Tag Archives: bad choice

Miata been a bad idea

10 Mar

miata

Long story short, the two women in the above picture (credit to Reddit user speednub1), saw a car they have a low opinion of and decided to climb inside it and stomp around on the seats in their high heels.

The general population’s reaction to this image has thus far been a resounding “What the fuck?” and the words bitch and crazy have been pointed repeatedly at the women pictured, among other, far less pleasant terms.Clearly there are some people out there who don’t understand why this scenario has inspired uproar, otherwise this picture wouldn’t exist in the first place. So, I’m going to attempt to clarify.What they did wrong

  1. The two women in the picture are intentionally treating someone else’s property poorly, knowing full well that their actions may damage that property.The two women are enjoying their efforts to attempt to damage someone else’s property.The reason these two women are happily attempting to damage someone else’s property because it doesn’t match their personal tastes
  2. .The two women are so ignorant that they fully believe their actions are acceptable. They have intentionally shared the fun they had attempting to damage someone else’s property publicly via social media, complete with easily personally identifiable features.By  proudly noting, at least 12 hours after the incident occurred, that “heels were intact,” they have pointed out that the incident wasn’t a random, alcohol fueled mistake but instead something they do not regret at all a full day later.

Why people are angry

As a society, we’ve agreed on a few thousand rules. We call them laws. They pretty much all come back to the simplest rule of all, known as The Golden Rule. It states: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” It’s a damned simple rule and it’s extremely effective at keeping society functional.

Note that the Golden Rule does not include the clause: “unless you don’t like their taste in cars”; or: “unless you think it will be funny to your friends”; or: “unless you have nice legs and pretty hair”; or: “unless you’re lucky enough to live in a country so wealthy that you feel entitled to judge people based on their financial expenditures”; or any other clauses.

Selfish and self centred

If I had to boil it down, the reason the actions of the two women in the picture is so offensive is because it so unbelievably selfish and self centred. It inspires an immediate reaction of “who the fuck do you think you are?” What they’re doing is openly flouting one of the core concepts of society.

They’re treating someone else like a piece of shit and laughing about it. They’re doing so because they feel entitled to, because they think themselves ‘better’ than someone who would buy a Miata, and for some reason they think they are exempt from the rules we’re all expected to follow. Plus, they’re ‘rubbing it in’ by gloating about it.

We don’t hate them because they’re beautiful, but it sure doesn’t help their cause.

Don’t get me wrong, people would be furious even if these two women weren’t attractive, but the fact that they are just reminds us all that we know attractive young woman already have a head start in life, and knowing that only makes it more offensive when we see them taking advantage of others or ignoring social norms.

How could they have avoided this?

It’s not surprising to learn that there are people out there who think that their opinion is more important than everyone else’s, or that the rules don’t apply to them, or that they’re better than everyone else, or that they don’t respect other people. As much as we might wish that weren’t true, we know all that there are people out there who think that way.

And that’s where the girls in the picture went wrong. They went beyond thinking in a way that the majority of us consider revolting, they acted on it. If they’d just walked past that Miata and commented on how ‘hideous’ it is to them, nothing would have come of it, but they didn’t. They climbed into a stranger’s car and stomped all over the seats in their heels.

That decision between “should I just think about this or should I actually do it” is the difference between being known as “those two cute girls” and “those crazy bitches”.

Crazy bitch tip: You are not more important than anyone else, and you don’t get to damage other people’s things just because you don’t like them.

 

 

But… butt… why the arsehole?

9 Sep

I know I’m getting older and I’m losing touch with what’s cool and what’s not, but…

Asshole tattooSeriously?

If someone come to me and said, “hey I want to make hundreds of tiny painful incisions in your poo chute and leave ink in those holes so that there’ll be a permanent design there”, the only chance they have of getting me to agree to it is by following that up with, “and I’m going to pay you $1,000,000 if you let me do it.” And even then I’m not sure I’d go for it. If I did, I would do so begrudgingly and be keeping it very, very quiet.

So it makes it difficult for me to understand that the girl in that picture went to that tattooist and told him, she’d pay him to do that to her. I actually feel bad for the tattooist because that’s gotta be one of the shittiest jobs he’s ever had to undertake.

And you’ve gotta wonder why anyone would want a tattoo on their clacker. Even if you’re an exhibitionist, it’s not exactly an easy location to see. Frankly, the whole thing is outside of the realm of logic for me, and I’m sure I’m not alone in thinking it’s just a bit too out there to be anything less than cookoo mcgoos.

Hey, at least it’s unique

Y’know, it’s amazing how far people will go to be unique. The Guiness Book of World Records is testament to that. Maybe the woman in the picture above thought she was going to be unique because of her tattooed brown eye. Maybe that was part of why she decided to get it done.

I hope not, because…

and also…

So…

It’s your body, you own it. You can do whatever you want with it. It’s just that some things might seem like a good idea at the time but turn out to be horrible choices down the line. Think about it. As weird as it would be going through the process of getting a tattoo on your rectum, at least tatooists are generally used to weird shit, but if (when) you change your mind and decide to get it removed, you’re going to have to explain to someone that you thought getting an anus tattoo was a great idea back in the day but you’ve changed your mind now and you’d really like lasers shot directly at your bunghole to get rid of it.

It’s your right to make bad choices and trust me, I’ve made a fuckload of them myself, but I’ve never gotten a goddamned butthole tattoo because everyone knows that’s a fucking crazy thing to do.

Crazy bitch tip: You really, really, really, really realllllllllllllllllllly don’t need a tattoo on your arsehole.

Rachel Dolezal

16 Jul

Rachel Dolezal is a weirdo. That’s not a nice thing to say, but it’s unfortunately quite accurate.

WTF?

If you’re not familiar with the story, the short version is that Rachel Dolezal had been claiming to be black traded on that fact to help her get into the position of head of the Spokane chapter of the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People. That organisation, also known as the NAACP, fights for the rights of people of colour within America, and Ms Dolezal effectively used a modern take on blackface to get a high profile job within the organisation.

How do we know for sure that Ms Dolezal is not black? Her parents told us. Ms Dolezal was born two, ordinary, everyday Caucasian parents of German and Czech origins. There is no denying that Ms Dolezal is as Caucasian as can be.

There’s no denying it

Photos have also given us a pretty solid indication that she miiiiiiiiggggghhhhhtttttt just be white under all that tan and hair trickery. For instance, here’s Rachel Dolezal’s wedding photo:

Rachel Dolezal's wedding photo suggests she is not of African heritage.

Rachel Dolezal’s wedding photo suggests she is not of African heritage.

Ms Dolezal has had a lot of interaction with people of colour throughout her life. For example, her parents adopted some children who happened to be non-Caucasian. She thought of those children as her siblings, but they certainly did not ever think she was black.

According to her siblings, she did not think she was black until 2011

Here’s an example of her adopted brother’s opinion on her behaviour.

And another:

But she was a human rights activist, that’s good no matter how she got there, right?

Bullshit.

Rachel Dolezal’s behaviour is making a mockery of her position of the head of the NAACP chapter in Spokane by bringing ‘being black’ into question. If Ms Dolezal wanted to help people of colour get a better and more equal go of things she could done that just as well without lying about her race.

And now she’s come out with all this rubbish about believing she’s ‘transracial’ and she’s damaging the credibility of both transgender people anyone who might actually have a legit claim to being transracial. There are people out there, for example, who are considered ‘not black enough’ to be black by members of their own race, and that to me would trigger some serious difficulties which could potentially be labeled ‘transracial’ but just being endeared towards another culture does NOT measure up, and claiming that it does is a selfish and manipulative effort for Ms Dolezal to attempt to escape the scrutiny she’s under.

But she’s had the black experience!?

Fuck off with that rubbish.

Ms Dolezal claims to understand the black experience and have a deep, personal connection with being black, except she grew up white in a very white community and has only recently started to modify her appearance to look black. Even if Ms Dolezal has experienced a bit of racism directed towards her, if it all gets too much for her, she could just switch back to looking like a white person. That’s the difference right there, hers is a choice, a decision, a type of tourism.

Montel Williams is spot on here:

A person who is of African heritage cannot just switch out when they feel like the inherent racism they have to deal with is restricting their opportunities in life. They’re stuck with that and have to accept that the system is pretty shit, and that they’ll have to fight to be afforded the same treatment provided to Caucasians… and that’s exactly WHY THE NAACP EXISTS, and then an impersonator gets into the top job of the local chapter and even fucks up the efforts of black people to fight for their rights!

Can’t say I agree with Whoopi on that one. I think Rosie Perez is right on the money.

She’s a liar

Rachel Dolezal was caught out and she’s trying to lie her way out of it. The saddest part is there’s a lot of speculation that it was her divorce that pushed her into some sort of nervous breakdown, at which point she attempted to deal with it by changing who she believed she was.

I’m not judging the woman for having a tough time and that impacting her in a difficult way, but that doesn’t absolve her of the bullshit she’s been spouting since she was caught out.

Transracial issues may be valid or not, but Rachel Dolezal is not a good example. She’s a liar and is only concerned with getting away with being caught out and she’s mangling a whole bunch of bullshit lies together in order to get out of it.

Crazy bitch tip: Stop fucking lying about your reasons for dressing up in black face.

Check the rear view before going out

10 Jul

  
Crazy bitch tip: It’s worth checking a mirror over your shoulder before you go outside. I’m not saying you have to, but not doing so leaves you open to situations like the one above.

Belle Gibson’s interview

5 Jul

This whole thing skeeves me out. I can’t stand the obvious lies being spouted from Ms Gibson but the production and behaviour by the 60 minutes program is just as ridiculous.

You can decide for yourself how much of Belle’s elaborate story you believe, but keep an eye out for the points in the interview when the footage stops, they zoom in and then make the picture all red, somewhat implying that Belle = Satan. That pisses me off because 60 minutes used to be a show with journalistic integrity, but since Fox got its hands on things, it’s turned into a biased, tabloid styled bullshit that no longer has anything to do with genuine journalism.

Any sensible person can see through Belle’s bullshit without all the additional fanfare. Anyway, check out the interview and see what you think of this double sided farce.

Crazy bitch tip: If your lies are discovered and everyone hates you, trying to lie your way out of it is not going to work.

White people are allowed to have opinions

28 May

I missed the first part of this video the first time I watched it, so I was shocked by the actions of the presenter.

Then I watched it again and caught the part where the woman tells the presenter that his opinion is invalid because he’s a white male and suggests that because he’s a white male, he’s automatically racist and sexist. I also noticed that, in the midst of this she tries to talk over the host of the show and then accuses him of talking over her.

At a certain point, there’s just no way to be on her side.

For me it was when she couldn’t handle the criticism the host aimed at her and told him that she wasn’t “going to enact the labour of having to explain” why the hosts criticism of her calling him a racist, sexist purely for being born a white male is offensive to her.

For the record, I know ‘her’ name but I don’t want to direct people in her direction, so I’m going with the generic forms of ‘she’ and ‘her’.

Honestly, I just feel bad for her. I feel bad for the majority of these young social justice warriors, really.

Yes, of course there are wrongs going on in the world and there are people that seek to take advantage of you or are prejudiced against you because you were born female or an ethnicity other than Caucasian, but I think it’s been so brainwashed into these young women that they’re seeing it in situations it doesn’t exist. That wouldn’t be such an issue if it didn’t actually hurt the cause, but it does. It diminishes the impact of the voices of those people who are fighting against actual injustices. It reinforces the opinions of those people who are sexist and racist and it alienates the people who are actually on the good side because they get blamed for things they have nothing to do with.

Anyway, you might as well disregard anything I’ve said on the matter because I’m a white, male and my opinion is apparently racist, sexist and minimalising everyone on the planet. Sorry about that, and sorry about talking over you.

Crazy bitch tip: Maybe you should enact the labour of explaining whatever the fuck is going on in your head so that someone can understand why you’re calling everyone racist sexists.

Update

I found a video in which a guy goes through and accumulates all the various bullshit the young woman in the video has been up to.

But I’ve realised that it’s presented by a white male, so again, it’s clearly completely invalid as well.

Don’t titty-bump old ladies to the ground

5 Mar

A woman who doesn’t have a valid drivers license drove to Walmart and failed miserably to pull into the handicapped spot she was aiming for. She failed so badly that a little old lady thought the spot was free and pulled into it.

The little old lady has a valid handicapped parking permit which she was provided because she recently had a hip replacement surgery. The younger woman did have a handicapped parking permit with her, the thing is, it wasn’t her permit. It sounds like she’d taken someone else’s and was using it on her car.

The younger woman is looking like a pretty shitty human being already, what with driving without a license and using an invalid handicapped permit, but then she went and upped herself right into crazy bitch territory by getting angry at the old lady and “titty bumping” her to the ground.

When the police asked the younger woman about this, she said:

kezia-perkins

“it’s not my fault the elderly woman bounced off my big (chest).”

 

“it’s not my fault the elderly woman bounced off my big (chest).”

We all know she said “titties” instead of (chest), and I’d wager she didn’t actually use the term ‘elderly woman’ either.

The thing about being elderly and having major surgeries is, it makes a frail person even more frail. Generally speaking, it’s a bad idea to go around knocking people to the ground. It’s an even worse idea to go knocking elderly people to the ground. It’s still worse to go around knocking elderly women to the ground, and worse than that is to go around knocking elderly women who are recovering from major surgeries to the ground!

Now, you might have a good reason to knock someone to the ground. Y’know, maybe there’s an eagle trying to catch them as prey and carry them away for some eats, and if so, fair enough, knock that old lady to the ground. If, however, you’re an unlicensed driver trying to park your car in a spot you don’t have the right to be in and they take that spot because they’re struggling to get around on account of being old and recovering from surgery, well, you’re being pretty unreasonable. The best course of action if you’re already in the wrong is definitely not to make the situation worse, and by throwing your angry titties at an old lady to smash her to the ground, well, that’s not going to make the situation better.

The elderly woman in this scenario is now recovering from having spent quite some time on the ground in the snow after her hip surgery came undone. She has since had another hip surgery and is, yet again, suffering through the recovery process of that.

(You can stop watching at [2:30] into the video, I don’t know why they’ve added the Beatles stuff after the report.)

Crazy bitch tip: never titty bump old ladies to the ground.

Origins #11

3 Mar

I was still there in my bed with my boss’s daughter, and I was proud of myself for admitting that I had a crush on her instead of holding that information back and leaving her to cry in the belief that I just wanted to sleep with her. If you’ve read up to here, I’m sure you think it’s a bit weird that she somehow thought I was just trying to sleep with her considering I’d put in a fair bit of effort to avoid having anything happen with her, but hey, I was pretty drunk and that didn’t occur to me at the time.

Oops

Something I have remembered since posting last time was that, at some point after Rene and I had arrived at my place, I’d asked her about her sister Laura’s relationship. I’d pointed out that it seemed like something was off there. Rene told me she didn’t know much about it and seemed a bit down about me asking. Turns out Rene knew more than she was letting on and had taken my curiosity as further evidence of her belief that I was interested in Laura.

In hindsight, I guess that was another reason why Rene was so certain I was into Laura. I was into Laura. I’d say I liked her about as much as I liked Rene, but in a different way. It’s tough to explain because I knew Laura much better than Rene. I’ll tell you right now though, most guys would be falling all over themselves to get anywhere near either of these young women, but up until this particular night I’d done a brilliant job of behaving myself around both of them.

You have to ask me out on a proper date!

Anyways, I’d just finished admitting to Rene that I’d had a crush on her for a long time and she’d lit up with joy at hearing it. It’s not like I confessed to having an undying love for her, either. I’d only told her that I’d liked her for a long time and that I wanted to get to spend some time with her and get to know her better but Rene reacted like all her Christmases had come at once and we kissed some more as a result.

Rene stopped crying again and we went back to kissing and whatnot but we were still talking the whole time, and she started telling me how she’d made all these moves on me and asked why I’d never made any moves back. Rene pointed out that she had added me on Facebook, got my work email and started emailing me, gotten my mobile number from her sister and started texting me and even after all of that, I still hadn’t asked her out.

I told her, “You’re my boss’s daughter.”
“So?”, she asked.
“So I need my job”, I explained.
“But you never even asked me out”, she insisted.
“I’m not going to hit on my boss’s daughter. I invited you out to everything and I just figured that was as much as I could do, but you hardly ever came to anything”, I pointed out.
“But you never asked me out on a proper date, just the two of us!”, Rene said.
“I figured you could tell I was interested. You knew I couldn’t ask you out, I figured you’d ask me out if you wanted to see me.”, I told her.
“I was pretty sure that night you told me my ex in France was an idiot. But you have to ask me out now! You have to ask me out on a proper date!”, she told me, practically bouncing up and down with excitement.
“Alright. I’ll ask you out on a proper date.” I told her.

Rene was grinning ear to ear and kissing me with some serious passion after that, but even as drunk as I was, it all sounded like a weird way to go about it to me. I mean, we were in bed with each other and there she was demanding that I ask her out on a date? It’s not like I would have minded asking her out, but we were well past the ‘asking out’ stage of things.

But I’d been drinking, and she’d been drinking, and the whole thing was a bit of a mess. So I figured, if she wanted me to ask her out, I’d ask her out.

Drunken singing

We were making out and laughing and having all the stupid, drunken fun you tend to have when you’ve been drinking all night with someone you’re interested in. We started talking about all sorts of things, like the music we like and what we loved about the 90s and probably a bunch of other shit that I honestly can’t remember.

I do remember that we laid out in that bed playing songs off our phones and singing along to them between kissing and touching, and more singing, and more kissing, and more singing. At one point, I’m loathe to admit, I grabbed my ukulele from beside my bed and tried to play a tune for us to sing to, but I was too drunk to play, so gave up on that idea pretty quick.

It might sound lame, but of everything that happened that night, singing along to those songs together was my favourite bit. I was digging that we had so much in common. There was something awesome about being in bed with this girl I’d liked for so long and that we’d ended cuddled up, singing along to John Farnham songs, and making out like teenagers.

The Roller Coaster Continues

emor

Unfortunately, it wasn’t too long before Rene started crying again.

“You want something serious, don’t you”, she sobbed.
“What are you talking about?”, I asked her.
“You said you want something serious”, she repeated.
“No I didn’t, I said I want to hang out with you a bit and get to know you”, I explained, confused.
I continued, saying, “I couldn’t even think about getting into something serious anytime soon. I just want to hang out with you under the radar, get to know you properly and see what happens.”

And that was the absolute truth of the matter. I wasn’t looking to go from zero to 100 with her. Shit, I didn’t think I really knew Rene well enough to think anything beyond maybe going on a date with her. I wasn’t thinking about the future, aside from the very risky situation I was going to be in from a work perspective.

Like I said in an earlier post, all I was really looking for was to get to hang out with someone I thought was cool. I thought Rene was cool, so now we could get onto the hanging out with each other part, and eventually I’d get to know her well enough to see if there was something more than a basic attraction.

I lie to people and confuse them until they stop asking questions

Rene calmed down again and stopped crying.

We continued to talk, and I truly cannot remember how we ended up getting to this, but at one point Rene explained to me that she was an exhibitionist.

OK, so I’m with this girl I think is gorgeous and she’s already indicated to me that she likes things a bit rough in bed, and then she tells me she’s an exhibitionist. I was surprised to hear that but I was also very excited. I don’t think I’m a pervert, but I sure  am a very, very sexual person, and one aspect of that is that I like to do things that are a bit risqué. I definitely don’t want the girl I’m with to be skanky by any means, but that doesn’t mean she can’t be a bit naughty and fun, so to hear that this girl who I genuinely liked for other reasons was also a bit naughty was a huge added bonus.

And then Rene told me that she thinks she’s nowhere near as good as her sister Laura, that Laura has her shit together and that she’s doing so well, and Laura’s so pretty, and Laura’s this and that and whatever else. I, of course, tried to point out to Rene that she’s pretty awesome herself and shouldn’t compare herself to Laura, but Rene responded by telling me that she makes mistakes all the time and ruins things.

I don’t really remember exactly what she said, but I know Rene told me that she was still in contact with the guy she’d moved to France to be with, even though he’d cheated on her and she’d moved back to Australia broken hearted, she had kept in contact with him. Not only had she kept in contact with him, she was now playing the role of mistress behind the back of this douchebag’s new girlfriend.

I remember telling her, “Well, stop that shit, then!”

Again, I’m not sure how we got onto this, but Rene ended up telling me that she makes a lot of mistakes and it really upsets her. I don’t remember much of the conversation but I do remember her telling me, “I lie to people and confuse them until they stop asking questions.”

Idiot

Trust me, I know very well that I should have taken these things as red flags. I know I’m an idiot for not doing so at the time, but I was drunk and as far as I knew, I was with a beautiful, intelligent, fun, sexy young woman who happened to be going through a rough time and also happened to be full of red wine and cocktails.

Everybody says stupid shit when they’ve been drinking, so I wasn’t judging her for any of what she said. I guess I did take some of those statements on board though, as I certainly kept an eye out for certain things she’d mentioned about herself in the months to come. You’ll hear all about that soon enough.

But it’s not like Rene was the only one saying or doing stupid shit that night. I was on a roll, myself.

I’d managed to completely miss the fact that Rene was worried that I was interested in Laura and had contributed to making her cry as a result, repeatedly as the night went on.

I’d drunkenly pushed my boss’s daughter up and down some serious hills in a freakin’ shopping trolly, the most dangerous of all vehicles. I’d let the night get out of hand by not staying sober. I’d ended up in bed with my boss’s daughter, for fuck’s sake. I hadn’t stopped it and called her a taxi, I hadn’t told her we shouldn’t do anything, I hadn’t walked out of the room when she flashed me. I’d done a lot of stupid shit that night myself.

But I had one more awesomely stupid thing to say.

I totally understand why I said it, but that doesn’t mean I actually understand why I said it. Oh god. I actually have to tell you what I said. Ahh fuck it!, here goes…

I don’t exactly remember when but at one point in the night when I was in bed with Rene, I half whispered: “I want kids.”

I know.

embarrased

I know it was a moronic thing to do, but if you remember from Origins #7, I’d been talking with Rene’s sister earlier that day about how important it was to let people know what you want out of life before you get involved with them, and I didn’t mean that I wanted kids with Rene, I just meant that, at some point in my future, I’d like to be a parent. And somehow, as a result of all that rational logical, sense-making, I was pretty drunk and it just came out.

I totally get that it was a stupid thing to do, and even as I write this, I feel very much like this…

shm1Oh lord the shame I feel for admitting that I said that. Let’s never speak of it again. Ahhh shame my old friend, what would life be without you?

You want to know the worst part? I’m pretty sure I said that after Rene had her little freak-out about me wanting something serious. I just don’t know what I was thinking. I do think my little revelation was on the mild side in comparison to admitting to being an exhibitionist, or intentionally confusing people until they give up asking question, or playing the mistress, etc, etc but it was still a really embarrassing thing for me when I was forced to think back on it later.

Nearly there

As it turns out, there’s still a little bit more of that night that I have to tell you about, including more confusion, weird encouragement and weird rejection. Catch ya then!Crazy bitch tip: If you move to another country to be with a guy and he then cheats on you, don’t talk to him anymore because he’s clearly a massive douche.

Rape culture: a male perspective

28 Feb

I watched a video today in which ‘Rape culture’ was discussed and I’d like to share it with you.

In the video, Clementine Ford discusses her thoughts on the subject of cultural acceptance of rape within society. Ms Ford refers to the socially accepted norms regarding rape as Rape Culture.

Rape Culture infographic

I don’t thinks she’s crazy, I just think she lacks perspective

First off, let me say that I don’t think that Ms Ford is crazy, nor a bitch. I don’t think she’s wrong but neither do I think she’s entirely right. I do think, however, that Ms Ford is lacking perspective. “WHOAH! WHOAH! WHOAH!”, I hear you say. I understand that I’m walking on thin ice as a man daring to attempt to discuss this topic, but please don’t break the pitch forks and torches out just yet.

When I suggest that Ms Ford is lacking perspective, I’m not suggesting her opinion is invalid, and I’m definitely not suggesting in any way that there’s not a huge societal issue in regards to the amount of unwanted sexual contact happening against women around the world. Sexual assault has impacted my family, so I’m no stranger to the damage it causes.

What I’m saying is that Ms Ford is looking at some undeniable evidence and coming up with sensible, but inaccurate, hypothesis because her analysis lacks an understanding of the other gender involved.

I’ll freely admit that there is a lot I don’t understand about women, but at least I’m aware of that and I’m not suggesting that all women are after the same things or driven by the same factors. From the video above, I’m not so sure that Ms Ford understands that different men have different reasons for their behaviour, or that the majority of us aren’t directly or indirectly continuing or encouraging ‘rape culture’.

Rape is really shit and shouldn’t happen

Rape is unconscionable. Rapists should go to jail. Nobody deserves to be raped and rape should not be accepted in any way by a modern, civilised society. There should be no question about any of this and anyone who believes rape of any form is justified in any way is misguided to the point of being a danger to society. Ms Ford and I both agree that society should move towards an ideal point at which every woman would be able to work anywhere she pleases, at any time, day or night, and not have to factor in the possibility of being raped.

If we were purely talking about the casual acceptance of rape within society, I don’t have anything to say against that sentiment. There’s definitely room for improvement as far as educating people about the horrible impact of unwanted sexual contact. The number of people, not only girls, who are sexually abused by immediate family members, extended family members, family friends, and peers, is truly a travesty. It’s a huge problem and a blight on otherwise progressive societies. It’s an issue that needs to be addressed and resolved as quickly as possible because lives are constantly being ruined by this insidious behaviour.

But that’s not what Ms Ford is talking about. Ms Ford is discussing the idea that a woman should be able to do whatever she wants, whenever, and wherever she wants, without any fear of potentially being sexually assaulted. Ms Ford is blaming society for casually accepting rape as the root cause for women not currently being able to enjoy her idealised utopic scenario.

Reality

I’m all for being an idealist and working towards that ideal, but we can’t just ignore reality.

The reality is that not only women and girls get raped. The reality is that a lot of rapes could have been avoided with better decision making. The reality is that blaming people who never have and never would rape anyone for the small number of people who do commit rape is not productive. The reality is that the term rape refers to a specific type of sexual assault and is not an appropriate term for all forms of sexual assault. The reality is that ‘rape culture’ is a massive oversimplification of an enourmously complex topic and it’s doing as much harm as good.

Statements like:

“I do think it’s an act of terrorism to raise girls to believe that the world is not safe for them”
Clementine Ford

are unnecessarily inflammatory. This sort of hyperbolic speech is not helpful, it is so exaggerated that it’s alienating. I personally find it very difficult to take someone seriously when they say things which are so over the top.

It is not an act of terrorism to teach a girl, or a boy, to be cautious about the company they keep and the situations in which they choose to engage. That’s called education. It’s important a child’s survival. We might all want the world to be a safe place, but it doesn’t matter how much we want it to be, the world is not a safe place. To teach children otherwise only makes them more likely to be impacted by the dangers which do exist in the world.

If I had a daughter and I chose not to teach her to be afraid to climb into the lion cage at the zoo, and then she climbs in and gets eaten, I did a bad job educating her to the dangers of the world. If I had a son and I didn’t teach him to be afraid of falling off cliffs, and he later tumbles to his death, I did a bad job of educating him to the dangers of the world.

It’s essential to educate everyone that not everyone they meet will have their best interests at heart. It is essential to educate people that some situations are dangerous, and best avoided. It’s essential to educate people to understand that becoming intoxicated makes them less capable of protecting themselves from those people who don’t have their best interests at heart.Sexual assault is not a gender issue

One of the things that really gets to me about the people who talk about rape culture is, they so often speak of it as if it’s a men versus women thing. Men suffer from this blight on society too. Men get raped, usually as children, but also as fully grown men. The rape of men within prison systems is a known, ignored and mocked part of our zeitgeist. Not only are men often victims of sexual assaults, men also have to help pick up the pieces after someone they love is sexually assaulted, and yet we constantly see quotes like:

Tell_men_not_to_rape

Don’t tell women what not to wear TELL MEN NOT TO RAPE

Hang on, let’s think about that for a second.

Does anyone really think most men don’t know they shouldn’t rape people? Honestly? Because I don’t find that when I’m out walking with my girlfriend that I spend the majority of my time fending off would be rapists and having to explain that they shouldn’t be trying to rape people. No, the people who don’t understand that are… wait for it… FUCKING RAPISTS.

And by the way, why are so many people assuming that only men commit sexual assaults? If the point is to do everything we, as a society, can to minimise sexual misconduct, why are we pointing the finger at half the population and assuming they’re all rapists based purely on their gender? Why are we assuming that the other half of the population has zero responsibility purely because of their gender?

That’s what’s fucked up about all this. That men are universally being labeled as rapist monsters who are just waiting to rape and that women are universally being labeled as victims in waiting. That is complete and utter bullshit! Sure, a higher percentage of sexual assaults are enacted by males than females, but does that reduce the impact on the male victims? Hell no.

So instead of making the issue of ‘rape’ a gender issue, how about we address as a problem that is actively ruining the lives of millions of people? How about not trying to point the finger at anyone with a cock and balls and instead just pointing the finger at rapists?

Remember how sexism is bad when it’s against women? It’s just as bad when it’s against men. It’s not reverse-sexism, it’s just sexism.

Consider your audience

‘And he often says to me, “Can we just make it through one dinner where you don’t talk about rape?”
To which I reply, “Can we just make it through one of the Earth’s rotations around the sun where i can walk on the street with as much right to safety as you, just because you have a penis?”

‘ – Clementine Ford, speaking about her boyfriend

You know what the absolute best way is to make someone lose any interest in, and compassion for, a subject? Bombard them with it incessantly until they couldn’t care any more even if they wanted to.

Ms Ford’s boyfriend is clearly going to be on her side about the whole ‘let’s not rape people’ thing, otherwise he wouldn’t be her boyfriend, right? So I’m going to assume he’s not raping her, is extremely unlikely to have raped anyone in the past, or to rape anyone in the future. So why won’t Ms Ford listen to her boyfriend’s request to make it through one dinner without talking about rape?I believe the answer is simple. Ms Ford is misunderstanding who her audience is. She is preaching to the choir, so to speak, but she’s doing it to the point that even the choir doesn’t want to hear about it anymore.Constantly reasserting the facets of our culture which contribute to casual acceptance of rape and a lack of empathy towards victims is, I believe, actually detrimental to the cause of raising awareness. This is because the only people who are actually listening in the first place are the ones who already have enough human decency to understand that rape is a problem. Barking the same lines at those decent human beings over and over will only lead to them running out of care factor.

That might be a horrible fact to acknowledge, but I absolutely believe it’s the truth. Think about it… people lose interest in international tragedies in which thousands of people have died, within weeks, if not days of the disasters. Why would the term Rape Culture not also become something that people begin to tune out?

Blame

One of the aspects of the rape culture movement that I think has been a benefit to society is the effort to identify victim blaming and to provide valid and indisputable counter arguments.

There is no excuse to rape someone and I hope that bringing that to the attention of people will help to reassure anyone who has been sexually assault to stop making allowances and/or excuses for their attackers and instead go and report them to the authorities. Anything that increases the legitimate prosecution of sexual predators is a good thing.

What’s not a good thing is confusing blame, with logic.

To point out that you’re less likely to get raped if you stay at home in your own bed completely sober, than going to a frat party and getting drunk out of your mind and using every drug you can find is not an effort towards blaming a victim, it’s stating a fact. There’s no denying that women do get raped in their beds at home, but the frequency with which that occurs is much lower than the incidences of sexual assaults at parties in which young women are consuming large quantities of alcohol and narcotics.

Pointing out a fact is not the same as blaming the victim.

To suggest that it’s a bad idea for an attractive young woman to go to a drug and alcohol fueled party being hosted by a group of young men who are used to getting away with everything, and then get drunk and use drugs there, is a bad idea… that’s not blaming the young woman, that’s just being rational.

To tell that same young girl the day after the party that she was raped by those young men would be far worse than telling her not to go in the first place.

Yes, there are people out there in the world who would say to that rape victim that she was “asking for it”, and that’s fucked up, but it’s also ridiculous to pretend that she couldn’t have made better decisions.

That image above stating “Don’t tell women what not to wear, Tell men not to rape” isn’t very helpful, and it’s an example of the black and white thinking which pollutes sensible thinking about how to reduce sexual assaults. For starters, teaching men not to rape does not preclude us from also teaching women what attire might draw unwanted attention.

No, I didn’t just say that if a woman should be raped if she is wearing the wrong clothes. What I did say was that some clothes draw the wrong attention. Walking through the wrong areas also increases the likelihood of receiving unwanted attention. Being overly flirtatious also increases the likelihood of receiving unwanted attention. Again, I’m not saying that any of that is ok, I’m just saying that’s what happens.

So, instead of assuming that I’m assigning blame, how about considering if there’s a potential benefit to avoiding unwanted attention?

I’m a guy who is 190cm (6’3″) tall, currently weighing in at 90kg (200lbs), and I try to avoid unwanted attention. I do so because, even though I know it’s illegal for someone to stab me, and even though I don’t like that society hasn’t completely eliminated stabbings, I’d still prefer to avoid situations in which I know I’m more likely to be stabbed. I’m not going to assume that anytime I walk through a neighbourhood renowned for gang violence late at night that I’m going to get stabbed, but I am going to assume that the chances of me being stabbed go up if I do choose to go there.

If I did get stabbed after wandering through a place known for gang violence, don’t you think that someone might just ask me what the fuck I was doing there? Would that be insensitive as all shit? OF COURSE! But does that make the question any less reasonable? Unfortunately, no.

We don’t have to like the truth. We don’t have to stop pushing towards the ideal world we all dream of, where we’ll all be safe all the time, but we do have to accept that there are certain things we can do to help protect ourselves from things we don’t want to happen to us.

None of this is excusing the actions of any sexual predator. I’d be in favour of castrating those pieces of shit who commit rape and other sexual crimes, but seeing your rapist punished is not nearly as good as avoiding being raped in the first place.

Focus

Like I said at the start, Ms Ford isn’t wrong, I just think she doesn’t understand the male side of the story. Pretending that rape is something that only happens to women and that every man is a rapist in waiting is so far from the truth that it’s offensive. It’s also offensive to pretend that women play no role in their own protection.

I don’t want women to live in fear, but I don’t think they should be so foolish as to pretend there aren’t dangerous people out in the world.

What people can do to massively impact the affect of rapists on society is to press charges against them, and I believe that is the most important thing to focus on. By reporting sexual assaults the perpetrator is more likely to be put in prison, and therefore more likely to be unable to assault anyone else.

I also think it’s essential to educate people about the situations in which sexual assaults occur, and how best to avoid being in those situations. I think it’s hugely important that people separate ‘blaming victims’ from analysing data and making useful suggestions based on the findings.

As for Ms Ford

I have no doubt Ms Ford is generating beneficial results already, even with a slightly askew take on things, I just hope she broadens her understanding of the issue of sexual assault. It’s obvious that Ms Ford’s heart is in the right place, and I believe that’s true of most women who are so vocal about ‘rape culture’.

Human being tip: If anyone has ever sexually assaulted you, it’s not your fault in any way. If you can handle the stress of reporting them, please do so.

ps: You might be interested in reading about how I dealt with an alcohol fueled, sexually charged situation, which I discuss in the Origins series.

Do not assault and abuse priests in the name of ‘equality’

26 Feb

A few weeks back, a video surfaced of some very angry Argentinian women attacking a group of male priests as they stood in defence of their cathedral.

[Warning: this video contains violence, vulgarity, and female nudity]

What the hell is going on here?

The reason for this conflict is because Argentina has strict laws which limit abortion. Abortions may only be conducted if the woman has been raped, or if she is mentally incapable of rearing a child. The women in the video are fighting for their rights to have control over their own bodies, to be able to choose to have abortions, and they blame the Catholic church for blocking the removal of religious based abortion laws through the Argentinian governmental system.

At a certain point in the video, the women are chanting:

“To the Roman Catholic Apostolic Church, who wants to get between our sheets, we say that we want to be whores, travesties and lesbians. Legal abortion in every hospital.”

I know that these issues are contentious, but my personal belief is that a woman has the right to choose what happens to her body, so in theory, I sympathise with these women.

But in action? Not so much.

The women in this video are attacking the men standing guard of their church. They swear at them, spray-paint the men’s crotches, draw swastikas on the foreheads of the men, perform lewd acts together in front of the men, and even force their naked bodies against the men, intentionally causing the men to touch their nipples, bums and vaginas. The women run around topless and even completely naked as they scream at the top of their lungs. They spit in the faces of the priests and violently attack them.

Why it’s so very wrong to behave this way

Fair play, sometimes it’s difficult not to lose your shit when you feel like you’re being oppressed. I get that. Trust me, I seriously do know what it’s like to want to punch people in the face because they’re mistreating you. The thing is, by actually following through with your urges to violence, you downgrade yourself. Regardless of the validity of your point, you won’t be taken seriously.

If you’ve just seen someone rip off their clothes and force a priest to touch their breast before drawing a swastika on his head, punching him in the face, spitting in his eyes and then masturbate in front of him while grinding against him, would you take that persons opinion seriously?

No! Of course you wouldn’t! How could you possibly separate their opinion from their ridiculous and vulgar actions?

In addition to the fact that much of the behaviour in this video is actually criminal, the bigger reason that it’s the wrong thing to do is that it damages the movement the women believe they are fighting for.

Imagine the thoughts running through the minds of these very religious men as they’re being spat upon and punched and spray-painted. The women in the video are living out what these priests believe to be the actions of temptation and sin. The women in the video are proving to their religious enemies that they can’t even protest without acting like Godless heathens.

Personally, I’m not religious, but even as a non religious person I still think it’s way beyond necessary to spit in a priests face because you disagree with the actions of the church. That’s like spitting at the kid who serves you at McDonalds because you’re unhappy with the company’s globalisation efforts. It’s not the kid’s fault and it’s not the priest’s fault, and spitting on them isn’t going to fix anything anyway.

These women claim to be feminists but behaviour like this makes it more difficult for the women’s movement to progress against a heavily religious government. It reinforces mistaken religious beliefs that women are temptresses designed to cause men to sin. It does the exact opposite of the intention of the protest. That’s why it’s a fucking terrible way to protest.

Better options

What better options do these women have? Pretty much every option except the one they’ve chosen.

In most places, women are near enough to half the population, so voting is an excellent way to bring about change. These women could have supported politicians who would go on to fight for their rights using the political system.

Another reasonably approach would have been to use the media, both domestically and abroad. Unlike only a few decades ago, we now have the opportunity to create and share journalistic content ourselves. We can make important issues known not just within our own small communities, but we can make our voices heard the world over.

In this particular case, though, I think the best way to stick it to the religious litigators would have been to have a peaceful protest. Instead of raging at the priests, treat them in the same exact way the women themselves are fighting to be treated… with respect and dignity. Imagine how differently the rest of the world would have reacted in 20,000 women had gathered around that church and stayed there for a week without damaging anything or hurting anyone. Imagine the positive message that would have brought for the women’s rights movement in Argentina. It would have shown the powers that be that these women are here and demand to be noticed, but that they’re civilized enough to have reasonably discussions about the problems they’re facing.

Learn from this

The fight to ensure women around the world are treated as equals to men is a very worthy cause. Believe it or not, the majority of blokes I know are also in favour of women being treated as equals. The problem is that the remaining bag of dickheads who do see women as inferior point at actions like those seen in this video as evidence which proves their outdated way of thinking.

I think the thing to take from seeing this clusterfuck of violence and criminal behaviour is to learn that you get far better outcomes by choosing not to lose your shit, even in the face of oppression and mistreatment. Like I said, I totally understand the urge to boil over with rage and go apeshit, but if it will only get you further away from what you’re really after, what do you gain from doing so?

The archaic structures that are still in place to limit people’s individual freedoms and rights are being smashed away more quickly than at any point in human history, but we must all be patient as we try to deconstruct these relics from yesterday.

Crazy bitch tip: Screaming and spitting do not help you get your point across effectively.

 

Read more about this event at: opposingviews.com/i/religion/topless-feminist-mob-attacks-cathedral-argentina

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