Tag Archives: rage

Origins #21

15 Jul

After a very confusing night out with Rene in which she broke up with me but then conceded that it still seemed like we were going to get together. It had all built up to the moment that, while I sat in the passenger seat of her car on the way back, I was leaning in to kiss Rene.

So how did that turn out?

not-particularly-well

Know what I mean?

Rene leaned away and out of reach. Imagine Neo in the matrix but instead of bullets, he’s dodging kisses from guys, and instead of Neo, it’s my boss’s daughter.

dodge

Ahh! It’s the affection I was crying about not getting the other night!

She looked at me like she understood why I was going for it, but also like it was a bad call, which of course it absolutely was.

miley-awkward

Sooo… that just happened.

For me, it was a case of not leaving anything on the table. I wasn’t especially offended or upset that Rene had avoided my kiss. I had to have a crack at it, so I did, and it didn’t go my way. I was disappointed but at least I tried and I wouldn’t be left wondering what might have happened.

I was still very, very confused because Rene seemed to be saying one thing and meaning another and there appeared to be a serious disconnect between what she was saying she wanted and what she seemed to actually want, but I tried to kiss her and she pulled away, so I had to take that as a “No.”

I looked at Rene, my face full of confusion and disappointment. I understood that she didn’t want to kiss me right then, but not why she’d been so full-steam-ahead the other night and even admitted that it felt like we were going to get together only minutes before, and was still stopping anything happening between us.

Rene looked at me with an understanding, almost apologetic look and said, simply:

You can’t always get what you want.

That statement didn’t help much but, more confused than ever, I deflated back into that luxurious leather seat in my boss’s daughter’s BMW and an old Rolling Stones song rang out at full volume inside my head without disturbing the silence between Rene and I.

The traffic light gods saw my dilemma and kindly changed the light from red to green seconds later. I’d had enough of looking at Rene for the night. I directed my gaze at the massive tent which had housed the Powderfinger concert earlier in the night. I tried to read between the many and varied messages I thought I was getting, hoping to find something that felt like the truth.

Home again

The short trip back from the Bell Tower to my place has erased itself from my memory. I assume I stared out the passenger window and said nothing aside from offering the necessary directions. I don’t remember how we said goodbye but obviously no kissing was involved.

lights-fadeI do remember thinking that the whole night would have been a lot simpler if Rene had just come round to my place in the first place. That thought scratched its way through my head as I watched her BWM dissolve into the feint, red glow of  tail lights, and dissipate into the darkness.

Cringe City, here I come

After climbing the 5 flights of stairs to my apartment I kicked off my shoes and fell onto my bed. I was very, very confused. I know this will sound ridiculous, but I felt like Rene’s efforts to decline had all been what she thought she had to do, not what she wanted to do. Unfortunately however, there was enough conflicting evidence that I couldn’t get a solid read on the situation one way or the other.ross-cringe

And that’s when I started to set up shop in Cringe City. See, something I had previously been unfamiliar with started to happen. I started to do things which didn’t make good sense. My emotions told me to do something and, unlike my normal protocol of logically evaluating the outcome of my behaviour before acting, I caught myself actually doing the thing my emotions told me to do.

In that particular moment, my emotions were telling me to send Rene the following sms:

I think that moment in front of the bell tower really summed things up.

megacringe It’s very tough for me to accept it now that I’m looking back, but I didn’t just feel like sending that message, I actually sent it!

I’m not sure I understand what you mean.

I had to try to kiss you and you had to back out of it. Sums the whole thing up.

I didn’t even mean to send the first message. It happened outside of my control. I sure as hell didn’t expect a response because Rene would still have been driving home. I know that, at the time, I was trying to close out the situation and make sure we were on the same page ahead of running into Rene at the next work function, but I can’t even articulate¬† how intensely I’m cringing at the thought of sending that follow up message.

cringeI knew it was a ridiculous thing to do, even then, but my emotions had taken control of my fingers. I waited for Rene’s response. Y’know, the one that would explicitly confirm or deny my understanding of what the hell she’d been trying to get across to me throughout the night?

Now we play the waiting game

timeThe minute number on my phone changed from 9:48 to 9:49.

9:49 became 9:50.

9:50 became 9:51.

The screen on my iPhone 3G switched itself off.

“She’s driving, she probably doesn’t have the time to reply properly.” I supposed. “No point staring at your phone waiting around for her”

I switched my phone to silent and put it face down on my bedside table. I showered, brushed my teeth, and everything else I could remotely think to do before going to bed for the night. Eventually, all options exhausted, I turned off the light and returned to my empty, queen sized bed.

I didn’t want to check my phone but the near hour I’d spent trying to distract myself hadn’t worked very well.

I picked it up. Flipped it over. Pressed the home button. The screen lit up the room.

10:39

0 newThere was no new message. There was no missed call. There was no new email. Nothing.

“Maybe she’s been caught up in traffic on the way home. Best not to worry about it until the morning.” I told myself. I put my phone back, face-down on the bedside table.

I pulled my eyelids down and commenced the process of attempting to initiate sleep. You’d assume successfully doing something over 11,000 times would ensure your future success at will without even the slightest issue. The task of falling asleep, however, appears not to become any easier regardless of extensive previous practice.

Just go to fucking sleep already!

I tried everything I could to encourage the sandman to visit me. I did everything I could not to look at my phone. I failed on both counts.

“Maybe I missed it…”
1:27

0 new“I nodded off there for a bit, probably nearly time to get ready for work.”
1:39

0 new
“This is fucked.”

thinking-no-slee “Go to sleep already.”stimpy-nosleep“For fuck’s sake, just go to sleep”
1:54
“It’s nearly two in the morning ya fucking idiot, just go to fucking sleep.”

0 new“This is the worst pillow that has ever been made.”

pillow rage“I was wrong. THIS pillow is the worst pillow that has ever been made!”

pillow-fight2:02
“FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKK”
“I nodded off there for a bit, probably nearly time to get ready for work.”
2:11

0 new“Is that a spider?”

0 new“Maybe she smacked my arse like a coach does to a player, like ‘Good job’. Don’t think about that shit. Just go to sleep.”
sleep-deprivation“Fuck my phone is bright.”

0 new“Of course there’s no new message. She’s asleep you idiot. Stop thinking about it.”
2:41
“I’m really tired now. Better stop thinking about it and get some sleep.”

0 new“‘I had to try to kiss you and you had to back out of it. Sums the whole thing up.’, that’s not so crazy. That’s what happened. Sure I shouldn’t have sent that but it’s not offensive or anything. It’s not like I could get fired over that. Or could I?…”can't sleep3:21
“SERIOUSLY??????? HOW AM I NOT ASLEEP YET???????!?!??!!??!?!!?!?!?”
3:39

insomnia

BRIIIIINGGGGG BRRIIIIIIIIIINGGGGG

“What the fuck is that noise!? Where am I? Who am I? WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT FUCKING NOISE!!!!?!?!?!?!?!”I smashed my hand in the direction of the intrusive screaming noise. It was my phone.

“Oh yeah, I’m a human in my bed and was enjoying a magnificently deep sleep there until this mother fucking noise ruined it by waking me up.”

6:00

It was my alarm. Past me had set it to wake me up with plenty of time to prepare for another day at my awesome new job. Past me was a fucking moron.

6amPast me was so fucking stupid that he actually thought the “old phone” ringtone was a good choice for a sound to wake up to! Didn’t he know I’d had maybe 2 hours of sleep? Who the fuck did he think he was to wake me up?

As moronic as past me had been, present-time me was just as ridiculous, if not worse.

“Oh wait, any new messages?”

6:01

0 newMy phone was as devoid of messages as it had been all night.

“That message wasn’t even a question. Why would she reply to something that wasn’t a question? I was being silly to expect a response”

“You know what? She’ll come round. She’ll figure out whatever it is that’s so complicated, get over whatever bullshit she’s going through, and she’ll eventually come round.”

“Until she does, I’m just gonna focus on doing what I can for myself. First step, focus on my fitness.”

I got onto my bench press and worked out so hard my arms would ache for days, then showered up and headed off for work feeling good about myself.

I was confident that Rene was still interested. In spite of what she’d said, there’d been so much of a vibe telling me that she was, plus she’d literally agreed that we’d still get together. I was just gonna let her come back to me when she was ready and make sure that I was looking and feeling good when she did.

Yeah, that’s right

Yes, somehow, despite everything I was dealing with and how unbelievably confused and stressed out I was, even my lack of sleep couldn’t dampen my spirits. I was, for reasons that elude me today, feeling great that morning.

good timesI think back now and wonder “how that’s possible?” I’d just been smacked from pillar to post through a huge range of emotions and yet there I was, feeling good. Feeling confident! How the hell I managed that, I couldn’t tell you.

What I can tell you is that it wouldn’t last forever.

Next time…

Those emotion things start to rise up and the confusion starts getting the best of me.

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Calm is better

22 Apr

We all have the tendency towards getting emotional when things just refuse to go our way no matter how hard we try, and that’s ok. The problem is, the more emotional you become, the less likely you are to get what you wanted in the first place because it’s difficult to interact with highly emotional people. Basically, calm is better.

Here’s an example.

The lady just wanted the tv to work with the universal remote but that all gets lost in the screaming and instead of getting some help with the problem, she manages to make herself look like a crazy bitch. It’s just as likely that she’s had a terrible month of frustrations and annoyances and just couldn’t hold it in anymore. It doesn’t matter though because an outburst is an outburst and unfortunately for this lady, this one was caught on film.

I am impressed that she mentions taking the children to see a shiprwreck. That’s the sort of tangential arguments that come out when a person is not in control of their emotions, and as you can see it definitely did not help her achieve her initial goal of sorting out the remote.

Crazy bitch tip: emotions are natural and can be difficult to deal with, but letting them get the better of you tends not to help you get what you’re after.

100 Problems

31 May

Wow. 100th post. That’s a milestone I never expected to reach.

I started this site because I’d had a string of dealing with women who were making absolutely no sense to me. I tried very hard to make sense of what the hell it was that I was doing to cause so many ladies to act so very bizarrely but I couldn’t figure it out, so I asked around. I asked my friends, my colleagues, random strangers in random conversations in random locations. The answer came back time and again, I was just having an unfortunate run of dealing with some ‘crazy bitches’.

Weather or not those women were actually crazy bitches or not is hard for me to say. I only know my side of the stories and I’m looking forward to letting you all in on them and hearing what you have to say.

In the meantime, today is a big deal. In addition to this being the 100 posts, I’ve also hit a milestone as far as views on this site and I’m stoked about that. It turns out there’s actually a fair bit of demand for this whole How Not To Be A Crazy Bitch thing. There’s one more milestone, we’ve just completed the 10th Episode of our silly little How Not To Be A Crazy Bitch web series and I’ll be posting that very soon. All in all, this is a pretty awesome day!

Anyshways, as fun as it is to ramble on about all the cool shit that’s going on with this site, I better shut the hell up and provide you some content. Here we go, post 100…

I guess Jay-Z has 100 problems, now

This video shows us Beyonce’s sister Solange throwing a rage of furious little fists and very pointy shoes at Jay-Z. I’ve heard a bit of back-story to this and it’s arguable that Solange might be well within her rights to be absolutely furious with Jay-Z. It’s all very gossipy and, to be 100%, I just don’t care enough about it to try and recount what I’ve heard. If you’re into that sort of tabloid stuff, you’ll find plenty here.

The point I want to make is that it doesn’t matter anymore if Solange was justified in her anger at Jay-z because she let herself get all fist-cuffs about it and her violent outburst was caught on camera and shown to the world. That really sucks because now the majority of people have heard about, and seen, this video and will assume Solange is downright crazy bitch. What if she’s not? What if she’s justified? What if there’s a legit reason for her to be furious? It doesn’t matter because the vast majority are never going to hear the details, they’ve just assumed Solange = Bat Shit Crazy and that’s the end of it.

It’s worth keeping in mind that an outburst, no matter how justified, is still unacceptable and it’s still going to make you look like a crazy person. I can’t think of a single situation where you could be dressed to the nines, spend a few minutes trying to bash in the skull of another person with your fists and feet and then leave with a big smile like everything’s ok, and still have everybody think you’re a normal person.

Crazy bitch tip: Men aren’t allowed to hit women. Women aren’t allowed to hit men. In fact, no one should hit anyone. Hitting anyone is a bad idea. Hitting a billionaire is a terrible idea.

Happy 100 to me!

Accepting no for an answer

4 Apr

It can be difficult to accept no for an answer. We’ve all been faced with that situation and felt that urge to continue to fight it when we know there’s really no way around it. Maybe the person you’re interested in doesn’t feel the same way about you but you’re sure you can convince them. Maybe you really wanted to succeed at something and you tried as hard as you possibly could. Or, maybe you just really want some chicken nuggets but they’re only serving the breakfast menu.

Whatever the case, it’s extremely difficult to be faced with a “No” when you want to hear “Yes”. Difficult it may be, but you need to find a way to accept it or you run the risk of putting out that vibe of being a bit off. If you still won’t accept that No after a few months, you’re cranking that vibe up to creepy status. Still refusing to accept that No for an answer after a year and you’ll push yourself into that crazy-bitch echelon. Beyond that and you’ve realistically got bigger things to worry about than what other people think of you.

That’s how it usually works but it is possible to accelerate your way straight to “holy mother of crap! that bitch is crazy! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES” territory within just a few seconds. For example…

 

Right about when she warned “Don’t make me assume my ultimate form” I’d have grabbed a bag of frozen chicken nuggets and handed ’em right over.

Crazy bitch tip: Some people will stick to the rules even when their lives are in danger. If they tell you no, best just to find a way to accept it.

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