Tag Archives: public

In Australia we have dropbears, in Orange County they have…

17 Feb

So… there’s a girl in her underwear in a tree, and a lady pulls up in her car to ask her if everything’s ok. That’s an odd enough beginning, but then things get even more strange…

So we start out with one person at very high risk of being considered a crazy bitch by passers-by, but it could be argued that the crazy bitch count doubles when the driver starts screaming “whore” at the random stranger in the tree.

In fairness to the driver, she clearly started out with good intentions and was taken aback by being called a ‘fat bitch’. That doesn’t alter the fact that she was then driven to scream whore at a half naked stranger in a tree, which, let’s face it, is a pretty out of the ordinary thing for a person to be doing.

Honestly, I feel bad for that girl in the tree because There’s a strong possibility she was having an adverse reaction to drugs, but however she ended up there, I hope she has learned a lesson from this experience and is making efforts to avoid similar scenarios in the future. Hopefully she finds a way to utilize her quick, roasting wit to her advantage and end up an insult comic.

Crazy bitch tip #1: If you climb trees in your underwear and abuse passing motorists, people are going to call you a crazy bitch.

Crazy bitch tip #2: If you scream whore repeatedly out the window of your car, people will call you a crazy bitch, even if you started out with good intentions.

Public transport is not an appropriate setting for masturbation

31 Dec

Alrighty. I would have thought it would be obvious that public transport is not an appropriate setting for masturbation, but every once in a while I’ll stumble onto a picture like this one on Reddit:

hands-off

and these sorts of images remind me of two things.

  1. Some people either don’t realise they should not masturbate on public transport, or they literally can’t help themselves from doing so.
  2. Some people aren’t aware that they don’t have to sit quietly beside someone as they furiously masturbate in public and ignore it like nothing’s happening.

So, for those of you who didn’t yet know this… you’re not allowed to masturbate on public transport! Now, onto those of you who know you’re not supposed to masturbate on public transport but you do it anyway, go see a doctor and tell them that. They will be able to lead you towards either a psychologist or a psychiatrist who will attempt to treat you for that, because seriously, you’re not allowed to masturbate on public transport! even if you really, really want to.

As for point 2, I would to make this very clear to everyone here and now… you do not have to politely ignore that someone is jerkin their gherkin beside you!! You can get up and walk away, or politely ask them to stop, or contact the driver/conductor etc, or call the police, or security or whoever, but you don’t have to just put up with it!!

To me, putting up with someone giving themselves a pants party in the seat beside you is only slightly less crazy than actually being the person who’s decided the 7:30 train home should take a detour through pleasure town. There are times when you’re completely within your rights to yell at a stranger and I’d rate having my seat-mate start spanking their monkey is definitely on the list. I mean, you can start with a polite clearing of the throat first and progressively work your way up to a full fledged scream if you don’t want to run the risk of accidentally verbally abusing someone who has had an unexpected attack of ants biting their genitalia, but I’d suspect those false alarms are the exception rather than the rule.

Crazy bitch tip: If you or someone else is crazy enough to start masturbating on public transport, please take plenty of photos so the police have a lot of evidence to make sure it doesn’t happen again.

Additional information

Incidentally, this is far from the first post on How Not To Be A Crazy Bitch about how to act on public transport. In previous posts, we have outlined some basic rules of public transport, and attempted to articulate why behaviours such as screaming at people, swearing at and/or attacking other passengers, or wearing a mermaid gimp-suit is considered poor form while traveling in a shared environment with strangers.

Here are some examples from those other posts.

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A woman dressed head to toe in latex with flippers for feat and no eye or mouth holes.

Public transport strikes again

16 Apr crazy bitch on a bus

I’ve mentioned before that public transport is not the place for arguments and tantrums. It appears, however, that the star of this next video has not been reading How Not To Be A Crazy Bitch.

Things don’t start out well, and then they get worse, and worse. I think the highlight of the lowlights is when she tells another woman on the bus that blonde hair and blue eyes trumps brown hair and brown eyes, then lifts her shirt to reveal her jiggly belly with pride, then she spits on a stranger.

That’s not appropriate behaviour on public transport, or anywhere for that matter.

Crazy bitch tip: I feel like I’ve said this before, but spitting at people never improves a situation.

Image

Take it as a sign…

13 Mar

Pole dancing fail

So, apparently these photos are evidence of an epidemic of prostitutes in New Zealand trying to attract business by showing off their skills on the public street signs. Looks like it didn’t work out too well for this particular lady of the night.

If you want to read more about how the Kiwis are tackling this unique issue, check out this article

Crazy bitch tip: If you feel you absolutely have to pole dance in public using a street sign, at least check it’s up to the challenge before you start.

“They’re kind of upset” – Kendra Sunderland

13 Feb

Imagine you had a college aged daughter. You’ve spent 20 odd years raising her from the time she was an infant. You were there when she could barely walk on her own. You were there for all her big firsts. Her first birthday, her first word, her first steps, her first crush, her first heartbreak, her first day at high school, her first day at university. She’s a part of you and you’re a part of her. You’ve spent more money than you could ever count on her and you got it by working more hours than you’d ever thought possible just to provide the best for your little girl.

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Yes, it does say “Beavers”

And then she posts videos of herself publicly playing with her boobs and her vagina for strangers on the internet for money instead of just getting a regular job.

Yep. That’s not the fairy tale ending most parents have in mind as they change shitty nappy after shitty nappy, or while they’re being woken up by their screaming daughter in the middle of the night, every night, for a year or two. Most parents really don’t expect to be repaid for all their hard work by discovering that their beautiful little girl has been flashing her gash on the internet for money.

Unfortunately for Kendra Sunderland’s parents, that’s exactly what happened to them.

In Kendra’s own words: ‘They’re kind of upset’.

‘They’re kind of upset’. That’s right… ‘They’re kind of upset‘. I’m thinking they’re more than kind of upset. I’m betting they’re furious. I’m betting they’re humiliated. I’m betting they’re heartbroken.

And what does Kendra have to say about it?

“Working a minimum wage job, there’s people that are just mean to you when they’re having a crappy day. On [porn site], users had nothing but nice things to say. And I made way more than I would working any other job.” – Kendra Sunderland

So to get around the hard work of putting up with people who’ve had a difficult day, Kendra chose instead to go to the library at her university and have naughty fun times with herself on camera, for money. Nevermind that it was illegal to do so, or that it was going to make her school look pretty bad for letting it happen, or that it could eventually cause her parents to be mocked mercilessly on the internet, Kendra wanted to make more than minimum wage.

A picture of wisdom

A vision of wisdom

There are a lot of social issues at play here. I mean, what did she want that money for? Why was it so important to her that she’d so willingly create her own public porn videos to achieve it? Why didn’t she consider the consequences? The answers to those questions are for another time, on a different website.

For now, on How Not To Be A Crazy Bitch, let me offer the advice that I’m sure Kendra’s parents wish their daughter would have taken. There are better ways to earn money than performing sex acts in public for the internet. There are flow on affects of doing things like that and that includes hurting your parents. That’s why it’s not a good idea.

Crazy bitch tip: Just because there are people telling you they’ll give you money if you take off your clothes, doesn’t mean it’s a good idea to do so.

PS: Look, if you really want to find the video, google that shit because you won’t find it here!

Don’t go nuts about nuts

9 Feb

The 40 year old daughter of the chairman of Korean Airlines has gone through quite the fall from grace after throwing a massive tantrum on a plane when a steward dared to serve her macadamia nuts in a bag, rather than on a plate. The videos below explain in a bit more detail.

 

 

 

 

 

 

The moral of this story is, you may believe that having a powerful father exempts you from treating your fellow humans with respect, but you will eventually go too far and receive your comeuppance. If you come from a wealthy, powerful family, don’t go around acting like a crazy bitch. Instead, be thankful for the ridiculously fortunate position you happened to be born into.

The fact that this woman is 40 only makes it worse. It would still be unacceptable if these ridiculous actions had been carried out by a teenager, but at least being young and immature might cover some of the farcical nature of the events. It’s embarrassing for everyone involved when you see a grown woman throw a tantrum.

Crazy bitch tip: Do not crack the shits if someone serves your macadamia nuts in a bag instead of on a plate.

You’ve gotta be shitting me!

3 Sep

Warning! Gross stuff ahead! If you’re squeamish, please skip this one.

A video came up on my facebook feed yesterday, the star of which is definitely a crazy bitch. Why is she a crazy bitch? Watch it for yourself…

She’s a crazy bitch because she took a shit right there on the floor of a supermarket. That’s. Fucking. Crazy!

What about the poor bastard who’s going to have to clean that up? What about the fact that every supermarket in the world has video surveillance, so there’s no way in hell this will go unseen? What about the fact that there are probably public toilets at the supermarket that she could have used instead? What about the fact that it is completely uncivilised to shit on the floor at a supermarket? What about the fact that there’s food around?

Seriously! Most human beings are toilet trained before they get to kindergarten! Hell, most people can train their pets to not just shit wherever the hell they feel like shitting, but this nutter is out there dropping nuggets in a friggin supermarket?!

If this was out in the bush and the lady was camping, fair play. There are different rules when you’re out in nature but even then, you’d dig a hole and bury you butt-vomit so nobody ends up walking in it. If this was an accidental fecal fiasco, I could understand that because everyone’s been on the wrong side of a bad kebab, but this is just a flat out sneaky public walk-by-shitting and my mind didn’t want to believe this was a reality.

Given my disbelief, I decided to do a quick search on youtube to reaffirm my belief that this shit (sorry) was out of the ordinary but it turns out I was wrong to think this was a rare and unusual thing.

At least this lady seems drunk or stoned…

But this next crazy bitch seems to think it’s funny! She even USES THE JANITOR’S JACKET TO CLEAN HERSELF UP!

As for the rest of these crazy bitches, I don’t know what’s happening. Some of them are quite well dressed, some not. Some you might think more likely to be gross than others, but they’re all up to the same thing.

Ok, so the evidence is in. There are women out in the world that are choosing to drop deuces in public and, in case you’re under illusions, anyone who sees this act in process is thinking one thing “That’s a crazy bitch!”. So let’s all keep in mind that if you don’t want to be thought of as a crazy bitch, find a friggin’ toilet!!!!!!!!

Crazy bitch tip: If you’d tell a child off for doing it, you definitely shouldn’t be doing it yourself.

I tried pretty hard to hold back all the puns that were going through my head while writing this and that was really giving me the shits, but I’ll forgive you if you feel the urge to drop one in the comments, or even go to the lengths of going for number 2, even a turd effort might come out if you really push. Ah crap, I really let it all out in the end.

Also, here’s a short emoji story. 10 points to anyone who figures out what it’s about: 😬😠😤😡💨💥💩😱😨😅😎

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