Tag Archives: transport

Public transport is not an appropriate setting for masturbation

31 Dec

Alrighty. I would have thought it would be obvious that public transport is not an appropriate setting for masturbation, but every once in a while I’ll stumble onto a picture like this one on Reddit:

hands-off

and these sorts of images remind me of two things.

  1. Some people either don’t realise they should not masturbate on public transport, or they literally can’t help themselves from doing so.
  2. Some people aren’t aware that they don’t have to sit quietly beside someone as they furiously masturbate in public and ignore it like nothing’s happening.

So, for those of you who didn’t yet know this… you’re not allowed to masturbate on public transport! Now, onto those of you who know you’re not supposed to masturbate on public transport but you do it anyway, go see a doctor and tell them that. They will be able to lead you towards either a psychologist or a psychiatrist who will attempt to treat you for that, because seriously, you’re not allowed to masturbate on public transport! even if you really, really want to.

As for point 2, I would to make this very clear to everyone here and now… you do not have to politely ignore that someone is jerkin their gherkin beside you!! You can get up and walk away, or politely ask them to stop, or contact the driver/conductor etc, or call the police, or security or whoever, but you don’t have to just put up with it!!

To me, putting up with someone giving themselves a pants party in the seat beside you is only slightly less crazy than actually being the person who’s decided the 7:30 train home should take a detour through pleasure town. There are times when you’re completely within your rights to yell at a stranger and I’d rate having my seat-mate start spanking their monkey is definitely on the list. I mean, you can start with a polite clearing of the throat first and progressively work your way up to a full fledged scream if you don’t want to run the risk of accidentally verbally abusing someone who has had an unexpected attack of ants biting their genitalia, but I’d suspect those false alarms are the exception rather than the rule.

Crazy bitch tip: If you or someone else is crazy enough to start masturbating on public transport, please take plenty of photos so the police have a lot of evidence to make sure it doesn’t happen again.

Additional information

Incidentally, this is far from the first post on How Not To Be A Crazy Bitch about how to act on public transport. In previous posts, we have outlined some basic rules of public transport, and attempted to articulate why behaviours such as screaming at people, swearing at and/or attacking other passengers, or wearing a mermaid gimp-suit is considered poor form while traveling in a shared environment with strangers.

Here are some examples from those other posts.

IMG_4914-1

A woman dressed head to toe in latex with flippers for feat and no eye or mouth holes.

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Public transport strikes again

16 Apr crazy bitch on a bus

I’ve mentioned before that public transport is not the place for arguments and tantrums. It appears, however, that the star of this next video has not been reading How Not To Be A Crazy Bitch.

Things don’t start out well, and then they get worse, and worse. I think the highlight of the lowlights is when she tells another woman on the bus that blonde hair and blue eyes trumps brown hair and brown eyes, then lifts her shirt to reveal her jiggly belly with pride, then she spits on a stranger.

That’s not appropriate behaviour on public transport, or anywhere for that matter.

Crazy bitch tip: I feel like I’ve said this before, but spitting at people never improves a situation.

Manners/How Not To Be A Crazy, Racist Bitch – Part 2

9 Jul

It’s not so difficult to adhere to what our society considers having manners. You say please and thank you when you interact with people, you show consideration to those within the community who are frail or carrying a burden and you show respect and courtesy to all people at all times. That’s it. Not exactly complex. Hardly a huge ask.

From time to time you’ll run into people who you believe to be failing in their duty to treat the rest of us with the manners we expect. In this scenario, I believe it’s important to inform the person that they’re doing the wrong thing, so they’re at least aware of it in the future. There’s one vital rule you must follow if you do choose to inform someone that they’re being impolite, however and that is that you have to be polite in the way you do so.

This lady fails miserably in this regard.

know what I mean?

y’know what I mean?

Aside from the revolting racism going on here, which I suspect everyone can immediately identify as wrong, this woman appears to have no clue that she is actually being way more impolite to her bus riding companions than the school kid she’s accusing of poor manners. Sure, the kid standing in the aisle will likely slightly annoy anyone who has to work their way around him but the loud and aggressively racist tirade she spits and snarls at the kid affected everyone on the bus, so much so that someone felt the urge to break out their phone and film it.

hypgauge2

Swearing at people won’t encourage people to do what you want them to do, neither will throwing racist insults. The only thing that sort of thing is going to do is create a major confrontation.

Here’s another cautionary example of a woman reacting in the wrong manner in response to her belief that people weren’t being courteous enough to her.

Let’s not beat around the bush here, the lady in this video is ticking all the boxes on the Crazy Bitch checklist and she’s done an amazing job of not only offending an entire train carriage full of people, because this was captured on video on has become a viral story, she’s also reinforced an existing stereotype of Australian people being racists. She’s made a fool of herself and embarrassed an entire country with her actions.

I’ve seen a few follow-ups with the woman where she explains that she’d been having a rough time, had been unemployed for over a year and had been having an extremely tough day and that when nobody would move to give her a seat, she just lost the plot. I’ve actually seen this happen to people and seen how they snap into “I’ll say the meanest thing I can think of about anyone in the vicinity” mode. It’s like the reaction of a cornered animal. That doesn’t really matter though, does it? It doesn’t change what happened. It doesn’t help fix anything and it certainly doesn’t excuse the behaviour.

The point here is that, no matter what else is going on in your life, control yourself! If you think someone’s being rude, it’s OK to point that out but you better check that you’re not being 100 times more rude than they are in the process. Spraying racial slurs and swearing your head off at people is never going to improve a situation and it’s never going to help anyone learn anything else but the fact that they’ve had a run-in with a crazy bitch.

Crazy bitch tip: Mind your own manners, especially when pointing out rudeness in others.

Crazy bitch bonus tip: If you’re plagued with racist thoughts, at least keep that bullshit to yourself.

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