Archive | Video RSS feed for this section

The Queen of Queef

11 Aug

I’m not saying she’s a crazy bitch but chances are a lot of other people would think so…

Then again, if your life’s goal involves a queefs scoreboard and a microphone pressed against your birth canal, who am I to judge? Just be aware that you might not be as revered as you hope.

Crazy bitch tip: Dedication to a skill is generally a good thing, but be sure that skill is useful.

 

Who should pay on a date?

19 Jun

The question “Who should pay on a date?” comes up often. I listen to a few podcasts from New York and I hear a lot of the female guests talking about how they’ll go out on dates with guys they have no interest in whatsoever just to get a free meal and some drinks. That’s some stupid shit right there. Not to say that you shouldn’t let someone pay for your night out but don’t let that be the only reason you’re going out with them.

To trade your time for ‘treats’ is pretty gross. A lot of the women I’ve heard telling these stories later explain that they hook up with the guys as a sort of trade-off, sometimes even going to the extent of sleeping with them. One of these girls started her story off by saying how creepy and gross and old the guy who took her out was, and how she only went out with him because he offered to take her to a really ritzy restaurant; but by the end of the story she’s back at his place giving him head! She had absolutely no interest in the guy and  no intention of seeing him again, but then he offered to take her to another nice restaurant and, what do you know… she agreed!

That’s! fucking! crazy!

I’m not a fan of the “how to attract/catch/get/trap/capture/cage-up the [person] of your dreams” things, but I saw this particular explanation come up on Reddit about who should pay on dates, and I think the point this bloke makes is excellent.

“Treat the guy you’re interested in as well as you’d treat your best friend.” Now that’s some damned good advice, right there.

And how’s that chick’s form? “I’ve been seeing a guy for 5 months and he’s starting to suggest that I contribute to the cost of dinner when we go out!” Yeah, NO SHIT! because it’s fucking mental that you’ve been involved with someone for 5 months and haven’t paid for a single dinner!

Holy mother of crap! I cannot understand where people get these ideas from. Even if you’re going out with a billionaire you should still buy a round of drinks or whatever from time to time. It’s just courtesy!

So who pays on a date? The human beings that consumed the meal. If someone offers to cover the whole bill themselves you should at least offer to cover your share anyway, and if they refuse you should appreciate the fact that someone was so happy to spend time with you that they willingly paid their hard-earned money to treat you to a meal.

Crazy bitch tip: At least offer to pay your share.

Musical Madness (Rachel Bloom seems pretty cool)

6 Apr

I’m not familiar with the show these videos are from, and to be honest, I only found out about any of this because I saw some big boobs bouncing around on my feed and that was enough to catch the caveman part of my brain and triggered further investigation.

I don’t think that’s entirely my fault. Anyways, I figured anything from a show called ‘Crazy Ex Girlfriend‘ is probably gonna have some content that suits this site. Turns out I was right.

Strangely enough, I don’t think Rachel Bloom is a crazy bitch, I think she’s just using satire to get her point across. I’m a huge fan of that approach, so she actually seems pretty awesome to me.

Yeah, ok, that’s a bit nuts but she is living proof that acting like a crazy bitch is not a permanent thing, that people can choose not to be crazy bitches.

I’m not sure if I’m supposed to masturbate angrily after watching that one or not, but I guess I’m gonna have to check out her show now.

Crazy bitch tip: if you ever catch yourself lying in your diary, it’s probably time to talk to someone about what’s going on in your life.

 

Bonus Video:

Do not try to blackmail famous athletes

23 Feb

Crazy bitch tip: Don’t try to blackmail people, it’s a shitty thing to do. Also, sometimes it backfires and you come off looking like a complete moron and a crazy bitch.

In Australia we have dropbears, in Orange County they have…

17 Feb

So… there’s a girl in her underwear in a tree, and a lady pulls up in her car to ask her if everything’s ok. That’s an odd enough beginning, but then things get even more strange…

So we start out with one person at very high risk of being considered a crazy bitch by passers-by, but it could be argued that the crazy bitch count doubles when the driver starts screaming “whore” at the random stranger in the tree.

In fairness to the driver, she clearly started out with good intentions and was taken aback by being called a ‘fat bitch’. That doesn’t alter the fact that she was then driven to scream whore at a half naked stranger in a tree, which, let’s face it, is a pretty out of the ordinary thing for a person to be doing.

Honestly, I feel bad for that girl in the tree because There’s a strong possibility she was having an adverse reaction to drugs, but however she ended up there, I hope she has learned a lesson from this experience and is making efforts to avoid similar scenarios in the future. Hopefully she finds a way to utilize her quick, roasting wit to her advantage and end up an insult comic.

Crazy bitch tip #1: If you climb trees in your underwear and abuse passing motorists, people are going to call you a crazy bitch.

Crazy bitch tip #2: If you scream whore repeatedly out the window of your car, people will call you a crazy bitch, even if you started out with good intentions.

A punch to the face is not a “love-tap”

3 Feb

First off, a punch to the face is not a love-tap. This girl is ridiculous and unbelievably irresponsible. I think she is just saying it for the attention it brings, and I can’t decide if that’s better or worse than her actually believing it.

Crazy bitch tip: If anyone hits you, they don’t know how to love you. Get the fuck away from them.

Motherly love

4 Jan

I have a huge affinity for the mothers of the world. The older I get the more I realise just how challenging an undertaking it is to raise a child and just how much hard work and sacrifice goes into it. To the billions of mothers of the world who have put their children’s needs and wants ahead of their own, I salute you and I hope your children show their gratitude to you for everything you have done and will do for them.

A tattoo with the word "Mom" in a love heart

With that said, there are a few mothers out there who are really letting the rest of the team down. I’m not talking about the mother’s who didn’t know the right thing to say when their child was upset, or couldn’t find a way to afford that special item the kid was dreaming of having, or the ones who had no choice but to end the relationship with their child’s father and unfortunately had to put the kid through a tough time in the process. No, those are parts of life. As difficult as those things might be, they’re not malicious acts.

bad

Unacceptable

The mothers who are letting everyone else down are those who refuse to accept the responsibilities of being a parent. That’s some real bullshit right there. Your kid has only got one mother and it’s impossible to overstate how important that mother is to her child. To not at least try to do the best for your child is unconscionable. Aside from the very, very small percentage of women who are genuinely forced into being a mother without any choice in the matter, the rest either chose to have a child or at least chose to ignore the steps that go into avoiding having a child.

Once the kid is born, you’ve got one responsibility before all else: to ensure that child gets the best life you can possibly provide him/her/other-politically-correct-alternate-gender-title. If it’s not in you to devote yourself to that child it’s better to put them up for adoption and allow someone else to show that child the love they’ll need.

To not give your kid your all is pretty shitty, but the sad thing is, there are mothers out there who are doing an even worse job than that. There are mothers out there who actually intentionally mistreat their children. If ever there’s someone who deserves the title of crazy bitch, it’s a mother who knowingly harms her child.

Here are a few examples not to follow if you’re fortunate enough to get the opportunity to be a mother:

I didn’t know it was possible to fit the word whore so many times into an 11 minute conversation with your son.

Crazy bitch tip: It’s never ok to wear a white dress to a wedding, least of all to your daughters. Also, when your children are telling you that you’ve hurt them over and over, acknowledgement and an apology is a better starting point than trying to convince them that they’re wrong.

Apparently she “didn’t mean to do that one”.

Crazy bitch tip: You should be mortified if you cause your child to fall and smash their head onto the ground, and if you’re not it’s time to speak to a psychologist about why.

This one is so hard to watch.

Crazy bitch tip: Discipline and torture are not the same thing. If your child is shrieking like an animal from the physical or emotional pain you’re inflicting upon them, you’re doing it wrong.

Crazy bitch tip: if even your dog can tell that you’re doing the wrong thing, it’s time to adjust your approach.

Crazy bitch tip: it is more important to feed your child than have access to the internet.

Crazy bitch tip: not everyone is meant to breed.

The truly revolting

Crazy bitch tip: you’re supposed to fucking protect your children from predators, not invite them into your home.

Crazy bitch tip: if your boyfriend wants to fuck your children, get the fuck away from him!

Crazy bitch tip: do not pimp out your own goddamned child!

Crazy bitch tip: do not pimp out your own goddamned handicapped child! For Fuck’s sake!!!!!!!!!

 

%d bloggers like this: