Tag Archives: tattoo

But… butt… why the arsehole?

9 Sep

I know I’m getting older and I’m losing touch with what’s cool and what’s not, but…

Asshole tattooSeriously?

If someone come to me and said, “hey I want to make hundreds of tiny painful incisions in your poo chute and leave ink in those holes so that there’ll be a permanent design there”, the only chance they have of getting me to agree to it is by following that up with, “and I’m going to pay you $1,000,000 if you let me do it.” And even then I’m not sure I’d go for it. If I did, I would do so begrudgingly and be keeping it very, very quiet.

So it makes it difficult for me to understand that the girl in that picture went to that tattooist and told him, she’d pay him to do that to her. I actually feel bad for the tattooist because that’s gotta be one of the shittiest jobs he’s ever had to undertake.

And you’ve gotta wonder why anyone would want a tattoo on their clacker. Even if you’re an exhibitionist, it’s not exactly an easy location to see. Frankly, the whole thing is outside of the realm of logic for me, and I’m sure I’m not alone in thinking it’s just a bit too out there to be anything less than cookoo mcgoos.

Hey, at least it’s unique

Y’know, it’s amazing how far people will go to be unique. The Guiness Book of World Records is testament to that. Maybe the woman in the picture above thought she was going to be unique because of her tattooed brown eye. Maybe that was part of why she decided to get it done.

I hope not, because…

and also…

So…

It’s your body, you own it. You can do whatever you want with it. It’s just that some things might seem like a good idea at the time but turn out to be horrible choices down the line. Think about it. As weird as it would be going through the process of getting a tattoo on your rectum, at least tatooists are generally used to weird shit, but if (when) you change your mind and decide to get it removed, you’re going to have to explain to someone that you thought getting an anus tattoo was a great idea back in the day but you’ve changed your mind now and you’d really like lasers shot directly at your bunghole to get rid of it.

It’s your right to make bad choices and trust me, I’ve made a fuckload of them myself, but I’ve never gotten a goddamned butthole tattoo because everyone knows that’s a fucking crazy thing to do.

Crazy bitch tip: You really, really, really, really realllllllllllllllllllly don’t need a tattoo on your arsehole.

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Butterflies have a short life span

12 Mar

Butterflies have a short life span

Crazy bitch tip: Butterflies have a short life span. The same is true of the time in your life when wedging a g-banger up your clacker and exposing your caboose is going to be well received.

Do not leave marks on your children

30 Jun

This rule applies to all people and all children. This rule is simple. This rule is not negotiable.

DO NOT LEAVE MARKS ON YOUR CHILDREN.

The fact that you birthed a child does not entitle you the right to cause that child physical damage. It does not entitle you the right to intentionally scar that child. If you believe it does, you are a fucking crazy bitch. You are such a crazy bitch, that you’ll like go to prison.

That’s an important indicator during your self-evaluation. Think to yourself, would I go to prison for doing this thing that I’ve got it in my head that I want to do? If the answer is yes, and you continue anyway, have no doubt that you are a crazy bitch.

See this?

This is unacceptable. You do not need to brand your children, they will still be recognised as yours through their use of language, the fact that they live with you and that old reliable stuff we call DNA. Even if someone branded you, you still should not brand your children.

How about this?

This is also unacceptable. You should not have your children tattooed. Tattooing is permanent and it is painful. There’s no bloody reason you need to have a tattoo put on your child. Even if you’re a satanist and you want to hail your demon deity, you still don’t get to put a tattoo on your child. Do you know why? Because that’s fucking psycho! That’s why! Yet again, even if someone tattooed you when you were a child, you still should not tattoo your child.

What about this one?

Burning a child for any reason, is unacceptable. Do you understand? You don’t get to apply a burning hot iron to a child because your hair isn’t straight. You don’t get to burn a child because they’ve been crying. You don’t get to burn a child if they’ve accidentally cut your leg off with a chain saw. You should never burn your child.

And this?

Ripping your sons scrotum and applying superglue to the wound is not acceptable. Regardless of how angry you are, you don’t get to tear the flesh of your child. Regardless of how bad your day has been, you don’t get to rip the scrotum of your son. Regardless of who has been cruel to you in your life, you don’t get to grab your sons genitals and rip away at them so hard that you separate the flesh of his body and you sure as fuck shouldn’t try and fix it with glue and cover up the incident instead of seeking medical attention.

What the fuck is wrong with these batshit, crazy bitches?

Crazy bitch tip: If you know you’re a crazy bitch, please don’t procreate.

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Don’t ruin good things

20 Jun

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