Tag Archives: funny

Don’t read things that make you feel crazy

21 Apr

 

  
Yes, obviously these are parodies, but they’re disturbingly accurate. 

Crazy bitch tip: Don’t buy magazines that make money by exploiting your insecurities.

Also, if anyone knows the source of these please let me know so I can credit them.

Drunk dialing is bad

11 Jul

Check out this unbelievably cute message left by a drunk girl.

She sounds adorable right? Well

Let’s think about that voice mail. It sounds like Ryan might be politely trying to avoid seeing this young lady. This next video does a pretty good simulation of how we might imagine Ryan dealing with discovering this gem:

Yes! Dominic is adorable! But she’s also doing an excellent job of sounding like an absolutely crazy bitch, albeit an adorable version of a crazy bitch, but an adorable knife still cuts just as well.

My favourite part about our adorbs little sweetheart is that she either dialed the wrong number, or, more likely, was given a fake number. We know this to be the case because of the summary of the video on youtube: “I got this message late Friday night. BTW – I didn’t go out that night.”

“In USA MAGNITED STATES OF AMERICA where yer-you are FREE to TEXT in a THE-A-TER!”

While we’re dealing with crazy phone calls, here’s another one I quite like:

I love this. I love when people who are being arseholes are called out for acting like arseholes and then they accuse the people who called them out of being arseholes for calling them out. I love the circle of arseholery. I love how upset they get. I love the fact that this woman was so upset that she called and left an arsehole message after undoubtedly being an arsehole about getting kicked out for being an arsehole. To summarize… what a fucking ARSEHOLE!

Crazy bitch tip: Keep in mind that regardless of the positive or negative intent behind your message, there’s always the potential it could end up on the internet.

Sarah Silverman’s how not to rape list

28 Mar Sarah Silverman's anit rape list

I like Sarah Silverman. I’ll eventually do a post about just awesome I think she is because she’s a genuinely brilliant, intelligent and interesting person. I don’t have time to tell you all the other reason’s I think she’s awesome, so I’ll just share with you this image she put up on twitter:

Sarah Silverman's anit rape list

Sarah Silverman’s anit rape list

In case you can’t read it, this is what it says:

  1. Don’t put drugs in women’s drinks.
  2. When you see a woman walking by herself, leave her along.
  3. If you pull over to help a woman whose car has broken down, remember not to rape her.
  4. If you are in an elevator and a woman gets in, don’t rape her.
  5. When you encounter a woman who is asleep, the safest course of action is to not rape her.
  6. Never creep into a woman’s home through an unlocked door or window, or spring out at her from between parked cars, or rape her.
  7. Remember, people go to the laundry room to do their laundry. Do not attempt to molest someone who is alone in a laundry room.
  8. Use the Buddy System! If it is inconvenient for you to stop yourself from raping women, as a trusted friend to accompany you at all times.
  9. Carry a rape whistle. If you find that you are about to rape someone, blow the whistle until someone comes to stop you.
  10. Don’t forget: Honesty is the best policy. When asking a woman out on a date, don’t pretend that you are interested in her as a person; tell her straight up that you expect to be raping her later. If you don’t communicate your intentions, the woman may take it as a sign that you do not plan to rape her.

Sarah Silverman (via her Twitter)

While I’ve pointed out that I do believe women have a responsibility to protect themselves and avoid dangerous situations, this list is a pretty hilarious indictment of the revolting way some men behave. This list definitely belongs on our sister site, How Not To Be A Massive douche.

Nice work, Ms Silverman!

 

Video

It’s on the other side

31 Dec

I’m sure this lady is not a crazy bitch, but this video does give the viewer that kind of impression. Come on lady, seriously… it’s on the other side!

80 Miles Per Hour

20 Nov

This lady isn’t a crazy bitch. I really just found this funny so I wanted to post it.

Apparently she’s not the only one who doesn’t understand the concept.

And it’s not a gender thing, either.

At least the kids get it:

Can’t tell if crazy bitch, or dorito

12 Nov

Fashion is a personal preference but I’d suggest that it’s far better not to trigger this question in the minds of passer-bys…

Not sure if human... or dorito

See a few examples of what not to do below. See if you can pick the odd one out.

Crazy bitch tip: If there’s the chance you could be confused for an Oompa Loompa, your fake tan has gone too far.

Image

It’s a bit cold out

11 Aug

It's a bit cold out, better put a hat on (picture of young woman wearing a beanie and jacket but wearing tiny shorts which show off her arse)

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