Origins #20

12 Jul

After breaking up with me, Rene had promptly decided that giving me a smack on the arse was the appropriate course of action to take. After I wrestled with her trying to kiss her, she’d told me, “Don’t make this hard.” and I, more confused than ever was now sitting in the passenger seat of her little BMW as we trundled back from our non-date.

I had thought the situation was pretty straight forward until Rene had smacked me on the arse. I had thought she was just not attracted to me anymore for whatever reason, and while I thought that was a shitty thing to deal with, it was something I’d seen happen before, and something I could deal with.

When Rene smacked me on the arse and giggled her head off while I wrestled with her to kiss her, I had gotten a very, very different impression. It appeared that Rene was still very much attracted to me, and that she might possibly have been genuine about the ‘bad timing’ stuff. I had of course thought that was all a bunch of bullshit she’d been spouting because she didn’t know how to tell me she wasn’t interested, but it seemed remotely plausible after the surprise smack on the arse.

Small talk: Take 1

Anyway, her little BMW rolled on as we both peered out at the nearly empty streets. Not wanting to “Make this hard” and also wanting to avoid the awkward silence we’d been sitting in for the past minute or two, I tried to find a benign topic to fill the time discussing.

You must have worked really hard to afford this car. It’s amazing. The leather seats, all the technology, you must have been very proud to have earned it.

Ah… actually… it’s a company car. I didn’t pay anything for it.

Rene looked somewhat embarrassed upon providing the details.

Strike 1! But that was an interesting thing to learn. I’d been under the impression that Rene had worked hard to afford that car. I had seen her working at Tim Everlong’s businesses so long that I assumed she had made good money and bought it for herself as a reward. That little fact lodged in my head in just the same way as watching Rene choose not to wait for the pedestrians earlier in the night.

Small talk: Take 2

Does Laura know where you are tonight?

God NO! She thinks I’m out with friends! I had to lie to her! I NEVER lie to her!

Special circumstances, I guess.

Y’know, she asked me about you…

What about?

She asked me what you looked like under your clothes. She asked “Is he really fit? Is he cut?”

This was a revelation to me. Learning that Laura had wondered how I look naked had put a massive smile on my face, conversely, it had also stressed me the fuck out! Laura wasn’t supposed to know that anything happened between Rene and I. The momentary glow of flattery was quickly overrun by concern about dealing with Laura’s knowledge of events.

What? Wait! Why would she ask…? Hang on! Did you tell her that we…

No, no, no, no, nothing like that! When she asked I said “How would I know?” and she let it go. I hate lying to her. I tell her EVERYTHING. It’s going to kill me to keep this from her. You can’t tell anyone. Please, don’t tell anyone about this, ok?

“Thank fuck for that”, I thought to myself. At least Laura didn’t know anything. At least that was something.

Of course, Laura. I promised, I won’t tell anyone, and I won’t.

Rene was upset. “Dammit, I just called her by her sister’s name, didn’t I?”, I realised.

Sorry. You know I know your name, Rene. You know I know who you are. I just slipped because we were just talking about Laura, that’s all. Nothing more than that.

We’ll have to find a new Flash developer

Jesus, what a night.

That’s ok, but don’t do it again or we’ll have to find a new Flash developer.

Rene laughed at her own “joke” and I did that stupid thing where you automatically laugh when someone else is laughing. Then I registered what Rene had actually just said.

Wait! What?!

I’m only joking! haha! Oh my God the look on your face was priceless!

Oh. Right. Good one.

I mumbled the words, far from impressed with Rene’s joke.

The scenario itself was stressful enough without adding the anguish of contemplating Rene turning on me and getting me fired, which apparently was an option available to her. I hadn’t really considered that possibility. I had been worried about her father or her sister being upset with me and firing me, but I hadn’t considered that Rene could say the word and have me removed. Great.

I felt like a blind man in a minefield. Rene noticed that I didn’t take the joke very well.

You’re really cute when you’re angry.

Whatever.

Oh, don’t be like that, I was joking. But you are really cute.

She looked at me like we hadn’t just been through some weird sort of break up barely 20 minutes earlier. She was looking at me like she was properly interested in me. I don’t know exactly how to explain it but I knew she was into me and I knew she wanted something to happen between me and her.

You’re beautiful.

Rene blushed. I reached over and put my hand on her thigh. Her brow raised in surprise.

Don’t. Don’t make this hard. We can’t.

Yeah, you’ve said that. You’ve said all of that, but I still get the vibe that we’re going to get together.

Rene looked me in the eye and gave me a confirming, flirtatious smile.

I know.

Nearly 5 years have passed and I still remember that smile like she’s right in front of me. It’s carved into my memory. I can’t forget it, no matter how much I want to. Rene’s smile amplified the words she’d spoken. That smile said, “You’re right, and we both know it.”

It made no damned sense to come so close and then just turn and walk away before we’d given it a shot, especially when there was no denying we were interested in each other. I didn’t know what the hell else there was to do and I figured if Rene would just let it into her head that I was genuinely interested, she might not be so resistant to the idea of us spending some time together.

You’re one of the most beautiful women I’ve ever met. You’re smart. You’re sexy. You’re not perfect, and you know it, and that only makes you more interesting. You’re an extraordinary person.

Yeah, I’m cringing pretty hard at that memory, but that’s what I said.

Rene had gone quiet. She was nearly crying again. She was shivering in her leather seat as she gripped tight onto that luxurious black leather steering wheel with its white stitching. She ushered out words as if she wanted to hold onto them at the same time as forcing them out.

That’s… the… That’s… the nicest… thing… anyone… has ever… said… to me.

I mean it, Rene.

Back to the bell tower

_belltower

This place, except, y’know, it was night time.

I’m not sure why we ended up back near the Bell Tower. It would have been shorter to go a different way. Whatever the reason, we were now traversing the same street on which I’d run into my friend Chico earlier that night. To my left was the venue at which Powderfinger, my favourite band, had played one of their last ever shows. A few stragglers were still milling around the mostly empty city streets.

The traffic light ahead had turned amber. Rene’s elegant and practical company car slowed to a stop as light turned red.

There was still music playing at the park to my left as the last of the punters wandered out. It had been annoying me that I hadn’t tried to kiss Rene when we were having our talk at the beach, even though I’d been overfull with that tasty burger. I was annoyed that it seemed like Rene wanted something to happen and was talking herself out of it.

Rene looked especially beautiful there in the wash of the orange and white street lights. She was looking straight at me, almost like she was daring me to do something. The words “Do it” rang out through my head. My internal monologue shouted, “IT’S NOW OR NEVER.”

I hadn’t yet decided to go but found I was already leaning in. I was going to kiss her, right there in front of the Bell Tower where this whole ridiculous evening had started.

Next time…

I’ll tell you how leaning in to kiss Rene played out.

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One Response to “Origins #20”

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Origins #21 | how not to be a crazy bitch - 2015.07.15

    […] After a very confusing night out with Rene in which she broke up with me but then conceded that it still seemed like we were going to get together. It had all built up to the moment that, while I sat in the passenger seat of her car on the way back, I was leaning in to kiss Rene. […]

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