Tag Archives: celebrity

Don’t go nuts about nuts

9 Feb

The 40 year old daughter of the chairman of Korean Airlines has gone through quite the fall from grace after throwing a massive tantrum on a plane when a steward dared to serve her macadamia nuts in a bag, rather than on a plate. The videos below explain in a bit more detail.

 

 

 

 

 

 

The moral of this story is, you may believe that having a powerful father exempts you from treating your fellow humans with respect, but you will eventually go too far and receive your comeuppance. If you come from a wealthy, powerful family, don’t go around acting like a crazy bitch. Instead, be thankful for the ridiculously fortunate position you happened to be born into.

The fact that this woman is 40 only makes it worse. It would still be unacceptable if these ridiculous actions had been carried out by a teenager, but at least being young and immature might cover some of the farcical nature of the events. It’s embarrassing for everyone involved when you see a grown woman throw a tantrum.

Crazy bitch tip: Do not crack the shits if someone serves your macadamia nuts in a bag instead of on a plate.

Snog, Marry, Avoid

1 Feb

Some women go overboard with their ‘style’. Snog, Marry, Avoid is an effort to resolve that.

Crazy bitch tip: When your own children are telling you you’re wearing a bit too much make up, you might want to listen to them.

Charity

31 Aug

Being charitable is a good thing, no matter what form you choose for your charitable efforts to take. It is however also true that in some instances, the suggested method of charity might raise more than a few eyebrows.

Some people mistakenly think that their charitable efforts should somehow relate to their vocation. For example, a bricklayer might think that the best way to offer assistance would be the offer of laying bricks. That’s an example in which the vocation might be a worthwhile contribution to the cause at hand. Other vocations like ‘blogger’, ‘movie critic’ or ‘bikini waxer’ might not be so beneficial. Let’s face it, if you’ve just experienced a tornado, hurricane, a flood, or some other monumental tragedy, you’re probably not going to get a lot out of a free opinion on the documentary being made about said tragedy.

That’s why, the more typical approach to being charitable in these situations is to donate some money to a reputable charity who will be assisting in helping those affected by the unfortunate circumstances. Part of the rationale behind that is that money is much more universally useful. Another reason, is that some pretty crazy offers come through in the name of charity…

I’m sure that most people immediately assume that all female porn stars are crazy bitches but I’m not one of them. I don’t think you can generalise like that. I do, however, believe that suggesting that you might offer some benefit to a bereaved man who’s daughter has passed away by dressing up as a schoolgirl and offering him your body for his own amusement, does make it difficult to argue against you being a crazy bitch.

I also concede that offering your asshole as a storage space to people going through a tragedy and combining that sentiment with ‘bless you’ is unarguably straight out of crazy bitchdom.

Crazy bitch tip: When it comes to charity, generally it’s not a great idea to offer sexual acts.

 

Caitlin Stasey and Bindi Irwin

26 Jun Caitlin Stasey's boobies

As an Australian, I am bound by law to have a soft spot for every Aussie that makes their way onto the world stage. Fortunately, in the case of Bindi Irwin and Caitlin Stasey, I wouldn’t have been able to avoid having a fondness for them anyway.

See, don’t go telling anyone but I actually went through a phase when I would watched Neighbours semi-regularly. I guess it was on at a time that sort of synced in well with my life at that point. Y’know, get home from work, sit around for half an hour while trying to recover from the day and passively stare at the glowing box as it pumps out a story so generic that even my burned-out, overworked brain could keep up.

I don’t remember exactly when that was but I do remember Caitlin Stasey and I remember thinking that she’d be a truly beautiful woman in a few years. Well, time has passed and you’d be hard pressed to find many blokes who don’t think Caitlin Stasey is a good looking woman, I mean, seriously:

Come on, there's no denying Caitlin is easy on the eyes.

Come on, there’s no denying Caitlin is easy on the eyes.

So there’s Caitlin Stasey, an Aussie pushing her way up the ranks towards Hollywood stardom. Sure, I don’t really give two shits about the stars of Hollywood and all that celebrity bullshit but seeing an Aussie excel in her chosen field gives me a case of the old warm-fuzzies. Good for her, I say. Read ahead and I’m sure you’ll understand that she’s probably quite offended that the only thing I really know about her is that she’s beautiful but then again, the only reason I’ve heard of her is because she was on a TV show, and I’m sure a big part of the reason she was chosen to be on that show was for her looks, so I don’t really feel so bad about it.

Then we’ve got Bindi Irwin. If you don’t have some affection for Bindi Irwin, you might just be a stone. We all remember Steve Irwin, aka The Crocodile Hunter. His unbridled enthusiasm and all-consuming love for animals was intoxicating and he was one of the few Aussie icons since Crocodile Dundee to remind the rest of the world that Australia is a pretty gnarly place. Here he is:

What a bloody legend! Bindi is his daughter and she’s grown up in the public eye and done a great job of picking up where Steve left off by continuing to spread the word about how important conservation of Australian wild-life and habitat is. Here’s a snippet of Bindi from a few years ago:

Cute as a button! It’s not like Bindi Irwin is really on my radar, she’s just one of those names that pops up occasionally and makes me think how awesome it is that she’s got some of her dad’s exuberance and is progressing the family message of conservation. How do you not admire that?

 Recent events – Caitlin

In recent days our beloved Caitlin has started making some waves by becoming very outspoken on Twitter. Here are few choice examples:

 

“OH MY GOD VAGINA MIGHT GOBBLE UP THE RAINFOREST IF MISUSED OR USED TOO OFTEN! THAS HOW PREMARITAL SEX KILLS, DAWGS” – Caitlin Stasey

“I appreciate your desire to take my sex agency from me AUSTRALIA but I’m too busy slinging dick, punching pussy and doin general housework” – Caitlin Stasey

“She came, she saw, she fucked, she owned it, she conquered” – Caitlin Stasey

“So eat a dick” – Caitlin Stasey

“Dear God, plz plz plz give me a retweet or a follow back. ARE YOU NOTICING ME?! I LOVED YOU IN THE BIBLE! cmon u’d be nothing without me!” – Caitlin Stasey

“Am reduced to a pervert almost permanently” – Caitlin Stasey

Be a living example of what you believe @freethenipple

Be a living example of what you believe @freethenipple

” – Caitlin Stasey

So… that raised a few eyebrows around the world. Media ogranisations started ramping up the story and turning it into articles like this: Former Neighbours star Caitlin Stasey made out to be a ‘bizarre, raving, sexual lunatic’. Caitlin appears to have been bothered by these stories. Check out the rest of her Twitter feed to see the various ways in which she’s chosen to address these things.

Recent events – Bindi

Bindi Irwin recently made a bit of news lately too. Here’s what she said brought about all the attention:

“I’m a big advocate for young girls dressing their age.

I mean, for me, I look around at a lot of young girls that are my age and they’re always trying to dress older. Whether it’s wearing revealing clothes or hardly wearing any clothes at all, I feel really bad for them.

It kind of has the opposite effect in some ways … it kind of does the opposite where it makes you look younger and like you’re trying too hard.

I almost wish I could tell young girls, ‘look, in 10 years when you look back at yourself, you’ll cringe honey, honestly’.

A lot of times I want to grab these girls and say ‘look … in 10 years you’ll regret this. Just dress like who you are. Don’t try so hard. A pair of jeans and a T-shirt is just as gorgeous and even makes you look classier’.

I look at adults and they say ‘when I was young I was wearing blue eye shadow’ and I’m cringing. So to be able to have that outlook on life is such a blessing and I’ve gotten that from my mum especially.

The way I choose to dress, I want to influence other people around me I suppose.” – Bindi Irwin

Bindi Irwin isn’t yet 16 years old but seems to have a lot of things figured out and has done so well ahead of the standard maturity curve. There’s a bit more detail on this in this article if you’re interested.

Recent events – Caitlin V Bindi

In case you didn’t pick up on it, Caitlin is pretty upset with, well… everything. The subject of the majority of her statements however, appear to be focused on pushing feminist ideals. And hey, I say more power to you, ladies. Caitlin’s been on about ‘free the nipple’, I couldn’t agree more! Get em out and enjoy yourselves. Caitlin’s really been going off and while I think she’s coming from a good place and has a lot of good points, they’re getting lost in all the raving and to be quite frank, she’s pretty misguided on some of the issues she’s blasting away about.

Nothing exemplifies this misguidedness better than her tweet at Bindi regarding Bindi’s comments about young women dressing their age:

“Open letter to Bindi, in ten years you’ll wish you stood beside your shared sex rather than be proud you belittled their choices & agency.” – Caitlin Stasey

After all the other ranting coming out of Caitlin’s feed, this really pissed a lot of people off. Of all the people to target, you’ve gotta admit that Bindi Irwin has gotta be about the worst option. Bindi is adorable and sweet and so endearingly genuine that anyone choosing to say anything negative towards her is bound to come across as the bad guy. Wait! Pardon me! I mean the bad person. I must try harder to get rid of my gender biased vitriol. Anyway, I’m saying it’s difficult to have your point received well when you’re attacking someone so lovely as Bindi.

Here are a few of the responses:

As you can see, Caitlin’s copped a bit of negativity in response. Here’s an article about the whole thing and about just how upset this has made people beyond the Twittersphere.

What I think about the whole thing

Firstly, I think it’s a big flair up about bugger all of substance but seeing as I’m talking about it, I reckon Bindi will bring more benefit to women in her lifetime than Caitlin is likely to. I’ve come to this conclusion because Bindi is already doing something of value, namely, contributing to the awareness of ecological issues around the world, and she’s been doing a bang-up job of representing Australia on the world stage while she’s been at it.

Caitlin, on the other hand, is out there trading on her looks and then going off about the fact that so much of the world is based around the value of female attractiveness. For the record, I think it’s bullshit too but if you’re going to use your looks to get ahead, it doesn’t put you in the best position to argue against the whole thing.

I think Bindi is 100% correct when she says that girls should dress their age. If you’ve ever seen a girl pulling the edges of her teeny tiny skirt down or her pulling up super low-cut top, you’ve seen a girl dressing outside of her comfort-zone and you can be pretty bloody sure she was doing that because she was either trying to fit in with fashion or to look older, neither of which is a good reason to making yourself uncomfortable.

Caitlin’s going off about how a woman’s body is hers to do with as she wants and she’s right too. The difference is Bindi is saying “have some self respect and don’t try to be something you’re not” and Caitlin is saying “girls should be able to do whatever the fuck they want, whenever and wherever they want”. One of those statements fits in with reality and helps encourage good decision making and the other is a pretty reckless thing to say to impressionable young women.

Crazy bitch time

Bindi and the term crazy bitch don’t belong in the same sentence. Bindi is a champ. Despite growing up in the limelight and all the garbage that comes with it, she’s got her head screwed on right and she’s on her way to big things.

Caitlin Stasey on the other hand… well, let me say that I actually don’t think she’s a crazy bitch. I reckon she’s very passionate about something that we should all be concerned about, and that’s ensuring that women, or more accurately, all people have an equal opportunity to succeed and enjoy the lifestyle they prefer. The problem is that Caitlin is choosing a bad way to promote her thoughts and opinions.

It’s a real shame, actually. All that twitter ranting and all the blaming and pointing fingers and accusing everyone of oppressing women and attempting to impose a patriarchal, conservatist agenda, it just comes across as crazy. It just makes Caitlin appear to be a bat-shit crazy feminazi and the few people who’s minds she wants to change about these topics don’t listen to bat-shit crazy feminazis.

If Caitlin can calm the fuck down and collect her thoughts into a well written book or a documentary series or something of value that actually expresses her opinions in a digestible manner, maybe she’ll contribute positively to her cause. In the mean time, she’s doing a damned good impersonation of a crazy bitch.

Crazy bitch tip: “Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story.” – from Desiderata by Max Ehrmann

One more thing

This celebrity bullshit is killing me. I’ll be back to posting more of the silly little cartoons very soon.

Role models

2 Apr

Some women make fantastic role models because they carry themselves with poise and elegance, and maintain a quiet dignity as they traverse the world we share. Those women are mesmerising wonders and I’m always grateful to them for casting such a sorely needed glimpse into what magnificence a modern woman can be.

As will all things however, some women only get half way. They get the manner but fail the looks or they get the looks and fail the dignity, or they get hand-fed all the money they could ever need, the good fortune to have movie-star looks, and they still manage to give of the tried and true impression of a downright crazy bitch. No finer example of this exists at the minute than the subject of a very recent ‘Conscious Uncoupling’, named Gwyneth Paltrow.

Her life is more difficult than ours.

Now, let me tell you something. You’re more likely to catch me with my head inside an oven than wedged between the glossy pages of a gossip magazine but sometimes the silliness that would normally be kept to that sort of publication pushes its way out into the rest of the world loudly enough that the rest of us hear about it, and this Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris whats-his-face from Coldplay divorce thing is one of those noisy celebrity stories that everyone ends up hearing about.

What really interested me about this story though, was hearing some of the quotes attributed to our dear Gwyneth. Such as…

About the sun: “We’re human beings and the sun is the sun—how can it be bad for you? I don’t think anything that’s natural can be bad for you.”

About veggie gardens: “When I pass a flowering zucchini plant in a garden, my heart skips a beat.”

Regarding Hot Dogs: “I basically love anything that comes in a hot dog bun… except hot dogs.”

And in an interview with E!, she broke out this fine piece of work about how much harder her life is than that of a 9-5 working mother:

“It’s much harder for me,” she said. “I feel like I set it up in a way that makes it difficult because … for me, like if I miss a school run, they are like, ‘Where were you?’ I don’t like to be the lead so I don’t (have) to work every day, you know, I have little things that I like and obviously I want it to be good and challenging and interesting, and be with good people and that kind of thing.”

“I think it’s different when you have an office job, because it’s routine and, you know, you can do all the stuff in the morning and then you come home in the evening,” said the polarizing Paltrow. “When you’re shooting a movie, they’re like, ‘We need you to go to Wisconsin for two weeks,’ and then you work 14 hours a day and that part of it is very difficult. I think to have a regular job and be a mom is not as, of course there are challenges, but it’s not like being on set.”

Holy mother of crap, woman! Can you imagine how nutty you’d have to be to even think it’s more difficult being a multimillionaire actress than it is to be a regular working Mum? It blows my mind! But to be so bat-shit crazy that you’d actually say it out loud, not just to yourself or to your family, but directly to a reporter who should surely understand by now is going to put it into a magazine or on a website that specifically targets working mothers!

Gwyneth Paltrow as the looks, she has the money, she has EVERYTHING except enough damned sense to keep her crazy on the inside of her head. She’s got two left feet and she’s planting them directly into her mouth on a regular basis.

Crazy bitch tip: Try to keep touch with reality, no matter how many movies you star in.

Check out what a real working mother had to say in response to Gwyneth’s laments:

“Dear Gwyneth,

I really enjoyed your recent comments to E! about how easy an office job is for parents, compared to the gruelling circumstances of being on a movie set. ‘I think it’s different when you have an office job, because it’s routine and, you know, you can do all the stuff in the morning and then you come home in the evening,’ you said. ‘When you’re shooting a movie, they’re like, ‘We need you to go to Wisconsin for two weeks,’ and then you work 14 hours a day, and that part of it is very difficult. I think to have a regular job and be a mom is not as, of course there are challenges, but it’s not like being on set.”

“As a mother of a toddler, I couldn’t agree more!

‘Thank God I don’t make millions filming one movie per year’ is what I say to myself pretty much every morning as I wait on a windy Metro-North platform, about to begin my 45-minute commute into the city. Whenever things get rough, all I have to do is keep reminding myself of that fact. It is my mantra.

“And I know all my fellow working-mom friends feel the same. Am I right, ladies?

We’re always gabbing about how easy it is to balance work and home life. Whenever I meet with them at one of our weekly get-togethers — a breeze to schedule, because reliable baby sitters often roam my neighborhood in packs, holding up signs peddling their services — we have a competition to see who has it easier. Is it the female breadwinners who work around the clock to make sure their mortgages get paid, lying awake at night, wracked with anxiety over the idea of losing their jobs? Or is it the mothers who get mommy-tracked and denied promotions? What about the moms with ‘regular’ 9-to-5 jobs, who are penalized when their kids are sick and they don’t have backup child care?

“Those women are living the dream, I tell you!

“Which reminds me, child care. As you know, Gwynnie, having a staff can be a real drag. It’s so hard to find good help these days! That’s why it’s a good thing there’s all this nationally subsidized, high-quality day care lying around for the taking. It just makes things easier knowing you have such a strong support network and don’t have to pay someone anywhere from $30K to $65K annually to take care of your child full-time.

“You mentioned in your E! interview that when someone has an office job, ‘You know you can do all the stuff in the morning,’ and that hit the nail on the head. As someone with an office job, my mornings are obviously pretty leisurely. Sometimes I even have time to drink half of my coffee before it gets cold! After my 6 a.m. wake-up, I have a lot of time to loll around, hopping in the shower and then throwing makeup on my face, hoping that I’ll have enough time to put my tights on before my son starts crying in his crib. Then, when he does start crying, I have to make the decision: Do I get fully dressed, or do I go tend to him with my hair still dripping wet? Talk about being spoilt for choice!

“Then I have a few Bellinis and adjust my 401(k) contributions.

“After I get home from work, I’m full of energy and ready to cook dinner using one of the recipes you post on your lifestyle Web site, Goop: slow-cooked kale, pancetta and bread crumbs, anyone? After that, I’ll go to yoga, spend a few hours meditating and maybe do some online shopping, picking up a pair of $350 white leopard-printed short-shorts via Goop in preparation for the ‘spring break’ I’ll take with my husband and son.

“If there’s one thing I look good in after having a child, it’s short-shorts.”

“So, Gwyneth, you’ve figured out the secret of working parents everywhere: Livin’ la vida desk job is a breeze compared to the 14-hour days of a film set. Fourteen hours? Who in New York — especially those in the finance, law and tech professions — could possibly work 14 whole hours?

“Luckily, those 9-to-5 “ordinary job” hours grow on trees here.

“And if you lose one, all you have to do is find another.

“Yours,

Mackenzie Dawson”

 

Well said, Mackenzie. Well said.

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