Tag Archives: sexy

If you can’t handle…

12 Nov If you can't handle a feisty woman throwing glassware at your head without hitting her, then maybe you're not the man you think you are

There’s a popular quote attributed to Marilyn Monroe, which reads:

I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and am at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, you sure as hell don't deserve me at  my best - Marilyn Monroe

The quote has become abbreviated to “If you can’t handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my best” and that shortened version has become part of common parlance in most English speaking places. This version is typically assumed to be understood as

“I’m not perfect, but if you can’t get past that, you’ll miss out on what makes me great.”

and I reckon that’s a fair and reasonable sentiment to express.

Warping the message

The problem is, that’s doesn’t seem to be what the people who are using this quote actually mean. So what message are the people who utter this quote actually trying to get across? My interpretation is that, usually, they’re saying:

“It’s not my fault if you can’t put up with how inappropriately I sometimes act. Get used to it or go away.”

That sentiment is not so reasonable to me.

Clearly, whoever put this eCard together is taking a different meaning as well:

What she really means is "I'm a fucking psycho"

The way I see it, everyone has their issues. Some more than others, and often that’s completely out of people’s control. There’s nothing wrong with having issues but there is a big problem when you choose to allow yourself to act inappropriately because of them.

Snap back to reality

I prefer this take on Marilyn’s quote:

If you can't handle me at my worst, I don't blame  you, because that shit is ridiculous.

At least it’s self-aware.

Woah, woah, woah!

But as I mentioned, there are many people making use of this quote to excuse themselves for their shitty behaviour. How’s this one?

If you can't handle a feisty woman throwing glassware at your head without hitting her, then maybe you're not the man you think you are

As I always say, a man should never hit a woman, but also, a woman should never hit a man, or throw glassware at his head. I think we all agree that the man referenced in the quote shouldn’t hit the woman, but the question that comes to mind is… why the fuck was she throwing glassware at his head? Moreover, how the fuck has she convinced herself that the glassware throwing aspect of this scenario is not at least a part of the problem?

Your thoughts, Fresh Prince?

In the words of the great thinker, The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air:

handle you? you're not an animal!

You’re being sexist!

In an effort to avoid being too male-centric with my thinking, here’s what Cate Gary has to say on the matter.

cate-quote

Cate makes some damned good points.

Firstly, just because you have good points, that doesn’t necessarily outweigh your bad points. Your bad points may be so horrible that you couldn’t justify them even if you were busy curing cancer the rest of the time. There are limits! I’m sure Hitler had some good points too, but they didn’t tally up against his whole “trying to exterminate entire races” thing, now did they?

Secondly, Marilyn was unbelievably sexy, but that’s pretty much all you ever hear about her. We don’t reflect on Marylin Monroe as a great mind of our time. In fact, you could argue that she is the original bimbo. While sex appeal has its own value, let’s face it… it’s 90% inherited through genetics. The reason we’ve all heard of her and seen pictures of her is because she had a fantastic body and a beautiful face, and she knew how to move in a seductive manner. No doubt she worked hard to keep her figure and to star in enough films to get her name so well known, but if she wasn’t blessed with her good looks I don’t think we would ever have heard of her.

In her own words

Check out this interview with Marilyn Monroe and make up your own mind.

So there’s not a lot about Marilyn that suggests that she’s a great role model for success. As Cate Gary mentioned above, it’s rather the opposite. No matter how you look at it, she had access to everything a person could want, but she wasn’t around long enough to enjoy it.

Here’s what she had to say when asked if she was happy:

“I’m genuinely miserable” – Marilyn Monroe.

Now, I don’t want to bag out Marilyn Monroe here, because the more footage of her I watch, the closer I get to falling in love with this long gone starlet, but it’s certainly clear that she wasn’t happy, especially at the end of her life, and that she would have preferred to be in a different situation. Perhaps, if she had addressed some of her self-confessed bad points, and not relied on people being willing to handle her, things might have ended differently.

Back to that quote

You don’t have to be at your best all the time, and it is fair to expect those who care about you to be understanding of your flaws and how you act when things get too much, but don’t go getting confused into thinking that they should put up with whatever you want to throw at them because you’re just so friggin amazing on your good days.

You have a responsibility to handle yourself and to remember that the people who love you shouldn’t have to put up with you treating them like shit just because that’s what you feel like doing at that moment in time. Instead of throwing glassware at your significant other, speak to a psychiatrist about why you get so worked up that you even want to throw glassware at your significant other!

Remember, even Marilyn Monroe ran into guys who wouldn’t put up with her shit.

Crazy bitch tip: Learn to handle yourself before you go expecting anyone else to put up with your bullshit.

Side note

The life of Marilyn Monroe is very interesting, and ultimately, a sad reminder that things aren’t always beautiful for the beautiful people. Check out this film about who miss Norma Jeane really was underneath.

What a shame to lose such an interesting person just because she had such a hot body.

Charity

31 Aug

Being charitable is a good thing, no matter what form you choose for your charitable efforts to take. It is however also true that in some instances, the suggested method of charity might raise more than a few eyebrows.

Some people mistakenly think that their charitable efforts should somehow relate to their vocation. For example, a bricklayer might think that the best way to offer assistance would be the offer of laying bricks. That’s an example in which the vocation might be a worthwhile contribution to the cause at hand. Other vocations like ‘blogger’, ‘movie critic’ or ‘bikini waxer’ might not be so beneficial. Let’s face it, if you’ve just experienced a tornado, hurricane, a flood, or some other monumental tragedy, you’re probably not going to get a lot out of a free opinion on the documentary being made about said tragedy.

That’s why, the more typical approach to being charitable in these situations is to donate some money to a reputable charity who will be assisting in helping those affected by the unfortunate circumstances. Part of the rationale behind that is that money is much more universally useful. Another reason, is that some pretty crazy offers come through in the name of charity…

I’m sure that most people immediately assume that all female porn stars are crazy bitches but I’m not one of them. I don’t think you can generalise like that. I do, however, believe that suggesting that you might offer some benefit to a bereaved man who’s daughter has passed away by dressing up as a schoolgirl and offering him your body for his own amusement, does make it difficult to argue against you being a crazy bitch.

I also concede that offering your asshole as a storage space to people going through a tragedy and combining that sentiment with ‘bless you’ is unarguably straight out of crazy bitchdom.

Crazy bitch tip: When it comes to charity, generally it’s not a great idea to offer sexual acts.

 

Narcissism and a boobie video

18 Aug

There’s an old Greek myth about this dude named Narcissus, who they reckon looked at his own reflection in a pool of water until he died. Effectively, falling in love with his own appearance was the end of him.

Of course, we know that’s a myth and no one could be so vein as to die from looking at themselves, right? Well, that’s not exactly true. People die taking selfies all the time. Think about that for a second. People actually die in an effort to snap a pretty picture of themselves.

Psychologists have recognised that there are people who are just way too into themselves, so much so that it becomes a problem for themselves and/or for the people who have to deal with them. In honour of our old mythological buddy Narcissus, they called that sort of behaviour Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

Most of us don’t really understand it in the same way as the white coat crew do but just about everyone is familiar with the basic concept of Narcissism:

Narcissism is the pursuit of gratification from vanity, or egotistic admiration of one’s own attributes, that derive from arrogant pride. – from Wikipedia

Narcissism is universally considered a bad thing. Or at least, it was for a very long time. I’m not so sure anymore. Let’s have a look at today’s video…

I’ve spoken in the past about the fact that, despite my own love for the bouncy parts of ladies, I think roaming around with a video camera dangling off your head, pointing down at your jubblies is a pretty good sign that you’re a crazy bitch.

So, let’s have a quick think about the physically attractive young lady in today’s video. Is she hot? I’m gonna have to go with a HELL YES on that one. Do I think she’d be an easy person to be around? I’m gonna have to go with a HELL NO.

It’s great that she’s worked out so much that she has a beautiful physique to show off but the way she’s chosen to show it off is, well, it’s pretty fucking crazy. Of course that’s just my opinion and for all I know she’s a lovely young lady who spends most of her time working with charities and is trying to cure cancer the rest of the time, but that’s not the impression I get. How about you?

Do you think she might be just little bit too into her own looks? Do you think she might just be showing a few symptoms Narcissism?

Crazy bitch tip: it’s good to look good and to feel good about how you look but if you’re stopping in your tracks to check out your reflection every time you pass a mirror, you might want to think about how things played out for Narcissus.

Curvy

14 May

I find women with curves attractive. Despite movies, tv and magazines implying the opposite, most guys find women with curves attractive. Sure, you might run in to a guy here and there who is only into stick figures and you might find the equivalent guys who are attracted to the mega-ladies who are on the super-thick end of the spectrum but just about every guy out there can appreciate a shapely women.

When I say shapely, this is what I’m talking about:

Sexy and shapely

And I think this meme sums things up nicely:
Not overweight, just curvy

But somewhere along the way, some confusion has crept in. The media started indicating that male Homo Sapiens are after bags of bones wrapped so tightly in skin that we can see every bone, muscle and tendon. Young women see this shape everywhere and think it’s standard issue:

Bag of bones

Like I said, there are some guys that are going to be attracted to a woman who looks like this but there’s a pretty creepy crossover between guys who are only attracted to women this skinny and guys who end up getting locked away for not respecting the laws relating to the age of consent. Even if I’m wrong and more guys are into this look than I realise, that doesn’t make it healthy and we end up with young girls looking like this as a result:

ANOREXIA

When I see someone this thin, the last thing I’m thinking about is attraction. I want to drag her to the nearest eatery and feed her. I want to put her on a drip. I can’t even remotely understand how anyone possibly could be attracted to someone a human body so near to death.

Brazil seems to be going the other direction. There’s a serious trend towards curviness over there and when you take a look at the winner of miss Bum Bum Brazil 2012 here, you can certainly see there’s good reason for that.

Miss BumBum Brazil 2012

Of course, that’s lead to its own problems. Plastic surgery is a booming industry in Brazil and some of the procedures are pretty insane as far as I’m concerned. The two procedures that are doing my head in are butt implants and silicone injections.

Butt implants don’t seem to work out too well…

And silicone injections might be even worse…

I’m a guy, so I don’t really know the pressure that women are under to be attractive but I can tell pretty well what looks healthy and what does not. Generally speaking, looking healthy correlates quite a bit with being attractive. Instead of starving yourself to death or having your body cut open and things stuffed inside it to give you extra lumps, maybe it’s worth considering just having a healthy lifestyle and accepting that there are guys out there who like all sorts of body shapes.

One last thing though, it’s important to accept your body for what it is, but that doesn’t mean that you should go disregarding reality and trying to adjust the meaning of words to make yourself feel better. For example, this lady is sorely mistaken.

Beautiful?

Crazy bitch tip: Tell yourself that being obese is beautiful as much as you want, it’s not going to convince anyone to be more attracted to you and it’s not going to make you any healthier.

 

 

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