Tag Archives: gorgeous

If you can’t handle…

12 Nov If you can't handle a feisty woman throwing glassware at your head without hitting her, then maybe you're not the man you think you are

There’s a popular quote attributed to Marilyn Monroe, which reads:

I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and am at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, you sure as hell don't deserve me at  my best - Marilyn Monroe

The quote has become abbreviated to “If you can’t handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my best” and that shortened version has become part of common parlance in most English speaking places. This version is typically assumed to be understood as

“I’m not perfect, but if you can’t get past that, you’ll miss out on what makes me great.”

and I reckon that’s a fair and reasonable sentiment to express.

Warping the message

The problem is, that’s doesn’t seem to be what the people who are using this quote actually mean. So what message are the people who utter this quote actually trying to get across? My interpretation is that, usually, they’re saying:

“It’s not my fault if you can’t put up with how inappropriately I sometimes act. Get used to it or go away.”

That sentiment is not so reasonable to me.

Clearly, whoever put this eCard together is taking a different meaning as well:

What she really means is "I'm a fucking psycho"

The way I see it, everyone has their issues. Some more than others, and often that’s completely out of people’s control. There’s nothing wrong with having issues but there is a big problem when you choose to allow yourself to act inappropriately because of them.

Snap back to reality

I prefer this take on Marilyn’s quote:

If you can't handle me at my worst, I don't blame  you, because that shit is ridiculous.

At least it’s self-aware.

Woah, woah, woah!

But as I mentioned, there are many people making use of this quote to excuse themselves for their shitty behaviour. How’s this one?

If you can't handle a feisty woman throwing glassware at your head without hitting her, then maybe you're not the man you think you are

As I always say, a man should never hit a woman, but also, a woman should never hit a man, or throw glassware at his head. I think we all agree that the man referenced in the quote shouldn’t hit the woman, but the question that comes to mind is… why the fuck was she throwing glassware at his head? Moreover, how the fuck has she convinced herself that the glassware throwing aspect of this scenario is not at least a part of the problem?

Your thoughts, Fresh Prince?

In the words of the great thinker, The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air:

handle you? you're not an animal!

You’re being sexist!

In an effort to avoid being too male-centric with my thinking, here’s what Cate Gary has to say on the matter.

cate-quote

Cate makes some damned good points.

Firstly, just because you have good points, that doesn’t necessarily outweigh your bad points. Your bad points may be so horrible that you couldn’t justify them even if you were busy curing cancer the rest of the time. There are limits! I’m sure Hitler had some good points too, but they didn’t tally up against his whole “trying to exterminate entire races” thing, now did they?

Secondly, Marilyn was unbelievably sexy, but that’s pretty much all you ever hear about her. We don’t reflect on Marylin Monroe as a great mind of our time. In fact, you could argue that she is the original bimbo. While sex appeal has its own value, let’s face it… it’s 90% inherited through genetics. The reason we’ve all heard of her and seen pictures of her is because she had a fantastic body and a beautiful face, and she knew how to move in a seductive manner. No doubt she worked hard to keep her figure and to star in enough films to get her name so well known, but if she wasn’t blessed with her good looks I don’t think we would ever have heard of her.

In her own words

Check out this interview with Marilyn Monroe and make up your own mind.

So there’s not a lot about Marilyn that suggests that she’s a great role model for success. As Cate Gary mentioned above, it’s rather the opposite. No matter how you look at it, she had access to everything a person could want, but she wasn’t around long enough to enjoy it.

Here’s what she had to say when asked if she was happy:

“I’m genuinely miserable” – Marilyn Monroe.

Now, I don’t want to bag out Marilyn Monroe here, because the more footage of her I watch, the closer I get to falling in love with this long gone starlet, but it’s certainly clear that she wasn’t happy, especially at the end of her life, and that she would have preferred to be in a different situation. Perhaps, if she had addressed some of her self-confessed bad points, and not relied on people being willing to handle her, things might have ended differently.

Back to that quote

You don’t have to be at your best all the time, and it is fair to expect those who care about you to be understanding of your flaws and how you act when things get too much, but don’t go getting confused into thinking that they should put up with whatever you want to throw at them because you’re just so friggin amazing on your good days.

You have a responsibility to handle yourself and to remember that the people who love you shouldn’t have to put up with you treating them like shit just because that’s what you feel like doing at that moment in time. Instead of throwing glassware at your significant other, speak to a psychiatrist about why you get so worked up that you even want to throw glassware at your significant other!

Remember, even Marilyn Monroe ran into guys who wouldn’t put up with her shit.

Crazy bitch tip: Learn to handle yourself before you go expecting anyone else to put up with your bullshit.

Side note

The life of Marilyn Monroe is very interesting, and ultimately, a sad reminder that things aren’t always beautiful for the beautiful people. Check out this film about who miss Norma Jeane really was underneath.

What a shame to lose such an interesting person just because she had such a hot body.

There’s more than one way to be beautiful

31 Jan

I don’t think I’ll ever understand why so many people believe there’s only one way to be considered beautiful.

90s black culture

When I was growing up in the 90s, there was a big influx of ‘black music’ from America. There was heaps of R&B and hip hop and rap started taking over the airwaves. The singers and rappers in the video clips for these songs were, of course, black guys and it wasn’t long before any guy with the slightest bit of darkness to his skin was suddenly a hot commodity in the teenage dating scene. It was always funny to me watching my Indian mates start playing it up and taking on all these American black-guy traits, but hey, good luck to them, they were getting the girls that way. It was downright hilarious to me at the time though, watching my lighter skinned buddies starting to act like gangsters and wearing all the garb that was popular in the hip hop videos at the time. My friends didn’t quite go these extremes but you get the idea…

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Now, these pics are pretty funny because these guys have gone waaaaaaay overboard. They look foolish. They don’t realise that they in no way resemble their hip hop heroes or that their efforts towards that come off as unbelievably lame. If these guys were just being themselves, they wouldn’t have ended up having their photos lambasted all over the internet, and that’s the point I’m getting at… You can still be attractive even if you don’t look like whatever the current trend is.

The confusion continues

That whole ‘white guys trying to be black’ thing is still going, but it’s not quite as bad as it was at its peak. In fact, some blokes like Eminem managed to blow through the boundaries and just like Elvis before him, found a way to commercialise the urge for young white guys to want to be black. Anyway, it seems there’s a different version of this ‘wanting to be like someone else’ dominating the world at the moment. This version is generally amongst the ladies and is the urge to dress, look, and act like dumb white bitches.

I’m going to assume that this is mostly because the most famous women in the world are movie stars or American ‘celebrities’, and most of these women are white skinned, have fair hair and light coloured eyes. This appears to have generated the confusion that a beautiful women must have light skin, thick lips, a petite nose, light coloured eyes, blonde hair and no normal human imperfections. Sure, there are many beautiful women out in the world who do fit that stereotype and lots of guys are attracted to them, but that doesn’t mean it’s the only way to be attractive!

Check out these ladies trying to look like someone they’re not..

There’s no denying some of these women look pretty good, but most of them are looking prettttttty badddd. And that’s the way it usually goes. You get a few people who are able to pull off a look different to their natural look because they happen to have features that make it work, but most people just can’t get away with it and it ends up looking comical. Mind you, fashion makes no sense to me. Sometimes looking awful is the trend and everyone just goes along with it. I don’t get that shit either.

Anyshways, what I’m trying to say is that you can look good without fucking with your face and your hair and without bolting on a pair of inflato-tits. You can be beautiful by playing to your strengths. If you’re not naturally blonde haired and blue eyed, don’t try to be. Instead, take advantage of what you’ve got.

What not to do

And here’s why… [warning: there’s some gross footage in this one]

Be real

Yes, there are beautiful women with blonde hair and blue eyes, but there are a billion other ways to be beautiful.

I’ve said quite clearly before that I don’t know shit about fashion. I do, however, know that these women are friggin gorgeous. Obviously these women are blessed with some outstanding genes, but they’ve got something else going for them too… they’re not trying to be someone they’re not.

I’m not saying you shouldn’t dye your hair or straighten it or put on some makeup or whatever. Go for your life! But when you hit the point that you’re trying to hide what you actually look like and fake yourself off as someone else, that’s going too far. So cut down on the plastic surgery and  have a go at taking advantage of your natural beauty. Guys aren’t as stupid as some of you girls seem to think, we can see that you’re good looking even if you’re not the type of good looking that happens to be on TV at the moment. I can’t speak for every guy on the planet but I know that I personally find a woman who’s comfortable with how she looks and who she is to be a gazillion times more attractive than a bleach blonde, fake tanned, wearing all the trendy bullshit kind of woman.

I know for sure that heaps of guys like exotic women. You can’t be exotic if you’re busy trying to look like everyone else now, can ya? Crazy bitch tip: stop trying to be someone you’re not

Vajazzling

21 Apr

I admit it. I have been in love with a woman my entire life and I’ve only just discovered that she is displaying symptoms of Crazy Bitch Syndrome. This distresses me to no end. I remember the first time I saw her, how she looked so innocent, so beautiful, so untainted and it’s all going to waste. She’s been bitten by the crazy bug and I fear there’s no coming back.

What a damned shame!

Jennifer Love Hewitt I remember watching her laugh and play. I remember watching her talk to ghosts. I remember watching her scam men out of money and fight with her mother. I especially remember watching her run screaming from a hook wielding maniac fisherman. But those fond memories are over for me now that I’ve discovered what I should have realised years ago.

 

 

 

 

She’s kinda nuts. I should have mentioned her name, it’s Jennifer Love Hewitt. I think I’m still in love with her but, sadly, it does seem she’s somewhat insane.

article-0-0EDE751800000578-893_468x537 The reason I suspect she’s become a crazy bitch is, she’s one the most attractive woman on the planet, and yet she doesn’t think that’s enough to attract a man. And thus, Jennifer Love Hewitt of all people, was the trigger for a trend known as Vajazzling.


What the fuck is vajazzling, you ask? I just… don’t know how to word it. Hopefully this helps:

The fun part of being a girl is that there are little beauty things you can do to make yourself feel special. I can walk around all day and think, Nobody has any idea that I have a sparkly secret in my pants right now.
– Jennifer Love Hewitt

 

Has the whole world gone insane? How does this stunning woman…

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become convinced that she needs something extra to get men to want to go near her vagina? And because Jen here is into it, there’s a whole swarm of other women throwing hard earned money at the task of putting sparkles right in the way of fun sexy times! You know what I do not want between me and the woman I want to get down to some fun bedroom antics with with? Tiny expensive rocks!!

I know, I know, women don’t do this for men, they do it to make themselves feel special. The thing is, there are things that make you feel special, that make us think you’re crazy. I’m sorry. It’s inconvenient but it’s true.

Whatever. Maybe I’m just acting out because of the heartbreak. I guess there were plenty of signs along the way and y’know, ‘Love’ and I lost touch about the time I stopped watching movies that target teenagers. But still, it’s just such a shame. She was one of the good ones.

Crazy bitch tip: If the entire planet tells you you’re gorgeous, listen to them and don’t worry about adding or changing anything.

Update

Further evidence indicating my former love’s drift toward the realm of Crazy Bitchtopia has been discovered.

That’s one hell of a story there about holding up the board with declarations of love on it. Yowch.

I also discovered that my dearest Jen was involved with this guy…

Does she not have a mirror? Did nobody mention to her that she was named the sexiest woman on TV in 2008? Nothing against this dude, I mean, talking about punching above your weight! but surely nobody really saw this pairing as ‘correct’.

Ah, whatever. Apparently I cannot escape this stupid, illogical, nonsensical world we live in, so I guess I should shut up and let you all get back to vajazzling your brains out, ya crazy bitches.

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