Tag Archives: bad parent

Motherly love

4 Jan

I have a huge affinity for the mothers of the world. The older I get the more I realise just how challenging an undertaking it is to raise a child and just how much hard work and sacrifice goes into it. To the billions of mothers of the world who have put their children’s needs and wants ahead of their own, I salute you and I hope your children show their gratitude to you for everything you have done and will do for them.

A tattoo with the word "Mom" in a love heart

With that said, there are a few mothers out there who are really letting the rest of the team down. I’m not talking about the mother’s who didn’t know the right thing to say when their child was upset, or couldn’t find a way to afford that special item the kid was dreaming of having, or the ones who had no choice but to end the relationship with their child’s father and unfortunately had to put the kid through a tough time in the process. No, those are parts of life. As difficult as those things might be, they’re not malicious acts.

bad

Unacceptable

The mothers who are letting everyone else down are those who refuse to accept the responsibilities of being a parent. That’s some real bullshit right there. Your kid has only got one mother and it’s impossible to overstate how important that mother is to her child. To not at least try to do the best for your child is unconscionable. Aside from the very, very small percentage of women who are genuinely forced into being a mother without any choice in the matter, the rest either chose to have a child or at least chose to ignore the steps that go into avoiding having a child.

Once the kid is born, you’ve got one responsibility before all else: to ensure that child gets the best life you can possibly provide him/her/other-politically-correct-alternate-gender-title. If it’s not in you to devote yourself to that child it’s better to put them up for adoption and allow someone else to show that child the love they’ll need.

To not give your kid your all is pretty shitty, but the sad thing is, there are mothers out there who are doing an even worse job than that. There are mothers out there who actually intentionally mistreat their children. If ever there’s someone who deserves the title of crazy bitch, it’s a mother who knowingly harms her child.

Here are a few examples not to follow if you’re fortunate enough to get the opportunity to be a mother:

I didn’t know it was possible to fit the word whore so many times into an 11 minute conversation with your son.

Crazy bitch tip: It’s never ok to wear a white dress to a wedding, least of all to your daughters. Also, when your children are telling you that you’ve hurt them over and over, acknowledgement and an apology is a better starting point than trying to convince them that they’re wrong.

Apparently she “didn’t mean to do that one”.

Crazy bitch tip: You should be mortified if you cause your child to fall and smash their head onto the ground, and if you’re not it’s time to speak to a psychologist about why.

This one is so hard to watch.

Crazy bitch tip: Discipline and torture are not the same thing. If your child is shrieking like an animal from the physical or emotional pain you’re inflicting upon them, you’re doing it wrong.

Crazy bitch tip: if even your dog can tell that you’re doing the wrong thing, it’s time to adjust your approach.

Crazy bitch tip: it is more important to feed your child than have access to the internet.

Crazy bitch tip: not everyone is meant to breed.

The truly revolting

Crazy bitch tip: you’re supposed to fucking protect your children from predators, not invite them into your home.

Crazy bitch tip: if your boyfriend wants to fuck your children, get the fuck away from him!

Crazy bitch tip: do not pimp out your own goddamned child!

Crazy bitch tip: do not pimp out your own goddamned handicapped child! For Fuck’s sake!!!!!!!!!

 

Do not leave marks on your children

30 Jun

This rule applies to all people and all children. This rule is simple. This rule is not negotiable.

DO NOT LEAVE MARKS ON YOUR CHILDREN.

The fact that you birthed a child does not entitle you the right to cause that child physical damage. It does not entitle you the right to intentionally scar that child. If you believe it does, you are a fucking crazy bitch. You are such a crazy bitch, that you’ll like go to prison.

That’s an important indicator during your self-evaluation. Think to yourself, would I go to prison for doing this thing that I’ve got it in my head that I want to do? If the answer is yes, and you continue anyway, have no doubt that you are a crazy bitch.

See this?

This is unacceptable. You do not need to brand your children, they will still be recognised as yours through their use of language, the fact that they live with you and that old reliable stuff we call DNA. Even if someone branded you, you still should not brand your children.

How about this?

This is also unacceptable. You should not have your children tattooed. Tattooing is permanent and it is painful. There’s no bloody reason you need to have a tattoo put on your child. Even if you’re a satanist and you want to hail your demon deity, you still don’t get to put a tattoo on your child. Do you know why? Because that’s fucking psycho! That’s why! Yet again, even if someone tattooed you when you were a child, you still should not tattoo your child.

What about this one?

Burning a child for any reason, is unacceptable. Do you understand? You don’t get to apply a burning hot iron to a child because your hair isn’t straight. You don’t get to burn a child because they’ve been crying. You don’t get to burn a child if they’ve accidentally cut your leg off with a chain saw. You should never burn your child.

And this?

Ripping your sons scrotum and applying superglue to the wound is not acceptable. Regardless of how angry you are, you don’t get to tear the flesh of your child. Regardless of how bad your day has been, you don’t get to rip the scrotum of your son. Regardless of who has been cruel to you in your life, you don’t get to grab your sons genitals and rip away at them so hard that you separate the flesh of his body and you sure as fuck shouldn’t try and fix it with glue and cover up the incident instead of seeking medical attention.

What the fuck is wrong with these batshit, crazy bitches?

Crazy bitch tip: If you know you’re a crazy bitch, please don’t procreate.

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