Tag Archives: letter to the editor

Letter to the editor #2

2 Jun

We’ve received our second letter to the editor and I have gotta tell you, it’s a doozie! Read on…

Hey How Not To Be A Crazy Bitch,

My mother-in-law is showing signs of serious crazy bitch behaviour.

So my 10-year-old daughter, Jane*, recently got her period for the first time. After a few screams and tears, my wife and I easily calmed Jane down by explaining that this was just another aspect of puberty.

But soon after is when the absurd conduct began: enter one intervening, traditional and adamant mother-in-law (think Marie from Everybody Loves Raymond).

For those unfamiliar with Marie's work.

For those unfamiliar with Marie’s work.

Behind my wife and I’s back, Marie* had fished from the garbage Jane’s first used pad and took it home with her to place in a snap lock bag. My wife discovered the artifact in one of Marie’s jewellery boxes and we soon both began asking questions.

To cut a long story short, it turns out that Marie believes that a girl’s first ‘bleed’ is something that is very sacred and should be retained for her future husband. According to her, if little Jane gives it to her first boyfriend, they will both be forever in love and live a prosperous life. Marie was planning on giving this back to Jane when she enters the dating scene to pass onto her boyfriend for good luck. Never in my life have I heard of such nonsense.

I’ve seen your posts on period-related topics; you seem to be on the same wavelength as me. Any advice in confronting Marie about not forging her unreasonable traditions on our family? I don’t want to cause her any sadness, but I also don’t want to jeopardise my daughter’s future.

Cheers,
Fed Up Son-In-Law

*Names have been changed

Firstly, thank you for the letter Fed Up Son-In Law.

Secondly, um… what the fuck am I meant to say to that? My immediate reaction is “That’s absolutely mental!” but I guess that’s hardly helpful in a situation like this. One key feature of this situation is that you’re dealing with a cultural practice and, as you’re clearly aware, people can be very tied to their cultural heritage and can get extremely upset if you don’t take these practices seriously.

I was pretty taken aback by this specific tradition but it’s a tradition none-the-less and yours and my shared belief that it’s an archaic and disturbing protocol isn’t going to add much additional space between the rock on your left and the hard-place on your right.

Here’s the best solution I can come up with to keep the peace between you and your Cookoo McGoos Mother-in-law:

Throw the original pad in the bin. Do that before anything else. No matter what happens, that thing has to go. Alrighty, now that your daughters blood soaked pad is out of the picture, we can get on to to placating your monster-in-law.

As a just-in-case, grab a clean pad, wipe a bit of tomato sauce on it and crinkle the thing up a bit to make it look used. Smash this period catchment imposter device into a sandwich bag and tell your mother-in-law that you want her to take care of it. Ask her if she’ll keep it in her freezer or something so you never ever have to see it again.

Then you take your family on a short vacation. A weekend road trip will do. When you get back from the road trip, you tell your mother-in-law that something wonderful happened… your daughter met a boy! She’s got her first ever boyfriend! Hooray and whatnot.

Now you tell your mother-in-law that your daughter is going to have a pen-pal relationship with this imaginary lad and she’s so taken with this idea that the bloody-pad will lead to a long and loving relationship, that she wants your mother-in-law to send the item that she honestly believes contains her granddaughter’s first blood (which sounds like a title for a terrible action movie to me) to the boy on her behalf.

Then you provide your mother-in-law the address of someone you strongly dislike and BAM, you’ve hit two birds with one fake period blood carrying, comfortable stone. Just make sure there’s no return sender address on that envelope and you’re scot-free!

Thanks again for the letter. Please don’t take on my suggestions. Maybe just tell your wife that it’s her job to stop her mother ruining your daughter’s life.

If anyone has a better suggestion, please post it in the comments!

 

Letter to the Editor #1

21 Mar

Holy mother of crap! We’ve received our first ever letter to the editor and I couldn’t be more proud!

Check it out…

 

Dear How Not To Be A Crazy Bitch,

Do you think my friend qualifies as a crazy bitch?

A few years ago my best friend Zoe suggested we go on a weeklong holiday with another close friend of hers, Nina. I had only previously met Nina on a few occasions, but trusted my best friend’s decision that we’d get along and have a good time, which we did.

After spending practically every minute together, we all became really close. I was initially surprised as to just how much I got along with Nina, but soon came to realise that it wasn’t that far fetched to enjoy the company of a friend’s friend. After all, Nina and I were friends with Zoe for similar reasons. It’s almost inevitable that we’d have compatible personalities, isn’t it?

Well, not according to Zoe who, in the years since, has turned into one heck of a crazy bitch and it’s all because of my friendship with Nina. You see, once we got back home, us three would regularly catch up, but soon life got in the way, making it difficult to arrange times for us all to meet up. And here’s where the stupidity begins.

Zoe finds it ‘weird’ that I hang out with Nina one-on-one, that is, without Zoe. Now, just to be clear, I see both Zoe and Nina as much as I would any other friend. So it’s not like I’ve replaced Zoe with Nina; I’ve simply made another friend. But apparently there’s a problem with that. Zoe loathes the fact that Nina and I see each other and, for some peculiar reason, cannot comprehend why we are friends. She’s practically insulted whenever she discovers that Nina and I have gone out!

Zoe even once bluntly told me that she’s ‘disgusted’ at the situation. Utterly confused, I asked why, but she failed to provide a rational answer and, instead, blamed me for not being able to ‘sympathise’ with her feelings.

Zoe’s problem, which has absolutely no logical basis at all, is taking its toll on me. I see passive-aggressiveness in her texts and body language. Whenever I’m with her, I’m confronted and interrogated with questions about where and with who I was at specific times, as if I’m some suspect in a crime. I’m virtually found guilty by Zoe if I fail to inform her of every encounter and conversation that I’ve personally had with Nina. This is what ‘catching up’ with Zoe now consists of and I’m getting really fed up by it.

So, do I have a crazy bitch on my hands or am I just paranoid?

Thanks, Confused Girl

*names have been changed

So here’s what I think, Confused Girl…

This Zoe character is displaying quite the collection of crazy-bitchitudes and, as you’ve rightly pointed out, rationality doesn’t appear to be a big part of her thought process. You definitely don’t sound paranoid but Zoe sure seams to be dealing with a case of it and its sanity sapping, brain bending abilities.

I’m sure Zoe is a generally nice person but she’s really giving it to you with both barrels because she’s struggling to make sense of her own emotions. Unfortunately, there’s an insecurity pushing her logic out the window and providing you a first-hand account of crazy-bitch syndrome. Lack of logic and  emotional overreactions are the key symptoms in this case. Zoe’s not liking the emotion that your friendship with Nina is causing her and in classic crazy-bitch style she’s going to continue to blame you for it until the feeling goes away.

In all fairness, it would feel a bit weird to introduce your friends to each other and then find them hanging out without you, so maybe the best way forward is talk it over with Zoe and to tell her you understand why it’s affecting her. Be sure to point out that it’s actually a really good thing and that you really appreciate her introducing you to someone you get along with so well. Even if you don’t understand why she’s so bothered, try and sympathise with her.

You might also try inviting Zoe along whenever you and Nina are making plans. Zoe will at least feel included and my bet is, if you invite her often enough, it won’t matter to her so much anymore.

If Zoe can’t get her head around it, that’s not your fault. If she continues to be weird about it after you’ve made an effort to be understanding, just don’t hang out with her for a while.

Either way, It’ll all blow over eventually.

 

This was kind of fun! I’d love to hear more stories and questions from the rest of you about your experiences with crazy-bitches.

Crazy bitch tip: If someone asks you why you’re upset with them and you can’t give them an answer, you’re quite likely to be heading into cookoo mcGoo territory.

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