Tag Archives: beautiful

A few pointers for the fellas: 10 ways to know your girlfriend is crazy

15 Apr

This one is very much tongue in cheek and aimed at the blokes.

Out of this list of 10, how many has your girlfriend got? I really hope she doesn’t have “cereal killer stare” or your corn flakes are in major trouble!

Crazy bitch tip: If this video reminds you of yourself, maybe back it off a little and please stop throwing those heavyweight punches.

Origins #11

3 Mar

I was still there in my bed with my boss’s daughter, and I was proud of myself for admitting that I had a crush on her instead of holding that information back and leaving her to cry in the belief that I just wanted to sleep with her. If you’ve read up to here, I’m sure you think it’s a bit weird that she somehow thought I was just trying to sleep with her considering I’d put in a fair bit of effort to avoid having anything happen with her, but hey, I was pretty drunk and that didn’t occur to me at the time.

Oops

Something I have remembered since posting last time was that, at some point after Rene and I had arrived at my place, I’d asked her about her sister Laura’s relationship. I’d pointed out that it seemed like something was off there. Rene told me she didn’t know much about it and seemed a bit down about me asking. Turns out Rene knew more than she was letting on and had taken my curiosity as further evidence of her belief that I was interested in Laura.

In hindsight, I guess that was another reason why Rene was so certain I was into Laura. I was into Laura. I’d say I liked her about as much as I liked Rene, but in a different way. It’s tough to explain because I knew Laura much better than Rene. I’ll tell you right now though, most guys would be falling all over themselves to get anywhere near either of these young women, but up until this particular night I’d done a brilliant job of behaving myself around both of them.

You have to ask me out on a proper date!

Anyways, I’d just finished admitting to Rene that I’d had a crush on her for a long time and she’d lit up with joy at hearing it. It’s not like I confessed to having an undying love for her, either. I’d only told her that I’d liked her for a long time and that I wanted to get to spend some time with her and get to know her better but Rene reacted like all her Christmases had come at once and we kissed some more as a result.

Rene stopped crying again and we went back to kissing and whatnot but we were still talking the whole time, and she started telling me how she’d made all these moves on me and asked why I’d never made any moves back. Rene pointed out that she had added me on Facebook, got my work email and started emailing me, gotten my mobile number from her sister and started texting me and even after all of that, I still hadn’t asked her out.

I told her, “You’re my boss’s daughter.”
“So?”, she asked.
“So I need my job”, I explained.
“But you never even asked me out”, she insisted.
“I’m not going to hit on my boss’s daughter. I invited you out to everything and I just figured that was as much as I could do, but you hardly ever came to anything”, I pointed out.
“But you never asked me out on a proper date, just the two of us!”, Rene said.
“I figured you could tell I was interested. You knew I couldn’t ask you out, I figured you’d ask me out if you wanted to see me.”, I told her.
“I was pretty sure that night you told me my ex in France was an idiot. But you have to ask me out now! You have to ask me out on a proper date!”, she told me, practically bouncing up and down with excitement.
“Alright. I’ll ask you out on a proper date.” I told her.

Rene was grinning ear to ear and kissing me with some serious passion after that, but even as drunk as I was, it all sounded like a weird way to go about it to me. I mean, we were in bed with each other and there she was demanding that I ask her out on a date? It’s not like I would have minded asking her out, but we were well past the ‘asking out’ stage of things.

But I’d been drinking, and she’d been drinking, and the whole thing was a bit of a mess. So I figured, if she wanted me to ask her out, I’d ask her out.

Drunken singing

We were making out and laughing and having all the stupid, drunken fun you tend to have when you’ve been drinking all night with someone you’re interested in. We started talking about all sorts of things, like the music we like and what we loved about the 90s and probably a bunch of other shit that I honestly can’t remember.

I do remember that we laid out in that bed playing songs off our phones and singing along to them between kissing and touching, and more singing, and more kissing, and more singing. At one point, I’m loathe to admit, I grabbed my ukulele from beside my bed and tried to play a tune for us to sing to, but I was too drunk to play, so gave up on that idea pretty quick.

It might sound lame, but of everything that happened that night, singing along to those songs together was my favourite bit. I was digging that we had so much in common. There was something awesome about being in bed with this girl I’d liked for so long and that we’d ended cuddled up, singing along to John Farnham songs, and making out like teenagers.

The Roller Coaster Continues

emor

Unfortunately, it wasn’t too long before Rene started crying again.

“You want something serious, don’t you”, she sobbed.
“What are you talking about?”, I asked her.
“You said you want something serious”, she repeated.
“No I didn’t, I said I want to hang out with you a bit and get to know you”, I explained, confused.
I continued, saying, “I couldn’t even think about getting into something serious anytime soon. I just want to hang out with you under the radar, get to know you properly and see what happens.”

And that was the absolute truth of the matter. I wasn’t looking to go from zero to 100 with her. Shit, I didn’t think I really knew Rene well enough to think anything beyond maybe going on a date with her. I wasn’t thinking about the future, aside from the very risky situation I was going to be in from a work perspective.

Like I said in an earlier post, all I was really looking for was to get to hang out with someone I thought was cool. I thought Rene was cool, so now we could get onto the hanging out with each other part, and eventually I’d get to know her well enough to see if there was something more than a basic attraction.

I lie to people and confuse them until they stop asking questions

Rene calmed down again and stopped crying.

We continued to talk, and I truly cannot remember how we ended up getting to this, but at one point Rene explained to me that she was an exhibitionist.

OK, so I’m with this girl I think is gorgeous and she’s already indicated to me that she likes things a bit rough in bed, and then she tells me she’s an exhibitionist. I was surprised to hear that but I was also very excited. I don’t think I’m a pervert, but I sure  am a very, very sexual person, and one aspect of that is that I like to do things that are a bit risqué. I definitely don’t want the girl I’m with to be skanky by any means, but that doesn’t mean she can’t be a bit naughty and fun, so to hear that this girl who I genuinely liked for other reasons was also a bit naughty was a huge added bonus.

And then Rene told me that she thinks she’s nowhere near as good as her sister Laura, that Laura has her shit together and that she’s doing so well, and Laura’s so pretty, and Laura’s this and that and whatever else. I, of course, tried to point out to Rene that she’s pretty awesome herself and shouldn’t compare herself to Laura, but Rene responded by telling me that she makes mistakes all the time and ruins things.

I don’t really remember exactly what she said, but I know Rene told me that she was still in contact with the guy she’d moved to France to be with, even though he’d cheated on her and she’d moved back to Australia broken hearted, she had kept in contact with him. Not only had she kept in contact with him, she was now playing the role of mistress behind the back of this douchebag’s new girlfriend.

I remember telling her, “Well, stop that shit, then!”

Again, I’m not sure how we got onto this, but Rene ended up telling me that she makes a lot of mistakes and it really upsets her. I don’t remember much of the conversation but I do remember her telling me, “I lie to people and confuse them until they stop asking questions.”

Idiot

Trust me, I know very well that I should have taken these things as red flags. I know I’m an idiot for not doing so at the time, but I was drunk and as far as I knew, I was with a beautiful, intelligent, fun, sexy young woman who happened to be going through a rough time and also happened to be full of red wine and cocktails.

Everybody says stupid shit when they’ve been drinking, so I wasn’t judging her for any of what she said. I guess I did take some of those statements on board though, as I certainly kept an eye out for certain things she’d mentioned about herself in the months to come. You’ll hear all about that soon enough.

But it’s not like Rene was the only one saying or doing stupid shit that night. I was on a roll, myself.

I’d managed to completely miss the fact that Rene was worried that I was interested in Laura and had contributed to making her cry as a result, repeatedly as the night went on.

I’d drunkenly pushed my boss’s daughter up and down some serious hills in a freakin’ shopping trolly, the most dangerous of all vehicles. I’d let the night get out of hand by not staying sober. I’d ended up in bed with my boss’s daughter, for fuck’s sake. I hadn’t stopped it and called her a taxi, I hadn’t told her we shouldn’t do anything, I hadn’t walked out of the room when she flashed me. I’d done a lot of stupid shit that night myself.

But I had one more awesomely stupid thing to say.

I totally understand why I said it, but that doesn’t mean I actually understand why I said it. Oh god. I actually have to tell you what I said. Ahh fuck it!, here goes…

I don’t exactly remember when but at one point in the night when I was in bed with Rene, I half whispered: “I want kids.”

I know.

embarrased

I know it was a moronic thing to do, but if you remember from Origins #7, I’d been talking with Rene’s sister earlier that day about how important it was to let people know what you want out of life before you get involved with them, and I didn’t mean that I wanted kids with Rene, I just meant that, at some point in my future, I’d like to be a parent. And somehow, as a result of all that rational logical, sense-making, I was pretty drunk and it just came out.

I totally get that it was a stupid thing to do, and even as I write this, I feel very much like this…

shm1Oh lord the shame I feel for admitting that I said that. Let’s never speak of it again. Ahhh shame my old friend, what would life be without you?

You want to know the worst part? I’m pretty sure I said that after Rene had her little freak-out about me wanting something serious. I just don’t know what I was thinking. I do think my little revelation was on the mild side in comparison to admitting to being an exhibitionist, or intentionally confusing people until they give up asking question, or playing the mistress, etc, etc but it was still a really embarrassing thing for me when I was forced to think back on it later.

Nearly there

As it turns out, there’s still a little bit more of that night that I have to tell you about, including more confusion, weird encouragement and weird rejection. Catch ya then!Crazy bitch tip: If you move to another country to be with a guy and he then cheats on you, don’t talk to him anymore because he’s clearly a massive douche.

Snog, Marry, Avoid

1 Feb

Some women go overboard with their ‘style’. Snog, Marry, Avoid is an effort to resolve that.

Crazy bitch tip: When your own children are telling you you’re wearing a bit too much make up, you might want to listen to them.

Origins #8

1 Feb

We ditched the trolly out the front of my apartment building and laughed our way up the stairs to my shitty little apartment. Y’know, I’m a bit harsh on my place. It’s a very small two bedroom unit thing but it does sit above the others and has a nice enough view over the city of Perth.

Rene and I spilled in through the door, both reasonably drunk and a quite knackered from the walk. Pushing the shopping trolly laden with one boss’s daughter aboard for a few blocks had taken the wind out of my sails for the time being.

Shots fired!

And what’s the smartest thing for a guy to do once he’s got his somewhat drunk boss’s daughter in his apartment? Why, offer her a drink of course!

I assumed Rene would ask for a water or cool drink or something. “You should make me a cocktail!”, was her actual response. I don’t know where she thought I was hiding the cocktail bar. I just laughed and told her it’d have to be a cocktail shooter. Making mixed drinks is just one more thing I know bugger all about, but when I was 18 I did learn to layer drinks in a shot glass, so I got to work on that.

Shot cocktail collection: Red and Blue Tequila

Like this but wayyyyy less classy

Changing it up

The reason we were at my place, as far as I was concerned, was for me to get changed so we could head off to humiliate ourselves at the nearest karaoke bar. With that in mind I told Rene I’d go get changed out of my work uniform into something more appropriate for drunkenly screaming into a microphone in front of bewildered strangers. I changed into a half decent looking shirt and a pair of jeans and switched my sneakers for some shoes nice enough to get me past the ridiculous footwear expectations at the bars in Perth.

I was all prettied up and ready to go but Rene had other ideas.

“You haven’t showed me around your place yet”, she explained. So I gave her the grand tour or the loungeroom/kitchen, the balcony and the second bedroom, which had my weights bench set up in it. This caught Rene’s interest and she decided she wanted to have a crack at bench-pressing what I had on the bar. To my surprise, she actually managed to get the bar back up mostly on her own. She wanted to go for another but I warned her I was probably too drunk to spot her properly, and that we should quit that particular endeavor as winners.

Instead of leaving the room though, she hopped up on the weights bench and leaned up against the window looking out at the view. It struck me how that was the most ridiculous way you could go about seeing the view. I mean, you don’t need to be on your knees on a weights bench with your arse pushed back to get a look at the view. Yes, I did appreciate the view I was getting in that scenario, but I still wasn’t planning on any shenanigans of that nature.

Bullshit! You were after something!

Yep. I’d be lying to say I wasn’t hoping for something to happen that night. What I was hoping for was that Rene would cut the bullshit and let me know she was actually interested. I figured once we’d both admitted that we were into each other, we could figure out if it was worth doing anything about. I was hoping for words, rather than actions, because actions are what would get me in trouble. Words were risky but a lot safer.

I wasn’t so keen to admit I was into Rene. I don’t think I’d really even considered if I was into her or not. I had so much more contact with her sister Laura, and I’d caught myself becoming interested in her but I’d always shut it down because she had a boyfriend. With Rene, I had a crush going for her but I’d never thought about anything beyond that because she wasn’t around as much and because I didn’t really understand what she was after, and I thought she was out of my league anyway. I couldn’t tell what she was really after, and I wasn’t going to get carried away overthinking a bit of flirtation here and there.

There was also the issue that, if I was going to be stupid enough to have a go with either of the Everlong sisters, I would have to choose carefully because I was certain that trying with one meant blowing my chances with the other. I didn’t realistically think I had a chance with either of them, but y’know how it is… when you daydream about possibilities you still like to keep your options open.

But there I was with Rene in my place, both of us fairly drunk and she was throwing some seriously flirting my way.

Better call Laura

Whenever things seemed to be calming down for a second, Rene would demand we have another drink, so I kept making those goofy layered shots and we kept knocking them back. They were full of vodka and advocate and whatever else I could find. They weren’t tasty, but Rene was pretty keen to keep the alcohol flowing.

I was in two minds as to how to deal with the situation I was in. Heading out to the city meant taking my boss’s daughter out on the town when she was already acting a bit over the top, but staying at my place meant potentially doing something that might jeopardize my job. I thought it was a safer bet to head out for karaoke, so I suggested it. Rene told me she’d rather hang out at my place for a while, that maybe we’d go later but we should watch a movie or something in the meantime while she rested up from the walk to my place.

Rene and Laura were very tight-knit sisters, so Rene decided she’d better let her older sister know where she was. That seemed pretty reasonable to me at the time but I quickly realised that having the family who own and manage the company I work for talking about the fact that the youngest daughter was at my place, and sounding a bit drunk, might not be a greatest thing for me.

I’m not a wise man when I’ve been drinking, or ever really, so the best solution I could come up with was to find a humourous interruption to make it obvious that nothing dodgey was happening. A flicker of stupidity ran through my head and I grabbed my guitar, interrupting the phone call with a magnificent rendition of “Burn for you” by John Farnham.

I chose that particular song because it had come up in conversation with Laura earlier in the day, in the same conversation where we ended up talking about letting people know if you want kids or not.

John Farnham

John Farnham was a hugely popular singer in Australia. I bring him up because he happens to play a weirdly significant role in the overall story. If you want to learn more about him, check out his wikipedia page but suffice to say, he was massively popular in Australia, especially throughout the 80s and early 90s and the Everlong family and I, and pretty much everyone else, were all adoring fans of the guy. That fandom will come into things later on.

Anyway, in the conversation I’d had with Laura earlier in the day, I mentioned that I loved the song Burn For You and she told she thought it was Farnsy’s most boring song, so when I chose to interrupt Rene’s conversation with Laura by playing that specific song, I was being a cheeky bugger. I was playing a song I knew she found annoying and thought was a great way to imply that everyone at my place still had our clothes on and we were just having fun being silly.

The backfire

Rene finished up the call with her sister, put her phone away, and suddenly burst into tears. At the exact same time, I felt my phone vibrate like I’d just gotten about 10 text messages. I ignored the texts for the time being and squished up next to Rene to ask her what was going on. As it happens, the lyrical content of the song Burn For You is all about a guy who’s desperately in love with a woman, Rene had completely misinterpreted my choice to play that specific song to Laura at that point in time.

Through her tears Rene said, “You like Laura don’t you?”
“What to do you mean? What are you talking about?”, I said.
“You’re interested in her. You don’t like me, do you?”, she said.
“Where’s this coming from? She’s got a boyfriend!”, I asked her.
“Yeah she’s got a boyfriend and you still like her more. Why do you like her more than me? What does she have that I don’t have?”, Rene sobbed.

By this point I’d wrapped an arm around Rene in an effort to console her. My other hand was on her knee. She sat there on my couch with her knees up in front of her, her head down, tears rolling down her face. I’d done my best to ignore it but I did have a crush on her and had done for a long time. There I was trying to console this girl who I liked as she cried because she thought I wasn’t interested in her. This same girl had made it clear earlier that night that she wants people to treat her like a normal girl and forget that she’s my boss’s daughter. I was stuck with the choice of either telling her that I’d liked her for a long time, or leaving her to cry in front of me in my own place.

Rene stopped talking but continued to cry. I leaned in and kissed her. She kissed me back. It was one of the most intense kisses I’ve ever been a part of. I remember the slight taste of salt on her lips from the tears. I remember that the way she kissed me back reassured me that I hadn’t made the wrong choice.

 

Crazy bitch tip: If you spend all your time concealing your intentions, don’t expect people to trust you.

There’s more than one way to be beautiful

31 Jan

I don’t think I’ll ever understand why so many people believe there’s only one way to be considered beautiful.

90s black culture

When I was growing up in the 90s, there was a big influx of ‘black music’ from America. There was heaps of R&B and hip hop and rap started taking over the airwaves. The singers and rappers in the video clips for these songs were, of course, black guys and it wasn’t long before any guy with the slightest bit of darkness to his skin was suddenly a hot commodity in the teenage dating scene. It was always funny to me watching my Indian mates start playing it up and taking on all these American black-guy traits, but hey, good luck to them, they were getting the girls that way. It was downright hilarious to me at the time though, watching my lighter skinned buddies starting to act like gangsters and wearing all the garb that was popular in the hip hop videos at the time. My friends didn’t quite go these extremes but you get the idea…

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Now, these pics are pretty funny because these guys have gone waaaaaaay overboard. They look foolish. They don’t realise that they in no way resemble their hip hop heroes or that their efforts towards that come off as unbelievably lame. If these guys were just being themselves, they wouldn’t have ended up having their photos lambasted all over the internet, and that’s the point I’m getting at… You can still be attractive even if you don’t look like whatever the current trend is.

The confusion continues

That whole ‘white guys trying to be black’ thing is still going, but it’s not quite as bad as it was at its peak. In fact, some blokes like Eminem managed to blow through the boundaries and just like Elvis before him, found a way to commercialise the urge for young white guys to want to be black. Anyway, it seems there’s a different version of this ‘wanting to be like someone else’ dominating the world at the moment. This version is generally amongst the ladies and is the urge to dress, look, and act like dumb white bitches.

I’m going to assume that this is mostly because the most famous women in the world are movie stars or American ‘celebrities’, and most of these women are white skinned, have fair hair and light coloured eyes. This appears to have generated the confusion that a beautiful women must have light skin, thick lips, a petite nose, light coloured eyes, blonde hair and no normal human imperfections. Sure, there are many beautiful women out in the world who do fit that stereotype and lots of guys are attracted to them, but that doesn’t mean it’s the only way to be attractive!

Check out these ladies trying to look like someone they’re not..

There’s no denying some of these women look pretty good, but most of them are looking prettttttty badddd. And that’s the way it usually goes. You get a few people who are able to pull off a look different to their natural look because they happen to have features that make it work, but most people just can’t get away with it and it ends up looking comical. Mind you, fashion makes no sense to me. Sometimes looking awful is the trend and everyone just goes along with it. I don’t get that shit either.

Anyshways, what I’m trying to say is that you can look good without fucking with your face and your hair and without bolting on a pair of inflato-tits. You can be beautiful by playing to your strengths. If you’re not naturally blonde haired and blue eyed, don’t try to be. Instead, take advantage of what you’ve got.

What not to do

And here’s why… [warning: there’s some gross footage in this one]

Be real

Yes, there are beautiful women with blonde hair and blue eyes, but there are a billion other ways to be beautiful.

I’ve said quite clearly before that I don’t know shit about fashion. I do, however, know that these women are friggin gorgeous. Obviously these women are blessed with some outstanding genes, but they’ve got something else going for them too… they’re not trying to be someone they’re not.

I’m not saying you shouldn’t dye your hair or straighten it or put on some makeup or whatever. Go for your life! But when you hit the point that you’re trying to hide what you actually look like and fake yourself off as someone else, that’s going too far. So cut down on the plastic surgery and  have a go at taking advantage of your natural beauty. Guys aren’t as stupid as some of you girls seem to think, we can see that you’re good looking even if you’re not the type of good looking that happens to be on TV at the moment. I can’t speak for every guy on the planet but I know that I personally find a woman who’s comfortable with how she looks and who she is to be a gazillion times more attractive than a bleach blonde, fake tanned, wearing all the trendy bullshit kind of woman.

I know for sure that heaps of guys like exotic women. You can’t be exotic if you’re busy trying to look like everyone else now, can ya? Crazy bitch tip: stop trying to be someone you’re not

Jealousy is ugly

2 Oct

People are competitive. That’s part of what got us to the moon. It’s a big part of the reason we have people that can do awesome things that seem like they should be impossible. For example:

For the record, this was the least ‘T&A’ focused video I could find of women doing awesome shit, and that sort of ties in with what I wanted to write about today.

Most people are average looking, that’s exactly what average means. Some people are good looking, which is a nice little bonus in life but doesn’t really help anyone all that much in the grand scheme of things. But then you get the model-level good looking people. They’re people who are so good looking, it’s distracting. For some people, seeing a model-level good looking person makes them self-conscious, and that makes them angry at the model-type person. That anger has a few names but most people know it either as envy or jealousy.

Envy and jealousy are very ugly traits which often trigger people’s built-in drive to compete. I’m no shrink but I’d have to think both jealousy and envy come from insecurity. Insecurity, envy and jealousy can be very ugly traits when they’re revealed to the world. And I mean, downright repulsive.

“Too pretty”

There are two young women in Argentina that showed just how ugly jealousy can become and they really pushed themselves into crazy-bitch territory in doing so. See, these two teenage girls had seen 15 year old Julia Alvarez around town and came to the conclusion that Julia was so attractive, she was ‘too pretty’. What the hell does that mean?

Well, to these girls, Maira (16) and Flor (18), ‘Too pretty’ meant they found Julia so threateningly attractive, they would need to alter her appearance to make her less competitive in the looks department. These two teenaged girls stepped over the threshold into psycho-land when they decided to become knife wielding attackers who told Julia “Everyone says you are pretty. You won’t look pretty when we have finished with you. People will call you Chucky.“, a reference to the character of the same name from the horror movie, Child’s play.

Chucky

Sure, you could use logic and realise that at most, Julia was probably only going to get involved with one guy at a time, maybe even two, leaving the other 3 billion or so available, but that’s useless rational thinking, and there’s no room for rationality in the minds of knife wielding psycho-bitches hell-bent on eradicating beauty from the world. So instead of accepting that there are, in fact, people out there in the world who are better looking than themselves, Maira and Flor used their knives to slash the flesh of a beautiful young woman, over and over, until they were satisfied she was no longer more beautiful than them.

I’ve chosen not to include the more graphic images of Julia’s injuries from the attack, but this one gives you some idea how vicious the attack was.

One of these cuts required 20 stitches alone.

One of these cuts required 20 stitches.

The more gruesome the images are available in this Daily Mail article, but be warned, they’re not pleasant.

Personality matters more

Maira and Flor cut Julia because they thought doing so would make them comparatively more attractive than her. This is solid evidence that they’re very, very confused about what really matters when it comes to being attractive. Most people can get past looking at a scar or two but it’s a lot more difficult to get past the fact that your romantic interest has a bad history of getting jealous and putting knives into people. The fact that these two horrid little trolls couldn’t figure that out for themselves is evidence that they already had very unattractive personalities and the fact that they went through with it makes them about as ugly as you can get.

If you feel threatened by how attractive other people are, that’s because you lack self-confidence. Get out there and start doing what you love and find a way to be so happy about who you are. Focus on having an awesome personality because your personality will stick around a lot longer than your looks. I can’t speak for everyone else but I know personally that I find an average looking woman with an awesome personality far more attractive as a partner than a supermodel with the personality of a goldfish.

Sure, good looks turn heads, but good personalities win hearts.

Don’t

For the sake of the rest of us, please don’t fall into the trap of thinking that looks are something to compete on. Fashion is a competitive world and look how that turns out:

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So let’s not go jumping on board that train too damned quick. Yes, it’s nice to look good. Yes, good looking people get a few advantages in life but they also sometimes get attacked by knife-wielding psychopaths, so it’s not all roses. You probably look just fine, and even if you don’t, remember that pretty much everyone ends up finding someone who loves them.

I bet this dude has a HUGE personality.

I bet this dude has a HUGE personality.

Some people can see past physical shortcomings.

Even his friend is happy to see they’re finally ready to show their love to the world.

Crazy bitch tip: If you think there are people out there who are ‘too pretty’, put the knife down and speak to a shrink.

Princess Rene

9 Sep

The word Princess

What do you think of when you think of a princess? Class? Elegance? Grace?

princess_grace

Princess Grace, of Monaco. Doing the being a princess thing right.

I guess Princess Grace is a bit old fashioned compared to our modern world. Times have changed, after all. I mean, here’s Princess Mary. A totally different story, right?

Princess Mary, of Denmark. Also doing the being a princess thing right.

Princess Mary, of Denmark. Also doing the being a princess thing right.

Oh. She’s actually classy, graceful, elegant and demure also. Hrmm. It appears there are certain traits that will always be associated with those ladies bestowed with the title ‘Princess’.

Strangely, I notice that one of those traits is not screaming at men to punch themselves in the balls.

“Pardon?”, I hear you ask.

I’ve noticed that women who give themselves the title of ‘Princess’ tend to not really possess the honorable and admirable traits mentioned above. In general, I’d have to say that most women who decide for themselves that they’re a princess, are usually, kinda classless, horrible, crazy bitches. I’m not saying that if you called yourself a princess when you were a little girl that you were an awful little monster. Of course not! You were a kid playing kid games and using your imagination to pretend you were someone wonderful and glamorous! What I’m talking about are fully grown women who go around calling themselves a princess when they’re not.

Princess Rene

So I did a little research and found a prime example of crazy bitch who calls herself a princess. Allow me to introduce you all to ‘Princess’ Rene.

'Princess' Rene. Kind of the opposite of a real princess.

‘Princess’ Rene. Kind of the opposite of a real princess.

Clearly, princess Rene has all the outward components of an attractive woman. Unfortunately, I suspect our dear Rene here is verging on mentally ill, and I say that because I have seen a video of her ‘at work’. I’m going to post the video below but let me first say that this video is targeting an adult demographic and it’s going to get weird. I’m telling you this ahead of time because getting caught watching this video is going to be tough to explain to your boss, or your mum, or, well, anyone. Anyway, take it away Rene…

Let’s just take a minute and consider that, huh?

“My lips are natural and gorgeous and lips that women pay thousands of dollars to achieve.” – princess Rene

“That’s right loser. You’re going to feel some pain for me.” – princess Rene

“In order to get your first kiss from me, I want you to take your hand and make a fist AND PUNCH YOURSELF IN THE FUCKING BALLS” – princess Rene

“Is this fun for you? Cos it’s fun for me!” – princess Rene

“Look at you. You would do anything for me wouldn’t you, you fucking bitch” – princess Rene

“You would do anything for meeeeee. And why wouldn’t you? I’m fucking perfect. I’m amazing. I’m gorgeousssss.” – princess Rene

“I want you to do one last ball-punch” – princess Rene

The charming princess Rene.

The charming princess Rene.

I’m not going to pretend there aren’t guys out there that are attracted to ‘bitchy’ girls like this but I can tell you that I’m not one of those guys. I can also tell you that any guy that is attracted to women like this has some issues that might be worth dealing with. Seeing that we’re on How Not To Be A Crazy Bitch though, I’m going to focus more on the pink-lingerie clad, little nut-bar we’ve just watched scream into a video camera of some sort for few minutes with the intention of getting men to punch themselves in the balls over her.

More than meets the eye

What strikes me as interesting about Rene is that she is playing out the natural extension of a certain type of woman, that type being the attractive but very insecure girl. If you spoke with Rene (or whatever her real name is) about this video, she’d tell you she’s just playing a role, just pretending, that she’s only doing this silly stuff because it’s a way to make easy money. But I’d call bullshit on that, because someone as physically attractive as Rene here, could be making money hand over fist in a bunch of different ways because, let’s face it, men are pretty quick to hand over money when a good looking woman is around.

Nope. Rene here is absolutely into what she’s doing. She’s getting her jollies knowing that she has a power over guys. I’ve run into girls like this. I guarantee you that Rene will treat any man who shows interest in her like he’s a worthless piece of shit but she knows deep down she doesn’t really have any power, and that’s why the guy who ignores her is the one she’s going to chase. Of course, she’ll only chase him until he actually shows that he’s interested in her, at which point she will immediately relegate him to the rank of loser in her head and lose all interest in him.

Girls like Rene spend their whole lives ‘testing’ men by treating them like absolute shit, and the only guys they’re interested in are the guys who don’t give a shit about them because those guys don’t react to her bullshit. It’s ironic because girls like Rene end up throwing themselves at the guys who don’t care about them specifically because those guys don’t care about them, and then they complain about the fact that those guys don’t care about them. Then, to make themselves feel better, they abuse their power over other men in order to return the pain and suffering they felt at being rejected or ignored.

Don’t be like Rene

Think about it like this: If Rene here were really as confident and happy as she would like us to believe, would she really be stuck filming herself on a computer in a random, empty bedroom? Wouldn’t she at least have a cameraman?

Everything about Rene’s behaviour in the video screams to me that she’s a spoiled little kid who never matured into adulthood. She’s fueled by her joy of abusing the natural power her physique gives her and comes across to me as a vapid, self-centred, sadistic, angry little sociopath who is very confused about her position within the world. Do you think Rene sits back at the end of a long day filming “punch yourself in the balls” videos and thinks to herself, “I’m really living a fulfilling life of pure joy and satisfaction”? I doubt it.

Look, if you won the genetic lottery and as the result you’re an attractive young woman, please don’t waste your time playing stupid, pointless, hurtful power-games. You won’t get what you really want out of it, all you’ll do is cause yourself and a bunch of other people a shitload of unnecessary suffering. Look at what the truly happy people in the world do… they treat each other with respect and consideration and they certainly don’t intentionally inflict suffering or test each other for vulnerabilities.

I’m in my mid thirties now and I’ve seen a lot of the girls that were really good looking when we were growing up somehow fuck themselves out of finding deep and meaningful relationships with good, genuine men because they couldn’t get past this immature urge to play power games. Don’t make that mistake because I’ve seen those same girls start throwing themselves at anything that even remotely resembles a man when their biological clocks start ticking and the crows feet start settling in, and it ain’t pretty.

Crazy bitch tip: Give the power games a break and try actually doing things that lead to happiness instead.

 

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