Tag Archives: crazy bitch

The Queen of Queef

11 Aug

I’m not saying she’s a crazy bitch but chances are a lot of other people would think so…

Then again, if your life’s goal involves a queefs scoreboard and a microphone pressed against your birth canal, who am I to judge? Just be aware that you might not be as revered as you hope.

Crazy bitch tip: Dedication to a skill is generally a good thing, but be sure that skill is useful.

 

Shit Psychology

14 May

I’m not a psychologist in any way, shape, or form, but I’ve read some books here and there and I enjoy contemplating the way the human mind works.

A lot of people refer to their problems as their shit and got to thinking about why that is. I started imagining emotional issues as actual shit on people, and thus the theory of Shit Psychology was born.

need-help-pigpen

Here’s a little story to illustrate my theory.

A shit story

Imagine a little kid at a farm having a good time being a kid. Then the kid’s stepfather pushes him into the pig pen and laughs as the poor kids slips around on the ground amongst all that shit. The kid cries. His stepfather laughs and laughs. Bad situation all round.

A shitty situation

The kid didn’t like what just happened at all and wants to remove all evidence of the experience, but there aren’t any showers or baths in this fictional place, so the kid wipes off what he can and has to settle for that being enough. Unfortunately the kid now stinks of shit and, despite his best efforts, there’s still quite a bit of shit all over him, especially in the areas he can’t reach or see.

The kid goes to school and tries to act normal but all the other kids are steering clear of him because he smells so badly. When he tries go near his mates and they walk away he asks what’s wrong, they tell him they can see that he’s got shit all over him and they can’t stand the smell.

This poor kid can’t do anything about the situation so he lies, telling them it’s just normal dirt and it doesn’t even smell that bad. His friend’s senses are more believable than his lies, so they leave anyway.

Shitty friends

Within a few days he’s used to the smell and  doesn’t notice anymore. He starts to see the shit as part of who he is. In some ways he’s even proud that he hasn’t just given up on life because of the shit that was put on him. He sees it as evidence of his bravery to overcome tough shituations.

He starts to make new friends. These new friends aren’t as judgemental as his old friends. A lot of his new friends have a lot of dirty marks just like his but they assure him it’s definitely not shit, and they don’t question him when he asserts that his marks are only mud stains.

His new friends are different to his old friends in a lot of ways. When he walks through town with his new freinds, people practically run to get out of their way.

Shitty behaviour

His new friends also have a weird thing where they like to throw dog shit at people. They’ll  grab all the shit from the dog shit bins at local parks and find some kids walking by themselves and bombard them with all that dogshit. His new friend’s hands get more and more covered in shit in the process but they can’t seem to help themselves from doing it.

Eventually our protagonist starts to participate in this shit show. He knows it’s not nice but he finds there’s something satisfying about seeing someone else go from completely clean to being covered in just as much shit as he is. He convinces himself it’s not so bad anyway, you get used to the smell after a while and really it just makes his targets stronger in the long run.

Despite his efforts to convince himself it’s alright, he always feels bad about it afterwards. He wakes up in the middle of the night thinking about it sometimes.

Shit rolls down hill

The kid grows into a man, he gets involved with a woman from his group of shitty friends and they convince each other there’s nothing wrong with being covered in shit. She acts really weird sometimes, but so does he, so they put up with each other and their shitty behaviour because they’re sure that everyone else is just as shitty as they are.

Neither of them are really happy though, so they catch themselves looking at other people. Eventually his girlfriend catches him with another woman and ends things.

He doesn’t mind though, because he likes this other woman more. His mistress has her own shit, and has a kid as well. He notices that even the kid has some shit too, so he feels like he fits with them and he’s willing to put up with the kid in order to be with her, so he moves in with his mistress.

He has a great time with her, but that damned kid is more of a chore than he could ever have imagined. He starts to resent that kid immensely, but he’s so attracted to the kids mother, that he marries her anyway.

A shitty cycle

One day his wife tells him they’re all going to a farm to teach the kid about the animals. He begrudgingly  participates in their little field trip, knowing that if he doesn’t go, she’ll get angry at him and he won’t get any that night.

While they’re walking around the farm, and he’s hating every minute of it, his wife has to go to the toilet. His now step-kid looks so happy there, playing with the piglets in front of that pig pen.

He notices that his step kid has got hardly any shit on him. Compared to his mother and step-father, he’s almost clean. Without even thinking about it he kicks that little kid right into the pig pen, watching him land face first and come up screaming with a mouthful of pig shit.

He laughs and laughs at that stupid little kid as he slips around in the shit.

Washed up

That little kid climbs out of the pig pen as his mother returns from the toilet. She sees her son there, covered head to toe in shit and she knows immediately this moment could change his life for the worse. She tells her husband who is still laughing hysterically at the stuation that she wants a divorce, grabs her kid and rushes straight of to a Professional-Shit-Yeast-Crap-Help Office to start on removing as much of that shit as they can as soon as possible.

See, at the PSYCH office, they have basins and sinks and flanels, and they have these really cool little lasers which they use to shrink the individual shit particles.

Unfortunately they can’t get all the shit off you quickly, or easily, and it’s really expensive, but it’s either that or be left spending the rest of your life trying to convince yourself and everyone around you that you’re not covered in shit.

Back to the theory

So, that short story is my way of explaining how i think Shit Psychology works. People with emotional problems tend to be more willing to ignore the emotional problems of the people in their lives and it’s very difficult to be surrounded by people with emotional problems and not end up being affected by those people.

A lot of people who experience difficult circumstances try to ignore away the impact, but that just doesn’t work. All it does is bring into contact with people who are busy trying to ignore their own shit and all sorts of chaos comes from that.

Like in the story, most of the shit we get on us is not even our fault, it’s the result of other people dumping their shit on us.

There’s no point pretending that you don’t have shit to deal with. If you do, your best course of action is to go to the pople who are trained in helping you clean your shit off. Therapists and Psychologists are there specifically to help people get rid of their shit and in doing so, help give people their best chance at happiness.

Crazy bitch tip: Got shit to deal with? Go to the professional shit removers.

Don’t read things that make you feel crazy

21 Apr

 

  
Yes, obviously these are parodies, but they’re disturbingly accurate. 

Crazy bitch tip: Don’t buy magazines that make money by exploiting your insecurities.

Also, if anyone knows the source of these please let me know so I can credit them.

Almost one week anniversary

18 Apr

Yeah, that’s not a thing. That’s just crazy.  

Crazy bitch tip: never do this.

People shouldn’t judge you based on your appearance, but they will

7 Apr

2016-03-18 23.40.18.jpg

We don’t like to admit it but we do judge people based on the way they look. We shouldn’t  and most of us try not to, but sometimes it’s impossible not to make a connection between the way someone has chosen to dress and the type of person we assume them to be.

The image above is a prime example.  The woman wearing this combination of death-nails that hang out of her shoes and straining that stretchy legging stuff to breaking point could well be a Nobel prize winner who does rocket science projects as a hobby between sessions of teaching others how to deal effectively with their emotions, but that’s not the impression her attire is giving off.

I’m not saying you shouldn’t dress how you want. Everyone’s free to dress however they like,  of course. What I’m saying is you should at least be aware of the impression you’re giving off.

Crazy bitch tip: If you don’t want people to think you’re a crazy bitch, don’t wear a crazy bitch outfit.

Musical Madness (Rachel Bloom seems pretty cool)

6 Apr

I’m not familiar with the show these videos are from, and to be honest, I only found out about any of this because I saw some big boobs bouncing around on my feed and that was enough to catch the caveman part of my brain and triggered further investigation.

I don’t think that’s entirely my fault. Anyways, I figured anything from a show called ‘Crazy Ex Girlfriend‘ is probably gonna have some content that suits this site. Turns out I was right.

Strangely enough, I don’t think Rachel Bloom is a crazy bitch, I think she’s just using satire to get her point across. I’m a huge fan of that approach, so she actually seems pretty awesome to me.

Yeah, ok, that’s a bit nuts but she is living proof that acting like a crazy bitch is not a permanent thing, that people can choose not to be crazy bitches.

I’m not sure if I’m supposed to masturbate angrily after watching that one or not, but I guess I’m gonna have to check out her show now.

Crazy bitch tip: if you ever catch yourself lying in your diary, it’s probably time to talk to someone about what’s going on in your life.

 

Bonus Video:

Avoid being hypocritical

4 Apr

2016-03-22 22.03.13

First of all, I think most people are already aware that shaming is, in fact, as example of shaming. What I really wanted to point is the fact that points 4 and 5 are especially contradictory, don’t you think?

Crazy bitch tip: Practice what you preach.

Miata been a bad idea

10 Mar

miata

Long story short, the two women in the above picture (credit to Reddit user speednub1), saw a car they have a low opinion of and decided to climb inside it and stomp around on the seats in their high heels.

The general population’s reaction to this image has thus far been a resounding “What the fuck?” and the words bitch and crazy have been pointed repeatedly at the women pictured, among other, far less pleasant terms.Clearly there are some people out there who don’t understand why this scenario has inspired uproar, otherwise this picture wouldn’t exist in the first place. So, I’m going to attempt to clarify.What they did wrong

  1. The two women in the picture are intentionally treating someone else’s property poorly, knowing full well that their actions may damage that property.The two women are enjoying their efforts to attempt to damage someone else’s property.The reason these two women are happily attempting to damage someone else’s property because it doesn’t match their personal tastes
  2. .The two women are so ignorant that they fully believe their actions are acceptable. They have intentionally shared the fun they had attempting to damage someone else’s property publicly via social media, complete with easily personally identifiable features.By  proudly noting, at least 12 hours after the incident occurred, that “heels were intact,” they have pointed out that the incident wasn’t a random, alcohol fueled mistake but instead something they do not regret at all a full day later.

Why people are angry

As a society, we’ve agreed on a few thousand rules. We call them laws. They pretty much all come back to the simplest rule of all, known as The Golden Rule. It states: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” It’s a damned simple rule and it’s extremely effective at keeping society functional.

Note that the Golden Rule does not include the clause: “unless you don’t like their taste in cars”; or: “unless you think it will be funny to your friends”; or: “unless you have nice legs and pretty hair”; or: “unless you’re lucky enough to live in a country so wealthy that you feel entitled to judge people based on their financial expenditures”; or any other clauses.

Selfish and self centred

If I had to boil it down, the reason the actions of the two women in the picture is so offensive is because it so unbelievably selfish and self centred. It inspires an immediate reaction of “who the fuck do you think you are?” What they’re doing is openly flouting one of the core concepts of society.

They’re treating someone else like a piece of shit and laughing about it. They’re doing so because they feel entitled to, because they think themselves ‘better’ than someone who would buy a Miata, and for some reason they think they are exempt from the rules we’re all expected to follow. Plus, they’re ‘rubbing it in’ by gloating about it.

We don’t hate them because they’re beautiful, but it sure doesn’t help their cause.

Don’t get me wrong, people would be furious even if these two women weren’t attractive, but the fact that they are just reminds us all that we know attractive young woman already have a head start in life, and knowing that only makes it more offensive when we see them taking advantage of others or ignoring social norms.

How could they have avoided this?

It’s not surprising to learn that there are people out there who think that their opinion is more important than everyone else’s, or that the rules don’t apply to them, or that they’re better than everyone else, or that they don’t respect other people. As much as we might wish that weren’t true, we know all that there are people out there who think that way.

And that’s where the girls in the picture went wrong. They went beyond thinking in a way that the majority of us consider revolting, they acted on it. If they’d just walked past that Miata and commented on how ‘hideous’ it is to them, nothing would have come of it, but they didn’t. They climbed into a stranger’s car and stomped all over the seats in their heels.

That decision between “should I just think about this or should I actually do it” is the difference between being known as “those two cute girls” and “those crazy bitches”.

Crazy bitch tip: You are not more important than anyone else, and you don’t get to damage other people’s things just because you don’t like them.

 

 

Do not try to blackmail famous athletes

23 Feb

Crazy bitch tip: Don’t try to blackmail people, it’s a shitty thing to do. Also, sometimes it backfires and you come off looking like a complete moron and a crazy bitch.

If you cheat, it’s your fault

20 Feb

ex-wife

Crazy bitch tip: People are going to call you a crazy bitch when you try to blame your cheating on anyone but yourself, because you’re the only one to blame.

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