the traffic finally started moving enough that he had to drive on.

But wait! That’s not all!

My phone starts to ring again. This time it’s my friend Becky. Becky had previously worked at Everlong, but had quit due to frustrations from having to work under Gus. Becky and I had gone out several times but it was always a weird “we’re not really going out” scenario because we worked at the same place, but since she’d quit we’d gotten a bit more familiar and would talk on the phone for ages and ages. There wasn’t anything particularly romantic between us at this point and we would talk to each other about all the details of our lives. For me, what was happening with Rene would be a prime conversation to have with her, but instead I had to pretend nothing was happening.

Becky naturally asked what I was up to and explained that it sounded like I was somewhere busy.

I was on the spot and had to come up with an explanation that made sense, so I told her I was down at the Chesterfield waiting for people to show up. How cunning, she wouldn’t even know I was in the city! It was genius! Except it wasn’t, because Becky proceeded to inform me that she was stuck in traffic in the middle of the city right near The Bell Tower.

So, now I’m busy on the phone with Becky, doing my best to not look like me, as I walk directly towards where I know she is. In the meantime, I have no idea how far away Rene is and I have to make sure she can recognise me if she’s there already. Rene of course can’t tell me where she is because she’s busy driving, Becky on the other hand has hands free and can talk as much as she wants… and I’m apparently only waiting for mates to show up at the Chesterfield, so I’ve obviously got time. I also can’t tell Becky that I’ve gotta get off the phone because people have arrived because anyone who would be meeting me at the Chesterfield would be someone Becky would know and she would always ask me to pass the phone to people she knew.

Man, I thought this would be bloody simple!

I don’t remember exactly how I made it to The Bell Tower without Becky seeing me. I seem to recall that she said something about having to focus on driving because her car was manual and that at least helped me get off the phone with her. Becky never had the best eye sight, so luckily enough, she didn’t spot me and I didn’t have to explain why I’d just flat out lied to her.

Finally

I finally made it to the Bell Tower parking area where I was supposed to wait for Rene. And there I waited. I don’t have a clue how long it took but it felt like an hour. Then in rolled Rene, in her fancy little BMW, looking somewhat flustered from the frustrations of traffic. I climbed into her car and off we went to continue one of the most confusing evenings of my life.

Next time…

Next time on how not to be a crazy bitch:

  • “Very smooth by the way”
  • Someone touches a bum
  • Someone nearly burps out a burger
  • Someone pulls a matrix-esque dodge
  • More mega cringey moments

Seeya then!

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One Response to “Origins #17”

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Origins #18 | how not to be a crazy bitch - 2015.07.01

    […] I was in Rene’s car and we were heading South, out of the gridlocked city. Traffic was slow exiting the city as well and that left us with plenty of awkward silences as Rene concentrated on weaving her way through the swathe of brake lights towards South Perth. […]

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