Tag Archives: tour

Origins #3

3 Dec

So, to continue on from origins #2… after all that stress I was really looking forward to Europe.

If you’ve never been to Europe and the opportunity comes up, go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go.

An international escape

I’d always dreamed of seeing Italy and France and Germany and all the other amazingly beautiful locations in Europe. The reason I decided on Europe specifically was that I’d already been to America in 2006, to Britain in 2008 (with a brief taste of Paris) and had realised that I didn’t want to die without seeing Venice, so I decided I’d better go there next.

It's difficult to be stressed out in Venice

It’s difficult to be stressed out in Venice.

I wanted to get the best bang for my buck that I could, so I’d jumped onto a Contiki tour. A Contiki tours is basically a big party that happens to take place on a bus as it travels through some of the most beautiful destinations on Planet Earth. Contiki’s are a right of passage for Australians. If I remember correctly, well over half of the tour group were Aussies and everyone was ready to go off like a frog in a sock.

What the hell does any of this have to do with the boss’s daughter?

Absolutely nothing. That’s sort of the point. I didn’t think about either of my boss’s daughters the entire time I was away. I barely thought about work at all, and when I did it, it was not in a good way. After the first week, work, and everything else to do with ‘home’ was a long forgotten past that was completely drowned out by the fun I was having every day.

Misadventures in alcohol

I had a lot of fun with a lot of cool people in a lot of beautiful places, but I drank too much on my Contiki tour. I wasn’t alone. One guy drank so much beer he get a yeast infection in his armpits from literally sweating beer all day everyday. There were many mornings where the whole bus was echoing the words “I’m never drinking again” but by lunchtime we were all looking for pubs.

I was on that tour for 28 days and I reckon I was completely sober for maybe 4 of them. I lose my inhibitions when I drink, and that can be an issue. Sometimes I forget what happened when I was drinking, and wake up certain I’ve offended everyone and that I’m the worst human to have ever lived. This tends to take the fun out of waking up with a beautiful woman.

I tend to have no problem making friends in tightly packed social environments like a tour bus, and it’s not like I was a pariah on this Contiki, but I was struggling more than usual. I wasn’t connecting with people as much and I didn’t realise it at the time but I was just too stressed out to be my normal social self, and all that alcohol was only making matters worse. Even though I wasn’t thinking about work, all the stress related to it had burrowed into me so deeply that I was still physically stressed even when I wasn’t thinking about it, but I had no idea that’s what was going on.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I honestly had the trip of a lifetime and made some really good friends, but I drank way too much and acted like a goose sometimes. Turns out I drank so much that when I came back, I started getting withdrawals. So… alcoholism is a thing and apparently can hit you within just 6 weeks of heavy drinking. I don’t recommend it.

You can’t go home again

You can’t just spend 6 summery weeks with awesome people, doing whatever the hell you want as you drunkenly wander through Europe’s most beautiful cities, and then slot back into a never-ending winter while working in a dreary little office for an angry little troll. It just doesn’t work!

All that living reminds you that there’s a whole fucking world out there to enjoy. And all that socialising reminds you that there are actually people in the world who know how to have fun! Do you remember what it’s like to have fun!

These are dangerous things to be reminded of when you’re having a tough time at work. These thoughts were in direct contrast with the project manager who wanted me to be his obedient little slave. I had pretty much forgotten about stress by the time I’d returned, and then this little tick was trying to suck all the life back out of me again. There are some people who just shouldn’t exist, and to my mind, Gus the project manager is one of them.

More to come

Obviously I didn’t tell you all that for no reason. It will become more apparent as we go on, I promise. The most important parts are that I didn’t think about Rene Everlong at all while I was away and that the stress from my job had gotten so bad that it was still impacting me even when I was running amok through Europe, even though I hadn’t realised that at the time.

Catch ya next time in Origins #4

Crazy bitch tip: If you want to get all your craziness and bitchiness out in a non-stop party, a Contiki is great way to go about it because everyone is so blotto they’ll barely even notice.




30 Oct

A 19 year old girl has posted an ad stating (in part):

“They will fund my transport to their city and all my expenses while I am there and they need to be generous.”

“In return, they get a whole night with me, my undivided attention, and a chance to show themselves off in the company of a truly beautiful girl.”

What we’ve got here is a 19 year old girl who is making her way around the world by selling herself to men.

The prostitourist

The prostitourist


I don’t know that there’s much more I need to say about this one.

Crazy bitch tip: Don’t sell yourself out for a place to sleep because that’s really, really gross.

A guided tour of crazy bitch town (Crazy racist bitch part 3)

30 Oct

Racism is a thing. Most educated people don’t want it to be a thing, but it’s still a thing. Personally, I grew up around people from all sorts of races and that’s given me a unique perspective on race relations because all ‘race’ meant to any of my group of friends was that we all looked a bit different.

I’m ‘Australian’, whatever that means. I know I’ve got Scottish, Danish and English ancestry. I think there’s some Irish in there too, and I’d be surprised if there isn’t some German somewhere down the line as well. I happened to grow up in a very poor area, surrounded by immigrants. At the time immigrants were known as ‘new Australians’.

My group of friends included a Portuguese kid, a half Indian-half English kid, an English-as-can-be kid, an Italian kid, A Kiwi (New Zealander) kidA Scottish kid, a Macedonian kid, a Romanian kid, A French kid, an Iranian kid, a Pakistani kid, Aboriginal kids, Vietnamese kids, Chinese kids, Cambodian kids, basically kids from every background you can think of.

And you know what? We all got along pretty well. I mean, we had fights but it was the same bullshit that kids fight over anywhere, like who’s turn it is, or who the better footy player is, or which super-hero is better.

There was racism in the community but mostly from the adults. You’d have that one kid that would say stupid shit but that left him with no friends because he was such a dickhead and the rest of us just put up with our parents retarded views on race relations. My step-father, for instance, would refer to the basketball players I worshiped as “black fellas” and refer to anyone even remotely European as a “Dago”. I didn’t understand half of what he was talking about and he was an illiterate, paranoid-schizophrenic, so I didn’t really put a lot of weight in what he said anyway.

Us kids didn’t give two shits where anyone came from. We were just happy to have friends to play with. We got to eat really interesting food at each others houses (not my house though, unless you count old meat burned to a crisp and smothered in tomato sauce as interesting) and ask questions about the things we didn’t understand, like: why do you have so many elephant statues?, who is Buddha?, what’s that hexagonal mirror above your door for?, what the hell is Bok Choy?, Why do you say “Yog ert” instead of “YO Gert” which is, as we all know, the one true and correct way to pronounce ‘yoghurt’?

Anyway! My point is this, racism is really about culture, not genetics. When people lose their shit and start ranting about other races, what they’re usually doing is saying “I like my culture and I find yours unsatisfactory because it’s different to what I’m used to.”

I’ve come to this realisation that your race is your hardware, and your culture is your software. Everyone goes around yelling about the hardware but what they’re really bothered by is the software.

This tour guide is doing a lot of yelling and swearing about race…

Clearly, the bottle of alcohol in her hand, and the spouting of racist remarks and swear words into a microphone on a buss full of tourists make a strong case that we have indeed witnessed a crazy bitch in action.

She’s very misguided and you have to assume she’s going through some difficult times, but you also have to give her one thing, and that’s her point about ‘assimilation’. She does a piss-poor job of getting that point across, probably because she’s a drunk, angry, racist yelling into a microphone but there is some value to that point.

Nobody should have to completely lose their culture if they move to another country but nobody should completely avoid the culture in the place they migrate to, either. One of the things that I think drives racism is the ‘us and them’ mentality that comes about because of the isolation and separation.

It’s understandable that when you’d want to be around people that you can relate to when you move to a foreign place, but when that turns into groups of immigrants gathering in the same neighbourhood and closing themselves off from the rest of the community, that’s not good for the either the immigrants or for the greater community.

What the allegedly crazy bitch in the above video is saying, is “This part of town makes me feel like an outsider in my own city”.

I’m not saying she’s a nice person. I’m not saying she’s not a crazy bitch. I’m not saying she’s not a drunken racist. I’m saying she had a least one point worth talking about and the fact that she chose to swear her way through it in a racist diatribe really hurts her chances of anyone taking that point on board.

If you are an immigrant though, you should consider taking some local culture on board. Learn enough of the local language to get by and don’t choose to live in a community comprised only of immigrants from your home country. Becoming part of the community doesn’t have to mean losing your culture, it often means sharing your culture with while also learning about how the locals do things. All the kids I grew up with did this without a second thought and it worked out great, so maybe there’s something to take from that.

Crazy bitch tip: If every other word you say is fuck, no one is going to take you seriously.

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