Archive | September, 2015

But… butt… why the arsehole?

9 Sep

I know I’m getting older and I’m losing touch with what’s cool and what’s not, but…

Asshole tattooSeriously?

If someone come to me and said, “hey I want to make hundreds of tiny painful incisions in your poo chute and leave ink in those holes so that there’ll be a permanent design there”, the only chance they have of getting me to agree to it is by following that up with, “and I’m going to pay you $1,000,000 if you let me do it.” And even then I’m not sure I’d go for it. If I did, I would do so begrudgingly and be keeping it very, very quiet.

So it makes it difficult for me to understand that the girl in that picture went to that tattooist and told him, she’d pay him to do that to her. I actually feel bad for the tattooist because that’s gotta be one of the shittiest jobs he’s ever had to undertake.

And you’ve gotta wonder why anyone would want a tattoo on their clacker. Even if you’re an exhibitionist, it’s not exactly an easy location to see. Frankly, the whole thing is outside of the realm of logic for me, and I’m sure I’m not alone in thinking it’s just a bit too out there to be anything less than cookoo mcgoos.

Hey, at least it’s unique

Y’know, it’s amazing how far people will go to be unique. The Guiness Book of World Records is testament to that. Maybe the woman in the picture above thought she was going to be unique because of her tattooed brown eye. Maybe that was part of why she decided to get it done.

I hope not, because…

and also…


It’s your body, you own it. You can do whatever you want with it. It’s just that some things might seem like a good idea at the time but turn out to be horrible choices down the line. Think about it. As weird as it would be going through the process of getting a tattoo on your rectum, at least tatooists are generally used to weird shit, but if (when) you change your mind and decide to get it removed, you’re going to have to explain to someone that you thought getting an anus tattoo was a great idea back in the day but you’ve changed your mind now and you’d really like lasers shot directly at your bunghole to get rid of it.

It’s your right to make bad choices and trust me, I’ve made a fuckload of them myself, but I’ve never gotten a goddamned butthole tattoo because everyone knows that’s a fucking crazy thing to do.

Crazy bitch tip: You really, really, really, really realllllllllllllllllllly don’t need a tattoo on your arsehole.

When driving, do not get out of your car and watch it roll into oncoming traffic

6 Sep

Sometimes it doesn’t matter what the explanation is. The how and why become irrelevant when the potential outcome of your behaviour is so severe. Here’s one such situation:

Yep. She slammed on her brakes in the middle of traffic, then hopped out of the car and casually walked away as the car she had just been driving propelled itself directly into oncoming traffic.

It is obvious to anyone who watches the video that the woman who was driving the car and then abandoned it put lives at risk. The initial heavy breaking very nearly caused a nose to tail accident, which often results in a concertina effect where several vehicles collide as a result of the initial accident/accident avoidance. That’s bad enough, but then the uncontrolled vehicle heads straight into oncoming traffic and collides with an SUV. Considering how ridiculously dangerous that situation was, one bent car is an extraordinarily good outcome.

That car could have hit a pedestrian, bicyclist, motorcyclist, or tagged an oncoming car in the wrong spot and killed someone.

Maybe she thought it was autonomous google car and it’d be alright on its own. Maybe she was having a rough day. Maybe she’d just had a huge fight with a loved one, or her newborn had died that morning, or she was just told she has cancer, or… the worst possible thing you can come up with in your head to make this a remotely conceivable situation to be in.  It doesn’t fucking matter what she was going through. There is no excuse.

Anyway, I think it’s a safe bet to assume that anyone who saw this happen had a pretty loud version of “what a crazy bitch!” run through their heads.

Crazy bitch tip: consider the impact of your actions on other people.

Pregnancies are non-transferable

3 Sep


No condom

There’s a rule that guys are taught… “Don’t put your dick in crazy.” This is one of the prime examples of where that rule would come into play. See, this crazy bitch isn’t concerned with the guy’s STD status, or her own relationship status, or the potential pregnancy that could arise. Nope, she’s got it all planned out. Except that her plan is fucking crazy.

There’s just sooooooooo many things wrong with this scenario. I’ll try to outline just a few of the flaws.

  1. It’s not really a great choice to have unprotected sex with strangers
  2. It’s not really a great choice to have unprotected sex with strangers when you aren’t on birth control
  3. It’s pretty shitty to have sex with strangers when you have a boyfriend
  4. If you are going to knowingly risk getting pregnant from having unprotected sex with a stranger while cheating on your boyfriend, it’s a fucking terrible idea to plan to tell your boyfriend it’s his child.
  5. If you think any of this is alright, you’re going to have to accept that the rest of the world will think of you as a crazy bitch.

Crazy bitch tip: If you want to fuck strangers and risk getting pregnant to them, break things off with your boyfriend first.

Tip for guys interacting with crazy bitches: Sex one time is not worth a lifetime of association with a horrible person.

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