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Belle Gibson’s interview

5 Jul

This whole thing skeeves me out. I can’t stand the obvious lies being spouted from Ms Gibson but the production and behaviour by the 60 minutes program is just as ridiculous.

You can decide for yourself how much of Belle’s elaborate story you believe, but keep an eye out for the points in the interview when the footage stops, they zoom in and then make the picture all red, somewhat implying that Belle = Satan. That pisses me off because 60 minutes used to be a show with journalistic integrity, but since Fox got its hands on things, it’s turned into a biased, tabloid styled bullshit that no longer has anything to do with genuine journalism.

Any sensible person can see through Belle’s bullshit without all the additional fanfare. Anyway, check out the interview and see what you think of this double sided farce.

Crazy bitch tip: If your lies are discovered and everyone hates you, trying to lie your way out of it is not going to work.

Help

11 Sep

If you’re going through a tough time follow this link, you can always come back to this article later.

I started this site as a joke. I had the weirdest run with women for a few years there. No matter where I turned or if I was looking for a girl or not, I had crazy coming at me from all directions. The only good thing about that situation is that I got a bunch of funny/weird/creepy stories out of it. What better place to unleash those stories than on a website called How Not To Be A Crazy Bitch? I thought it’d be fun trying to turn the stories into something other women could learn from, and that’d also help reduce the hate that I suspected would be directed at me for daring to call any woman a crazy bitch.

Even though it started as a joke, this site is actually doing fairly well. I’m getting far more visitors than I’d ever have imagined when I started and it’s been a lot of fun so far. Making the animations was really fun and I’ve got a few other things up my sleeve that I think will get some laughs too.

One of the interesting things about running a website is seeing what lead people to the site. I’ll see the search terms that got viewers to the site and sometimes they’re just hilarious, for instance:

  • “how to not br s bitch”
  • “why men dont like crazy bitches”
  • “porno crazy one in the world”
  • “crazy bitch chicken -“
  • “how to bind shoes’s less”
  • “he in the friend zone he told her that he love her now she treat him like a brother he in the friend zone”

But those are one off, random searches. The most common search terms all seem to be about the same thing:

There's a trend here...

There’s a trend here…

Aside from the odd search for curvy girls and Janeane Garofalo’s butt, there actually seems to be a lot of people out there looking for real help. When I put this site together as a joke I just didn’t see that coming! So, now that I’m getting more and more visitors, I’ve decided to offer something useful for those people genuinely looking for help.

There’s now a Help page available in the main menu. The Help page includes links to resources intended specifically for people who are going through difficult times, need to talk, or need information on mental health issues. If you know of any resources that would benefit people going through a difficult time, particularly with mental health issues, please send the links through so I can add them to the Help page.

I post silly shit about women who should know better doing things they shouldn’t be doing and I don’t know if it’s obvious, but I specifically avoid posting anything about women with legit mental health issues. If you’ve ever known anyone with real mental health issues, you know that it can be torture for them and for the people around them and I would never want to add to that. If you’re going through anything of that nature, seek out the resources that are out there to help you, and take care of yourselves because I like having you around.

Crazy bitch tip: If you’re having a rough time, there are resources out there to help.

Follow

18 May

So I was checking that our twitter was up and running properly. Y’know, checking our fancy-pants logo was on there and that the updates were going through when we add a new post on this site. While I was at it, I updated the url to the now iconic hownottobeacrazybitch.com. All in all, I was pretty happy with how things were looking.

But then I noticed something…

How not to be a crazy bitch - on twitter

Follows you. Everywhere.

The @hownottobeacb FOLLOWS YOU bit struck me as, well, honestly, kinda stalkerish. I guess it fits part of the ongoing motif of this website though, specifically that the silly and unreasonable shit you do can, will, and does, follow you. We have no plans to stalk you. I’ve always wondered about how people can be a stalker. Think about the time and energy it takes to stalk someone. I can barely keep up with what I’m doing, let alone bother to keep an eye on what someone else is up to all day every day.

This all leads nicely to some advice that I’d like to share with you.

Crazy bitch tip of the day: Never do anything like this >

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In the interest of equality

11 May

Inequality between the sexes is a big deal. Even in 2014 women still get paid less than men, though at least the gap is decreasing. There are many other instances in which the fairer sex gets the unfair end of things. Given that I run a website entitled How Not To Be A Crazy Bitch, you might suspect me to be the sort of guy that thinks that there is women’s work and men’s work and all that rubbish but I’m actually 100% in favour of equality. I complain here about crazy bitches and I give examples of just how impressively crazy and bitchy some women can be but that doesn’t mean I don’t think there are plenty of other women out there who are awesome, quite the opposite.

I think my experiences with crazy bitches have actually reinforced my mindset that a lot of this behaviour is the result of another form of inequality, that being that society is far too quick to dismiss overly emotional and dramatic behaviour if that behaviour is coming from someone with ovaries when the same behaviour portrayed by someone with testicles would be handled very differently. In my opinion this is actually damaging to women and their efforts towards being seen as equals by everyone, everywhere.

In recent years I’ve worked in offices where there were more women than men. That’s fine, no worries there. What wasn’t fine was all the bitching that went on and how quickly work meetings would turn into hours long conversation about the attendees family lives, children, pets and even recipes, cooking and housework. Sometimes I thought I was trapped in a sit-com full of exaggerated stereotypes. The unnecessary drama and conniving was beyond belief.

As I mentioned, I think women are equal to men and I’m well aware that there are plenty of men letting down the male side too but I really honestly think that women will only be considered truly equal to me when the same expectations are placed on them. In most places I’ve worked I might see someone cry once a year. In the place where I was the only guy, it was more like once a week. I’m not belittling the fact that people get emotional, I’m just saying that stuff is not acceptable for the workplace.

It’s not just workplaces where these inequalities are accepted. When I was single, I paid for plenty of dinners. I was expected to make all the decisions and make all the moves. I was expected to be some sort of magician capable of figuring out if a girl was actually interested in me, or if she just liked a nice free meal, or if she just wanted to be friends, or if she was way too interested. I was supposed to know that when I leaned in for a kiss and that the girl gave me the cheek, that she was actually really into me but that she was scared of getting into something. I was also supposed to know that even though I landed the kiss with another girl and she kissed me back and then told me to call her, that she was not interested in me.

I call bullshit. I call bullshit on the whole thing. I’m telling you, ladies, stop excusing yourselves and each other for the behaviours that men turn into stereotypes and label you with. You are capable of everything men are, so don’t let yourselves down and fall into the trap of being bitchy at your coworkers, or focusing on “women things” at work. Don’t let yourselves be flighty and don’t let your emotions stop you doing the right thing. Every time you accept things like this from yourselves and your female friends, you’re providing examples that the morons amongst us who think you’re only good for cooking, cleaning and making babies.

Even though I don’t think this diatribe will be well received, I believe in equality enough to say it.

And on the subject of equality, I’ve decided that I don’t like being so uneven in my subject matter. This site is so heavy with content about crazy bitches that I decided there needs to be an equivalent for men too. I’ve called it How Not To Be A Massive Douche, it’s over at hownottobeamassivedouche.com. It’s pretty light on content at the moment but I’m going to start loading it up, so if you have anything you think should be posted there, let me know in the comments.Don’t worry, rule number 1 for How Not To Be A Massive Douche will very likely be “Do not create a website called How Not To Be a Crazy Bitch”.

Vajazzling

21 Apr

I admit it. I have been in love with a woman my entire life and I’ve only just discovered that she is displaying symptoms of Crazy Bitch Syndrome. This distresses me to no end. I remember the first time I saw her, how she looked so innocent, so beautiful, so untainted and it’s all going to waste. She’s been bitten by the crazy bug and I fear there’s no coming back.

What a damned shame!

Jennifer Love Hewitt I remember watching her laugh and play. I remember watching her talk to ghosts. I remember watching her scam men out of money and fight with her mother. I especially remember watching her run screaming from a hook wielding maniac fisherman. But those fond memories are over for me now that I’ve discovered what I should have realised years ago.

 

 

 

 

She’s kinda nuts. I should have mentioned her name, it’s Jennifer Love Hewitt. I think I’m still in love with her but, sadly, it does seem she’s somewhat insane.

article-0-0EDE751800000578-893_468x537 The reason I suspect she’s become a crazy bitch is, she’s one the most attractive woman on the planet, and yet she doesn’t think that’s enough to attract a man. And thus, Jennifer Love Hewitt of all people, was the trigger for a trend known as Vajazzling.


What the fuck is vajazzling, you ask? I just… don’t know how to word it. Hopefully this helps:

The fun part of being a girl is that there are little beauty things you can do to make yourself feel special. I can walk around all day and think, Nobody has any idea that I have a sparkly secret in my pants right now.
– Jennifer Love Hewitt

 

Has the whole world gone insane? How does this stunning woman…

url

become convinced that she needs something extra to get men to want to go near her vagina? And because Jen here is into it, there’s a whole swarm of other women throwing hard earned money at the task of putting sparkles right in the way of fun sexy times! You know what I do not want between me and the woman I want to get down to some fun bedroom antics with with? Tiny expensive rocks!!

I know, I know, women don’t do this for men, they do it to make themselves feel special. The thing is, there are things that make you feel special, that make us think you’re crazy. I’m sorry. It’s inconvenient but it’s true.

Whatever. Maybe I’m just acting out because of the heartbreak. I guess there were plenty of signs along the way and y’know, ‘Love’ and I lost touch about the time I stopped watching movies that target teenagers. But still, it’s just such a shame. She was one of the good ones.

Crazy bitch tip: If the entire planet tells you you’re gorgeous, listen to them and don’t worry about adding or changing anything.

Update

Further evidence indicating my former love’s drift toward the realm of Crazy Bitchtopia has been discovered.

That’s one hell of a story there about holding up the board with declarations of love on it. Yowch.

I also discovered that my dearest Jen was involved with this guy…

Does she not have a mirror? Did nobody mention to her that she was named the sexiest woman on TV in 2008? Nothing against this dude, I mean, talking about punching above your weight! but surely nobody really saw this pairing as ‘correct’.

Ah, whatever. Apparently I cannot escape this stupid, illogical, nonsensical world we live in, so I guess I should shut up and let you all get back to vajazzling your brains out, ya crazy bitches.

Self-evaluation

29 Mar

Today we will continue from the previous post about what is, and is not, appropriate and extend a little further into making sure to evaluate the decisions you are making before you go through with them.

Let’s start with a clear and simple distinction you can make to simplify your decision making: you will be judged based on your actions, not on your thoughts. Take a minute and consider that separation.

What I’m getting at here, is that you can think about whatever you want. You can calculate, plan, and ponder to your heart’s content and get away with it. And just quietly, everybody does. Every person on the face of the earth thinks the occasional dodgy thought. Personally, I tend to think about how I’d approach getting away with “the perfect crime”, but that’s all it is, thinking. Maybe I’ll turn that thinking into a movie script one day but you can be damned sure I won’t actually go out and try to commit the crime because… well… that’d be stupid and kinda crazy.

Like I mentioned, it’s your actions that will be judged. Your actions. You might not have control over the thoughts that run through your head but you can control how you behave in response to those thoughts. Let me present an example of someone who had a thought and just kinda ran with it…

This is a woman who was faced with a problem, that being that she was unhappy in her relationship, and came up with a potential solution, which was to have him killed by a hitman and to pay for it using the life insurance she would receive upon her husband’s death. Sure, that’s one way to go about it but there are a few less life-ending options. Here are a few I’ve come up with:

  • Tell your husband you’re unhappy and want a divorce
  • Tell someone else to tell your husband you’re unhappy and want a divorce
  • Write a letter to your husband to tell him you’re unhappy and want a divorce
  • File for a divorce and send him the papers
  • Leave without telling him

The woman in the video clearly ranks as a crazy bitch but she’s well and truly above what we usually talk about here. This is sociopath, psychotic level, proper clinical crazy. This is off the charts, holy crap, how-can-she-talk-about-murdering-her-husband-and-laugh-at-the-same-time? crazy.

The thing is, the same principles still apply. If this vapid capsule or self-centered, self-gratifying, pure evil, soulless, demon-woman had just stopped and considered her line of thinking, and thrown in a bit of self-evaluation, she might never have become known as that fucking monster who giggled as she attempted to pay a murderer to end the life of a man she vowed to love forever, and all because she thought a divorce would be a hassle.

As scary as it might be, had she just stopped herself from acting on her thoughts, nobody would know that this creature was lurking amongst us. The only positive is that she went about it all in such a stupid way that she got caught and is going to be away from the rest of us all for a very long time.

Crazy bitch tip: When considering potential decisions, always give preference to options that do not involve murder. Please?

If you want to get a good night’s sleep you, probably best not think about the fact that there are people out there deciding that it’s better to have their husband murdered outside of the family home because, y’know, they don’t want to frighten off the friend they want to move in with them after the hit. omfg indeed.

 

UPDATE!

I’ve just found a video of the same woman speaking to the judge at her sentencing. Check it out…

The little smiles that slip through onto her face between the crocodile tears and puppy dog eyes terrified me but what terrified me more was the fact that her husband also plead for leniency from the judge on her behalf.

A tip for the guys: If your wife makes efforts towards having you killed, stay away from her and don’t listen to her lies.

Holy mother of crap are there some impressively crazy people out in the world.

It’s official!

5 Mar

We’re now officially hownottobeacrazybitch.com. It might not seem like big news to the rest of you, but we’re pretty excited about it!

And just in case it annoyed you to get this crazy-bitch free update, don’t fret. There’s a new post coming very soon and we think you’ll get a few laughs out of it.

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