Tag Archives: boss’s daughter

Origins #15

19 Jun

Picking up where I left off, I was figuring out the best way to ask out my boss’s daughter after she’d spent the night at my place. Look, to be completely honest, I can’t remember if I asked Rene out on the Sunday evening or waited ’til Monday. I think it was Sunday but gimme a break ok, it was nearly 5 years ago.

Actually, part of the reason I’m trying to write this all down is so I’ve got a half accurate version of the events that took place before I forget them all. The tough part is that it was a downright awful experience to go through, so it’s not exactly fun trying to remember it in fine detail. Anyway…

Time to ask Rene out

Unlike her sister Laura, Rene didn’t work at Everlong, so I wouldn’t be seeing her in person anytime soon. I guess I could have called her, but we’d never called each other before and after the somewhat dramatic turn of events the weekend had become, I wasn’t inclined to fall into a super awkward conversation on the phone. I instead went the SMS route. I spent a bit of time thinking about what to write, but in the end I just said exactly what I was thinking. It was something like:

Hey, wanna catch up sometime this week? Friday got a bit full on, so I reckon we find something nice and chill to do and just hang out.

Then came the always fun waiting for the response phase of the sms communication medium. I have at times stressed out like crazy while waiting for a response to a message like that, but I don’t think I was that stressed about this one. I figured that after Rene literally demanded that I ask her out, the odds were in my favour. Even if she said no, that would be a way out of a hugely complex situation anyway, so it was kinda win, win.

The response is in

Pretty quickly after sending my message to Rene, my phone uttered that classic Nokia sms received tone. Rene’s response was in: Yes. Sounds good. How about Wednesday night? Hey, hey! That was what I wanted to hear. Straight forward. Easy. No fuss. No confusion. Fantastic! And there I was fretting about it being a big deal and making what was already an extremely complicated time in my life even more complicated. Phew! excellent I can’t claim that is 100% exactly what Rene sent, but I remember very clearly that she used the word “Yes” and not “yeah” or “ok”, but specifically the word “yes”. It’s a weird detail to remember but it stuck with me because it seemed kind of formal. Not that it bothered me. Quite the opposite, actually. “Yes” seemed like the best possible answer.

Like I said before, it was a pretty huge thing for me to admit to Rene that I liked her and it had put me in a really weird situation, so it really was a big relief to get that message back and to know that we were still on the same page. I figured we’d just let things play out and see what happens.

Monday always comes around to spoil the weekend

Monday shows up too early as always and this one was particularly unwanted because it meant facing whatever assumptions my colleagues had made about the fact that I left the restaurant with Rene. And assume they did. I always got into work nice and early, about 7:30, so I could get out early to get to the shops and whatever, so I was at my desk before anyone else arrived for the day.

One by one they came in, each with the same insinuations about me having to worry about my job because I obviously had sex with the boss’s daughter and her dad would find out and fire me. Each time I had to explain that nothing untoward had happened, that Rene had fallen asleep on my couch and that was the full extent of the evening’s adventures. innocent Yeah, I was lying, but I was lying specifically because I’d been asked to by Rene. I don’t like lying. I don’t like secrets. I don’t like whispering. I don’t like gossip. I certainly don’t like having to intentionally mislead people I work with all day, every day, who I considered friends, but I’d been asked to, so I lied.

The news spread quickly that Rene had stayed over at my place and I started getting emails from the girls at the other office. I spent more time trying to politely disregard inquiries about my supposed sexual escapades with my boss’s daughter than working that morning. I was already stressed out with everything else. The last thing I wanted was to be the focal point of all that gossip. It’s not like I had any choice, though. After Mike had seen us walking back to Rene’s car there was little choice but to come up with an explanation and stick to it.

Rene’s parents were overseas

Someone had told me on Friday night that Tim Everlong and his wife were away for two weeks. That knowledge at least was one minor positive in what I was expecting to be an increasingly complex situation. If nothing else, at least I’d have a bit of time to let everything settle before they’d be back and asking questions. Or so I thought. wrong Rene’s parents may well have been away for two weeks but not long after lunch, as a complete surprise to me, Rene’s father Time Everlong comes strolling into the open plan office in which I worked. I’m sure I’ve mentioned before that Tim was a very friendly bloke who would roam around chatting with us all and making jokes and generally being the sort of company owner that you dream of having. This unexpected visit was no exception, except that this time I was crapping my dacks expecting him to fire me any second, but he spent so much time joking around with everyone that I started to relax a bit.

Did everyone have a good Friday night?

The fact that he hadn’t spoken to me directly was a bit of a cause for concern but I started to assume he hadn’t heard anything and that it’d surface another day and I’d deal with it then. What a relief! At least that had worked out in my favour for now. After Tim had done his rounds of talking to every single person in that office except me, he headed towards the door not far from my desk. I figured he was about to leave.

Sure he hadn’t spoken to me personally but that was no big deal, totally just a coincidence, and frankly I would have been very uncomfortable trying to talk to him with full knowledge of what I’d gotten up to with his daughter over the weekend while he was none the wiser. But as Tim got the door he didn’t say goodbye, as anticipated. No. Instead, Tim turned and looked at me directly for the first time that visit and said in a very loud voice,

“So, did everyone have a good Friday night?”

The entire room went silent. Every eye in the place was aimed directly at me, including Tim’s, who were locked on mine, which had instantly widened to the size of saucers. I’m not sure how long passed as the owner of the company I worked for, who was under the impression that I’d fucked his little princess’s brains out a few days prior, eyeballed me, but it felt like about a decade or so. Tim eventually turned away and walked out through the open doorway.

SMH

A pregnant pause had consumed the entire place and brought with it an ominous silence.  That silence was broken by the thump of my forehead against my desk. headdesk Milliseconds after the sound of my noggin colliding with my grey, generic office desk had reverberated through that  office, the whole place erupted with laughter so raucous I was surprised the windows didn’t blow out. laughing-at I sat and shook my head while the whole office laughed their arses off at me. I was the unwilling star of a sit-com and my colleagues were providing the laugh track. mj-smh

Next time…

So that was how Monday went, I’ll be back to tell you how the rest of that ridiculous week played out. Trust me, this is only the start of my personal sit-com hell.

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Origins #13

8 Apr

Morning had arrived. My mouth was dry. My head was sore. My body was tired. The light pushing it’s way in through my window was unwelcome.

brightlightI hoped that the memories of spending the night with my boss’s daughter, Rene Everlong, were the fictitious remnants of a dream.

I rolled back from my right side onto my back and reluctantly looked to my left. There she was. Laid out in my bed, her eyes lightly closed, the hint of a smile gracing her face. Rene looked like a happy little angel, secretly full of mischief.

What have I done?

It wasn’t a dream. I had spent the night with my boss’s daughter.

Fuck.

It’s one of those cardinal rules of life! Everyone knows, you don’t hook up with your boss’s daughter!

oh-god-what-have-i-doneIt’s not like I didn’t like Rene. Of course I did. I’d been interested in her for a long time and had very much wanted to get together with her, but not like this. Not as part of some alcohol fueled night of drama after drama after drama. I wasn’t unhappy that we’d gotten together, but it was just a rough scenario to wake up to.

What’s in a kiss?

I clambered up and sat with my legs off my side of the bed, back to Rene, elbows of knees and head in my hands. incredulousI took a deep breath and let it slowly escape my lungs as I considered the situation I’d woken up to. My internal monologue was interrupted by a gentle, soft touch at the bottom of the back of my neck.

I hadn’t yet made sense of what just happened. I turned to see what was going on, only to catch a glimpse of Rene as she darted off to the bathroom. I realised that delicate sensation I’d felt had been Rene kissing me. A stolen, sneak attack of affection. Just her style.

That simple act undid a lot of the anguish I’d been dealing with. I remember quite clearly that I broke out into a broad, goofy smile because I knew that meant Rene was happy about what happened, and that in itself took a lot of weight off my shoulders. There was something really sweet in that kiss. It’s difficult for me to describe, but in the face of all the chaos of what came before and after it, I still remember that moment very fondly.

How much does a hangover weigh?

As much as I enjoyed that, my hangover was growing exponentially with each passing second. I stumbled my way to the kitchen and grabbed a glass of water to help wash down the handful of Panadols I’d grab from the bathroom after waiting patiently for Rene. I remember offering some Panadols to Rene, but being seven years my junior, she laughed at the idea of needing something to help her recover and accused me of being a senior citizen for needing them myself.

too oldShe also chuckled at me for telling her I felt like I needed another shower. Regardless, in attempted to wash the previous night away in an attempt to return to feeling something like a human being.

Y’know, It’s amazing the difference brushing your teeth can make in bringing you back from the dregs of a night of over consumption. I suspect I lingered in the bathroom longer than necessary as I struggled to get my head around the circumstances I found myself in.

“Promise you won’t tell anyone”

Rene was dressed and sitting on the bed. I sat down and asked her how she was holding up. She explained that she was alright and happy about what happened but asked me to promise I wouldn’t tell anyone about it. I thought having to promise not to tell anyone was a bit much, but I wasn’t in any rush for anyone to know about what had happened myself, so I agreed.

Coffee?

As much as Rene had smirked at me about my slow recovery rate, she had suddenly become very keen to get a coffee into her system, ASAP. coffee-ivThe problem was, I had none. No coffee, no tea, basically none of the standard hot morning drinks were on offer at my place. Rene’s solution was for us to go out somewhere to get one.

Unfortunately, my car wasn’t allowed on the road and we’d walked/trollied our way back to my place from the pub and leaving Rene’s car there, so our only remaining option was two feet and a heartbeat. Sure, we were right not to drive the night before, but facing that lengthy, hangover ridden walk back, I began ruing our decision to obey that one law while continuing to go on to break so many other of society’s unwritten rules.

I suggested we walk down to one of the coffee shops near my place, but Rene had her heart set on a specific coffee from a specific place. Rene also pointed out that we’d have to get to her car eventually anyway, at which point I suggested I suggested we get a cab to her car. Rene scoffed, telling me the walk was so short, it wouldn’t be worth the effort of calling a taxi.

Walk on

And with that, we began our journey through the blaring sunlight of a humid, not-quite-ready-to-rain, Saturday morning in semi-urban/semi-suburban Perth. Rene voiced her concerns that we should walk via the back streets rather than the main road in case someone were to see us. It’s a relatively easy walk by the main road because it’s a nice level road with good footpaths. The back streets on the other hand, are more arduous. The back way involves suburban-style streets. If there are footpaths, they’re covered with leaves and honkey nuts and assorted other random shit that ends up between the cracks of the broken cement and the worn bitumen.

I don’t remember much about that walk other than just pushing through the hangover and tiredness and not really feeling very talkative. I don’t think much was said over the course of the trek. Perhaps trudge is more apt? It felt like it lasted two hours but it was probably only about 40 minutes.

Rene was wary that we’d be seen by someone from Everlong because many of us lived around the area, so as we neared the Chesterfield pub, we had to choose between walking an extra block past it and doubling back to minimise time spent on the main road, or walking three quarters of a block up the main street.

I was struggling and doubted the likelihood of anyone from work seeing us. I figured, even if they did, there was much to explain. We were just walking down the street, so who cares?

I didn’t give Rene much choice in the matter. She followed as I started walking down the main street.

As we walked down that main street, we passed all sorts of interesting ethnic places. Restaurants, cafes, whatever, they all seemed to be exotic places down that particular block. It just happened that the few people we passed were all speaking in languages other than English.

For whatever reason, this caused me to remark that sometimes I wonder if I’m even still in Australia when I walk through this patch of road. Rene stopped and with wide eyes said “You really just said that”, as if she was astonished that I could say something so offensive. Rene’s part Asian, so maybe she thought I was being racist, I don’t know. Then again, why would a racist guy hook up with an Asian girl? That’s just one more question I don’t have the answer to. All I meant was that it’s cool to have so many different businesses and people from so many places all available in such a short walk from my place.

Did he see us?

Sometimes life, or the universe, or whichever cosmic comedian is in charge of such things, spots an opportunity they just can’t resist. Rene and I covering that short bit of ground down the main road after avoiding it the rest of the way must have been one such opportunity, and thus, about 100 metres away from Rene’s car, I spot a very familiar and distinct vehicle heading our way.

Trundling towards us at barely a smidge over walking pace is the bright red Fiat of none other than Mike Monarch, a manager at Everlong. Mike had been my direct manager for my first few years at Everlong and had known the Everlong family for about 7 years at that point, so I knew there was no way in hell he wouldn’t recognise Rene and me.

Dammit.

My standard approach to an awkward situation, or any difficult situation really, is to face it head on. That’s why I thought to myself, “Mike’s going to see us? Fine. I’ll bloody wave at him and acknowledge it, so at least we don’t look like we’re hiding anything.”
I wasn’t quite ready for what happened next, though.

Having recognised it was Mike, I began to raise my hand to wave. I was looking directly at Mike and Mike was looking directly at me as he rolled towards us from maybe 50 metres away. I swear I saw his eyes widen when he saw me, at which point I assumed he recognised me… but then turned his whole head to the left in what I can best describe as an “NOPE! I’M NOT SEEING THIS” manoeuvre.

nopeaway

I now refer to this move as the “Nopeaway”

See that gif? It was exactly like that, except he didn’t look back.

And off trundled Mike Monarch in his little red Fiat, leaving me with standing still, frozen mid-stride with an unwaved arm extended as if I was waiting for a high five that was never going to come.

It went exactly like this.

It went exactly like this.

So that was some great timing and an awesome reaction which sure helped to make things a whole heap more bloody confusing.

Rene asked me why I’d stopped. I explain it was because I just saw Mike. She asked me, “Did he see us?”, and I told her I was certain that he’d recognised us. When I told her how he’d reacted, the colour drained out of her face.

We’ve gotta get our story straight!

“Oh my God. We have to figure out what we’re going to tell people. We’ve gotta get our story straight!”, Rene said in a rush of words so fast I could barely take them in.
“Let’s figure it out while you get your coffee”, I said as I let the magnificence of the situation soak into the dense cluster of mud that was thumping mercilessly between my ears.

We jumped into Rene’s fancy pants little black BMW and headed off towards the home of her favourite and walk-all-the-way-back-to-her-car-worthy coffee vendor. We discussed our story on the way.

“OK, so let’s tell everyone that I fell asleep on your couch while we were watching a movie. Laura will believe that. I do it all the time.” Rene told me.
“I’ll say whatever you want me to”, I confirmed.
“OK. OK. Yep. That’s it. No one will know anything. That’s fine. Yep. We’ll just tell everyone that.” Rene stammered with more than a hint of anxiety.

At some point along the trip, Rene did something a bit weird as far as driving goes. I don’t remember exactly what. Maybe she hit a curb, or ran a gear too long, or changed lanes without indicating. I know it wasn’t a huge deal sort of thing but I asked her something like, “Do you always drive like this, or is it just because you’re hungover?” I was genuinely curious but the look she gave me suggested she took that question as an insult. Rene just said something to the effect of knowing she’s not the best driver and that was the end of it.

At long last, the Coffee shop

When Rene told me she wanted to get her favourite coffee from her favourite place, I assumed she meant some fancy coffee shop where they use beans from a place I’ve never heard of and brew it for an hour in front of you while you wait.

coffeeI was wrong.

See, I thought we’d sit in a nice cozy little coffee shop and talk about what had happened and how to deal with the fallout in the future. Maybe we’d figure out this date I’d committed to asking her out on and maybe we’d have a chance to just chill out and enjoy each other’s company, minus the influence of alcohol.

It turns out, however, Rene’s favourite coffee was to be acquired from a drive through stall in the middle of an industrial area.

There goes that idea.

Homeward bound

Once Rene had been handed her takeaway coffee through the open window of her very spiffy, very recent BMW, we began the drive back to my place to drop me off.

I seem to recall that we were a little less anxious on the way back but I was a bit lost because it seemed like we weren’t going to talk about things much at all, and I’d have to face the music at work on Monday with very little more to say other than “She fell asleep on the couch while we were watching a movie.”

It was a strange situation.

We eventually arrived out the front of my apartment. Rene pulled to a stop, we said some mildly awkward goodbyes and, not knowing what else to do, I leaned over and kissed her.

And that was that. I was left to recover from my hangover alone, and try to figure out exactly what I’d gotten myself into and how best to deal with it.

Next time

So that concludes the night my boss’s daughter stayed over, but trust me, the drama is only just getting started. Make sure to come back and read more about how my life slowly exploded into a flaming ball of chaos, confusion and hurt feelings.

Crazy bitch tip: Sometimes covering your own arse isn’t the only important thing.

Origins #11

3 Mar

I was still there in my bed with my boss’s daughter, and I was proud of myself for admitting that I had a crush on her instead of holding that information back and leaving her to cry in the belief that I just wanted to sleep with her. If you’ve read up to here, I’m sure you think it’s a bit weird that she somehow thought I was just trying to sleep with her considering I’d put in a fair bit of effort to avoid having anything happen with her, but hey, I was pretty drunk and that didn’t occur to me at the time.

Oops

Something I have remembered since posting last time was that, at some point after Rene and I had arrived at my place, I’d asked her about her sister Laura’s relationship. I’d pointed out that it seemed like something was off there. Rene told me she didn’t know much about it and seemed a bit down about me asking. Turns out Rene knew more than she was letting on and had taken my curiosity as further evidence of her belief that I was interested in Laura.

In hindsight, I guess that was another reason why Rene was so certain I was into Laura. I was into Laura. I’d say I liked her about as much as I liked Rene, but in a different way. It’s tough to explain because I knew Laura much better than Rene. I’ll tell you right now though, most guys would be falling all over themselves to get anywhere near either of these young women, but up until this particular night I’d done a brilliant job of behaving myself around both of them.

You have to ask me out on a proper date!

Anyways, I’d just finished admitting to Rene that I’d had a crush on her for a long time and she’d lit up with joy at hearing it. It’s not like I confessed to having an undying love for her, either. I’d only told her that I’d liked her for a long time and that I wanted to get to spend some time with her and get to know her better but Rene reacted like all her Christmases had come at once and we kissed some more as a result.

Rene stopped crying again and we went back to kissing and whatnot but we were still talking the whole time, and she started telling me how she’d made all these moves on me and asked why I’d never made any moves back. Rene pointed out that she had added me on Facebook, got my work email and started emailing me, gotten my mobile number from her sister and started texting me and even after all of that, I still hadn’t asked her out.

I told her, “You’re my boss’s daughter.”
“So?”, she asked.
“So I need my job”, I explained.
“But you never even asked me out”, she insisted.
“I’m not going to hit on my boss’s daughter. I invited you out to everything and I just figured that was as much as I could do, but you hardly ever came to anything”, I pointed out.
“But you never asked me out on a proper date, just the two of us!”, Rene said.
“I figured you could tell I was interested. You knew I couldn’t ask you out, I figured you’d ask me out if you wanted to see me.”, I told her.
“I was pretty sure that night you told me my ex in France was an idiot. But you have to ask me out now! You have to ask me out on a proper date!”, she told me, practically bouncing up and down with excitement.
“Alright. I’ll ask you out on a proper date.” I told her.

Rene was grinning ear to ear and kissing me with some serious passion after that, but even as drunk as I was, it all sounded like a weird way to go about it to me. I mean, we were in bed with each other and there she was demanding that I ask her out on a date? It’s not like I would have minded asking her out, but we were well past the ‘asking out’ stage of things.

But I’d been drinking, and she’d been drinking, and the whole thing was a bit of a mess. So I figured, if she wanted me to ask her out, I’d ask her out.

Drunken singing

We were making out and laughing and having all the stupid, drunken fun you tend to have when you’ve been drinking all night with someone you’re interested in. We started talking about all sorts of things, like the music we like and what we loved about the 90s and probably a bunch of other shit that I honestly can’t remember.

I do remember that we laid out in that bed playing songs off our phones and singing along to them between kissing and touching, and more singing, and more kissing, and more singing. At one point, I’m loathe to admit, I grabbed my ukulele from beside my bed and tried to play a tune for us to sing to, but I was too drunk to play, so gave up on that idea pretty quick.

It might sound lame, but of everything that happened that night, singing along to those songs together was my favourite bit. I was digging that we had so much in common. There was something awesome about being in bed with this girl I’d liked for so long and that we’d ended cuddled up, singing along to John Farnham songs, and making out like teenagers.

The Roller Coaster Continues

emor

Unfortunately, it wasn’t too long before Rene started crying again.

“You want something serious, don’t you”, she sobbed.
“What are you talking about?”, I asked her.
“You said you want something serious”, she repeated.
“No I didn’t, I said I want to hang out with you a bit and get to know you”, I explained, confused.
I continued, saying, “I couldn’t even think about getting into something serious anytime soon. I just want to hang out with you under the radar, get to know you properly and see what happens.”

And that was the absolute truth of the matter. I wasn’t looking to go from zero to 100 with her. Shit, I didn’t think I really knew Rene well enough to think anything beyond maybe going on a date with her. I wasn’t thinking about the future, aside from the very risky situation I was going to be in from a work perspective.

Like I said in an earlier post, all I was really looking for was to get to hang out with someone I thought was cool. I thought Rene was cool, so now we could get onto the hanging out with each other part, and eventually I’d get to know her well enough to see if there was something more than a basic attraction.

I lie to people and confuse them until they stop asking questions

Rene calmed down again and stopped crying.

We continued to talk, and I truly cannot remember how we ended up getting to this, but at one point Rene explained to me that she was an exhibitionist.

OK, so I’m with this girl I think is gorgeous and she’s already indicated to me that she likes things a bit rough in bed, and then she tells me she’s an exhibitionist. I was surprised to hear that but I was also very excited. I don’t think I’m a pervert, but I sure  am a very, very sexual person, and one aspect of that is that I like to do things that are a bit risqué. I definitely don’t want the girl I’m with to be skanky by any means, but that doesn’t mean she can’t be a bit naughty and fun, so to hear that this girl who I genuinely liked for other reasons was also a bit naughty was a huge added bonus.

And then Rene told me that she thinks she’s nowhere near as good as her sister Laura, that Laura has her shit together and that she’s doing so well, and Laura’s so pretty, and Laura’s this and that and whatever else. I, of course, tried to point out to Rene that she’s pretty awesome herself and shouldn’t compare herself to Laura, but Rene responded by telling me that she makes mistakes all the time and ruins things.

I don’t really remember exactly what she said, but I know Rene told me that she was still in contact with the guy she’d moved to France to be with, even though he’d cheated on her and she’d moved back to Australia broken hearted, she had kept in contact with him. Not only had she kept in contact with him, she was now playing the role of mistress behind the back of this douchebag’s new girlfriend.

I remember telling her, “Well, stop that shit, then!”

Again, I’m not sure how we got onto this, but Rene ended up telling me that she makes a lot of mistakes and it really upsets her. I don’t remember much of the conversation but I do remember her telling me, “I lie to people and confuse them until they stop asking questions.”

Idiot

Trust me, I know very well that I should have taken these things as red flags. I know I’m an idiot for not doing so at the time, but I was drunk and as far as I knew, I was with a beautiful, intelligent, fun, sexy young woman who happened to be going through a rough time and also happened to be full of red wine and cocktails.

Everybody says stupid shit when they’ve been drinking, so I wasn’t judging her for any of what she said. I guess I did take some of those statements on board though, as I certainly kept an eye out for certain things she’d mentioned about herself in the months to come. You’ll hear all about that soon enough.

But it’s not like Rene was the only one saying or doing stupid shit that night. I was on a roll, myself.

I’d managed to completely miss the fact that Rene was worried that I was interested in Laura and had contributed to making her cry as a result, repeatedly as the night went on.

I’d drunkenly pushed my boss’s daughter up and down some serious hills in a freakin’ shopping trolly, the most dangerous of all vehicles. I’d let the night get out of hand by not staying sober. I’d ended up in bed with my boss’s daughter, for fuck’s sake. I hadn’t stopped it and called her a taxi, I hadn’t told her we shouldn’t do anything, I hadn’t walked out of the room when she flashed me. I’d done a lot of stupid shit that night myself.

But I had one more awesomely stupid thing to say.

I totally understand why I said it, but that doesn’t mean I actually understand why I said it. Oh god. I actually have to tell you what I said. Ahh fuck it!, here goes…

I don’t exactly remember when but at one point in the night when I was in bed with Rene, I half whispered: “I want kids.”

I know.

embarrased

I know it was a moronic thing to do, but if you remember from Origins #7, I’d been talking with Rene’s sister earlier that day about how important it was to let people know what you want out of life before you get involved with them, and I didn’t mean that I wanted kids with Rene, I just meant that, at some point in my future, I’d like to be a parent. And somehow, as a result of all that rational logical, sense-making, I was pretty drunk and it just came out.

I totally get that it was a stupid thing to do, and even as I write this, I feel very much like this…

shm1Oh lord the shame I feel for admitting that I said that. Let’s never speak of it again. Ahhh shame my old friend, what would life be without you?

You want to know the worst part? I’m pretty sure I said that after Rene had her little freak-out about me wanting something serious. I just don’t know what I was thinking. I do think my little revelation was on the mild side in comparison to admitting to being an exhibitionist, or intentionally confusing people until they give up asking question, or playing the mistress, etc, etc but it was still a really embarrassing thing for me when I was forced to think back on it later.

Nearly there

As it turns out, there’s still a little bit more of that night that I have to tell you about, including more confusion, weird encouragement and weird rejection. Catch ya then!Crazy bitch tip: If you move to another country to be with a guy and he then cheats on you, don’t talk to him anymore because he’s clearly a massive douche.

Origins #9

16 Feb

So, I’d just kissed my boss’s  daughter.

After a long, intense kiss we separated. Rene, who had only seconds before been kissing me back with some serious passion, stopped and said:

“Oh, it’s complicated. Oh my god, it’s so complicated. I’ll have to break it off with [some guy’s name].”
“What do you mean?”, I asked her.
“Who kissed who? Did you kiss me or did I kiss you?”, she asked, ignoring my question in the process.
“I kissed you”, I explained.

I don’t think I’d ever seen her smile quite so fully before as she did when I told her that. It was the same sort of smile you’d expect to see on someone who just won the lottery. Clearly Rene was happy that I’d kissed her. I was too because I thought we could finally cut all the bullshit.

“Oh my god. It’s so complicated.”, Rene said again.

I figured she was talking about the fact that I worked for her father. I was under no illusions as to how complicated it was. I’d had a lot to drink but I knew exactly what I was doing when I kissed her and I knew what I was risking. I avoid drama as best I can, but everyone once in a while, when I think it’s worth the stress, I dive in head first anyway.

I kissed Rene because I thought it was worth it. I felt a real chemistry with her and after all that build up, all the flirtation, and keeping my guard up for so long that she ended up literally crying in my lap because thinking I didn’t like her, I thought it was the right thing to do. Yeah, it was complicated because her father was the owner of the company I worked for and her sister managed my office, but Rene’s family all liked me knew me well enough by that point to know I’d treat her properly. Yeah, it was a risk, but I thought I’d been reasonably careful about the whole thing.

“It’s OK, Rene. It’s really nothing.”, I reassured her.

I remembered that my phone had been going off before we’d kissed. I checked it quickly to find a bunch of messages from Angelica asking if she should come around. For the briefest of moments I considered that threesome I’d been cheekily hinting at earlier at dinner, but common sense prevailed and I replied to Angelica telling her that Rene was in a bad way and I was taking care of her.

“It’s so complicated”, Rene repeated, putting her hands either side of her head.

You don’t have to sleep on the couch

“It’s cool, Rene. We’ve probably just had too much to drink. Let’s just chill out for the rest of the night and figure it all out tomorrow”.

I wasn’t exactly sure what she thought was so complicated, but kissing my boss’s daughter was more than enough drama for one night for me. I wanted to sleep on it and deal with it all in the morning when we were sober, so I explained to Rene that we should call it a night. I offered to pay for a cab but Rene pointed out that she’d have to come back the next day to pick up her car anyway, so it’d be easier for her if she stayed over. I told Rene she that was fine, that she could take my bed and I’d crash on the couch.

“You don’t have to sleep on the couch”, she told me, to which I replied, “I reckon it’s for the best.”

I’d washed my bedclothes earlier that day, so Rene and I had to grab the bedclothes out of the drier and make the bed. She was practically giddy as we dressed the bed. I told her she’d be comfy in the bed and that I was going to take a shower before crashing on the couch. Rene suggested that we could share the bed and that it’d be fine. I reiterated that I didn’t think it was the best idea. Rene seemed to let it go and asked if she could borrow some clothes to sleep in. I grabbed up one of my favourite shirts and a pair of shorts for her, knowing they’d fit her about as well as a tent. Considering I’m 6’3″ and she’s about 5’6″, it was the best I could do.

I told her to get changed while I’m in the shower because I’d have to come back in to grab a few things before heading to the couch. Off I went to have a shower.

I really wasn’t expecting anything to happen that night. I figured the kiss was more than enough, especially considering how complicated Rene seemed to think it all was. Still,  you can be damned sure that I cleaned myself up as if I was getting ready for a date anyway. I double washed everything, especially my fun bits. My semi-intoxicated brain was coming up with all sorts of imaginary scenarios, such as Rene sneaking in and joining me in the shower, and yeah, I definitely liked the thought of something happening but I knew it was a bad idea. But just in case, I not only applied a bit of deodorant, I went the whole hog and applied my favourite aftershave too. Purely precautionary, of course.

I put on my and undies and pyjama pants (they’re not really pjs, just some comfy, loose fitting tracky dacks) and knocked on the door that joins the bathroom to my bedroom.

“Come in”, Rene said through the closed door.

Mere Male

Upon opening the door I was greeted with a sight I was definitely not expecting. There, on my bed, laid my boss’s daughter with a massive grin on her face. That massive grin might have had something to do with the fact that she’d chosen to go without the monstrously huge shorts I’d offered her and was instead in her underwear, and was currently pulling the shirt I’d provided her all the way up to her neck to ensure I got a full view of her ridiculously beautiful breasts. I want to make this clear, I’ve seen plenty of boobs in my time and I’m not easily wowed.

Rene’s were so astonishing that I blanked out for a second and came back too as I slid head first across my bed, face first into Rene’s stunning northern territory.

slide

I had a few twinges of “Hey! What are you doing???!!!! THIS IS A BAD IDEA!!!” firing off in my head, but that background noise was easily drowned out by the sounds of the horn section from the heavens. Honestly, I know I sound ridiculous but think about it from my perspective. I’d put in a lot of effort to make sure I wasn’t doing the wrong thing, I’d tried to do the right thing at every turn (for the most part) and here in front of me was a stunningly beautiful girl whom I’d had a crush on for quite a while beckoning me into bed with her. I’m a good guy but I can only resist sooooo much.

Don’t worry though, you’ll get to laugh at my foolishness as the story unfolds, you can be sure of that.

mistake

Heavy petting

Look, I’m not going to go into heaps of detail here. I’d prefer to leave it at the phrase ‘heavy petting’, but some of the details become relevant later on, so I’ll have to fill you in on them, but I’ll do that in the next installment of my ridiculous story.

Crazy bitch tip: Don’t hook up with your father’s employee unless you’ve thought it through, and especially don’t do so when you’re already seeing someone else.

Origins #8

1 Feb

We ditched the trolly out the front of my apartment building and laughed our way up the stairs to my shitty little apartment. Y’know, I’m a bit harsh on my place. It’s a very small two bedroom unit thing but it does sit above the others and has a nice enough view over the city of Perth.

Rene and I spilled in through the door, both reasonably drunk and a quite knackered from the walk. Pushing the shopping trolly laden with one boss’s daughter aboard for a few blocks had taken the wind out of my sails for the time being.

Shots fired!

And what’s the smartest thing for a guy to do once he’s got his somewhat drunk boss’s daughter in his apartment? Why, offer her a drink of course!

I assumed Rene would ask for a water or cool drink or something. “You should make me a cocktail!”, was her actual response. I don’t know where she thought I was hiding the cocktail bar. I just laughed and told her it’d have to be a cocktail shooter. Making mixed drinks is just one more thing I know bugger all about, but when I was 18 I did learn to layer drinks in a shot glass, so I got to work on that.

Shot cocktail collection: Red and Blue Tequila

Like this but wayyyyy less classy

Changing it up

The reason we were at my place, as far as I was concerned, was for me to get changed so we could head off to humiliate ourselves at the nearest karaoke bar. With that in mind I told Rene I’d go get changed out of my work uniform into something more appropriate for drunkenly screaming into a microphone in front of bewildered strangers. I changed into a half decent looking shirt and a pair of jeans and switched my sneakers for some shoes nice enough to get me past the ridiculous footwear expectations at the bars in Perth.

I was all prettied up and ready to go but Rene had other ideas.

“You haven’t showed me around your place yet”, she explained. So I gave her the grand tour or the loungeroom/kitchen, the balcony and the second bedroom, which had my weights bench set up in it. This caught Rene’s interest and she decided she wanted to have a crack at bench-pressing what I had on the bar. To my surprise, she actually managed to get the bar back up mostly on her own. She wanted to go for another but I warned her I was probably too drunk to spot her properly, and that we should quit that particular endeavor as winners.

Instead of leaving the room though, she hopped up on the weights bench and leaned up against the window looking out at the view. It struck me how that was the most ridiculous way you could go about seeing the view. I mean, you don’t need to be on your knees on a weights bench with your arse pushed back to get a look at the view. Yes, I did appreciate the view I was getting in that scenario, but I still wasn’t planning on any shenanigans of that nature.

Bullshit! You were after something!

Yep. I’d be lying to say I wasn’t hoping for something to happen that night. What I was hoping for was that Rene would cut the bullshit and let me know she was actually interested. I figured once we’d both admitted that we were into each other, we could figure out if it was worth doing anything about. I was hoping for words, rather than actions, because actions are what would get me in trouble. Words were risky but a lot safer.

I wasn’t so keen to admit I was into Rene. I don’t think I’d really even considered if I was into her or not. I had so much more contact with her sister Laura, and I’d caught myself becoming interested in her but I’d always shut it down because she had a boyfriend. With Rene, I had a crush going for her but I’d never thought about anything beyond that because she wasn’t around as much and because I didn’t really understand what she was after, and I thought she was out of my league anyway. I couldn’t tell what she was really after, and I wasn’t going to get carried away overthinking a bit of flirtation here and there.

There was also the issue that, if I was going to be stupid enough to have a go with either of the Everlong sisters, I would have to choose carefully because I was certain that trying with one meant blowing my chances with the other. I didn’t realistically think I had a chance with either of them, but y’know how it is… when you daydream about possibilities you still like to keep your options open.

But there I was with Rene in my place, both of us fairly drunk and she was throwing some seriously flirting my way.

Better call Laura

Whenever things seemed to be calming down for a second, Rene would demand we have another drink, so I kept making those goofy layered shots and we kept knocking them back. They were full of vodka and advocate and whatever else I could find. They weren’t tasty, but Rene was pretty keen to keep the alcohol flowing.

I was in two minds as to how to deal with the situation I was in. Heading out to the city meant taking my boss’s daughter out on the town when she was already acting a bit over the top, but staying at my place meant potentially doing something that might jeopardize my job. I thought it was a safer bet to head out for karaoke, so I suggested it. Rene told me she’d rather hang out at my place for a while, that maybe we’d go later but we should watch a movie or something in the meantime while she rested up from the walk to my place.

Rene and Laura were very tight-knit sisters, so Rene decided she’d better let her older sister know where she was. That seemed pretty reasonable to me at the time but I quickly realised that having the family who own and manage the company I work for talking about the fact that the youngest daughter was at my place, and sounding a bit drunk, might not be a greatest thing for me.

I’m not a wise man when I’ve been drinking, or ever really, so the best solution I could come up with was to find a humourous interruption to make it obvious that nothing dodgey was happening. A flicker of stupidity ran through my head and I grabbed my guitar, interrupting the phone call with a magnificent rendition of “Burn for you” by John Farnham.

I chose that particular song because it had come up in conversation with Laura earlier in the day, in the same conversation where we ended up talking about letting people know if you want kids or not.

John Farnham

John Farnham was a hugely popular singer in Australia. I bring him up because he happens to play a weirdly significant role in the overall story. If you want to learn more about him, check out his wikipedia page but suffice to say, he was massively popular in Australia, especially throughout the 80s and early 90s and the Everlong family and I, and pretty much everyone else, were all adoring fans of the guy. That fandom will come into things later on.

Anyway, in the conversation I’d had with Laura earlier in the day, I mentioned that I loved the song Burn For You and she told she thought it was Farnsy’s most boring song, so when I chose to interrupt Rene’s conversation with Laura by playing that specific song, I was being a cheeky bugger. I was playing a song I knew she found annoying and thought was a great way to imply that everyone at my place still had our clothes on and we were just having fun being silly.

The backfire

Rene finished up the call with her sister, put her phone away, and suddenly burst into tears. At the exact same time, I felt my phone vibrate like I’d just gotten about 10 text messages. I ignored the texts for the time being and squished up next to Rene to ask her what was going on. As it happens, the lyrical content of the song Burn For You is all about a guy who’s desperately in love with a woman, Rene had completely misinterpreted my choice to play that specific song to Laura at that point in time.

Through her tears Rene said, “You like Laura don’t you?”
“What to do you mean? What are you talking about?”, I said.
“You’re interested in her. You don’t like me, do you?”, she said.
“Where’s this coming from? She’s got a boyfriend!”, I asked her.
“Yeah she’s got a boyfriend and you still like her more. Why do you like her more than me? What does she have that I don’t have?”, Rene sobbed.

By this point I’d wrapped an arm around Rene in an effort to console her. My other hand was on her knee. She sat there on my couch with her knees up in front of her, her head down, tears rolling down her face. I’d done my best to ignore it but I did have a crush on her and had done for a long time. There I was trying to console this girl who I liked as she cried because she thought I wasn’t interested in her. This same girl had made it clear earlier that night that she wants people to treat her like a normal girl and forget that she’s my boss’s daughter. I was stuck with the choice of either telling her that I’d liked her for a long time, or leaving her to cry in front of me in my own place.

Rene stopped talking but continued to cry. I leaned in and kissed her. She kissed me back. It was one of the most intense kisses I’ve ever been a part of. I remember the slight taste of salt on her lips from the tears. I remember that the way she kissed me back reassured me that I hadn’t made the wrong choice.

 

Crazy bitch tip: If you spend all your time concealing your intentions, don’t expect people to trust you.

Origins #4

21 Dec

I’d just gotten back from Europe. I didn’t want that party to end. I didn’t want to slot back into the stressful, pressured, mindless existence my life had been before I’d gone away.

I tried to keep the party going by making sure that my friends and I were going out as often as possible, that we weren’t missing any chances to take part in the fun that life has to offer.

shuttingthisbitchdownReally all I was doing was trying to fight off the stress that I knew would take over again and leave me hating waking up, because waking up meant I’d have to go in to work.

Holiday talk

In the first few days back at work, everyone wanted to know all about my trip. I remember that Tim Everlong and his cousin, Jeff (my project manager’s manager), kinda cornered me to get some details out of me about the fun I had. I was trying to keep the various romantic/sexual escapades I’d gotten up to fairly quiet but they both wanted to live vicariously through me and eventually convinced me to give them some of the details. They loved hearing about it and I figured “Who cares? It’s not like they’re going to run into any of the girls I was with.”

It’s not like I went crazy over there anyway. I mean, I hooked up with about 6 girls in the 6 weeks I was there. If anything, that’s probably less than you’d expect given the circumstances.

Christmas in July, in August

I’d only been back a few weeks before it was time for the my work’s mid-year party. The party was August 4th, 2010. I know this because I was double-booked between my work party, and attending my good friend Kym’s 30th birthday.

As with every other work party, Rene Everlong was there. Rene was very keen to talk to me, even more keen than usual. The second I see her she calls out, “Hey, I’ve saved you a seat! Come sit here with me!”Of course I go and sit with her and we’re chatting away. I’m answering all her questions about my trip and somehow we start getting into some other territory. Rene asked me “What are things a girl shouldn’t do on a first date?” and “How is a girl supposed to let a guy know that she likes him?”, and a lot of other things about dating and relationships. My answers were pretty straight forward, “Don’t be rude to your waiter”, “If you like someone, ask them out”.

flirting-hintsI got the vibe that I was supposed to take those questions as hints but I just kept the conversation rolling because I’m not exactly going to get very flirty with my boss’s daughter at a work function, now am I?

The conversation went all over place. Rene mentioned that she has a fear of commitment because she moved to France to be with a guy, and he went and cheated on her. I told her that I have the same issue, but mine comes from the failure of my parents’ relationship, and from the following failure of my mother’s relationship with my stepfather. I explained that I’ve seen the chaos that happens when relationships fall apart, so I’m very careful before I let myself get in involved. It was nice to get into such a personal conversation with Rene and understand her a little better.

I was double booked, so I had to head off but just before I left, I told Rene that the guy in France is a complete idiot for cheating on her. A huge smile took over her face and I realised I might have just let the cat out of the bag a little. I didn’t mind, though. If I hadn’t worked for her father I would have asked her out, hell, I probably would have kissed her, but the situation prohibited such things and I just gave her a little hug and headed off to the other party.

My 31st birthday party

As it happens, my birthday is in August. Just a few days after the work do, it was time to go out and celebrate my 31st tour of the sun, so out went the invites to the 10th anniversary of my 21st birthday party. I sent the invite out to everyone I work with and all the rest of my friends. The invite was something along the lines of: “Pub crawl. Starting at Pub A. Proceeding to wherever we end up. Come one, come all!”

I didn’t really think about it, but that invite also went to my manager Laura, and her sister Rene. I was pretty surprised to see them both at pub #5. I try not to drink at all around the higher-ups at work, so seeing my manager at my party was a bit nerve-wracking, especially because the bouncer decided I was too drunk to even be allowed into this particular pub. Being the adventurous and foolhardy bloke that I am, however, I just jumped the little wall and flopped into the party right along side the manager of my building. Hrmm. Hindisght’s an interesting thing, isn’t it?

Anyway, my nerves about running into my manager were quickly squashed when I realised Laura Everlong was at least as drunk as I was!

Rene was stone cold sober as best I can remember, but I was a good 5 pints in by that stage. I remember doing a bit of cheeky flirting with Laura and she was flirting back, which was fun and completely harmless. I know I spoke with Rene a little bit, but the only thing I really remember is that I asked her if she was a lesbian.

I know it was a joke and was some sort of effort to check if she was still single, but geez it seems like a stupid thing to go asking your boss’s daughter when you’re drunk. Whatever, that’s the least of my concerns as you’ll learn from the rest of the story. Anyway, Laura had to be at some event the next morning and the rest of my party brigade were ready to head off to the next pub, so we said our goodbyes to the Everlong girls for the night.

As the night progressed, the group grew smaller and smaller, until eventually there were only a handful of us left. One of these people was a woman named Angelica. Angelica was a friend of a friend, quite beautiful and though you wouldn’t know it to look at her, she was 9 years my senior. Angelica had been quite flirtatious with me through the night but I assumed she had a boyfriend and was just doing that thing that girls do when they go out, y’know, where they act like they’re single but they’re just enjoying the attention? It turned out that Angelica was, in fact, single and her flirtiness was not as toothless as I’d expected. And… well… I spent the later hours of my birthday learning that Angelica had a great apartment right there in the city, and that it had a really comfy bed.

It’s strange, later the next day I noticed some scratches down my back. If I didn’t know better, I could have sworn that a cougar had gotten hold of me.

31! What the hell does that mean?

It started to kick in that I was 31, not married, had no kids, was not any sort of world-famous success, and that in general my life had not turned out quite like I had expected.

It’s not like I was desperate to have a wife and kids but I had always liked the idea of meeting the right woman and cranking out some ankle biters. I assumed that would have sorted itself out by the time I hit 30, but there I was at 31 and it was still not even on the horizon. To be fair, I had specifically decided not to get married to my ex even though I know she would have said yes if I’d asked her. We would have had kids and bought a house and all that, but I knew she wasn’t the woman I was supposed to marry, so I didn’t. Instead I ended up 31 with no wife and no kids, sort of by choice.

Career-wise, things were going relatively well. Sure, my job was torturous and soul-destroying, but at the time I thought the higher ups would identify that my project manager, Gus, was an incompetent psycho and give him the boot, or that he’d eventually learn how to do the job properly and stop overloading me, and everyone else, with work. Either way, I figured my job would get back to normal sooner or later. The pay was good and I was a little extra proud that I was making that much despite never getting a degree.

From a wealth perspective, I knew I should have accrued more by that point, but I’d spent my money on experiences and I was ok with that. I had my shitty little apartment and that meant that my money wasn’t entirely going to waste. Over time I knew it’d be worth something, and I’d always have somewhere to live as long as I continued to pay the mortgage.

Hey! wasn’t this a story about you ending up in bed with your boss’s daughter?

Yeah, yeah. I’m getting there.

Tune in next time for origins #5, where I’ll tell you about how my chance run-in with a cougar became a regular mauling.

Crazy bitch tip: If you like a guy, you’ll have more luck with actually asking him out than you will by firing hundreds of carefully planned and targeted facial expressions at him.

Origins #2

18 Nov

Now where was I?

Oh that’s right… I was telling you about that time I consumed so much absinthe that I nearly died.

So yeah, that was a direct result of my boss’s daughter having spent the night in my bed about two weeks prior.

I know, I know. You don’t sleep with your boss’s daughter.

The thing is, I’m not the sort of guy you need to tell that to. I’m really, really, really, really careful about stuff like that.

I do my level best not to hook up with anyone if it’s going to make things weird and there’s a damned good reason behind that. I hate drama. I absolutely hate it. I avoid drama like it’s the plague and if I can see that a situation might lead to some drama down the line, I’ll stop it in its tracks.

With that said, I have slept with coworkers in the past. But I’ve been cautious about it and completely up front about the situation, so it’s never turned out awkward. If it looks like things are getting weird, I just get together with the girl and we talk it out. Half an hour later any awkwardness that was creeping in has been resolved and we all get to carry on with our lives drama free.

I’ve applied the same approach to “friends with benefits” arrangements too and it’s served me well. It’s so straight forward to me, you just be honest and up front and talk everything through. If one side is after something serious and the other is just after some fun, then it can’t happen because shit will get awkward. If we’re both on the same page though, we get to have some fun and nobody has to worry about any of the bullshit that can come about when the two parties are confused.

I hate drama. I hate secrets. I hate people’s feelings being hurt unnecessarily. So I do what I can to avoid those things.

So how did my boss’s daughter end up in my bed?

Yeah, about that…

The job

It’s not wise for me to use real names here, so we’ll call the business Everlong and we’ll call my boss’s daughter Rene. I met Rene when I started a new job way back in February 2008. I’d been freelancing since 2003 but in 2008 I worked with a client who pissed me off so badly, I decided to quit freelancing altogether just to make sure I never had to deal with them again. Let’s call that client The Department of Infuriation.

So I found a job with Everlong and it was fantastic. The people were unbelievably nice and my pay there was well above market rate. I thought I’d stumbled into a little heaven on earth.

The Boss: Tim Everlong

Rene’s father, Tim, the owner of the company, was really welcoming. He was the sort of guy I always wanted to become: successful, financially comfortable and with a lovely family.

Best of all, though… I didn’t have to deal with clients anymore!

Boss’s daughter #1: Laura Everlong

Tim’s other daughter, Laura, was the manager of the building I worked at. Just like everyone else involved in the whole Everlong operation, she was lovely. Laura was quite the stunningly attractive young woman too and I reckon every guy in the office had a crush on her. You could hardly blame them. Picture dealing with someone like this every day at work…

Picture Laura like this.

Picture Laura like this. Demure, elegant, classy, refined, and downright gorgeous.

Boss’s daughter #2: Rene Everlong

I think I met Rene at the first work function we had. Unlike her sister Laura, Rene is the sort of girl who makes sure you notice her. Where Laura is elegant and classy, Rene is brash and flirtatious. I had a girlfriend at the time who I’d been with for several years, so while I noticed Rene, I wasn’t even remotely thinking about the possibility of anything happen with her.

Like I said though, Rene likes people to know she’s there, and even though I was sitting there with my girlfriend I couldn’t help but get an eyeful of Rene’s physique. It’s not like I was trying to, it’s just that as a straight male you don’t really have a choice in the matter.

This pic is in the ballpark of what we were dealing with…

Picture Rene like this. Flirtatious, overt, attention-demanding and downright sexy.

Picture Rene like this. Flirtatious, overt, attention-demanding, a little bit inappropriate, and above all… sexy.

As the days go by

I’d go into Laura’s office every morning to say hi and we’d end up chatting for ages. I’d say we became pretty good friends, though there was always a clearly defined boundary between boss and employee, I still got away with teasing her and making cheeky remarks when other staff members definitely could not. Laura had a boyfriend, so there was never any concern about anything inappropriate happening. I think we’d both have laughed if anyone ever suggested that we were flirting because it was such a completely benign interaction.

With Rene however, it was a different story. From the outset there were plenty of moments in which it seemed like she was flirting with me, but she knew I had a girlfriend and I knew she was the boss’s daughter, so I was certain I was misinterpreting. It’s funny though, I never once had the same confusion with her sister.

Anyway, Rene was very attractive and the daughter of a millionaire, so I automatically assumed she had a boyfriend. I effectively ignored and dismissed anything that could have been taken as flirtation as friendliness or Rene having a playful personality.

Break up

But then I broke up with my girlfriend. I’d been with my her about 6 years by that point. I remember quite clearly that we broke up January 1st, 2009. New year’s day came in with a crash that year.

I wasn’t massively upset that we’d broken up. It was time for us both to move on. I was the one who effectively called it off, but it was still a big thing to end a 6 year relationship. There’s a whole other story about how things went pear-shaped with that particular ex after we broke up, but I’ll leave that for another time.

Anyway, word got around that I’d broken up with my girlfriend, and suddenly Rene is around the office a lot more. She starts coming over to my desk seemingly at random and talking to me for an hour at a time. I was still under the impression that she had a boyfriend, and she was the boss’s daughter anyway, so I continued to believe this was all just part of the friendly way of the Everlong family. I really never thought anything of it.

I remember thinking how nice Rene was to be so friendly and attentive to me when she often didn’t even need to be at the office. She didn’t work there, after all, she worked at Tim Everlong’s other business way up in the hills, miles and miles away.

Crushing

All this overt friendliness went on for quite some time and somewhere in the middle of it, Laura mentioned that Rene was single and had been for a while. After I found that out, I started to pay more attention to what Rene was doing. It started to register that she might well be flirting with me.

I’d developed a bit of a crush on Rene by this point but like I said earlier, I hate drama, so I had no intention of doing anything about it. Even if Rene was single and actually was interested, I figured she’d be on the hunt for a good looking, wealthy young man closer to her own age. I certainly wasn’t wealthy, I was 7 years older than, and more important that any of that, she was my boss’s daughter and I’d was more interested in keeping this great job than bringing unnecessary drama into my life.

If anything, I was trying to avoid encouraging her. I made sure not to drink at work functions and tried to be as non-flirtatious as possible. Unfortunately though, I have a very cheeky, playful nature, so I don’t know how well I did on that front. I secretly looked forward to the cheeky back and forths I’d have with Rene and I expect that my crush on her did show through despite my best efforts to avoid that.

To be quite honest, I’d also developed a crush on her sister, Laura. This, despite the fact that I knew full well she had a boyfriend. Laura is the sort of girl I always dreamed of being with. She has the rare attribute of elegance, which I find inordinately attractive. As with Rene though, I had no intention of doing anything about it, not only because she was my boss’s daughter, but on top of that she had a boyfriend.

The same line of thinking went for Laura anyway. Even if she happened to end up single, I would have thought her to be well out of my league.

I don’t know who I liked more.

Let me clarify something. When I say I had a crush on both these young women, that’s all I mean. A lot of my colleagues mentioned the same sort of affection for these girls. Frankly, I think it’s just nature. If you’re around attractive members of the gender you’re attracted to, you’re going to end up attracted to them.

If I was around Rene, I found myself attracted to her. When I was around Laura, I was attracted to her. I didn’t stay nights dreaming about sharing a life with either of them. I didn’t even think about them unless they were right there in front of me.

Not to mention, I thought both of these girls were way out of my league. I grew up dirt poor, never got to go to uni and think of myself as pretty average looking. These two girls are the daughters of a millionaire, studied at the best universities around and were absolutely bloody gorgeous. I didn’t see anything coming of my crushes. I just found them both attractive. To me it was a bit like having a crush on a movie starlet, you know nothing’s ever going to happen but that doesn’t change the fact that you like the idea of it.

Jennifer Love Hewitt

I had a crush on Jennifer Love Hewitt too, and thought the chances of anything happening with any of these girls were all about the same.

 

Increased activity

Rene added me on Facebook. Then she started occasionally messaging me, liking my posts, and all that bullshit.

The group of us at Everlong were very social and not long after Rene added me on Facebook, we all went out to dinner. Rene made a point of sitting next to me and chatting with me all night. There were plenty of times I could have sworn she wanted me to lean in and kiss her right there in front of everyone. I was still trying to avoid allowing anything to happen but I was also becoming more and more interested in her.

After breaking up with my ex, I bought a shitty little apartment very near the Everlong building. It was the first and only property I’ve ever owned, and it came with a mortgage which I could handle, but wasn’t particularly comfortable with. Getting my own place was a big deal for me and Rene and I had been talking and joking about it all night at dinner.

After dinner I got up and said goodbye to everyone  but somehow completely missed Rene, so when I got home I sent through a quick message on Facebook to say that it was nice chatting with her.

That Facebook message conversation carried on a fair while. By this point I was pretty sure she was into me and I was sure she was trying to get me to ask her out. Even though I didn’t want any drama, I was struggling with how attracted I was to her, and I’ll cop some drama for something that’s really worthwhile.

Still, I had to tread with caution, so instead of asking her out, I mentioned that it sucked that I didn’t have many friends in the area, knowing full well she lived relatively near by. I wasn’t expecting her to ask me out but I was expecting some sort of remotely positive response. I guess I was testing the waters to see if she would mention that she knows the area and knows a lot of people around there. I was definitely not expecting the conversation to come to a screeching halt, but that’s what happened.

I re-read what I’d said. It was remotely obvious the direction I was going, but there was nothing inappropriate and I’d left her heaps of room to easily to sidestep it if that wasn’t what she was after, but she just flat-out didn’t reply. I received nothing. Bubkus. Zilch. Nada. No response at all.

Done

After about a week with no response I took the silence as an unnecessarily impolite rejection. I remember thinking “well, fuck her, then” and deciding not to waste any time talk to her any more. Like I said earlier, I like things straight-up and clear and lief has enough drama and bullshit of it’s own, so I decided I’d just find another girl.

And that’s what I did. I pretty much completely forgot Rene existed and was out and about seeing different girls and having quite a bit of fun in the process. It’s actually fair to say I was probably having too much fun. I was with a lot of girls in that period of time and none of them were anything other than fuck buddies, really.

I would have been open to more, but I just wasn’t finding that connection I was after and my philosophy is, so long as nobody is getting emotionally hurt, a bit casual sex is a great way to pass some time.

But wait… there’s more

Months later we had another work function. This was one of the big ones with all the staff from both buildings. Rene was there as expected and I avoided her, but she kept coming to sit wherever I was sitting. I’d move away and she’d find me and sit right down beside me and try and get a conversation going.

I was pissed off at her but I figured I shouldn’t be an outright arsehole about it, so I started talking with her politely. Before long we were back to our old cheeky back and forths again and yet again I was sure she was looking at me with that “kiss me” look. With that sort of interaction, I figured I had just misread her lack of response. At the end of the day, it was a facebook message, and who really gives a fuck about Facebook messages?

Still, it was a pretty shitty thing that I was trying to get something happening and she left me hanging. I didn’t know what was happening and I didn’t want to go through that bullshit again, so I decided, if she wants to go out with me, she can ask me out. That way I can’t get in any trouble because I’m not the one being the aggressor.

From that point on, that’s how I played it. I allowed myself to have a crush on her but I wasn’t thinking about her aside from when I’d see her. When she was around I didn’t hide the fact that I was attracted to her but I didn’t ask her out or push for anything in that direction.

Heaven got dark

Remember how I said Everlong was a little slice of heaven on earth? Well, it was when I started but that all changed when they brought in a new project manager for my team. This guy… let’s call him Gus, turned out to be an absolute sociopath. I didn’t realise that at the time though.

I didn’t understand that what he was doing was slowly trying to break my spirit, and the spirit of everyone else in the team. I didn’t recognise that he wasn’t interested in us doing a good job. I didn’t recognise that he was only interested in making himself look good to the owner of the company, so that Tim would give him more power and control over us, and eventually more of the company.

If you want to get a picture of Gus going in your head, think of Gustavo Fring from Breaking Bad…

Yep, he’s just like the guy with the box cutter, minus the murder (as far as I know, though it wouldn’t surprise me).

I also didn’t realise there is a name for what Gus was doing. It’s called workplace bullying and harassment. See, Gus would assign me impossible tasks and then complain that I hadn’t done them well enough. I’m a bit of a perfectionist and I hate falling short of what I’ve been assigned, so sometimes I’d actually manage to achieve the ridiculous things he’d demand, but even when I did, there was no thanks, no credit, no reward. There was just another impossible task lumped on me to achieve.

In addition to that, Gus would make little snide and underhanded remarks. He’d say things like “maybe we need a better developer” after I’d spent a month coming in before everyone else and finishing hours later than I was paid to just to complete some batshit concept he wanted implemented, despite it being obvious to anyone with half a clue how business actually works that it was a bad choice in the first place.

Don’t forget, I was a freelancer for several years. I knew how to run a business and I knew which ideas were worth implementing and which weren’t. Let me tell ya, Gus had no friggin idea what he was doing. He’d manipulated his way into a position of power and he was loving watching us all squirm as he slowly grabbed for more and more control. He’d managed to get our original manager demoted and ostracised. He’d also managed to drive a wedge between the staff at the two buildings, resulting in internal bickering where there’d been very little beforehand.

The impact

After a year of that I was starting to crack. Again, I didn’t realise it at the time, but Gus was doing a lot of the same shit that my stepfather had done to me while I was growing up. It’s horrible. It makes you feel like you’re worthless.

The difference between Gust and my stepfather was, I could always get away from my stepfather or just flat out ignore him, but Gus had control over my income, and by having control over my income, he also had the ability to cut off my ability to pay off my mortgage. Yeah, I know all about unfair dismissal laws but I also knew the bank wouldn’t give two shits about why the money stopped coming in, and that shitty little apartment was all I had. It was so early on in the repayments too, that I wouldn’t have made any money from appreciation and the market was quiet at the time, so I was worried I’d potentially make a loss if I did have to sell up.

After a year of that sort of stress, I was in serious need of a holiday and I scheduled a trip to Europe. Yes, you’re right to think I’d have been better off putting that money in the bank and looking for another job, but when you’ve been under intense stress and pressure for at least a year, logic starts to fail you, and you start to look for ways to ease the never ending discomfort you’re experiencing.

I guess I was so stressed out with all this shit that I completely forgotten Rene existed. I hadn’t been in touch with her for ages but the day I was about to fly out, she sent through this sweet little message wishing me a really fun trip and telling me that she was looking forward to hearing about my adventures when I got back. I thought it was nice but she was the last thing on my mind.

That’s enough for now…

Alrighty… that’s enough for now. I’ll get back to this in Origins #3 when I’ll continue to explain how my boss’s daughter ended up in my bed.

Crazy bitch tip: Be honest with people. It simplifies things.

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