Tag Archives: tattoos

Charity

31 Aug

Being charitable is a good thing, no matter what form you choose for your charitable efforts to take. It is however also true that in some instances, the suggested method of charity might raise more than a few eyebrows.

Some people mistakenly think that their charitable efforts should somehow relate to their vocation. For example, a bricklayer might think that the best way to offer assistance would be the offer of laying bricks. That’s an example in which the vocation might be a worthwhile contribution to the cause at hand. Other vocations like ‘blogger’, ‘movie critic’ or ‘bikini waxer’ might not be so beneficial. Let’s face it, if you’ve just experienced a tornado, hurricane, a flood, or some other monumental tragedy, you’re probably not going to get a lot out of a free opinion on the documentary being made about said tragedy.

That’s why, the more typical approach to being charitable in these situations is to donate some money to a reputable charity who will be assisting in helping those affected by the unfortunate circumstances. Part of the rationale behind that is that money is much more universally useful. Another reason, is that some pretty crazy offers come through in the name of charity…

I’m sure that most people immediately assume that all female porn stars are crazy bitches but I’m not one of them. I don’t think you can generalise like that. I do, however, believe that suggesting that you might offer some benefit to a bereaved man who’s daughter has passed away by dressing up as a schoolgirl and offering him your body for his own amusement, does make it difficult to argue against you being a crazy bitch.

I also concede that offering your asshole as a storage space to people going through a tragedy and combining that sentiment with ‘bless you’ is unarguably straight out of crazy bitchdom.

Crazy bitch tip: When it comes to charity, generally it’s not a great idea to offer sexual acts.

 

Do not leave marks on your children

30 Jun

This rule applies to all people and all children. This rule is simple. This rule is not negotiable.

DO NOT LEAVE MARKS ON YOUR CHILDREN.

The fact that you birthed a child does not entitle you the right to cause that child physical damage. It does not entitle you the right to intentionally scar that child. If you believe it does, you are a fucking crazy bitch. You are such a crazy bitch, that you’ll like go to prison.

That’s an important indicator during your self-evaluation. Think to yourself, would I go to prison for doing this thing that I’ve got it in my head that I want to do? If the answer is yes, and you continue anyway, have no doubt that you are a crazy bitch.

See this?

This is unacceptable. You do not need to brand your children, they will still be recognised as yours through their use of language, the fact that they live with you and that old reliable stuff we call DNA. Even if someone branded you, you still should not brand your children.

How about this?

This is also unacceptable. You should not have your children tattooed. Tattooing is permanent and it is painful. There’s no bloody reason you need to have a tattoo put on your child. Even if you’re a satanist and you want to hail your demon deity, you still don’t get to put a tattoo on your child. Do you know why? Because that’s fucking psycho! That’s why! Yet again, even if someone tattooed you when you were a child, you still should not tattoo your child.

What about this one?

Burning a child for any reason, is unacceptable. Do you understand? You don’t get to apply a burning hot iron to a child because your hair isn’t straight. You don’t get to burn a child because they’ve been crying. You don’t get to burn a child if they’ve accidentally cut your leg off with a chain saw. You should never burn your child.

And this?

Ripping your sons scrotum and applying superglue to the wound is not acceptable. Regardless of how angry you are, you don’t get to tear the flesh of your child. Regardless of how bad your day has been, you don’t get to rip the scrotum of your son. Regardless of who has been cruel to you in your life, you don’t get to grab your sons genitals and rip away at them so hard that you separate the flesh of his body and you sure as fuck shouldn’t try and fix it with glue and cover up the incident instead of seeking medical attention.

What the fuck is wrong with these batshit, crazy bitches?

Crazy bitch tip: If you know you’re a crazy bitch, please don’t procreate.

YOLO. No, No.

13 Apr

For those of you who are unfamiliar with the term YOLO, it is an abbreviation of You Only Live Once. YOLO became popular as a result of a song called “The Motto”, released in 2011 by Canadian rapper, Drake.

YOLO quickly became the war-cry of young people everywhere as they embarked upon risky, poorly thought-out endeavors.

For instance:

A bad decision (Photograph of young lady with the word DRAKE tattood across her forehead.

YOLO is not a particularly new concept. A similar phrase with a similar meaning has been around for many centuries. To behave as if every day might be your last is potentially very beneficial, but it can also have its drawbacks:

YOLO. Oh No! Jack Black is not known for his wisdom but in this case, it appears he was onto something when he pointed this out:

YOLO is Carpe Diem for stupid people.Evidence in his favour was clear as the trend caught on and people became more and more willing to ignore common sense completely and instead make obviously bad decisions. If you’re going to make a bad decision, it’s far better to make one that will only have a short-term impact. YOLO, however inspired the sorts of bad decisions which will last a very, very long time.

yolo tattoo yolo tattoo yolo tattoo yolo tattoo yolo tattoo yolo tattoo

So how does this jibber-jabber about YOLO relate to avoiding the crazy-bitch monicker? I think it’s fairly clear already but I might as well state the obvious. Impulsiveness is a massive indicator that you’re a crazy bitch. If you’re out for the night with a guy you like and you end up in the following situation, it’s quite likely that guy you like is going to see you as too crazy for his liking.

Bitches be like YOLO

It’s just not what most guys are after. Actually, if the guy is after that, you’d better stay the hell away from him.

Crazy bitch tip: You do only live once, so take some chances in life and push yourself beyond your comfort zone, but don’t get shitty tattoos you’ll regret for the rest of your life.

Crazy bitch bonus tip: Avoid acting anything like this…

 

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