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If you can’t handle…

12 Nov If you can't handle a feisty woman throwing glassware at your head without hitting her, then maybe you're not the man you think you are

There’s a popular quote attributed to Marilyn Monroe, which reads:

I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and am at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, you sure as hell don't deserve me at  my best - Marilyn Monroe

The quote has become abbreviated to “If you can’t handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my best” and that shortened version has become part of common parlance in most English speaking places. This version is typically assumed to be understood as

“I’m not perfect, but if you can’t get past that, you’ll miss out on what makes me great.”

and I reckon that’s a fair and reasonable sentiment to express.

Warping the message

The problem is, that’s doesn’t seem to be what the people who are using this quote actually mean. So what message are the people who utter this quote actually trying to get across? My interpretation is that, usually, they’re saying:

“It’s not my fault if you can’t put up with how inappropriately I sometimes act. Get used to it or go away.”

That sentiment is not so reasonable to me.

Clearly, whoever put this eCard together is taking a different meaning as well:

What she really means is "I'm a fucking psycho"

The way I see it, everyone has their issues. Some more than others, and often that’s completely out of people’s control. There’s nothing wrong with having issues but there is a big problem when you choose to allow yourself to act inappropriately because of them.

Snap back to reality

I prefer this take on Marilyn’s quote:

If you can't handle me at my worst, I don't blame  you, because that shit is ridiculous.

At least it’s self-aware.

Woah, woah, woah!

But as I mentioned, there are many people making use of this quote to excuse themselves for their shitty behaviour. How’s this one?

If you can't handle a feisty woman throwing glassware at your head without hitting her, then maybe you're not the man you think you are

As I always say, a man should never hit a woman, but also, a woman should never hit a man, or throw glassware at his head. I think we all agree that the man referenced in the quote shouldn’t hit the woman, but the question that comes to mind is… why the fuck was she throwing glassware at his head? Moreover, how the fuck has she convinced herself that the glassware throwing aspect of this scenario is not at least a part of the problem?

Your thoughts, Fresh Prince?

In the words of the great thinker, The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air:

handle you? you're not an animal!

You’re being sexist!

In an effort to avoid being too male-centric with my thinking, here’s what Cate Gary has to say on the matter.

cate-quote

Cate makes some damned good points.

Firstly, just because you have good points, that doesn’t necessarily outweigh your bad points. Your bad points may be so horrible that you couldn’t justify them even if you were busy curing cancer the rest of the time. There are limits! I’m sure Hitler had some good points too, but they didn’t tally up against his whole “trying to exterminate entire races” thing, now did they?

Secondly, Marilyn was unbelievably sexy, but that’s pretty much all you ever hear about her. We don’t reflect on Marylin Monroe as a great mind of our time. In fact, you could argue that she is the original bimbo. While sex appeal has its own value, let’s face it… it’s 90% inherited through genetics. The reason we’ve all heard of her and seen pictures of her is because she had a fantastic body and a beautiful face, and she knew how to move in a seductive manner. No doubt she worked hard to keep her figure and to star in enough films to get her name so well known, but if she wasn’t blessed with her good looks I don’t think we would ever have heard of her.

In her own words

Check out this interview with Marilyn Monroe and make up your own mind.

So there’s not a lot about Marilyn that suggests that she’s a great role model for success. As Cate Gary mentioned above, it’s rather the opposite. No matter how you look at it, she had access to everything a person could want, but she wasn’t around long enough to enjoy it.

Here’s what she had to say when asked if she was happy:

“I’m genuinely miserable” – Marilyn Monroe.

Now, I don’t want to bag out Marilyn Monroe here, because the more footage of her I watch, the closer I get to falling in love with this long gone starlet, but it’s certainly clear that she wasn’t happy, especially at the end of her life, and that she would have preferred to be in a different situation. Perhaps, if she had addressed some of her self-confessed bad points, and not relied on people being willing to handle her, things might have ended differently.

Back to that quote

You don’t have to be at your best all the time, and it is fair to expect those who care about you to be understanding of your flaws and how you act when things get too much, but don’t go getting confused into thinking that they should put up with whatever you want to throw at them because you’re just so friggin amazing on your good days.

You have a responsibility to handle yourself and to remember that the people who love you shouldn’t have to put up with you treating them like shit just because that’s what you feel like doing at that moment in time. Instead of throwing glassware at your significant other, speak to a psychiatrist about why you get so worked up that you even want to throw glassware at your significant other!

Remember, even Marilyn Monroe ran into guys who wouldn’t put up with her shit.

Crazy bitch tip: Learn to handle yourself before you go expecting anyone else to put up with your bullshit.

Side note

The life of Marilyn Monroe is very interesting, and ultimately, a sad reminder that things aren’t always beautiful for the beautiful people. Check out this film about who miss Norma Jeane really was underneath.

What a shame to lose such an interesting person just because she had such a hot body.

But… butt… why the arsehole?

9 Sep

I know I’m getting older and I’m losing touch with what’s cool and what’s not, but…

Asshole tattooSeriously?

If someone come to me and said, “hey I want to make hundreds of tiny painful incisions in your poo chute and leave ink in those holes so that there’ll be a permanent design there”, the only chance they have of getting me to agree to it is by following that up with, “and I’m going to pay you $1,000,000 if you let me do it.” And even then I’m not sure I’d go for it. If I did, I would do so begrudgingly and be keeping it very, very quiet.

So it makes it difficult for me to understand that the girl in that picture went to that tattooist and told him, she’d pay him to do that to her. I actually feel bad for the tattooist because that’s gotta be one of the shittiest jobs he’s ever had to undertake.

And you’ve gotta wonder why anyone would want a tattoo on their clacker. Even if you’re an exhibitionist, it’s not exactly an easy location to see. Frankly, the whole thing is outside of the realm of logic for me, and I’m sure I’m not alone in thinking it’s just a bit too out there to be anything less than cookoo mcgoos.

Hey, at least it’s unique

Y’know, it’s amazing how far people will go to be unique. The Guiness Book of World Records is testament to that. Maybe the woman in the picture above thought she was going to be unique because of her tattooed brown eye. Maybe that was part of why she decided to get it done.

I hope not, because…

and also…

So…

It’s your body, you own it. You can do whatever you want with it. It’s just that some things might seem like a good idea at the time but turn out to be horrible choices down the line. Think about it. As weird as it would be going through the process of getting a tattoo on your rectum, at least tatooists are generally used to weird shit, but if (when) you change your mind and decide to get it removed, you’re going to have to explain to someone that you thought getting an anus tattoo was a great idea back in the day but you’ve changed your mind now and you’d really like lasers shot directly at your bunghole to get rid of it.

It’s your right to make bad choices and trust me, I’ve made a fuckload of them myself, but I’ve never gotten a goddamned butthole tattoo because everyone knows that’s a fucking crazy thing to do.

Crazy bitch tip: You really, really, really, really realllllllllllllllllllly don’t need a tattoo on your arsehole.

When driving, do not get out of your car and watch it roll into oncoming traffic

6 Sep

Sometimes it doesn’t matter what the explanation is. The how and why become irrelevant when the potential outcome of your behaviour is so severe. Here’s one such situation:

Yep. She slammed on her brakes in the middle of traffic, then hopped out of the car and casually walked away as the car she had just been driving propelled itself directly into oncoming traffic.

It is obvious to anyone who watches the video that the woman who was driving the car and then abandoned it put lives at risk. The initial heavy breaking very nearly caused a nose to tail accident, which often results in a concertina effect where several vehicles collide as a result of the initial accident/accident avoidance. That’s bad enough, but then the uncontrolled vehicle heads straight into oncoming traffic and collides with an SUV. Considering how ridiculously dangerous that situation was, one bent car is an extraordinarily good outcome.

That car could have hit a pedestrian, bicyclist, motorcyclist, or tagged an oncoming car in the wrong spot and killed someone.

Maybe she thought it was autonomous google car and it’d be alright on its own. Maybe she was having a rough day. Maybe she’d just had a huge fight with a loved one, or her newborn had died that morning, or she was just told she has cancer, or… the worst possible thing you can come up with in your head to make this a remotely conceivable situation to be in.  It doesn’t fucking matter what she was going through. There is no excuse.

Anyway, I think it’s a safe bet to assume that anyone who saw this happen had a pretty loud version of “what a crazy bitch!” run through their heads.

Crazy bitch tip: consider the impact of your actions on other people.

Rachel Dolezal

16 Jul

Rachel Dolezal is a weirdo. That’s not a nice thing to say, but it’s unfortunately quite accurate.

WTF?

If you’re not familiar with the story, the short version is that Rachel Dolezal had been claiming to be black traded on that fact to help her get into the position of head of the Spokane chapter of the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People. That organisation, also known as the NAACP, fights for the rights of people of colour within America, and Ms Dolezal effectively used a modern take on blackface to get a high profile job within the organisation.

How do we know for sure that Ms Dolezal is not black? Her parents told us. Ms Dolezal was born two, ordinary, everyday Caucasian parents of German and Czech origins. There is no denying that Ms Dolezal is as Caucasian as can be.

There’s no denying it

Photos have also given us a pretty solid indication that she miiiiiiiiggggghhhhhtttttt just be white under all that tan and hair trickery. For instance, here’s Rachel Dolezal’s wedding photo:

Rachel Dolezal's wedding photo suggests she is not of African heritage.

Rachel Dolezal’s wedding photo suggests she is not of African heritage.

Ms Dolezal has had a lot of interaction with people of colour throughout her life. For example, her parents adopted some children who happened to be non-Caucasian. She thought of those children as her siblings, but they certainly did not ever think she was black.

According to her siblings, she did not think she was black until 2011

Here’s an example of her adopted brother’s opinion on her behaviour.

And another:

But she was a human rights activist, that’s good no matter how she got there, right?

Bullshit.

Rachel Dolezal’s behaviour is making a mockery of her position of the head of the NAACP chapter in Spokane by bringing ‘being black’ into question. If Ms Dolezal wanted to help people of colour get a better and more equal go of things she could done that just as well without lying about her race.

And now she’s come out with all this rubbish about believing she’s ‘transracial’ and she’s damaging the credibility of both transgender people anyone who might actually have a legit claim to being transracial. There are people out there, for example, who are considered ‘not black enough’ to be black by members of their own race, and that to me would trigger some serious difficulties which could potentially be labeled ‘transracial’ but just being endeared towards another culture does NOT measure up, and claiming that it does is a selfish and manipulative effort for Ms Dolezal to attempt to escape the scrutiny she’s under.

But she’s had the black experience!?

Fuck off with that rubbish.

Ms Dolezal claims to understand the black experience and have a deep, personal connection with being black, except she grew up white in a very white community and has only recently started to modify her appearance to look black. Even if Ms Dolezal has experienced a bit of racism directed towards her, if it all gets too much for her, she could just switch back to looking like a white person. That’s the difference right there, hers is a choice, a decision, a type of tourism.

Montel Williams is spot on here:

A person who is of African heritage cannot just switch out when they feel like the inherent racism they have to deal with is restricting their opportunities in life. They’re stuck with that and have to accept that the system is pretty shit, and that they’ll have to fight to be afforded the same treatment provided to Caucasians… and that’s exactly WHY THE NAACP EXISTS, and then an impersonator gets into the top job of the local chapter and even fucks up the efforts of black people to fight for their rights!

Can’t say I agree with Whoopi on that one. I think Rosie Perez is right on the money.

She’s a liar

Rachel Dolezal was caught out and she’s trying to lie her way out of it. The saddest part is there’s a lot of speculation that it was her divorce that pushed her into some sort of nervous breakdown, at which point she attempted to deal with it by changing who she believed she was.

I’m not judging the woman for having a tough time and that impacting her in a difficult way, but that doesn’t absolve her of the bullshit she’s been spouting since she was caught out.

Transracial issues may be valid or not, but Rachel Dolezal is not a good example. She’s a liar and is only concerned with getting away with being caught out and she’s mangling a whole bunch of bullshit lies together in order to get out of it.

Crazy bitch tip: Stop fucking lying about your reasons for dressing up in black face.

Drunk dialing is bad

11 Jul

Check out this unbelievably cute message left by a drunk girl.

She sounds adorable right? Well

Let’s think about that voice mail. It sounds like Ryan might be politely trying to avoid seeing this young lady. This next video does a pretty good simulation of how we might imagine Ryan dealing with discovering this gem:

Yes! Dominic is adorable! But she’s also doing an excellent job of sounding like an absolutely crazy bitch, albeit an adorable version of a crazy bitch, but an adorable knife still cuts just as well.

My favourite part about our adorbs little sweetheart is that she either dialed the wrong number, or, more likely, was given a fake number. We know this to be the case because of the summary of the video on youtube: “I got this message late Friday night. BTW – I didn’t go out that night.”

“In USA MAGNITED STATES OF AMERICA where yer-you are FREE to TEXT in a THE-A-TER!”

While we’re dealing with crazy phone calls, here’s another one I quite like:

I love this. I love when people who are being arseholes are called out for acting like arseholes and then they accuse the people who called them out of being arseholes for calling them out. I love the circle of arseholery. I love how upset they get. I love the fact that this woman was so upset that she called and left an arsehole message after undoubtedly being an arsehole about getting kicked out for being an arsehole. To summarize… what a fucking ARSEHOLE!

Crazy bitch tip: Keep in mind that regardless of the positive or negative intent behind your message, there’s always the potential it could end up on the internet.

Belle Gibson’s interview

5 Jul

This whole thing skeeves me out. I can’t stand the obvious lies being spouted from Ms Gibson but the production and behaviour by the 60 minutes program is just as ridiculous.

You can decide for yourself how much of Belle’s elaborate story you believe, but keep an eye out for the points in the interview when the footage stops, they zoom in and then make the picture all red, somewhat implying that Belle = Satan. That pisses me off because 60 minutes used to be a show with journalistic integrity, but since Fox got its hands on things, it’s turned into a biased, tabloid styled bullshit that no longer has anything to do with genuine journalism.

Any sensible person can see through Belle’s bullshit without all the additional fanfare. Anyway, check out the interview and see what you think of this double sided farce.

Crazy bitch tip: If your lies are discovered and everyone hates you, trying to lie your way out of it is not going to work.

Video

People will assume you’re a crazy bitch if you speak like one

7 Jun

After this blonde banshee gets off the train to attack the man who so inconsiderately put his bag on the floor near her foot, and he slaps her square in the gob, even the women on the train respond by saying things like:

  • “She’s crazy!”
  • “She’s mental!”
  • “She’s actually attacking him!”
  • “She’s out of her mind!”
  • “He shouldn’t have obviously hit her, but…”

When people have seen a man smack you in the face and they still are focused on how you’re behaving, you’ve got to be doing something seriously wrong. Normally, people would dive in to defend the woman from the horrible man that would dare hit her, but not here! The whole train has evaluated the young woman as a crazy bitch. That’s next level right there.

Crazy bitch tip: Don’t swear at strangers. Don’t swear in public. Don’t attack strangers. Don’t chase after strangers who have already smacked you in the face.

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