Tag Archives: fight

Your pets are not weapons

26 Aug

This may be news to some, but your pet is alive. It feels pain. It does not exist purely as a fashion accessory. It does not exist purely for your amusement and entertainment. It is certainly not a weapon to be thrown at other people during disagreements.

Bitch slapped

Crazy bitch tip: Please don’t throw your pets at people.

Video

People will assume you’re a crazy bitch if you speak like one

7 Jun

After this blonde banshee gets off the train to attack the man who so inconsiderately put his bag on the floor near her foot, and he slaps her square in the gob, even the women on the train respond by saying things like:

  • “She’s crazy!”
  • “She’s mental!”
  • “She’s actually attacking him!”
  • “She’s out of her mind!”
  • “He shouldn’t have obviously hit her, but…”

When people have seen a man smack you in the face and they still are focused on how you’re behaving, you’ve got to be doing something seriously wrong. Normally, people would dive in to defend the woman from the horrible man that would dare hit her, but not here! The whole train has evaluated the young woman as a crazy bitch. That’s next level right there.

Crazy bitch tip: Don’t swear at strangers. Don’t swear in public. Don’t attack strangers. Don’t chase after strangers who have already smacked you in the face.

Reacting with emotion isn’t always crazy

15 Apr

Over on How Not To Be A Massive Douche, I posted this video…

As you can see, it’s titled Psycho Girlfriend Breaks iPad but I think it’s more of a case of a massive douche drives his girlfriend crazy.

The important thing to note about this video is that the girlfriend doesn’t start out being especially unreasonably. She’s basically asking her boyfriend to spend a little time with her and not always be focused on some device instead of her. She also thinks going on a date more than once every three months is a fair call.

Sure, she ends up smashing his iPad, but that’s not because she’s crazy, it’s because she’s trying everything she can to get him to listen to her and acknowledge what she’s trying to tell him. Instead, he treats her like a child and literally claps at her while he calls her crazy!

clapping antler manThis woman is not a crazy bitch. It’s natural to get frustrated when you’re trying to have discussion with someone you love and they keep dismissing your concerns and tell you’re crazy for being upset with them. No, she shouldn’t have smashed his iPad, but as far as I see it, that’s the only thing she actually did wrong.

I hope it’s easy to see the difference here between a frustrated woman and the women who are acting like outright crazy bitches in some of the other content I’ve posted here in the past.

Crazy bitch tip: Just because someone calls you a crazy bitch doesn’t mean you are. Sometimes they’re just trying to get away with being a massive douche to you, and you shouldn’t put up with that shit.

10 Things you should not do at a bar

26 Mar

10 Things you shouldn’t do at a bar

Bars are fun. Drinking is fun. Meeting strangers can be awesome and dancing your butt off to your favourite tunes can be downright glorious. Remember however, bars are magnets for crazy bitches, and seeing that I’m trying to dissuade women away from being crazy bitches and/or being mistaken for crazy bitches, I thought these suggestions might come in handy.

These aren’t the only rules for not what to do at a bar, but they’re some of the more important ones.

10. Don’t get shitfaced

Sure, you’re there to have a few drinks, but you don’t need to empty every bottle in the bar. Try to keep in mind that the point of being at a bar is to socialise, and it’s difficult to socialise when you can’t even talk. Also, the more you drink, the worse you’ll look in photos.

too drunkWhy not?

Looking bad in photos isn’t the worst of it.

Massive hangovers suck really bad. So does waking up with someone you would very much prefer to have never touched. Waking up in a jail cell is pretty shitty and I reckon waking up in the hospital is even worse. You can usually avoid all of these things by keeping yourself from achieving shitfaced status.

Think about it for a second… they call it shitfaced… it’s not exactly a positive description, is it?

9. Don’t get into fights

This one applies to inside and outside the bar. If the point of going to a bar is to socialise, rolling around on the ground trying desperately to cause another person to bleed seems to go against that objective.

You’re not going to get along with everyone in a bar. That’s ok. That’s part of life, and that’s why you can choose to talk to someone else, or go to a different bar or, y’know, any other civilised way of not ending up rolling around on the ground trying to rip out someone else’s hair.

Why not?

Even if you really hate someone there, before you engage in fisticuffs with them, consider how much time you’ll waste in dealing with the bar staff, the police, and potentially at the hospital. It’s not fun dealing with people in uniforms when you’re just trying to have a fun night out with your friends. It’s not fun for your friends to wonder if you’re ok. Having a record for assault is never going to improve your life.

If you can’t think clearly enough to avoid getting into fights, look back at point #10.

8. Don’t be shitty to your boyfriend

A bar is not the place to test how much your boyfriend is into you, or to see how willing he is to stand up for you.

Don’t go around flirting with guys in front of your boyfriend, that shit’s not cool. If you’re not sure how much he likes you, there are better ways to figure it out than trying to enrage him by being massively disrespectful to him in public.

Similarly, don’t go around expecting everyone else in the bar to put up with you doing whatever the fuck you want, and then get all surprised when they point out that you’re behaviour is making their night worse.

Why not?

What almost always happens in these scenarios is that your boyfriend is going to have to stand up for you, and when you tell the random, massive dude who’s beer you just spilled all over the place that “My boyfriend will kick your ass!”, you’re either going to cause your boyfriend to take punches to the face for you, or get into a big argument with you about why he sided with those complete strangers over his girlfriend.

And if you’re flirting with other guys in front of your boyfriend, he’s going to get pissed off at you or at the guys. Either way, you’re pissing your boyfriend off.

That’s ultra shitty. There’s no good way out for your boyfriend and that’s just a straight up shitty way to treat someone you claim to care about.7. Don’t take your clothes off

This isn’t one of those hard and fast rules, I’m just saying, at least think to yourself “Would I be doing this if I was sober?”

For example, if you’re wearing a coat and it’s really warm in the bar, take off the coat. You’d do that if you were sober, so it’s a reasonable decision. If removing the article of clothing would cause the police stop you in the street, were they to see you, you can generally assume that’s not something you’d usually do when you’re sober, and thus is not the right way to go.

The woman in this video clearly didn’t follow the simple “Would I take this off if I were sober” decision assessment.Why not?

Well… there are several reasons. If you can’t answer them for yourself when you’re sober, I don’t think there’s anything I can say that’s going to help, except that maybe you should consider a career in exotic dancing.

6. Don’t go overboard with public displays of affection

Just like the previous rule about taking your clothes off, the PDA rule requires a bit of self evaluation.

The whole point of going to a bar is to socialise, so it’s bound to lead to showing some affection sometimes. Note that word some. Kissing your boyfriend or your girlfriend, if that’s your thing, is totally cool. Depending on the place, some sneaky groping might not cause too much hub-bub.

There are a couple of clues that it’s going too far which are hard to miss. One of them is that you realise that you’re kissing someone more for the benefit of everyone else, rather than for you and the person you’re kissing. A really easy way to figure that out is when the bar erupts into applause.

Another way to evaluate if your PDA is going too far is to consider if it would make a good viral video.

Even when the irony of the situation demands it, it’s still not a good idea.

Why not?

Because if you’re really into it, you can find somewhere private. Also, not everyone is actually into seeing you do that shit, and the people who are don’t give a shit about you, they’re just in it for the show. Think about it this way, do you really want to be one of the “skanks” those people will be laughing about later in the night? and probably jerking off to later that night? Do you want to be the star of a viral video about having sex in public? See, that’s the sort of shit that make’s it tough to get a job.

If your answer to those questions is “No”, what else is there to say?

5. Don’t cry at or around the bar

Hey, look, emotions happen. That’s just a part of drinking and socialising. Getting some sort of emotional response is kind of the point of going in the first place, but those negative emotions… the ones that lead to crying, they’re just not good for a bar situation.

Why not?

Crying is an obvious sign of a person in a vulnerable state. Predators seek out people in vulnerable states.

I don’t know about you, but that video skeeves me the fuck out.

The other major reason to keep your negative emotions in check at the bar is everyone is trying to have a good time and it’s way harder to enjoy your night with people crying around you. If you keep it up too long, you’re going to piss people off, like the girl in this video, who was crying at the bar staff that she needed a charger for her phone.

You want another reason? I feel for the girl in this video because she seems really nice, but it is a great reminder that crying isn’t very flattering.

4. Keep the dancing to the dance floor

I know how it goes. You’ve done some pole dancing lessons and you’re feeling really good and you know for damned sure you’re looking good. Those tequila shots are kicking in and then you see it… a pole. It’s just there waiting for you to dance on it and show everyone in the vicinity just how well you can ride it.

Unfortunately, the people who put that pole there probably weren’t expecting it to be used in an ad hoc amateur pole dancing session.

Maybe it’s not the random pole, maybe it’s the table.

Maybe it’s barely even the table at fault

Why not?

Did you not watch the videos?

3. Don’t pee anywhere except in the ladies toilets

Yeah, the lines are long and the wait is horrendous. Maybe if women didn’t turn using the toilet into a social affair things would move a long quicker and you wouldn’t have to do the gotta pee dance half the night. Doesn’t really matter though, because the only place you’re allowed to pee when you go to the bar, is in the ladies toilets at that bar, or at your place when you get home.

You don’t get to use the gent’s room. They already make us piss into a trough like livestock. We shouldn’t also have to deal with the confusion of seeing a woman in there! The point in the night when you start to think using the men’s room is a good idea is the point in the night at which you need to focus on rule #10 again.

And that doesn’t mean

2. Don’t lick any buttholes

At no point in your time at the bar, should your tongue make contact with a butthole of any sort.

No.

Some of these rules have grey areas. This one does not.

If your tongue somehow does make its way into the general locale of a butthole, just call it a fucking night and go home because something either went really, really wrong, or you’re into that sort of thing, in which case something went really, really, right. For good or bad, it’s time to leave the bar.

Why not?

Most people go to bars to get away from the assholes they have to suck up to during the day and they don’t want to be reminded of that bullshit.

1. Don’t suck 24 dicks at one bar

Alright, listen up. No matter how awesomely and magically it is explained to you, there is never, under any circumstances, a good reason to suck 24 different dicks at a bar.

Usually I prefer to leave room for a potentially plausible cause for outright ridiculous behaviour, but when it comes to putting the cocks of 24 different guys in your mouth in one night at a bar, I just can’t come up with an even remotely acceptable explanation.

Apparently the girl in the video thought she was going to get a holiday. She didn’t get a holiday. A Holiday is the name of a drink they serve at the bar. If my understanding is correct on this one, this young woman put the various dangly and/or firmish man bits of 24 guys in her mouth in hopes of earning a vacation while she was already on a vacation, and instead earned herself a drink.

Jesus H Christ! Most blokes will buy a girl a drink if she bloody well smiles at him! Maybe try that first!

And as for this supposed trip, what fucking holiday could possibly be worth sucking off 24 strangers?!?! Unless you were promised a first class guided tour of every country on this ridiculous planet, and the moon, and every planet in our solar system, and maybe backwards and forwards in time, then maaaaaybe it’d be worth it. Otherwise, what in the fuck could possibly convince you that you need to put 24 individual sweaty, gross, hairy, unprotected cocks into your mouth?

If you really want to play the old trading sexual favours to gain wealth and a luxurious life style card, you’d be far better off heading over to the casinos in Monaco to find yourself a billionaire rather than a shitty dive bar in spain where the clientele are totally cool with watching drunken teenage girls get convinced to suck 2 dozen wangs for the promise of a motherfucking holiday!

Even a porn star would rate sucking 24 dicks in a single night as a pretty big deal. So maybe that’s one way to avoid doing something like this. Ask yourself, “would a porn star be remotely uncomfortable with this?” If the answer is yes, and you’re not a porn star, maybe you should nope the fuck outta there right away!

nooooo

Crazy bitch tip: Rules 10 through 3 are pretty important and you should definitely stick to them, but everyone slips up from time to time, just make sure as hell you never break rules #1 and #2.

Don’t titty-bump old ladies to the ground

5 Mar

A woman who doesn’t have a valid drivers license drove to Walmart and failed miserably to pull into the handicapped spot she was aiming for. She failed so badly that a little old lady thought the spot was free and pulled into it.

The little old lady has a valid handicapped parking permit which she was provided because she recently had a hip replacement surgery. The younger woman did have a handicapped parking permit with her, the thing is, it wasn’t her permit. It sounds like she’d taken someone else’s and was using it on her car.

The younger woman is looking like a pretty shitty human being already, what with driving without a license and using an invalid handicapped permit, but then she went and upped herself right into crazy bitch territory by getting angry at the old lady and “titty bumping” her to the ground.

When the police asked the younger woman about this, she said:

kezia-perkins

“it’s not my fault the elderly woman bounced off my big (chest).”

 

“it’s not my fault the elderly woman bounced off my big (chest).”

We all know she said “titties” instead of (chest), and I’d wager she didn’t actually use the term ‘elderly woman’ either.

The thing about being elderly and having major surgeries is, it makes a frail person even more frail. Generally speaking, it’s a bad idea to go around knocking people to the ground. It’s an even worse idea to go knocking elderly people to the ground. It’s still worse to go around knocking elderly women to the ground, and worse than that is to go around knocking elderly women who are recovering from major surgeries to the ground!

Now, you might have a good reason to knock someone to the ground. Y’know, maybe there’s an eagle trying to catch them as prey and carry them away for some eats, and if so, fair enough, knock that old lady to the ground. If, however, you’re an unlicensed driver trying to park your car in a spot you don’t have the right to be in and they take that spot because they’re struggling to get around on account of being old and recovering from surgery, well, you’re being pretty unreasonable. The best course of action if you’re already in the wrong is definitely not to make the situation worse, and by throwing your angry titties at an old lady to smash her to the ground, well, that’s not going to make the situation better.

The elderly woman in this scenario is now recovering from having spent quite some time on the ground in the snow after her hip surgery came undone. She has since had another hip surgery and is, yet again, suffering through the recovery process of that.

(You can stop watching at [2:30] into the video, I don’t know why they’ve added the Beatles stuff after the report.)

Crazy bitch tip: never titty bump old ladies to the ground.

Stop accepting mistreatment

22 Feb

I’ve mentioned before that I highly doubt the ‘reality’ of reality tv, but however little actual reality is in the tv show, there’s often still value to take from the stories as they’re shown anyway. Like in this video…

OK, so let’s ignore the fact that nobody in this video was surprised that there happened to be camera crews all over the place and that Mr Ring Seller acted like he was trying to get away with something despite the fact that he would obviously have seen at least two cameraman filming him and the lady at the counter. Let’s pretend this is actually real and see what we can get out of it.

There’s obviously a lot of wrong going on. For starters, the guy trying to pawn his girlfriend’s ring seems like a real scumbag, the fact that he’s trying to pawn his girlfriend’s ring certainly serves as evidence of his scumbaggery. The reason he’s trying to pawn it, to get motorcycle parts, is further evidence that he’s a pretty shitty dude because, y’know paying for food or covering rent, or paying for urgent medical treatment are really the only remotely excusable reasons for pawning someone else’s stuff.

Then we’ve got his girlfriend who clearly suspects her boyfriend of being a shady motherfucker and isn’t all that surprised that he’s pawning her ring. She is somewhat surprised that he’s pawning it for parts for his bike, but whatever. So the girlfriend decides to let her boyfriend know that she doesn’t like his behaviour by slapping him in the face in the middle of a crowded shop.

That’s not enough for her though. As he continues to reinforce how much of a scumbag he is by not owning up to what he was actually doing, she punches him square in the face. Right there in the middle of a shop, apparently with camera crews roaming all over the place, this angry little woman decides the best course of action in regards to catching her boyfriend trying to pawn her ring is to punch him directly in the face.

I’ve written before about why you should never hit a man. I rank hitting a guy as crazy bitch behaviour because nothing good can come from it. All it does is escalate a situation into violence, which is a terrible idea. Strangely enough though, I don’t think that the girlfriend hitting the boyfriend is the craziest part of this video.

The craziest part to me, is that she says: “Come on. Let’s go.” to him at the end. What the fuck? This guy just stole her jewellery to pawn it for parts for his motorcycle and he’s clearly been such a shitbag to her so many times that she resorts to physical assault as a means of communicating her dissatisfaction with him this time! How the hell is this “relationship” going to end up in anything but a shitty breakup somewhere down the track?

Any woman who has self respect and was thinking clearly would have left his arse there and never spoken to him again. Yep, hitting him was a crazy bitch manoeuvre, but that’s way less crazy than staying with a scumbag who treats you like shit.

So the moral of this story is to stop accepting mistreatment by scumbag, dickhead, douchebags. The more time you spend with people like this, the more likely you are to accept their shitty behaviour as if it’s just how they are and find a way to put up with it. DO NOT PUT UP WITH IT! You’re better off single than being with a scumbag who makes you feel bad about yourself and tries to get away with doing bullshit behind your back.

Crazy bitch tip: Give people one chance, if they fuck you over, fuck them off.

There’s no such thing as free cash

21 Feb

I think by now everyone knows that a buttload of reality TV is scripted bullshit. It doesn’t really matter if that video is ‘real’ or scripted, the point I want to make is the same either way. The woman at the counter is coming across as a crazy bitch because she starts screaming at the woman behind the counter instead of taking on board what is being explained to her.

It’s not so crazy to misunderstand something. It is a bit much to think you could go to a shop and just have money thrown at you, but when someone tries to explain to you that you’ve misunderstood something, screaming at them is not going to improve the chances of you getting the free money you’ve decided you are entitled to.

It’s very, very rare that screaming at someone who you’re trying to get something from is going to improve your chances of getting what you’re after, so if you don’t want to come across as a crazy bitch, don’t go around screaming at people.

Secondly, when you’re making a big group of people wait for you, they’re going to get annoyed. That’s just how it is. People don’t like being held up, and they certainly don’t like having to wait for silly bullshit. So if you don’t want to be seen as a crazy bitch, don’t start yelling back at the people who you are annoying by wasting their day.

Thirdly, fighting is always a strong indication that you’re a crazy bitch, so don’t do that. Choosing to fight is a bad idea, but the location in which you choose to fight can amplify just how crazy you come across. If you were to get into a boxing match with someone in an actual boxing ring, plenty of people will still think that’s a bit crazy, but if you get into a punch up in a parking lot, you’ll be labeled a crazy bitch by pretty much everyone that sees it, especially if they’ve just watched you scream at a cashier about wanting your free money, then screamed at the angry crowd that was waiting for you while you screamed at the cashier.

Crazy bitch tip: Minimise screaming. Minimise fighting.

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